我爱上的人是奇葩（2014）

What?
什么
What are you even talking about?
你在鬼扯些什么呢
I'm an adult. Do you know what that means?
我是个成年人 你知道那是什么意思吗
It means that I am beset upon at all times
那意味着我长♥期♥被海啸般的
by a tsunami of complex thoughts and struggles,
复杂想法和挣扎包围着
unceasingly aware of my own mortality
持续不断地思考着我自身的死亡命运
and able to contemplate the futility of everything
并能苦思一切的徒劳无用
and yet still rage against the dying of the light.
但依然能怒斥光的消逝
So do you see
所以你现在明白
how monumentally stupid you, a child,
作为一个孩子 你是蠢得多么惊天动地
asking me "Do I want to hang out sometime" is?
才会问我 要不要抽空一起玩玩了吗
My dad designs video games.
我爸是游戏设计师
We get all the new ones early.
我们总是可以提前玩到所有新游戏
Come over around 8:00.
8点左右到我家来
What the crap?!
你们搞毛啊
You know I get nervous at these shits.
你知道我遇到这种事容易紧张的
You are paying a guy to take your photograph,
你花钱请人帮你拍照
and you trash his studio?
但最后却砸了他的工作室吗
You weren't here! Unprofessional as shit!
你当时又不在场 职业操守都丢屎坑去了
A publicist who can't show up at publicity events?
一个公♥关♥人员 竟然不出现在公共活动现场
Don't even know what I'm paying you for, Gretchen!
我花钱雇你何用 格雷琴
The label pays me.
是唱片公♥司♥花钱请我的
You know it all gets charged against my end, bitch!
你知道那钱最终还是从我身上出的 贱♥人♥
Label is villains.
唱片公♥司♥就是吸血鬼
From now on, I'm just gonna drop free mix tapes
所以从现在开始 我不会再推出免费混音带
and Vines of my guinea pigs!
以及我家豚鼠的相关视频
You need to apologize to Nestor so he doesn't sue you.
你得去向奈斯特道歉 那样他才不会告你
Let him.
让他告吧
I'll lawyer the hell up!
我会请一堆律师的
Nestor is a great photographer. We need him.
奈斯特是个伟大的摄影师 我们需要他
Anyone's a good photographer now.
现在人人都是伟大的摄影师
Shitstain take amazing Instagrams.
施斯坦贴在Instagram上的照片超级赞
No filter.
不用滤镜
Yeah! @Shitstain!
没错 @"屎"斯坦
Anyway, bitch, this is your fault.
总之 贱♥人♥ 这都是你的错
You need to apologize to him
你才应该向他道歉
for being such a no-showing-up bitch!
就因为你迟迟不出现
We're sorry we broke your shit.
我们很抱歉打烂了你的烂设备
Okay, good.
好吧 很好
Nestor, we'll talk about restitution?
奈斯特 我们来谈谈赔偿事宜吧
You Okay?
你还好吧
Yeah. Hell were you doing anyway?
是的 你之前在搞什么啊
Nothing worth talking about.
没什么好说的
You still need to make it up to us.
你还是得补偿我们
I'll fire your ass, and it won't mean shit to me.
我可以炒了你 那对我来说屁事都不算
Yes, it will.
不 不可能
I'm serious. You owe me, Gretch.
我说真的 你欠我的 格雷琴
Okay, Sam. What do you need?
好吧 山姆 你想要什么
You need to kiss my quarter-Chickasaw ass!
你得好好讨我这拥有1/4契卡索血统的人欢心了
Then you need to get me some cocaine.
然后你得给我去弄些可♥卡♥因♥来
I'm too famous to get it myself.
我现在是个名人 不能自己去搞
I'm not playing. You on probation now.
我不是在开玩笑 你现在处于察看期
Wait now. Hold on!
等等 等一下
High five. Put her there.
击个掌 到那儿去
She's hot.
她真火♥辣♥
I got your car towed back here.
我把你的车拖回来了
And look who I found getting out of a cab.
瞧我发现谁从出租车上下来了
Don't worry. I forgot my purse.
别多心 我只是忘了拿包而已
Not on purpose or anything.
不是刻意登门造访的
I'm gonna leave you two alone.
我就不打扰你们了
He's sweet. It's nice that you let him live here.
他人挺好的 你肯收留他真是心善
You know your purse had food in it.
你知道你的包里有食物吧
It was covered in ants.
爬满了蚂蚁
Who keeps food in their purse?
谁会把食物放在包里啊
What's your problem?
你是怎么回事啊
Well, I've had a really shitty day.
我今天过得真的相当不爽
And then I come home to find that
然后我回到家发现
my bedroom is a goddamn '50s sci-fi movie.
我的卧室就像50年代的科幻电影场景一样
And why would you stay over,
你为什么要留下来过夜
That's amateur hour.
那真是不专业的约炮行为
Here I was worried you were gonna get the wrong idea about last night.
我本来还担心你会把昨晚的事当真呢
So thank you for saving me the speech.
谢谢你让我免费口舌了
You were gonna make a speech?
你本来打算对我大费唇舌一番吗
Okay, forget it.
行了 没什么好说的了
Yeah, no kidding. Save your breath.
是啊 开什么玩笑 省省吧
I don't know what planet that you're from,
我不知道你来自哪颗星球
but on my planet,
但是在我们地球上
someone like you does not just get... this!
像你这样的人 不配享受我这曼妙的身体
Congratulations,
恭喜了
you bagged a weakened gazelle. That's right.
你捕获了一个心碎软弱的猎物 没错
I'm still stupid-hooked on someone else
我还傻傻地爱恋着另一个男人
who is eons further than you in the evolutionary scale in all categories
他在各个方面都比你进化得高级千万倍
except maybe unearned ego and back fat.
可能就是没你自负 背部肥肉也没你多
What? You so value honesty,
怎么 你不是很看重实话实说吗
you had to chew a bride out on her wedding day in the name of it?
你居然以此为名 在一个女人结婚当天去打击她
why don't you face this giant hunk of truth, Jimmy?
你何不面对这天大的事实 吉米
There is a fat asterisk next to my name
当我遇到淫♥荡♥的你时
on your skank-ridden little bone list and it reads,
我的名字旁边就像有一排字在呐喊着
"She probably would've gone home with anyone that night!"
"她那晚很可能会跟任何男人回家的"
So thank you! Thank you for my wake-up call,
谢谢你了 谢谢你让我警醒
Jimmy Stupid-Three-Names.
吉米-愚蠢的-三名字
You are officially my bottom.
你是我见过的最烂的人
Hey, you.
你好啊
Kiddo. What a surprise.
妹子 真是个惊喜啊
I was just in the neighborhood.
我正好在附近转悠
Uh, I have an early call time.
我明天很早要去赶个通告
But... Yeah, come in.
不过 没事 进来吧
Last time you said you were coming over, you never showed.
你上次说要过来 最终却没出现
I thought you'd grown sick of me.
我以为你厌烦我了呢
Nah, you're all right.
没啦 你挺好的
You're so beautiful, Gretchen.
你好美 格雷琴
You busy, Jimmy?
你忙吗 吉米
Yep.
是滴
Well, could you, like, pause it for a second?
你能不能 稍微暂停一下
No.
不能
What's wrong with you?
你是怎么回事啊
Give me the controller.
把手柄给我
I've watched you for two years now
我眼看着你这样已经两年了
get girls to come home with you,
不断地带女孩子回家
and they're always gone in in the morning.
第二天早上她们都不见了
Sorry, I can help it if she refused to leave?
抱歉 她非要赖着不走 我有什么办法
Give me my controller. No.
把我的手柄给我 不给
Fine.
行吧
I'm sorry I have to do this.
很抱歉我不得不出此下策了
Now, I don't mind you being jerky with me
我不介意你对我混♥蛋♥
because I know you care.
因为我知道你内心深处是很在乎的
What the... No, I don't.
搞毛啊 我才不在乎呢
Yes, you do
不 你在乎的
You're just an animal living in my house.
你不过是住在我家的一只动物
But Gretchen stayed, okay?
但是格雷琴留下来过夜了 明白吗
You say she forced you,
你说那是她强迫你答应的
but we both know there's not a person on this planet
但我们都知道 这个世界上没有任何人
that's ever had a good outcome trying to force you to do anything.
在强迫你做了任何事后 还能有好果子吃
She stayed, man. And that means something,
她留下来了 老兄 那是大有深意的
whether you want to admit it or not.
不管你愿不愿意承认都一样
I'm gonna let you go now.
我现在会慢慢放开你
Why would I even listen to you, eh?
我为什么要听你的
You're a mental case.
你简直有精神病
You're on, like, a billion medications
就像是有千百万种药物
that all say "Take for batshit craziness."
同时在对你呐喊"专治深度精神病"