我爱上的人是奇葩（2014）

I am so sorry, bother.
我真的很遗憾 兄弟
Now I'm scared to go to sleep
现在我都不敢睡觉了
because I wake up super angry.
因为我醒来时总是怒火满腔
Sleep to rage. It's the worst.
睡眠暴怒 那是最严重的一种了
I used to tell my wife to duct-tape pillows to my hands
我曾经让我妻子把枕头用胶带缠在我手上
in case I woke up swinging.
以防止我醒来就开始挥拳
So, my roommate says that I have a serious problem,
我室友说我有一个严重的问题
and that you guys should cover all my meds.
该由你们来负担我所有的医药费
Usually, I have to turn down a lot of folks,
通常 我都得拒绝很多人
but you seem like a perfect candidate for help.
但你似乎是很适合得到我们帮助的人
Real quick, who is this roommate?
速问速答 你室友是谁
Oh, Jimmy. He's a novelist from Britain.
吉米 他是个来自英国的小说家
He lets me live with him in exchange for cooking and housework.
他为我提供住处 我帮他做饭 打扫房♥屋
You have a job?
你有工作吗
Tight. It can be so tough for vets to find work...
真厉害 退伍老兵想重新找到工作是很难...
Oh, no, he doesn't pay me.
不 他是不支付我工资的
Cool.
好吧
So he thinks the U.S. Government should cover your expenses...
他觉得美国政♥府♥该负担你的医药费
...while you work for free.
但你却免费帮他工作
Oh, no.
不是
He's my best friend.
他是我最好的朋友
Cool.
好吧
Okay, very cool.
好吧 很好
Soldier, have you ever heard of
大兵 你有没有听说过
Domestic Civilian Transference Syndrome By Proxy?
普罗克西所著的《国内平民情感转移综合症》一书
It's my only copy, but trust me,
我就这一本 但是相信我
it's highly true.
上面说的太对了
You need to nip this in the bud.
你必须把这一切扼杀在摇篮中
Tonight, you sit this so-called roommate down
今晚 你得把那个所谓的室友按下来长谈
and you say, "Hey, man, I was in the shit
说 "老兄 我当时在战场上经历枪林弹雨
while you were at home watching telly.
你却在家舒服地看电视
If my nightmares are too scary for you,
如果我的噩梦对你来说太吓人了
maybe you need to pay for my meds!"
或许该由你来负担我的医药费"
Damn straight.
说得太对了
Yeah, you tell him that.
是啊 你就这么跟他说
I will tell him that.
我就这么跟他说
I will! Thank you.
我一定说 谢谢你
You're welcome, soldier.
不客气 大兵
Watching telly...
看电视
Number 97.
97号♥
You're home.
你回来啦
We need to talk about something.
我们得好好谈一下
This has been eating away at me,
我的心被这事折磨吞噬着
but the fact is...
但事实上...
...I realized I don't really know what you do all day.
我意识到 我都不知道你整天在干什么
Tell me about this...weird thing.
跟我说说这个 古怪的东西吧
The recumbent?
斜躺车吗
Yeah! How does it work?
是啊 那是怎么骑的啊
Well, if you really want the total experience,
如果你想充分体验一下
I can always pull out the tandem.
我可以把双排座驾给放下来
The what now?
什么来着
A semi-reclined position
半斜躺的姿势
provides broader distribution of body weight,
可以将身体重量更均匀地平摊开来
and allows some better blood flow to the anus and testicles.
可以保证对肛♥门♥和睾丸有更充足的血液供应
Aw, heck yeah! Here's the gang!
你们好啊 大伙儿都在呢
Mimi, Connor, this is my wife Lindsay.
米米 康纳 这是我妻子琳赛
Last one to Starbucks is an uprighter!
最后一个到达星巴克的人要坐直了骑哦
We should let them win.
我们该让他们赢
Connor's life-coaching business just went under,
康纳的生活指导生意刚刚败了
and Mimi has impetigo.
米米患上了脓疱病
All right, here I come, Mimi. Look out.
好了 我来了 米米 当心哦
Nice use of negative space.
真是对负空间的绝佳利用
What are you doing here?!
你跑到这儿来干什么
What are you doing here?
你又到这儿来干什么
I just dropped you at the airport!
我才刚把你送去机场呢
What? No, you didn't.
什么 你才没有呢
Yes, I did
我明明就有啊
What?! What are you talking about?
什么 你在胡说些什么呢
No, that was a dream you had.
不 那明明是你做的一个梦
All right, fine. This is so dumb.
好吧 演不下去了 这好蠢
So, I am waiting at the gate as they deplane the flight before mine,
我当时在门边 等着头一班飞机上的人先下飞机
and all of a sudden, guess who gets off?
突然间 猜猜谁下飞机了
My friggin' parents! And I'm like, "What?!
我父母 然后我心想 "搞毛啊
I thought you guys wanted me to come visit."
我还以为你们希望我飞过去呢"
So dumb. Gretchen, you nerd.
太蠢了 格雷琴 你个傻瓜
Stop
打住
All right, I lied.
好吧 我撒谎了
But Vanessa and Fred are such a bummer!
但瓦妮莎和弗雷德是很烦的人
I didn't want to subject you to their passive-aggressive shit.
我不希望让你承受他们那消极反抗式的蹂躏
Right, so you packed and had me drop you off at the airport.
好吧 所以你打了包 让我把你送去机场
Did I really pack?
我真的打包了吗
I just put some damp laundry and toilet paper into a suitcase.
我只是把些湿衣服和厕纸放进了旅行箱里
Open your eyes, Jimmy.
眼睛睁大点吧 吉米
Right, well, I have to meet the people
好吧 我必须见见
that created this nightmare of a person.
创造出你这朵奇葩的奇男异女
Oh, I would, but we have to leave.
我也想让你见 但我们真得走了
I'm taking them to the airport.
我要送他们去机场
I thought you just picked them up.
你不是才把他们接过来嘛
It turns out they can't stay.
结果发现他们不能久留
Dad is having emergency back surgery tomorrow at Johns Hopkins.
我爸明天要在约翰·霍普金斯医院做个紧急背部手术
He is having his L7 fused,
他的脊柱L7单节需要固定下
and they just had a cancellation.
刚好有其他病人取消了
The procedure's experimental, but Dr. Pablo's the best,
那个手术是实验性质的 但帕布罗医生是最棒的
and a slot just opened up. I am serious.
刚好出现了一个空位 我是认真的
Well, I'm not leaving until you produce these monsters.
你不把他们带出来 我是不会走的
All right.
好吧
You asked for it.
是你自找的
You're not art.
你才不是艺术品呢
Jimmy? Vanessa and Fred.
吉米 瓦妮莎和弗雷德
Jimmy, hi.
吉米 你好
Nice to meet you.
很高兴见到你
So sorry we have to run.
很抱歉我们这么赶
I'm having a surgery, Jimmy.
我要做手术了 吉米
Yes. Yes, Gretchen said.
是啊 是啊 格雷琴说过了
Okay, good luck with that.
好吧 祝你好运
So glad I got to meet you.
很高兴能见到你们
So I'll see you later?
那我们晚些时候再见吧
Uh, nah, I have a work thing.
不行 我还有工作要做
Call you tomorrow?
明天给你打电♥话♥行吗
Okay.
好的
My dad's having back surgery...
我爸要做个背部手术
at Johns Hopkins.
在约翰·霍普金斯医院
He's having his L7 fused.
他的脊柱L7单节需要固定下
Dr. Pablo's the best.
帕布罗医生是最棒的
Back surgery...
背部手术
Johns Hopkins... Back surgery...
约翰·霍普金斯医院 背部手术
Johns Hopkins... Back surgery...
约翰·霍普金斯医院 背部手术
John Hopkins... Dr. Pablo...
约翰·霍普金斯医院 帕布罗医生
Procedure's experimental... experimental... experimental.
那个手术是实验性质的 实验性质的 实验
They said that it's, like, all tropical plants.
他们说那里有各种热带植物
Who are you?
你们到底是谁啊
Where's Gretchen?
格雷琴去哪儿了
Oh, look, hon. It's the guy with the accent.
瞧啊 是那个有口音的家伙
That lady said we were on a hidden camera show.
那位小姐之前跟我们说我们在录偷♥拍♥节目
What channel will this be on?
到时候会在哪个台播出啊
Oh, I bet it's nine. Four?
我觉得肯定是9频道 4频道吗
No, four, right?
不是 4频道 对吗
I bet you a week of dishes it's channel nine.
我跟你打赌是9频道 输了的洗一星期碗
Nine?! Nine. Nine. Nine. Four. Four. Four.
9频道 9 9 4频道 4 4
And as I like to say, once you pedal on your back,
我时常说 一旦你享受了靠着踩单车