我爱上的人是奇葩（2014）

but at one point, I thought he was gonna cry, and I was like,
但某一刻 我以为他要哭了 我心想着
"This is it. I'm never going to be able to have sex with him again."
"完了 我再也不想跟他做♥爱♥了"
I just don't think I'm equipped to handle this part of a relationship.
我觉得我没办法处理恋情当中的这一部分
I will sample the Aztec Vanilla.
我要阿兹特克香草味的试吃品
It's do-it-yourself now.
现在是自己动手了
One sample cup per customer.
每位顾客一个杯子
So I guess you guys feel pretty...
我想你们一定觉得...
I know what you mean about emotions.
我也懂你说的内心情感
Ever since I cheated on Paul, I've been feeling hella guilty.
自从背叛了保罗之后 我就愧疚得要死
You can't reuse the sample cups.
样品杯不能重复使用哦
Part of me thinks I should just tell Paul.
我有点觉得该直接告诉保罗
What do you think?
你怎么看
It's like you guys willfully don't even hear me.
你们是故意无视我的是吧
I could just take this one to the grave.
我也可以直接把这个秘密带进坟墓
Like Titanic said,
就像《泰坦尼克号♥》里说的
a woman's heart is an ocean of secrets. Right?
女人的心就像是秘密的海洋 对吧
Hello? Are you even listening to me?
喂 你到底有没有在听我说话啊
Yes, totally.
当然在听了
I just listen better when I have something to do with my mouth.
我只是嘴里吃着东西 听的效果会好一些
So, what do you think I should do?
那你觉得我该怎么做啊
Honestly, Linds,
老实说 琳赛
I wasn't gonna say anything, but I can't take it anymore.
我本来不打算说什么的 但我已经受不了了
First, you get these new Berkin-toting Westside friends
你先是找了些西区上流社会的新朋友
with fake teeth and even faker tits.
各个都装着假牙 隆了假乳
And then the minute I get a...
我一找到一个...
Boyfriend?
男朋友
As soon as Jimmy and I become a thing,
吉米和我刚成为一对
you go out and start taking dicks.
你就出去开始偷汉子了
Can you imagine how abandoned I feel?
你能想象我的被抛弃感有多严重吗
I'm sorry, Gretchen.
我很抱歉 格雷琴
Wait, why am I apologizing to you?
等等 为什么是我在向你道歉啊
You stood me up last night.
明明是你昨晚放了我鸽子
Hi. bitch
嗨 贱♥人♥
Ready to go back to work?
准备好回去工作了吗
Um, who is this?
这是谁啊
This is my work wife, Dana.
是我的"工作伴侣" 丹娜
You're work-married?
你在工作上跟人喜结连理了吗
Come on, wifey.
走吧 老婆
There is ice cream cake in the office kitchen.
办公室厨房♥里有冰激凌蛋糕哦
Cake? Eat a dick, yogurt.
蛋糕 去死吧 酸乳
Bye, Linds. Bye!
再见了 小琳 再见
Ma'am, could you not do that?
小姐 你能别那么做吗
Can you just buy something?
你能掏钱买♥♥点什么吗
I can't believe they flaked again.
我真不敢相信他们又放我们鸽子了
Why are they treating us like this?
他们为什么要这样对待我们啊
Lindsay, I think we're sidekick.
琳赛 我觉得我们就是小跟班
Ew, I am not a sidekick.
我才不是什么小跟班呢
I'm Beyonce, not Kelly Rowland.
我是碧昂斯女王 不是凯莉·罗兰
If I'm on a motorcycle, I'm driving the motorcycle,
如果我坐在摩托车上 那一定是在开摩托车
not riding in that shitty little side motorcycle thingie
而不是坐在专为穷♥人♥和狗设计的
for poor people and dogs.
侧边车里
Think about it.
你好好想想啊
In your relationship with Gretchen,
在你和格雷琴的关系中
are you the Mary Tyler Moore
你是玛丽·泰勒·摩尔
or the Rhoda?
还是洛达
Who are those people?
这些人是谁啊
They sound ugly.
听上去好丑
Okay, uh, in Flipping Out on-on Bravo...
好吧 以《地♥产♥大亨》这部真人秀为例
are you the Jeff lewis
你是杰夫·路易斯
or the-the Jenni We Don't Know Her Last Name?
还是那个我们不知道她姓氏的珍妮
Oh, my God! I am totally the Jenni We Don't her Last Name.
天啊 我绝对是"珍妮·姓氏不详"女士
Actually, I do-- it's Pulos.
实际上 我知道她姓普洛斯
I'm a big fan.
我是个铁杆粉丝
Yes. Okay. I, I'm not gonna tell him that.
好的 行 我不会告诉他那事的
Okay. Bye.
好的 再见
That was Lindsay. She wants us to get dinner with them tonight.
是琳赛打来的 她让我们去跟他们一起吃饭
Since we flaked last night, we should probably go.
我们昨晚都放鸽子了 今晚该去了
Whatever. As long as they have booze.
随便吧 只要那里有酒就行
Cheer up, Jimster.
高兴一点吧 小吉米
Or you could just really wallow in it.
或者你可以沉湎于郁闷中
We could listen to some...
我们可以听一些...
The Smiths.
史密斯乐团的歌♥
They're sad and English, too.
他们的音乐很悲伤 也是英国人
Or I could read you a little, uh,
或者我可以给你读一段...
Jude the Obscure.
《无名的裘德》
I hope our kids don't hang themselves because we're poor.
我希望我们的孩子不会因为贫穷而上吊
I know what will cheer you up!
我知道什么能让你高兴起来了
We can do it backwards
我们可以采用后入式
while you watch foot fetish anime.
你可以在干的同时看恋足影片
Pass.
免了
Well, I got to go to happy hour with Dana.
我得和丹娜一起出去乐了
If you think you're gonna kill yourself,
如果你想自杀的话
remember there is a hotline for that
记得要拨♥打♥自杀求助热♥线♥
or, you know, just text me.
或者 给我发短♥信♥吧
"When I was little,
"小的时候
I never fantasized about having a baby of my own,
我从未想过要生一个孩子
unless we were playing war.
除非我们是在玩战争游戏
I might grab someone else's child
我或许会抢一个别人的孩子
and run with them through the forest and hide them in a bramble.
带着他们穿越丛林 把他们藏在荆棘丛里
I wasn't like other girls,
我跟其他女孩不一样
the ones who know from the start that they will be mothers,
她们从小就很清楚 自己终有一天将成为母亲
daydreaming about wedding days and lacy veils.
幻想着婚礼 蕾丝面纱
They knew Daddy would walk them down the aisle,
她们知道父亲会牵着她们走过红毯
give them away. For me, it was not so,
把她们交给丈夫 对我来说却不是这样的
an observer... not a participant."
我只是一个旁观者 而非参与者"
Oh, girl, he is super hot.
妹子 他可真性感啊
Really?
真的吗
Sometimes I think he looks like
有时候我觉得他长得像是
he's straight out of a Swedish vampire movie.
从瑞典吸血鬼电影里跳出来的似的
No, he's a piece of sex.
不 他是个性感的男人
No surprise, though-- 'cause you're gorgeous.
倒也不奇怪 因为你也很美
Aw, thanks.
谢谢
So, tell me about the boyfriend-- what's his deal?
跟我说说你男友吧 他是怎么回事
We don't really use that term,
我们不会这么叫
but, uh, he's a writer, he's British...
他是个作家 是英国人
he's usually very funny, but
他一般都很幽默 但是
he's been super depressed lately.
他最近很是郁闷
Every dude I've dated cannot handle being sad for, like, a second.
我约会过的每个男人悲伤都无法持续一秒钟
Can you imagine not being able to fully experience your emotions?
你能想象 无法完全体会自我的感情吗
No.
不能
Well, we have a dinner later
我们待会儿要一起去吃晚餐
I have to see if I can get him to rally.
我得去看看能不能说动他参加
I should head out, too-- I'll give you a ride.
我也该出去了 我载你一程吧
Ok
好吧
Thank you.
谢谢
I came here tonight to heckle you.
我今晚原本是打算来黑你的
And it would have been scathing.
那一定会恶毒到极点
But I decided against it based on the strength of your work.
但我后来因为你的作品 而改变了初衷
And I wanted to share that compliment.
我也想受到这种赞扬
And also have you sign this, please.
并且让你帮我签个名 谢谢
What were your heckles?
你的黑话是什么
All right.
好吧
"Look! There's the second worst thing about the '80s--
"看啊 那是80年代第二糟糕的东西
after Reagan's trickle-down economics,
仅次于里根经济学
which immediately caused a 10.8% rise in unemployment
那直接导致了失业率上升10.8%
and an explosion in income inequality."
以及收入差距大大拉大"
Just stuff like that.
就是这种黑话
Who do you want this made out to?
你希望把这书签给谁
"To Ronny Overly,
"赠罗尼·奥弗利
a father whose sole connection to his son is
作为一名父亲 他和儿子间唯一的纽带