心机女孩（2019）

我在此宣布汤普森家庭会议开始
I hereby call this Thompson family meeting to order.
请大家打开幻灯片第一页
Now, if you all please turn to slide one,
你们会发现 从长远来看
you'll see that a third car can
第三辆车实际上可以为家庭省钱
actually save the family money over the long run.
我的幻灯片是小豪猪吃玉米棒的动图
Mine's just GIFs of baby porcupines eating corn on the cob.
因为我已经知道
Because I already know
你对增加我们的碳排放量的看法
your views on increasing our carbon footprint,
所以你的PPT就是最棒的小动物
so your presentation is just Best of Baby Animals.
好主意
Good thinking.
爸妈 请你们打开幻灯片第二页
So, Mom, Dad, if you'll please turn to slide two,
你们会看到我拿到
you'll see that my driving record
临时驾照后的驾驶记录是毫无污点的
under my learner's permit is blemish-free.
你又雇品德证人了吗
Did you hire character witnesses again?
如果那是你的驾校教练 他可不能留下吃晚餐
If that's your driver's ed teacher, he's not staying for dinner.
你去哪里了
Where were you?
我在火车站等了一整天了
I've been waiting at the train station all day.
你哪位
Who are you?
我是妮可
I'm Nick.
妮可 妮可·帕特森
Nicole? Nicole Patterson?
我是来和你们住一起的
I'm here to live with you.
啥情况
Okay, what?
你没收到备忘录吗
You didn't get the memo?
是真的备忘录 还是你在打比方
Was this an actual or metaphorical memo?
他们说他们打了电♥话♥ 发了邮件
They said they called and emailed.
好吧 亲爱的
Okay, okay, sweetie.
告诉我们发生了什么
Just tell us what happened.
发生的事是
What happened is...
我父母
my parents...
六个月前在一场车祸中去世了
died in a car accident six months ago,
我一直在寄养中心
and I've been in foster care
等着他们联♥系♥亲戚
until they could find some relatives,
然后他们说
and then they said
他们找到了我爸的隔两代的二代表亲
they found my dad's second cousin twice removed, or something,
你该去火车站接我的
and you were supposed to pick me up at the train station.
而你都不知道我在说什么
You don't know what I'm talking about.
现在我要回寄养中心了
Now I'll have to go back to foster care!
等等 没人让你走
Hang on a second. Nobody's making you go anywhere.
我们会搞清楚情况的
We'll get to the bottom of this.
你只是从来没有说清楚 备忘录是真的
You just never clarified if the memo was real.
这是政♥府♥的信
Here's the letter from the state.
这是我曾祖母和
Here's a picture of my great-grandma with,
我猜是你祖母的合照
I guess, your grandma, or something.
莉莎祖母
Oh, Grandma Liza!
他们给了我这个家谱
And they gave me this family tree.
天啊 真是一场噩梦
Oh God, this is a total nightmare!
好 你先深呼吸一下
Okay, okay, let's take a deep breath.
莫莉 不如你带...
Molly, why don't you take...
-妮可 -妮可
- Nick! - Nick...
去吃点东西 我们来搞清楚
to get something to eat while we sort this out.
你好 我是莫莉 你喜欢藜麦吗
Hi, I'm Molly. Do you like quinoa?
还是你想吃冰淇淋
Or is this more of an ice cream situation?
再说一次 很抱歉搞错了 各位
Again, I'm so, so sorry about the mix-up, folks.
我觉得好丢脸[脸上有鸡蛋]
I have got egg on my face.
这不止是鸡蛋 而是乳蛋饼砸脸
Oh, this is more than egg. This is a quiche.
你害死我们了
You quiched us.
错误时有发生 不要为此自责
Mistakes happen. Don't beat yourself up about it.
拜拜
Bye-bye.
你能信这个社会服务协调员
Can you believe that this social services coordinator
在和另一个艾德·汤普森协调吗
was coordinating with another Ed Thompson?
我感觉好平凡
I feel so generic!
-真希望我有个很酷的外号♥ -激光怎么样
- I wish I had a cool nickname. - Ooh, how about Laser?
-不好 -很好
- No. - Yes.
好吧
All right, well...
这真是令人震惊
this is, uh, quite a shock.
我们真的是裤子没穿好就被逮了[措手不及]
We were literally caught with our pants down.
我们的裤子穿得好好的
That's literally not what literally means.
不管怎样
Irregardless...
我们是解决问题的人
we are problem solvers.
我们会搞定这事的
We'll make this work.
我的房♥间在哪
So where's my room?
这是个问题 我完全不知道
Well, that's a problem. I have no idea.
妮可可以睡在我房♥间里
Nick can stay with me in my room.
真的吗 你都不许我去你房♥间
Seriously? I'm not even allowed in your room.
来吧 我带你去放东西
Come on, I'll show you where you can put your stuff
再告诉你我的阅后即焚和图片分享账号♥ 脸书不行
and how to follow me on Snap and Insta. Not Facebook.
妈妈粉我了
Mom joined.
这是我们的房♥间 那个沙发可以变成床
So this is going to be our room. That sofa pulls out into a bed.
但是别担心 那比看起来要舒服得多
But don't worry, it's more comfortable than it looks.
你对我真好 我真的很感激
You're being so nice to me. I really appreciate this.
我关心帮助别人
Hey, I care about helping people.
这就是我的爱好
It's kind of my thing.
我的爱好是看《波波鹿与飞天鼠》动画片
My thing is watching old Rocky and Bullwinkle cartoons,
但我也喜欢你的爱好
but I like your thing, too.
你可以把东西放在这里
You can put your stuff here,
无线密♥码♥是ThompsonsRule![汤普森真棒]
and the Wi-Fi is "ThompsonsRule!"
没空格 大写T和R 还有感叹号♥
All one word, cap T, cap R, exclam.
我知道
I know.
我能洗个澡吗
Hey, can I take a shower or something?
我两天没换衣服了
I haven't changed my clothes in, like, two days.
太真实了
Wow, that's super real.
浴室在里面
The bathroom's in through there.
谢谢你
Thanks...
所做的一切
for everything.
我打入内部了
I'm in.
心机妹 第一季第一集
我真的很喜欢她
I really like her.
你当然喜欢她了 她是个孤儿
Of course you like her. She's an orphan.
你朋友贝琪会嫉妒到发狂
Your friend Becky is going to be so jealous.
你一定受够了她靠她弟弟的肿瘤
You must be tired of her hogging all the attention
获得了所有人的关注
with her brother's tumor.
我不在乎贝琪的想法
I don't care what Becky thinks.
也许你可以把妮可打扮成流浪汉
Maybe you can dress Nick up like a hobo
跟她在垃圾场自♥拍♥
and take selfies down at the dump.
她要留下吗
So, she's staying?
我要说出你♥爸♥爸和我共同的想法
I'm just gonna say what your father and I are both thinking.
妮可不能留在这里
Nick can't stay here.
等等 什么
Wait, what?
我想的不是这样
That's not what I was thinking at all.
我想的完全相反
I was thinking the exact opposite.
你认真的吗
Are you serious?
因为你说的是
Because you're talking about
抚养另一个孩子 大概持续一辈子
raising another child, like, forever.
不用一辈子
Not forever.
等她住到需要心理治疗时就行
Just 'til she's been with us long enough to need therapy.
这听起来是个有价值的目标 但我现在有些忙
That sounds like a worthy goal, but I'm a little busy right now,
我要写食谱 忙餐厅
with the cookbook and restaurant.
别忘了《顶级大厨》开始海选了
And don't forget about the auditions for Top Chef coming up.
相信我 没人能忘记
Believe me, no one can forget
因为你一直念叨这事 嘴没停过
because you talk about it all the time.
各位
Guys.
妈妈说得有道理 她只是很现实
Mom's got a point. I mean, she's just being realistic here.
没错
Exactly.
听着 我知道妮可的情况很惨
Look, I get that Nick's situation is sad.
超级惨
Super sad.
太惨了
So sad.
但那为什么要让我们变惨呢
But why does that have to make our situation sad?
因为她是家人
Because she's family.
她是超远房♥的亲戚
She's such a distant relative,
我们甚至都可以合法结婚
we could legally get married.
真恶心
Um, ew.