我爱上的人是奇葩（2014）

my subscription shows up crazy late every month!
每期我的杂♥志♥都到的特别迟
Get a free month or some shit!
给我争取到一个月的免费杂♥志♥吧
Some people think Los Angeles is out of touch.
有些人认为洛杉矶是个冷漠之地
Too obsessed with the entertainment industry
太执迷于娱乐产业
to care about national issues.
而不关心国家大事
But with this memorial to our nation's heroes,
但是通过这个缅怀国家英雄的纪念碑
carved by our very own Rumer Willis,
由我们本地的大♥师♥卢默·威利斯雕刻而成
we will demonstrate just how wrong they are.
我们要证明他们错的有多离谱
And now, one of Los angeles' own brave servicemen,
现在 有请来自洛杉矶的前军人
Edgar Quintero.
埃德加·坤塔罗讲话
Thank you, Councilman Jim Burton.
谢谢吉姆·伯顿议员
The process of readjusting for a soldier is a difficult one.
对于一个士兵来说 重新适应社会是很难的过程
In war, you exist on a higher plane of awareness.
在战争中 你会留意到各种小细节
But not in a fun, hippie way.
但却不是轻松有趣的那种
You're aware of a window opening a block away,
你会注意到一个街区外的某扇窗户打开了
a pair of socks being hung on a laundry line right behind you.
一双袜子 被挂在你身后的晾衣绳上
You're strung tight as a violin.
你的神经像小提琴弦一样紧绷着
And when you come home, that's when shit gets real.
等你回到家 才是一切烂事的开始
Thank for your service, soldier.
谢谢你为国家做出的贡献 大兵
And now, L.A.'s very own Zig Zags!
现在 有请洛杉矶本地的ZigZag乐队
These pricks.
那些混♥蛋♥
They just trot us out there
他们把我们拉过去走个过场
so they can feel better about themselves for a second
只是为了让他们自己心里好受片刻
before they go back to seeing us as disposable meat.
然后又会把我们当废弃物一样了
Edgar Quintero. 6th Battalion, 8th Infantry.
我叫埃德加·坤塔罗 第6营第8步兵团
Tommy Boden.
我叫汤米·伯顿
I don't identify by my troop anymore.
我已经不再报上我在军队中的身份了
It's just Tommy now.
我现在就是汤米
Let me help you.
我来帮你吧
I can do it!
我自己可以的
Sorry.
对不起
It's okay.
没关系
I guess I got to get used to life without a wing now.
看来我得习惯失去一只胳膊的生活了
Yeah, man.
是啊 老兄
That's rough.
真不容易
Hey, listen, some of my troopmates are going to get a bite.
听着 我的一些战友打算开个小派对
If you want, you should come;
如果你愿意 你也该来
we'd love to hear your stories.
我们很想听听你的故事
Come on!
不是吧
That is 301 exactly,
那刚好是301分
so you have to go down on me for five hours and one minute.
所以你总共得给我口♥交♥5小时加1分钟
In a row? I'll die.
连着舔吗 我会舌断人亡的
Pussy.
没用的东西
All right,
好吧
three sessions, hour and a halfish each.
分3次舔吧 每次大约一个半小时
That's doable.
那倒是可以
God, day drinking's the best.
天啊 白天喝酒真是太爽了
Day drinking is the best.
白天喝酒真是太爽了
Aren't we lucky we're both in professions where we can day drink?
我们干的都是白天可以喝酒的工作 可真走运啊
Are you in a profession where you can day drink?
你干的工作 白天真的可以喝酒吗
They all are if you want it bad enough.
只要你真的想喝 任何工作都可以是的
What do you say we get one of those sessions out of the way right now?
你觉得我们现在就来大舔一场怎么样
That sounds good. If we leave now,
真是个好主意 如果我们现在离开的话
we can probably be at my place in 30 minutes or less.
很有可能在30分钟内到我家
Actually, let's go to my place.
不如我们去我家吧
You-you-- sorry, your place, you have a place?
你家 你有家吗
Do you think I just
你以为你每次想要我的时候
materialize out of the ether whenever you want me?
我都是从乙♥醚♥物化而来的吗
That I exist in some suspended state of
你以为我是以加密动画的形式存在的
crypto-animation only made material when your balls tingle?
每次你想操的时候 我才会变成有血有肉的人吗
No. Not literally.
不 不算吧
I'm used to seeing you at my house.
我已经习惯了看到你出现在我家
You are in rare form lately.
你最近真是越来越不像话
What? Edgar and his army perks.
什么 埃德加和他的军队福利
Killian, whose name who you constantly forget.
卡利安 你经常忘了他的名字
Me who didn't even merit breakfast.
我 你都没想着要给我带早餐
Are you aware
你知不知道
that you only want people in your life on your terms?
你希望你生命中的人 都以你为中心
Yes.
知道
Well, stop.
别再这样了
You're self-awareness on this means nothing, if you don't change it.
如果你不改 就算知道也没用
Okay, fine.
好吧 行
How do I start?
我要怎么开始改
Well, first step, Jimmy...
第一步呢 吉米
I need you to come eat me out in my apartment.
我要你去我公♥寓♥里把我"吃掉"
I'll do it.
我愿意去
See?! I am a wanted woman.
瞧吧 有人抢着要我呢
What do you say, buddy?
你觉得如何 小哥
Well, I-I-I wouldn't want to cockblock this fella.
我可不想阻碍这家伙的"好事"
But all right.
不过好吧
Let's go.
我们走吧
Sit down, man.
坐下 老兄
I didn't have a chance to tidy up.
我没时间事先收拾一下哦
Cute, huh?
挺可爱的吧
I'm not much of a cleaner.
我不怎么喜欢打扫屋子
You're not much of a human.
你简直是非人类吧
Oh, calm down. I'll be right back.
淡定 我马上回来
She never returned you?
她一直没把你送回去吗
Do you miss books?
你想那些书了吗
You want to watch a little TV first?
你想先看看电视吗
Okay. Where's the TV?
好吧 电视机在哪儿呢
I watch on my computer.
我都是在电脑上看的
What do you mean, you watch on your computer?
什么叫你是在电脑上看的啊
You're so old. Here.
你真是个老古董 坐下
Well, you're a festive masturbator.
你很喜节"日"器具啊
Couldn't find an extension cord.
我找不到延长线才出此下策的
What is that?
那是什么声音
It's my neighbor Ladan,
是我邻居拉♥丹♥
she has the worst taste in music.
她的音乐品位超级烂
Turn it down, whore!
声音开小点 小婊砸
Shit. I think I may have downloaded porn viruses again.
操 我肯定是下黄♥片♥时又把电脑搞中毒了
Well, you ready to slice off a piece of this?
你准备好享受一下我的玉体了吗
Not really.
没准备好
Too bad.
太遗憾了
Boys, this is Edgar.
兄弟们 这是埃德加
Edgar, this is Bone Bag and Martinez.
埃德加 这是尸骨袋和马迪拉斯
Bone Bag. Nice to meet you.
尸骨袋你好 很高兴见到你
Martinez Hey, man. How are you?
马迪拉斯 嘿 兄弟 你好吗
Good. Have a seat. Thank you.
好了 坐下吧 谢谢
And so, talk to us,
跟我们聊聊吧
tell us what it feels like being home.
告诉我们回到家是什么感觉
Oh, well, you know,
其实你们也知道的
it's a hard adjustment,
要重新适应真的很难
but I got some good friends who support me.
但我有些好朋友一直在支持着我
It's all you got, right?
那是你唯一的所有了 对吧
Your brothers.
你的战友兄弟
Oh, no, I mean civie friends.
不 我是说平民朋友
I don't really hang with anyone from over there.
我已经不怎么和军队里的朋友们一起玩了
They remind you too much of all the shit that went down?
他们会让你想起在那边发生的太多不愉快的事吗
Nah, mostly, they're just kind of dicks.
不 主要是因为他们都是混♥蛋♥
So where'd you guys train? I was at Pendleton.
你们是在哪儿受训的 我是在彭德尔顿
Yeah, yeah, same here.
是啊 我也是
Bitch, you went to Juilliard.
贱♥人♥ 你去的是朱利亚德
I've never heard of that base.
我从没听说过那个基地啊
Here you go, guys.
请慢用 各位
Ah, yes.
好爽
My Pilates instructor is gonna be so pissed at me.
我的普拉提教练一定会很生我的气的
Yeah, at least I go back to boot camp tomorrow.
是啊 至少我明天要回新兵训练营了
Why would you go back to boot camp?
你为什么要回新兵训练营
Dude, there's a great one on Melrose.
老兄 梅尔罗斯大道上有个很棒的地方