单身毒妈（2005）
Weeds S08E05
Part 2
Nov. 25, 2020, 1:24 p.m.
we need to go talk to the local newspaper.
我们得找当地报社聊聊
What did you say your last name was, again, gordon? Or what?
你刚刚说你姓什么来着的 戈登还是啥
Wait, wait.
等等
How would you like to be a ninja?
想不想当个忍♥者
Yeah. Yeah.
想 乖孩子
Come on. Let's go find you a uniform, buddy.
小伙子 来 我们去拿你的制♥服♥
Oh. Here.
这样
Used to have one just like it.
原来用过一个类似的
How are you?
你怎么样
Cramping, bloated.
酸痛肿胀
Oh, I'm sorry. Or...Congratulations.
抱歉 或者...恭喜
I-I don't know.
我也不知道
Clear!
安全
So, I guess that means you can't go out tonight?
我猜你今晚不能出来了
Women can accomplish a shocking number of things
女人即便是子♥宫♥内膜脱落
while sloughing endometrial lining, Shane.
也能做惊人多的事情 希恩
Clear!
安全
I was thinking a double date -- or double hang,
我在考虑一次四人约会...或四人出游
not date, whatever you want to call it.
反正不是约会啦 随你怎么叫
Wait -- So, not a date?
等等 不是约会
Cadet Mullen, you're dead.
缪伦学员 你死了
Son of a whore!
婊♥子♥养♥的♥
I'm confused. Is -- is that a yes?
我有点搞不懂 这算是同意了吗
Yeah. Okay.
是的 算
Cut it out, rookies.
够了 小菜鸟们
Hello?
有人吗
Hello?
有人吗
What the hell?
搞什么鬼啊
It is a shockingly common occurrence in my life
我的人生也太经常出现这种情况了
That women are gifted unto me,
女人们向我倒贴
seemingly with very little effort on my part.
我都不用努什么力
and at a certain point, after the ludicrous bounty,
然后某一时刻 待这笔滑稽的慷慨过去之后
You have to finally wonder, "Why?"
你才最终开始好奇 这是为什么呢
Okay.
那又怎样
Is it because I'm so just baseline physically attractive?
难道是因为我天生样貌诱人吗
Debatable.
是个问题啊
More likely, it's 'cause of this --
更有可能是因为...
Karma.
因果报应
I motherfucking earned it.
我他妈的就该得到这些
I was the fecal molecule of a maggot 50 lives ago --
五十辈子前我是条蛆虫拉的粪便
49 lives ago, a parasite on a sea cucumber --
四十九辈子前 我是海参身上的寄生虫
worked my way up from there, paying my reincarnatory dues --
一辈子一辈子 一步步往上爬
coral, an earwig, a sewer rat,
珊瑚虫 蜈蚣 家鼠
a grackle, guinea fowl, clown fish, ocelot,
白头翁鸟 珍珠鸡 小丑鱼 豹猫
Eventually vaulting up the evolutionary chain to dog,
最终在进化链上跃到了狗的位置
but like a shitty small dog
但是 只是只劣等小狗
felled immediately by parvo or canine sids,
立马被大病小毒打倒
Monkey,
然后是猴子
monkey, down to otter, monkey, chimp,
再从猴子跃到水獭 猴子 猩猩
and then finally human!
最终成了人类
But -- whoops! Fuck!
但是 哎哟我♥操♥
I'm a child sex slave, and I live in a well.
我是个儿童性♥奴♥ 住在一口井里
But in all these incarnations...
但在所有这些阶段中
I was good and kind and humble and accepted my fate patiently.
我都和善谦卑 泰然接受自己的命运
So, thus,
因此
after an endless series
在无尽的
of short, oft brutal lives,
短暂多舛的生命之后
I was finally, finally,
我最终 我最终
finally born as me --
成为了现在的我
Andrew Botwin,
安德鲁·伯特温
effortless receiver of tail.
食物链顶端坐享其成的接受者
It's just a theory, of course.
当然 这只是个理论
But if it's not biology and it's not karma,
如果这既不是生来的 也不是后天报应
Then there is a puppet master out there
那我身后必定有一个操纵一切的男银
Who enjoys watching me get my freak on --
一个喜欢看着我不知所措的男银
And that would mean god, basically --
我说的那个男银 应该就是上帝了
And I would have to rethink,
若真是这样 哥的世界观
well...Everything.
就整个颠覆了
If you can catch me, you can fuck me.
若公子擒住我 小女子便以身相许呦
Yeah, I'll get my skates.
姑娘 待我穿上风火轮
This is my third time around.
我是第三次来这里了
It's my first -- best decision I ever made.
我是第一次来 这是我做过的最佳选择
Is it a decision?
这还用需要思考吗
I mean, I guess it is.
我是说 之前可能是得想想
But even when it is, is it really?
但为人父母 还不都豁出去了
All I know is, I was 100% self-centered before colby,
没有科尔比之前 我是百分百以我为中心
And now everything's about him.
现在我成天都围着他转
Hustle, colby! Make daddy proud, buddy.
冲呀 科尔比 得让你老爸为你感到骄傲
Nice orange-slicing.
橙子切得不错
Which one's yours?
你家孩子是哪个啊
The, uh, slow idiot
就那个磨叽的蠢蛋
Who just got smoked by that new kid.
刚被那个新来的小屁孩放倒了
Who is that? Some housekeeper's kid?
那孩子谁的啊 是哪家保姆的小孩吗
I don't know, but he's fast.
我不知道 但他跑得好快
Somebody cover him!
没人来防守他吗
Go, go, go, go! Stevie, go, go, go, go!
冲 冲 冲 冲 宝贝 冲啊
Good boy!
好样的
Gordon.
戈登
you are so good!
你真是太棒了
How did you get to be so good? Are you having fun?
你怎么这么棒呢 玩得开心吗
Come on, new kid.
新来的 快过来
Um...Hi.
你好
Your son's gonna be in the goal for the rest of the match.
接下来的比赛里 你儿子得守门
Why?
为什么
'cause he's making our sons look like sacks of shit.
因为他让我们的儿子们 看上去不堪一击
Competition's healthy.
竞争对孩子是好的
A fair competition.
那得是公平竞争才行
Your son has an unnatural advantage.
你家小孩的优势异乎寻常
They're practically born kicking a soccer ball down there --
他们生来就会踢球
Whatever they play with... Grapefruit.
管他踢什么 踢葡萄也是踢
jesus, Jeff.
天哪 杰夫
So, what do you say?
你同意吗
Goalie's a fun position.
守门员也挺好的
Sure. Why not.
好啊 为什么不呢
Stevie.
斯蒂维
Okay, go on.
好了 比赛继续
Listen, I'm sorry about jeff. He's an asshole.
你别在意啊 杰夫他妈的就不是个人
Go, go, go, go! Go!
冲 冲 冲 冲
Oh, jesus christ.
我勒个去
Oh, sweet mary... Son of a...
你妹妹的 真♥他♥妈♥...
Guess it is just in his nature.
这就叫与生俱来
So, we'll be getting that donation from you soon?
您的赞助费何时付呢
Oh, gordon, what would the newspaper say?
我要是爆料给报纸 他们会怎么报道呢
He owns the paper.
报社就是他家的
I'm on the team now! I'm a ninja!
我是队里的一员了 我是个忍♥者
Donation no problem.
赞助费 一句话
So, I was reading about a 420 affiliate program
我之前看到一个"大♥麻♥网销联盟"
Where your website is linked in cross-promotions
在那个网站上 你可以
With other marijuana-based sites.
和各家卖♥♥大♥麻♥的小二互通销♥售♥
I signed us up.
我帮咋俩注册了
Are you fucking kidding me?
你♥他♥妈♥开什么国际玩笑
No. Why? What?
没开玩笑啊 怎么了
We're artisans, Silas.
我们是艺匠 塞拉斯
We don't advertise on the internet.
我们才不敲锣打鼓开网店呢
People come to us.
顾客暗地里来找我们
All right.
好吧
Artisans...
艺匠
I'm telling you,
我跟你讲
As soon as we make a sale, I'm buying my own place.
等我们赚了钱 我就再置办个地方
Why? You have a free grow house.
为啥 你这不是有个自在的宝地吗
单身毒妈（2005）
Weeds
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