单身毒妈（2005）
Weeds S08E07
Part 3
Nov. 25, 2020, 1:24 p.m.
那家伙可是个杀人机器
That man was a killing machine.
这到底是怎么回事
What the hell's going on?
和我在一起 你们不会有事的
You're safe with me.
我懂柔道以及一些以色列格斗术
I know jujitsu and some krav maga --
也就是以色列徒手搏斗术
Israeli hand-to-hand combat.
今天我会教你们一些基本动作
I'll teach you the basic moves today
万一你们不小心在树林遇到它 可以用得上
in case you run into him in the woods.
你没一个人去过森林吧
You don't ever go out there alone, right?
除非有武器 否则千万别一个人跑去森林
Never go out there alone, unless you have a weapon.
我会教你们 如何让双手成为武器
I'll help you so your hands will be your weapon.
与此同时 我们先来看看
In the meantime, uh,
《前先知书·列王纪》的
nevi'im rishonim, book of kings,
圣经旧约中的章节
593页 第23和24节
Melachim, page 593, verses 23 and 24.
你们一边看 我一边解释
While you're looking, I'll paraphrase.
大致就是说一个叫做以利沙的家伙
Uh, basically, this guy, Elisha,
在某个美妙的下午走路去圣地
was walking to bethel one balmy afternoon
这时有两个男孩闲晃过来
when two boys sauntered up
开始嘲笑他的秃头
and began to tease him about being bald.
"你头顶好亮 擦一下就能预见未来"
"You're so bald, I should rub your head to see the future.
"你头顶好秃 一穿高领衣服
"You're so bald, when you wear a turtleneck,
就像个滚球除臭剂似的"
you look like roll-on deodorant,"
我想他们那个时候的除臭剂可能就是
Or their version of deodorant, which was, I believe, at the time,
一根散发着没药香的棍子上的光滑湿润的石头
a smooth, moist rock on a stick scented with myrrh.
不管怎样
Anywho,
以利沙对他的秃头很敏感
Elisha was very sensitive about his hairless pate,
所以他以上帝之名诅咒了那些男孩
and in the name of the lord, cursed the boys.
你们猜怎么着
And guess what happened.
怎么着
What?
好吧 我发誓事实如此
Okay, and I swear it says this --
如果你们不信 你们可以自己读读看
You can read it for yourself 'cause it's bonkers.
两只熊冲出树林
Two bears came out of the woods
狂殴了男孩和其他40个小孩
and mauled the boys and 40 other children.
结果这42个孩子
42 dead kids,
都被这两只愤怒的野熊撕成了碎片
ripped to shreds by a pair of angry bears.
很疯狂 对吧
It's nuts, right?
就因为嘲笑了一个秃子而被熊虐死
Kids slaughtered by bears for teasing a bald guy --
连那些没出言嘲笑的40个孩子也死了
And not just the teasing kids but 40 other kids, too.
为什么 这是个什么道理
Why? What's the point?
我们该如何解读这个故事
How are we supposed to interpret this story,
我们又为何要解读这个故事
and why would we want to?
等等 所以说你刚才锁门什么的
Wait, so the whole locking the door thing,
都是在糊弄我们 对吧
that was a bunch of crap, right?
你把我们当成三岁小孩了
You were just messing with us?
你这么说就很混♥蛋♥了
Well, you were being a dick,
我这是未雨绸缪
And I was taking precautions in case the Bible's literal
防止圣经里的熊跑出来追你
and there's bears coming after you.
摩西律法[旧约前五卷]
But the Torah's not literal, is it?
我可没瞎编 确有其事
It's something to work off of.
我们可以就此进行讨论
It's a place to start to have discussions.
至于以色列格斗术 我也没骗你们
However, I am serious about the krav maga.
所以我们先别闹 讨论一下熊的故事
So let's talk about the bear story and not being a dick,
一会儿我绝对会给你们露几招
and then I'll totally show you some moves.
谁愿意来朗读
Who wants to read?
希恩 祝贺你
Ah, Shane, hey. Congratulations.
来见见我母亲
Come meet my mother.
希恩 这是我母亲 玛丽
Shane, this is my mother, Mary.
嗨 缪伦太太 很高兴见到你
Hi, Mrs. Mullen. Nice to meet you.
希恩 我们终于见面了
Shane, at last we meet.
安吉拉告诉你 她的好消息了吗
Did Angela tell you her happy news?
她被分到了第十三区
She's been assigned to the 13th,
她父亲原来的管辖区
her father's old precinct.
我真是太为她骄傲了
I couldn't be prouder.
你被分配去哪个区
Where are you headed?
还没定
Nowhere yet.
我的年龄还没到 还要再等一年
I have an age requirement. I have to wait a year.
但我会去找些私人保安的工作来做
But I heard I can get some private-security work, though,
说不定在商场或者别的地方
maybe at a mall or something.
你能做的肯定不止安保工作
Certainly you can do better than security work.
妈
Mom.
也许我们可以去见见你的家人
Maybe we could find your family and --
我没邀请他们
I didn't invite them.
不想给他们不出现的机会
Didn't want to take the chance that they might not show up.
尼玛拥挤不堪啊 你好啊
Fucking sardine can. How you doing?
我是米奇·阿里特
I'm Mitch Ouellette.
我要走了 你好了吗
Got to get out of here. You ready?
你们愿意跟我们一起吃晚餐吗
Would you like to join us for dinner?
我们预定了在
We have reservations at --
预定是给两个人的
The reservation is only for two.
肯定没人介意的
I'm sure they wouldn't mind.
两个人和四个人不一样
A four-top is a whole different kind of table.
肯定坐不下
It's impossible.
是啊 四个人的位子是很难定的
Yeah, those four-tops are really tough.
很高兴见到你们 祝贺你 希恩
Nice to meet you both. Congratulations, Shane.
安吉拉 走吧 亲爱的
Angela. Come, honey.
刚才是神马情况啊
What the fuck was that?
走吧 出去转转 我给你找了点活
Come on. Let's take a ride. I got a gig for you.
美国国家航♥空♥航♥天♥局 存货清♥仓♥拍卖♥♥
我们的起价是一万
We'll begin the bidding at $10,000.
一万五 两万
$15,000, $20,000!
有没有人两万一 两万一 两万一
Do I hear $21,000? $21,000,
两万一 两万一 有没有人要两万二
$21,000! $21,000! Do I hear $22,000?
那是个梳子 它不值
It's a comb. It's not worth --
-你上过月亮吗 -两万二
- Did you walk on the moon? - $22,000!
没有吧
Yeah, I didn't think so.
有没有人两万三 两万三 两万三
Do I hear $23,000? $23,000? $23,000.
有没有人两万四 两万四
Do I hear $24,000? $24,000!
有没有人两万五 两万四一次
Do I hear $25,000? $24,000 once.
两万四两次 最后一次提醒
$24,000 twice. Final warning.
竞标成功的是 出价两万四的418号♥
And the winning bid sold to paddle number 418 for $24,000!
带有证书的尼尔·阿姆斯特朗的梳子
The certified Neil Armstrong comb
尼尔·阿姆斯特朗: 美国宇航员 登月第一人
和剪刀套装
and scissors collection
以及他的25根头发
with 25 strands of the famous astronaut's hair.
下一件航♥天♥局的收藏品是
Next from the NASA collection is
舰长吉姆·威瑟比穿过的宇航服
the flight-worn suit of Captain Jim Wetherbee.
我的 我的 我的 我的
Mine! Mine, mine, mine!
他拍下了那件衣服
He bought it.
可以随心所欲 折腾那件衣服了
He can do whatever he wants with it.
他肯定减过肥
You know, he must have been a little bit slimmer.
也说不准脱水食物里面没那么多碳水化合物
Maybe not a lot of carbs in that dehydrated food.
危险 危险 威尔·罗宾逊
Danger, danger, Will Robinson!
角色出自1998科幻电影《迷失太空》
危险 危险
Danger, danger!
3-3-6-9, 9-5, 4-4-2-1...
3-3-6-9, 9-5, 4-4-2-1...
休斯敦 我要上天了
Oh, Houston, I have a lift-off.
先生 你的卡被拒了
Sir, your card has been declined.
-上面显示我得暂扣此卡 -什么
- It says I have to seize it. - What?!
你得把这身脱下来
You're gonna need to get out of the suit.
把卡还给我
Give me that card!
我的银行告诉我
My bank informed me
你和你的神马州官僚机构
that you and your bullshit state bureaucracy
是我账户被冻结的罪魁祸首
are the parties responsible for freezing my accounts!
现在没有上千也有几百的
And now hundreds, if not thousands,
流浪人员今晚没有饭吃
of homeless men and women will go without dinner tonight
全拜你们的低能办公所赐
because of your office's little snafu!
更不用说有多少人要睡垃圾车了
Not to mention how many will be sleeping in dumpsters
全拜你们这个不给力的机构所赐
because of this bureaucratic holocaust!
我不会离开 除非
And I will not leave here --
您机构的具体♥位♥置在哪 威尔逊先生
Where exactly is the location of your facility, Mr. Wilson?
就在老三明治的中心地带
Old sandwich, in the heart of the community,
-在最需要它的地方 -地址
- Where it's most needed. - Address?
单身毒妈（2005）
Weeds
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