我爱上的人是奇葩（2014）

or you'll resent him forever.
否则你会永远怨恨他的
That's feminism, Gretch.
那就是女权主义 格雷琴
That's what Susan B. Anthony died for.
苏珊·安东尼就是为此而死的
Do you even know who Susan B. Anthony is?
你知道苏珊·安东尼是谁吗
She made an airplane disappear.
她让一架飞机消失于无形
Nope. What?
不对 什么
That's Amelia Earhart.
那是阿梅莉亚·埃尔哈特
Whatever, history.
管他呢 乱糟糟的历史
You happened already. Let it go.
已经发生了 就随风而去吧
I'm not gonna have sex with some stranger.
我才不要去找陌生人约炮呢
What about that barista with the giant hog you dated?
你约会过的那个巨根咖啡师呢
The size barely made up for the fact that his moustache
再大也不能弥补他的胡子和鬓角
was connected to his sideburns.
都连在一起的这个令人嫌弃的事实
It was like getting banged by John Quincy Adams.
就像是被约翰·亚当斯干一样
Exactly.
没错
America's first black astronaut.
美国的第一个黑人宇航员
I'm so glad you don't have a job.
你没有工作真是太好了
Right?
对吧
Gretchen? Oh, my God. Long time.
格雷琴 天啊 好久不见了
I know. You're still working here.
我也觉得 你还在这儿工作呢
How is your band?
你的乐队搞的怎么样了
Our drummer was scuba diving in Cancun
我们的鼓手之前去了坎昆玩水肺潜水
and somehow went deaf. So if you know any drummers...
不知怎么就聋了 如果你认识鼓手的话
I will keep my ear out.
我会替你留心的
Do you still have your Van?
你的小货车还在吗
Meet me there in 5.
5分钟后车上见吧
Oh, I wish I could. But I'm a manager now
我也希望我能去 但我现在是经理了
and if I abandon my post,
如果我擅离职守的话
my boss will fire me.
我老板会开除我的
Congrats on the photos.
恭喜你拍到那些照片啊
Megan Thomas--
梅根·托马斯
bringing back the bush.
让"黑森林"重回时尚前沿
It was for a grieving widow role.
那是为扮演一个悲伤寡妇的角色而留的
You're not mad, are you?
你不生气吧
No. Like you said,
不气 正如你所说
it was totally leagl for you to do that.
你完全有自♥由♥那么做
Because we're not a couple.
因为我们不是一对情侣
Yeah. We're just two chill people,
是啊 我们就是两个酷酷的人
being totally cool about stuff.
对什么事都抱着酷酷的态度
You can have sex with celebs,
你可以跟名人做♥爱♥
I can bang an ex... which I did...
我也可以跟前任上♥床♥ 也已经上了
Which is great. Because now we're even.
那感觉好爽 因为现在我们扯平了
Sorry, you did what?
不好意思 你做了什么
I ran into that barista from Silver Lake Coffee.
我遇到了银湖咖啡厅的那个咖啡师
Who, Grande?
谁 "大鸟"吗
Yes, that was his nickname.
是啊 那是他的外号♥
You're not mad, are you?
你不生气吧
Of course not.
当然不会了
I'm just confused,
我只是有点困惑
because you just used the word "Even."
因为你刚刚说"扯平了"
Because, technically,
因为 严格来说
I slept with a sexy, famous celebrity i'd just met,
我是跟一个刚认识的性感名人上♥床♥了
while you just re-banged a barista.
而你只是跟老相好又操上了
So that doesn't really count as a full person, does it?
所以他不能算一个人的名额 对吧
He's, like, half a person. At best.
他 顶多算是半个人
Didn't feel like half a person.
我不觉得像是半个人啊
And I've just remembered his nickname: Venti.
我突然想起了他的外号♥ "超大鸟"
I didn't want to rub it in.
我不想故意打击你的
Nothing to rub in. In no world does Hollywood
我没受打击 你的咖啡师怎么能
IT girl Megan Thomas equal your chai wallah.
跟我的好莱坞名媛梅根·托马斯相提并论呢
But hey, by all means,
不过不管怎样
let's call it "Even."
我们姑且称之为"扯平了"吧
Where are you going.
你去哪里
I have stuff to do!
我有事要做
Welcome back to The Ron Stitches Show.
欢迎回到朗·斯蒂奇脱口秀
I'm Ron and we've got
我是朗 刚刚我们收到
Edgar in Los Angeles,
洛杉矶的埃德加的来电
who says his roommate's sex life is causing him problems.
他说他室友的性生活为他增添了很多烦恼
What's the deal, Edgar?
是怎么回事 埃德加
Well, Ron, I'm kind of in a moral dilemma.
朗 我陷入道德困境了
A moral dilemma or an oral dilemma?
是道德困境还是口♥交♥困境呢
Ooh, now, the thing is
问题是
I really like my roommate's girlfriend.
我真的很喜欢我室友的女朋友
And you plan on hittin' that, right?
你打算去挖墙脚 是吧
No.
不是
No, no, no, no. I-I mean as a person.
不不不 我是说 作为一个人
I really want them to work out.
我真的很希望他们能成
The thing is... he slept with someone else,
问题是 他现在又跟别人上♥床♥了
and... I don't know if I should tell her or...
并且 我不知道我是否该告诉她还是
Whoa, whoa, what?
等等 等等 什么情况
Rat out your bro, bro? Is this a prank call?
出♥卖♥♥♥自己的兄弟 你这是恶作剧电♥话♥吗
Cheryl, you're screening these calls, right?
雪丽 你有在筛选这些来电吗
Or are you just sitting over there
还是说你就喜欢坐在那里
playing with them big old hooters of yours?
玩你那又大又下垂的胸部
It's just that ever since I came back from Iraq,
因为自从我从伊♥拉♥克♥回来后
I haven't really met many people I can talk to...
就没遇到几个能说得上话的人
and she listens.
而她会认真倾听
First off, I'd like to say
首先 我想说
thank you for you service, soldier.
感谢你为国奉献 大兵
If I didn't have this God-dang bee allergy,
如果我不是对蜜蜂过敏的话
I would have been right over there with you.
我一定会过去陪你抗战的
So talk to me. You ever shoot that .50 cal?
跟我说说 你用过点50口径机关枪吗
I shot one in Vegas one time. It was hell, man.
我在维加斯玩过一次 简直爽爆了
I got separated from my squad
我和我的朋友们在疯女孩酒吧
somewhere between Crazy Girls
和薄荷犀牛脱衣舞俱乐部
and the Spearmint Rhino and...
之间的地方走散了
Actually, he's right. Linds?
实际上 他说得对 小琳
Think about it.
你好好想想啊
Megan Thomas is a major score.
梅根·托马斯太正了
She's like totally Hollywood's...
她可是好莱坞的...
Don't say "Hollywood's It Girl."
不要说"好莱坞名媛"
She is.
她就是啊
And Venti is old news.
而凡迪是个旧人了
He's previously taken dick.
他就是根以前插过的旧屌♥
PTD. If you will.
旧插屌♥ 可以这么说
PTD.
旧插屌♥
Okay, so what if there's a guy that I haven't...
好吧 那如果有个男人 是之前...
taken, but I did maybe...
没插过我的 但也许我...
Slob on it?
舔过吗
Still wouldn't count. You've got to rule out
那也不能算 你必须排除
previously taken or sucked dicks
之前插过你或你口♥交♥过的屌♥
PTSD. That's what Edgar has.
旧插口屌♥ 埃德加就是患有这种病
PTSDs are half a point.
用"旧插口屌♥"只能算半分
Kind of like how a competitive bird watcher
就好像一个竞争性的观鸟者
only gets points when he sees a new species he hasn't.
只有在发现新的鸟类品种时才能得满分
Paul does competitive bird watching?
保罗是个喜欢观鸟的人吗
I don't want to talk about it.
我不想谈论这事
Whatever. The whole thing's stupid.
管他呢 整件事都很愚蠢
So finish it!
那就赶快完成吧
The sooner you put someone behind you,
你越快找到个人在背后干♥你♥
the sooner you can put this behind you.
就能越快将这件烦心事抛之脑后
Denver. I've never met anyone
丹弗 我以前从没遇到过
who makes their own furniture before.
自己会做家具的人呢
That canopy bed sounds amazing.
架子床听起来好棒
I would love to check it out sometime.
我愿意抽空亲自过去看看
Well, finish up that drink and I'll show it to you.
把那杯酒喝了 我就给你看
You see this headboard?
你看到这个床头板了吗
It's all salvaged wood!
都是用沉木做的
Took me three months
我花了三个月
to refurbish the hull of a Nova Scotian haddock trawler.
打磨了新斯科舍省一艘渔船的船体