心机女孩（2019）

They've already signed the paperwork.
你会在第11行和第12行
You'll see their signatures
清楚地看见他们的签名
are very legibly indicated on lines 11 and 12.
我需要他们亲自来签字
I need them to sign in person.
为什么 他们相信我自己能开账户
Why? They trusted me to open this account on my own.
这叫责任
It's called "Responsibility."
这是未成年人的问题
It's called "Being a minor."
我需要他们的身份证和原[湿]签名
I need their IDs and wet signatures.
我可以吐口水
I can spit on them.
抱歉
Sorry.
跟你父母一起回来
Come back with your parents,
我会很高兴给你开账户
and I'll be happy to open your account.
吃个棒棒糖吧
Have a lollipop.
妮可 你该去上学的
Hey, Nick, you're supposed to be in school.
一切还好吗
Is everything all right?
我今早在坐公交
I was on the bus this morning,
我好像弄丢了钱包
and I thought I lost my wallet.
我把钱都放在钱包里
That's where I keep my money.
然后我意识到 如果我真的丢了钱包
And then I realized, if I had actually lost it,
我将身无分文 永远上不了大学
then I'd be left penniless and never go to college.
所以我直接去了
So I came right over to--
我的意思是
What I'm trying to say is,
我需要开银行账户
I need to open a bank account.
这需要很多聪明的财务规划
That takes a lot of smart financial planning,
显然 你来了正确的地方
and obviously, you've come to the right place.
我更进一步
I'll do you one better.
我不仅会帮你开银行账户
Not only will I open your bank account,
还会帮你把35块
I will round up your $35
凑到100块
to a cool 100 bucks.
真的吗 你真好
Really? That is so nice of you.
你桌子上的糖果呢
Hey, where's your desk candy?
锁起来了
Under lock and key.
我把每周的康普茶零花钱
I donated my weekly kombucha allowance
捐给了奥马尔的"来资助我"
to Omar's GoFundMe.
我希望我的消化菌群不会付出代价
I just hope my digestive flora doesn't pay the price.
你真勇敢
You are so brave.
妮可 你听说了奥马尔的最新消息吗
Hey, Nick, did you hear about the latest Omar update?
他的狗狗最近去世了
His puppy just died.
天啊 太糟糕了
Oh, jeez, that's awful.
除此之外
And on top of it all...
他还得了水痘
he got chicken pox.
狗狗得了水痘吗
The puppy got chicken pox?
这可怜的孩子倒霉连连
This poor kid can't catch a break.
如果有谁该得到更多捐款
If anyone deserves more donations,
那就是他
ah, it's him.
你在转发他的"来资助我"吗
Oh, are you retweeting his GoFundMe?
好主意
That's a great idea.
你真酷
That is so cool of you.
他会获得更多捐款
He is gonna get so many more donations
因为你强大的社交媒体影响力
because of your powerful social media reach.
我为那些无法发帖的人发帖
I post for those who can't.
你看见奥马尔的"来资助我"
Did you see Omar's GoFundMe
今天筹到了五千美元吗
hit 5k today?
他很幸运 贝琪正让人们了解他的处境
He is so lucky that Becky is promoting awareness of his situation.
她单枪匹马救了这个孩子的命
She is single-handedly saving this kid's life.
贝琪不该全靠自己
Becky shouldn't have to doxa0it all by herself.
她肯定需要
I'm sure she could use some help
影响力更大的人的帮助
from someone who has an even larger reach.
比如说我
Like me.
真是个好主意
What a great idea!
我会转发他的推特和图片分享
I'll retweet him and repost on Instagram.
我甚至会用"脸书" 好让老人们看到
You know, I'll even use "The Facebook" so old people see it.
各位
Guys, guys!
你们看见奥马尔的"来资助我"
Did you see Omar's GoFundMe
快筹到了八千美元吗
is at almost $8,000?
莫莉转发后很多人都捐款了
It totally blew up after Molly posted about it.
我不知道这事还怎么能传播更广
I don't know how it can go any wider.
这事当然会传播更广
Of course it could go wider.
我要向我的追随者发出挑战
I'm gonna issue a challenge to my followers.
如果我们明天之前筹到一万美元
If we hit $10,000 by tomorrow,
我会在镜头前吃卡罗莱纳死神辣椒
I will eat a Carolina Reaper chili pepper on camera.
那叫死神辣椒是有原因的
They're called Reapers for a reason.
那是世界上最辣的辣椒
They're the hottest pepper in the world.
我什么都不怕 只怕蜜蜂灭绝
I'm not afraid of anything, except the extinction of the bees.
还怕蜜蜂
And also bees.
你看了油管视频吗
Have you seen the YouTube videos?
有个女孩失去了30%的舌头
One girl lost 30 percent of her tongue.
你太容易上当了 一半的视频都是假的
You are so gullible. Half those videos are faked.
即使有一半是假的
Even if half are faked,
她依然失去了15%的石头
she still lost 15 percent of her tongue.
你主要是送面包 收走碗盘
You'll mainly be delivering bread, clearing dishes,
收走用过的纸巾
picking up used tissues.
等等 我要当勤杂工吗
Wait, I'm gonna be a busboy?
除非你更喜欢洗碗
Unless you prefer dishwasher?
但是裙带关系
But nepotism?
我还以为我会做接待员
I assumed I was going to be the host.
不可能
No.
你为什么要把我的领导才能
Why are you wasting my leadership skills
浪费在如此卑微的地位
on such a menial position?
这就是你的能力 亲爱的
That's what you're qualified for, honey.
大家都得从底层干起 包括我
Everyone has to start at the bottom, including me.
我先付出了两年
I paid my dues for two years
才能靠近厨师的桌子
before I was allowed near the chef's table.
我能加快付出的进度吗
Can I pay my dues on an expedited schedule?
我已经加速了 你从失业变成了有职业
I've already expedited you, from unemployed to employed.
我不认为杰里米具备取得成功的条件
I don't think Jeremy has what it takes to succeed at anything resembling...
在任何工作方面
well, work.
发生了什么
What happened?
他掉了一盘我花了4个小时做的奶油蛋卷
He dropped a tray of cannoli I spent 4 hours making,
他把一壶水泼在一位顾客身上
he spilled a pitcher of water over a customer,
他不停地抱怨这违反劳动法
and he complained non-stop about breaks and labor laws.
有本事去找工会啊
I mean, take it to the union, buddy.
我想不出比你更好的老板来训练他了
Well, I can't think of a better boss to whip him into shape.
往好的方面看 我们抚养的
On the bright side, our non-biological child
非亲生孩子做得很好
that we didn't raise is doing great.
她今早来了银行
She came into the bank this morning
为上大学开了个储蓄帐户
to open a savings account for college.
我们的孩子绝对不会那么有责任心
Our kids would never be that responsible.
我为妮可骄傲 为咱俩惭愧
I'm both proud of Nick and ashamed of us.
就是啊
I know, right?
瞧瞧 我设置了
Check it out, I set it up
这样我就可以在网上查看妮可的余额了
so that I can track Nick's balance online.
你为什么能看到她的账户
Um, why can you see her account?
我是高级贷款专员 我可以查看任何人的账户
I'm a senior loan officer. I can track anyone's account.
合法吗
Legally?
不算是
Not per se.
她的注册奖金到了 真令人激动
Her sign up bonus just came in. This is exciting.
-我得去告诉妮可 -等等
- I have to go tell Nick. - Wait.
你在查看我的银行账户吗
Are you tracking my bank account?
你有自己的账户吗
You have your own account?
算了 不是在你们银行
Never mind. It's not at your bank.
我懂了 在个人信息菜单下
Oh, I see, so under the personal details menu...
如果我点击取出
So if I click withdraw,
"来资助我"的钱会立刻转到
the GoFundMe money will be immediately available
我的银行账户中吗
in my bank account?
问完了
Yeah, that did it.
不 祝你今晚愉快
No, you have a great night.
令人激动的消息
Exciting news.
你记得开账户
You remember how you get
会有5块的注册奖金吗
a $5 sign-up bonus for opening an account?
-不记得 -钱刚到了