我爱上的人是奇葩（2014）
You're the Worst S03E04
Part 2
Oct. 14, 2020, 4:44 p.m.
Sucks.
逊毙了
Simon's sisters and Kitty sprawled on the carpet,
萨蒙的姐♥妹♥们♥和凯蒂懒散地趴在地毯上
watching Top of the Pops, their bums in the air.
看着《流行前线》 屁♥股♥翘得高高的
From his perch on the coach, Simon noted
萨蒙坐在沙发上 他注意到
that while Cynthia and Patsy had gotten quite porcine,
辛西娅和帕西变得像猪一样臃肿
Kitty's bottom had an almost otherworldly lift,
凯蒂的屁♥股♥高高翘起
as if in the process of being raptured
仿佛因为太完美了
for being too perfect to dwell any longer on Earth.
而不适合继续留在这地球上
Goddamn it!
该死的
What's wrong with me?
我这是怎么了
It's been hours,
都好几个小时了
and I still haven't perfected the bum metaphor.
我还没润色好这个屁♥股♥的暗喻
My fingers hurt. My dad died.
我的手指好疼 我爸爸死了
At least you know where he is.
至少你知道他在哪里
Edgar, I need sustenance. Where are my snacks?
埃德加 我需要食物 我的零食在哪里
Uh, sorry, Jimmy. There was some police activity near the store.
抱歉 吉米 商店附近有什么警务活动
That's my last food!
那是我最后一点儿吃的了
I've been thinking about it all day,
我已经考虑一整天了
and you really need to cry, Jimmy.
你真的得哭出来 吉米
My therapist says it's very... Gretchen,
我的理疗师说这样非常... 格雷琴
the sheer breadth of my labyrinthian abstruse psychological composition
我的心理情况非常复杂 如同一座迷宫
cannot possibly be second-handedly grasped
是不可能被一个长滩社区大学
by some Long Beach Community College graduate
毕业的心理医生所理解的
who deals with the... tragically maladroit all day.
她整天不过是跟一堆可悲的蠢货打交道
No offense.
无意冒犯
None taken, because I do not know that word.
没事 因为我完全听不懂那个词
Just give me the afternoon.
把下午的时间腾出来给我
We'll do some super-sad shit,
我们好好地伤心一下
you'll poop out some tears and we'll be home by Wheel.
你大哭一场 然后我们到轮子播出时就回家了
...of Fortune.
《幸运之轮》
It won't work. I feel nothing!
没用的 我真的没感觉
But fine. Let's go.
但是好吧 我们走吧
Work day's already a disaster.
反正工作已经很不顺利了
I don't know why I'm suddenly blocked.
不知道为什么我突然灵感全无了
I'm rewriting the same paragraph over and over.
我在一遍又一遍地重写同一段落
Killswitch, while I'm out,
卡仔 我出去的时候
copy edit the chapter where Simon watches Kitty bathe
复♥制♥编辑下萨蒙在迷幻舞曲音乐会之后
after the trip-hop concert.
看凯蒂洗澡的那一章
Oh, and for the love of God,
对了 苍天大老爷啊
finally learn how to spell "Anilingus," will you?!
你♥他♥妈♥赶快学会拼写"舔肛"这个词行不行
You never say "Thank you."
你从不说"谢谢"
That's what the money's for!
给钱就是为了不用说谢谢
I'm so glad we're gonna learn how to be a family.
我很高兴我们要学习怎么成为一家人了
Family.
家人
But we're already a family.
但我们已经是一家人了啊
You can't just have two people in a family, Paul.
一个家庭里不能只有两个人 保罗
Name one family that's two people.
你说有哪个家是两个人的
Gilmore Girls.
《吉尔莫女孩》
We have to learn how to be good parents,
我们要学习怎么当好父母
so that when we're old, they'll take good care of us.
这样我们老的时候 他们才会好好照顾我们
Plus, you're so accident-prone.
而且 你这么容易出意外
You turned into my knife,
你一不小心撞到我的刀上
and it's taken, like, forever
结果经过好长好长时间
for your skin to grow back together.
你的皮肤才重新长到一起
You mean heal?
你是说痊愈吗
Men get strong.
人越挨刀越坚强
Nerds! Oh, my God.
呆子们 我的天
I still can't believe you're keeping it.
我仍然不敢相信你们要把那玩意生下来
Oh, Rebecca, you josher.
瑞贝卡 你真会开玩笑
Such a bummer about the timing though.
不过你们这时机真不好
By the time it comes flopping out,
等你把那玩意儿挤出来的时候
our entire family's gonna be so babied out,
我们全家人都已经为我的宝宝激动过了
your poor little lump's not gonna get any attention.
谁也不会在意你肚子里掉出来的那块肉的
You're just mad I didn't get all fat like you.
你只是气我没像你一样发福
You're barely pregnant.
你才怀孕没多久
Yo, dingus, help me gaffle some of these brews.
喂 阿呆 帮我偷点啤酒
Becca's being a cooze and doesn't want me to drink
贝卡又抽疯 不想让我喝酒
so I actually pay attention.
好让我保持专注
Anyway, pretend like you got to go drop a dook,
总之 你装出一副想拉屎的样子
grab, like, four of them dummies,
拿上四瓶啤酒
leave 'em in the toilet tank for me,
帮我藏在马桶水箱里
Godfather-style.
就像《教父》里那样
Nothing gets this pimp through a dumb baby class like toilet beer.
唯有马桶里的啤酒能让本爷熬过傻♥逼♥育婴课
Hello, mommies and daddies.
准妈妈准爸爸们好
So, last week we covered birth plans
上周我们讲到了生产计划
and how pretty much everyone poops during labor.
以及几乎所有人都会在生产时大便失禁
So today we're gonna practice
今天我们要练习一些
some real-life skills.
实际生活中会用到的技能
Everybody come and grab a baby doll. Come on.
每个人都过来抱一个婴儿娃娃 来吧
Emotions are dangerous, Gretchen.
情绪是很危险的 格雷琴
Think about it, the most emotional movie characters always die.
想想看 最情绪化的电影角色总会死掉
Kane from Citizen Kane.
《公民凯恩》里的凯恩
The wife from Up.
《飞屋环游记》里那老头的妻子
Table-dancing destitute
《泰坦尼克号♥》里
on the bottom deck of the Titanic.
在底层船舱的桌子上跳舞的穷♥人♥们
And the ones who survive in movies:
而在电影中幸存下来的那些角色
RoboCop, Terminator,
机械战警 终结者
Chappie. Those are all robots.
超能查派 那些都是机器人
Yeah, exactly. No emotions.
没错 一点情感都没有
Just cold circuitry and a thirst for revenge.
只有冰冷的电路系统和对复仇的渴求
I don't really know why you guys insist on sitting in the backseat.
我真搞不懂你们为什么坚持坐在后座上
I'm not an Uber.
我又不是优步司机
Yeah, damn right you're not.
没错 你还真♥他♥妈♥不是
What's that?
那是什么
His rating.
他的服务评价
One star.
一颗星
Oh, almost forgot. Give us your car booze.
我差点忘了 把你车里的藏酒给我
Guys, I really have to get to my VA appointment.
二位 我真的得赶去退伍军人事务处了
Fine. But when you're done with your stupid thing,
好吧 但等你这些蠢事办完后
you're giving us a ride home.
你得来载我们回家
Come on. A little wah-wah,
快点 随便哭一哭
death is sad, and then you're done.
死亡真悲伤 然后就完事了
Pretend one of these is your dad's grave.
假装这里有一座坟是你♥爸♥的
The problem is death doesn't bother me.
问题是 死亡困扰不到我
I'm not upset by the inevitable.
我不会为无法避免的事难过
It's like being upset by the weather
那就像为天气而难过
or by an Irishman proving untrustworthy.
或是为爱尔兰人不值得信任而难过
Look.
快看
Real live dead person.
"活生生的"死人
Come on. Maybe it'll stir something up.
快来 没准能撩起点情绪来
...with so many questions and so few answers.
疑问那么多 却少有答案
Hi. Sorry.
你好 抱歉
But it would be a mistake to think of today as a sad day.
但若将今天看做悲伤的一天是不对的
Charlotte, if you would please step forward.
夏洛特 麻烦你上前来
Our Father, who art in heaven...
我们在天上的父
Jimmy, am I... Jimmy, am I crazy
吉米 吉米 是我疯了
or is this funeral hella sexy?
还是这场葬礼性感到爆
I don't know where that fetish came from,
我不知道你这癖好是哪来的
but it is absolutely...
但那绝对...
Oh, my God, you're right.
我的天 你说的还真对
It's like the funeral from November Rain.
就像《十一月的雨》里的那场葬礼
Wait! Make sure to pull out. I can't get pregnant.
等等 务必记得拔♥出♥来♥ 我不能怀孕
Your dad might be floating around right now,
你♥爸♥的亡灵说不定正在周围游荡
looking for a body to reincarnate.
寻找能投胎转世的肉身
Good call.
你真明智
Too hard.
太用力了
Yes!
太好了
It's not real!
又不是真的
It's not a real baby!
那又不是真的宝宝
Thank you.
谢谢
我爱上的人是奇葩（2014）
You're the Worst
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