我爱上的人是奇葩（2014）
You're the Worst S03E11
Part 1
Oct. 14, 2020, 4:45 p.m.
Jimmy, if you're thinking of getting into ski porn,
吉米 如果你是想去拍滑雪黄♥片♥
it's a niche audience and the work is seasonal.
这种片受众面小 而且季节性太强
I have it all worked out, Gretchen--
我全都理清楚了 格雷琴
what I saw from my tree house last night:
昨晚我在树屋上看明白的东西
my father is no longer a force in my life,
我父亲已经不再对我的生活有任何影响
thus, everything I am and have is suspect,
因此我这个人的特质和所拥有的一切都不可信
acquired or decided, as it all were,
不管是后天习得的 还是先天决定的
in the context of being "Ronny's son,"
都被置于"罗尼的儿子"这一框架之下
Which I am no longer, thus, reevaluation.
但我从今以后不再是那样了 因此 需要重新评估
It's all up for review.
一切都需要重新审查一遍
So, I'm making a pros and cons list of everything in my life
所以 我正在将我人生中的一切列成利弊表
to work out whether I still need it or not.
来决定我是否还需要那东西
Oh, boy. It's the perfect postemotional analytic tool
天啊 用这种后情感主义的分♥析♥工具
to determine the inherent,
来确定事物本身所具有的
unsullied qualitative value of anything.
未受污染的定性价值实在是完美
To whit. Stapler.
比如订书机
Pros: petite, efficient, comely.
利 小巧便携 好用好看
Cons: literally no place for you in the digital world.
弊 如今数字化时代真是用不着它
Good-bye, old girl.
再见 老伙计
Tough one.
这个真难以抉择
Pros: strong tassels, I look fantastic in it.
利 流苏质量不错 我系着超好看
Cons: I saw Moby wearing the same one on the cover of Yoga Life.
弊 我看见《瑜伽生活》封面上的莫比系过一样的
And there's the answer.
答案显而易见
Right. My stuff...
好了 这是我的东西
there's your stuff...
那是你的东西
Fine! Jesus Christ!
够了 我的天
Fine, Jimmy. Do your insane, idiotic thing and get this over with.
行了 吉米 继续发疯发傻吧 赶快完事
Gretchen pro-con list, go.
格雷琴的利弊表 快开始
Well, okay.
好吧
You and your stupid tree house.
你和你那个破树屋
I swear, I wish
我对天发誓 我真希望
I'd never mentioned Dead Poets Society in front of you.
我从没在你面前提起过什么《死亡诗社》
You literally just did the standing on the desk thing,
你真的照搬了站在桌上那一套
but higher.
但却站得更高
The quicker we do this, the quicker we can move on with our lives.
快点折腾完 我们就能继续过日子了
I have stuff to do for Shitstain and Jaclyn's elopement party.
我还得负责筹备施斯坦和杰奎琳的私奔派对
Bet your ass he's not making a list.
我敢说他肯定没列什么表
Okay, fine.
好吧
Here are two things to start off your pro list.
先把这两条写到利的那一栏
Bam! Carpe those diems.
瞧 有容奶大 及时行乐
Aw, man.
妈的
I slept in gum again?
我又睡在口香糖上了
Just know that, uh,
要知道
this is gonna be a waste of your time.
你这是在浪费时间
The end result is gonna be, "Damn, she's awesome."
最后的结论肯定会是"妈的 她太棒了
That list was pointless.
根本就没必要列这个表
"Wasted all that paper and ink.
可惜浪费了这么多纸和墨水
Sorry trees. Sorry squids."
对不起了 树们 乌贼们"
Wait, is that how you think we get ink?
等等 你以为墨水是这么来的吗
From squids?
乌贼喷的吗
No.
不是
Aw, damn it!
该死
Ceviche?
给我一份柠汁腌鱼生
I don't get it. A pros and cons list about you?
我没懂 一张关于你的利弊表
What's on it?
上面写了什么
Oh, who cares? We all have negative shit
谁管啊 我们对生活中的所有人
we think about everyone in our lives.
都有些消极的想法
Yeah, but writing it down makes it real.
没错 但写下来就是实实在在的
Like Web sites or fortune cookies.
就像网页啊 幸运饼啊
So, how'd Paul react to the news that you're leaving him?
保罗对于你要离开他这个事是什么反应
Ain't told him yet.
我还没跟他说
First I got to set myself up, get my own place.
首先我得自立 自己找个地方
And it'll be so phat
生活会很美好
because I'll be getting those sweet monthly checks from the prenup.
因为婚前协议 我每个月都能收到支票
Wait, what? You have a prenup?
等等什么 你签了婚前协议
Yeah, Paul was like, "Oh, honey, we don't need one."
是啊 保罗当时说"亲爱的我们不用签"
But uh-uh, I didn't fall for that shit.
但老娘才不上当
So, like a boss, I made him.
所以我强迫他签了
Lindsay, you ding-dong.
琳赛 你傻到家了
A prenup protects the wealthier person, him,
婚前协议保护更有钱的人 保护他
in a divorce from giving his money to the poorer person, you.
以防离婚时他的钱会落到你这个穷鬼手上
Are you goddamn kidding me?
你♥他♥妈♥在逗我吧
And you let me get an abortion?!
那你还让我去堕胎
I had a ticket to 18 years of dough
我原本可以坐收18年的钱
and you let me flush my ticket?
你却让我连这个机会都没了
Hey, just focus.
嘿 冷静下来
Do the most important thing first: tell Paul.
先做最重要的事 告诉保罗
Once you do that, you can figure out your life.
告诉他之后 你就能理清你的生活
Now I have to get a stupid job.
我现在还得找工作
Can I have a job?
我找得到工作吗
That's gonna be a hard no.
绝逼找不到
So, I got a bunch of ideas about that restaurant concept.
关于餐厅的事 我有一肚子好主意
You know, savory cereal?
比如美味麦片
Two words: Beefy Pebbles.
两个词 卵石牛肉
We'll talk later.
我们过会儿再说
Ooh, excuse me? Excuse me? Excuse me?
打扰下 打扰下 打扰下
Did-did you call him?
你给他打电♥话♥了吗
Yes, I called him. I can't believe he's late, man.
是的 打过了 难以置信他迟到了
I can. He's been the worst best man ever.
我早想到了 他是最最糟糕的伴郎
He lost the ring at the Monterey Aquarium tide pool.
他在蒙特雷湾水族馆的潮水潭弄丢了戒指
Said a sea anemone took it.
说被一只海葵抢走了
Does that even sound plausible to you?
你觉得这可能吗
Do you know how slow a sea anemone is?
你知道海葵有多迟缓吗
There he is. Where's the navy suit?
他来了 那套蓝西服呢
Oh, nah, blood, this is it.
该死 只有这套
I just got the pants hemmed and the jacket taken in.
我把裤子缝好边 把上衣改小
Then it still was a total piece of shit,
但还是丑得不行
so I lit it on fire and bought something dope instead.
所以我把它烧了 买♥♥了套酷炫的
That's it!
我受够了
You're fired as best man.
你不再是伴郎了
Nutz, you're giving the toast tonight.
蜜蛋 今晚你来发表祝酒辞
Seriously?
不是吧你
Okay, idiot, good luck with this mush-mouth.
好吧 白♥痴♥ 让这口齿不清的人当伴郎 祝好运了
Fool can't even leave a simple voice mail.
他连个留言都留不好
Always be like, "Uh... Call me back. Uh..." Click.
老是"呃...回我电♥话♥ 呃..."时间就到了
Y-Yo, you know public speaking is one of my greatest fears.
你 你知道我最怕当众讲话了
It's public speaking, heights and waking up
当众讲话 在高处 清晨醒来
with a scorpion in my mouth.
都能让我舌头转不动
You'll be fine.
你不会有事的
We're professional public speakers.
我们可是专业的公众演讲家
That-that's different.
那不一样
Look, Honey Nutz is a persona.
听着 蜜蛋只是一重人格面貌
Uh, when I'm not rapping, I'm just Zachary from Reseda,
我不说唱时 我只是来自莱斯德的普通人扎克瑞
that likes hard cider
喜欢烈性苹果酒
and losing myself in a graphic novel.
然后沉浸在连环画里
I don't mean no disrespect, by that.
我没有不敬的意思
I don't, I don't. I'm just saying...
没有 没有 我只是说...
Nice look.
造型不错
Shouldn't you be trying to shoot down Snoopy?
你是要模仿打史努比的红衣男爵吗
I went a little crazy with the purge.
我♥干♥大清除工作干得疯狂过头了
Got rid of all my outerwear and my underwear.
我把所有外衣和内衣都扔掉了
I'm currently wearing one of Edgar's bathing suits.
现在我穿的是埃德加的一套泳衣
Jimmy, I've thought about your pros and cons list,
吉米 我考虑过你的利弊清单了
and I think it's only fair that you show it to me.
我觉得你有必要给我看看才算公平
Gretchen, I'm undergoing
格雷琴 我正在经历
a really painful process of reevaluation.
一个很痛苦的自我审视过程
Now, if you could just respect my privacy,
你能不能尊重下我的隐私
I'd really appreciate it.
我会感激不尽的
Fine, I hear you. You have my word.
好吧 懂了 我保证
Oh, yeah. Ooh, a zipper!
天啊 拉链拉起来了啊
我爱上的人是奇葩（2014）
You're the Worst
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