我爱上的人是奇葩（2014）

I mean, as a black actor,
我是说 作为一名黑人演员
you're talking drug dealer, athlete, judge...
你会经常扮演毒贩子 运动员 法官
or sometimes God, if you're old.
如果你年纪够大 有时可能演上帝
Do you know how many McDonald's commercials
你知道我作为黑人演员
I've been in as a black actor?
参演了多少麦当劳的广♥告♥吗
I can hear that damn jingle in my sleep.
我睡着了都能听到那该死的广♥告♥歌♥
I'm not lovin' it. They love it.
我不爱它 是他们爱
Don't you think, now that
你不知道《为奴十二年》
12 Years a Slave has won Best Picture
赢得了奥斯卡最佳影片奖
Man, y'all white people love slavery movies
天啊 你们这些白人对黑奴电影的喜爱
even more than you loved actual slavery.
甚至超过对奴隶制的喜爱
As a black actor...
作为一名黑人演员
So there I am, at the after-party for Danny brown's latest album,
我当时去参加了丹尼·布朗新专发布会后的派对
and I'm in this house in the hills,
我跑到比弗利山上的一栋屋子里
no idea where I am,
完全不知道自己在哪儿
and I look at a picture on the wall
我看着墙上的一张照片
and I realize it's Diana Ross.
发现那竟然是戴安娜·罗斯
I am at Diana Ross's house.
我竟然是在戴安娜·罗斯家
So I go to the bathroom, I grab a hairbrush...
所以我走进洗手间 拿了一把发梳
Yes!
太棒了
I'd really like to try to get into writing movies and teleplays,
我真的很想涉足电影和电视编剧行业
but honestly, I'd be happy anywhere in
但老实说 我会很满足于任何...
I'd call it "The biz,"
我倒是想说"娱乐圈"
But I just moved out here from Ohio in the family mini-van...
但我刚开着家庭迷你小货车从俄亥俄州搬过来
But...
但是
And I'm out.
我要出去了
Wait!
等等
Why don't you go get us two more?
不如你再去帮我们拿两杯酒吧
It's so awful we have to feel any of this.
我们有七情六欲真是太烦人了
Lust, love... Don't we have bigger problems to worry about?
欲望 爱 我们就没更重要的大事要操心吗
I am in a bar, trolling for dudes,
我身在酒吧里 想钓个男人
just to prove something-- to who?
就为了证明什么 向谁证明啊
To Darwin? To myself?
向达尔文吗 向我自己吗
It is embarrassing and beneath us is what I am saying. You know?
要我说 那很丢人 也很掉价 你明白吗
Not really.
也不算吧
But I will say,
但我觉得
if this Darwin clown is not treating you properly...
如果那个叫达尔文的小丑没有好好对你
he's a goddamn fool.
那他真是个大傻♥逼♥
I mean, sure, he sleeps in flannel pajamas with socks,
他会穿着法兰绒睡衣和袜子睡觉
and yes, he spends six weeks of every summer
没错 他每年夏天都会花6周时间去参加
at a magic camp for adults
一个面向成年人的魔术夏令营
and... Okay, he has an allergy to soap
对了 他还对肥皂过敏
and we have to buy him that special oil for dogs...
只能给他买♥♥那种狗狗使用的沐浴油
but he's my husband.
但他是我丈夫啊
And he doesn't deserve for anybody to be mean to him. Ever.
任何人都不能对他刻薄 永远不能
How could anyone not like Paul?
怎么会有人不喜欢保罗啊
I know! Paul.
就是啊 保罗
You like that?
你喜欢这样吗
I don't know.
我也不知道
Wait. Move me, like, six inches right.
等等 把我往右移 大约6英寸
My face is way too near that booger.
我的脸离这滩鼻涕太近了
Hello, Padre.
你好 牧师
Hello.
你好
I have a dilemma. I... I know this secret,
我陷入了进退两难的境地 我知道一个秘密
and I can't decide if I should tell.
我不知道我是否该说出来
If I do, a lot of people could get hurt.
如果我说出来的话 很多人都可能会受伤的
Son, your situation reminds me of a sermon I just delivered.
孩子 你的情况让我想起了我刚刚完成的布道
I related Paul's Letter to the Corinthians to
我把《新约全书》中保罗著的哥林多书
individual moral responsibility.
和个人的道德义务联♥系♥起来
What I said was...
我当时说的是...
Wait, how did I put it? I said it so good.
等等 我怎么说的来着 我说那很棒
Terry was there. Terry!
泰利当时也在场 泰利
Damn it. Has anybody seen Terry?
该死的 有谁见到泰利了吗
No?
没有吗
Anyway, the gist of it was listen to your own conscience,
总之 主旨就是让你聆听自己的良心
but at the same time, don't do anything that could cause harm.
但与此同时 别做任何可能引起伤害的事
It's just that if I sit on this, it could get even worse.
如果我隐瞒不说 情况可能会更糟
What is the nature of this information?
你这条信息是什么性质的
I've said too much already. Thanks.
我已经透露太多了 谢谢
I know what I have to do.
我知道我该怎么做了
Yeah, it's me. I think we got another Snowden on our hands.
对 是我 我好像又发现了一个斯♥诺♥登
Hello Can't talk long.
喂 没办法久聊
I just wanted to tell you we're even.
我只是想告诉你我们扯平了
Venti again? Nope.
又是凡迪吗 不是
We've both slept with someone new, which makes us even.
我们都找了个新人睡了 所以我们扯平了
So, yay us.
好棒耶 我们
Wait, that's not even.
等等 那才不叫扯平
My person was a stranger, which was one point,
我找了个陌生人 算是1分
your person was Venti, which was worth a half,
你找了凡迪 算是0.5分
so I was one-half up on you.
所以我之前是领先你0.5分
But now with this new person,
但现在你又找了个新人
you're one-half up on me.
你比我领先0.5分了
Oh, my God, Jimmy. Who cares?
天啊 吉米 谁在乎啊
Can't we just call it a draw?
我们就不能算平局了吗
Well, that's easy for you to say, you're one-half up.
你说的倒是轻松 因为你领先了0.5分
Now I have to sleep with an ex.
现在我也得去找前任打一炮了
Yeah, okay. Good luck with that. Anyway, I gotta go.
好吧 祝你好运 我得挂了
Some work thing. Bye.
有工作要处理 再见
Um, do you have a work thing?
你有工作要处理吗
Because I don't have anything on your calendar.
我在你的日程安排表上没看到啊
Hurry up. You're letting all the cold air out.
快点出去 你把冷空气都放出去了
Well, I hope you're here to repay the $300
我希望你是来还那天早餐时
you guys somehow spent at breakfast.
你们吃掉的300美金的
Why does everyone hate me?
为什么所有人都讨厌我啊
I know it's weird to ask you--
我知道问你这个问题很奇怪
you rightfully hate my guts. But... but what's wrong with me
你恨透我了 但我到底是有什么毛病啊
that I can't sustain a single relationship?
竟然无法维持一段感情关系
I hate emotional Jimmy.
我好讨厌情绪化的吉米
Come in.
进来吧
Everyone I care about ends up hating me.
每个我在乎的人 最后都变得恨我
Why is that?
为什么呢
Oh, because you're a narcissist with face-blindness
因为你是个患有脸盲症的自恋狂
who, without hesitation or consequence,
你没有良知 会毫不犹豫地
uses people to get what you want.
利用别人得到你想要的东西
God, you know me so well.
天啊 你真是太了解我了
Can I have one of those?
能给我一支烟吗
They're pretty expensive.
很贵的好不好
I know. I used to buy them for you all the time.
我知道的 我以前经常给你买♥♥
Shut up and gfive me one.
闭嘴 赶快给我一支
So, um... where's Vernon?
弗南去哪儿了
You just missed him. He left to go do his rotation,
他刚刚离开 去上班了
or as he calls it, his "Rotaish."
或者是他口中说的"轮班"
I didn't know he did night "Rotaishes.
我不知道他晚上还要"轮班"
Oh, my God! Jimmy, what the hell!
天啊 吉米 搞毛啊
Oops. Sorry.
糟糕 抱歉
Should I go? Yes!
我该走了吗 当然了
Obviously.
显然啊
Oh, I forgot to mention: we're even.
我忘了说一句 我们扯平了
It's one-and-a-half to one-and- a-half.
现在的比分是1.5：1.5
I banged an Ex.
我上了一个前任
Who was she?
是谁啊
She's this girl...
她是...
Hillary. You don't know her.
希拉里 你不认识她
Unmemorable, but... pliant.
让人记不住 但是很柔顺
Oh, great.
太好了
So...we're even.
现在 我们算是扯平了
Are you mad?
你生气了吗
No. Why would I be mad?
没有 我为什么要生气啊
It's all good, brah.
一切都很好 小哥
Why are you talking like Guy Fieri?
你为什么像主持人盖伊·菲耶里那样说话