好想做一次（2020）

Ben, I know you were worried about us not having a full team,
本 我知道你担心我们人不齐
but God, whoever she is, is smiling on us today.
不过上帝 不管她是谁 在眷顾我们
What the hell?
什么鬼
This is a clear violation of our pact.
这完全违反了我们的协定
Years ago, Ben and Devi split all extracurriculars down the middle,
几年之前 本和德维就把所有课外活动对半瓜分了
except for sports,
当然了 体育活动除外
which required too much locker room nudity for either of them.
他们俩都受不了在更衣室赤身裸体
You're joking. That was in sixth grade.
开什么玩笑 那都是六年级的事了
This is my turf. You don't see me showing up to orchestra
这是我的地盘 你不会看到我拿着破巴松管
with a freaking bassoon.
去参加管弦乐队
As if you have the deftness to play a double-reed woodwind.
就好像你能吹得好双簧管似的
Relax. It's just for two days.
放松点 就两天而已
Unless I turn out to be a natural.
除非我发现自己天赋异禀
Then I'm stealing this, and you can have Chinese Club.
我才有可能霸占这个活动 到时候你能拥有普通话社
Over my dead body.
想都别想
Bad morning, enemy.
今早过得不太好吧 死对头
Just an unfriendly reminder that you're not necessarily good at UN
让我很不温馨地提示一下 模联可不是
just because you are a UN.
"UN"成员能玩得转的
So keep quiet, don't raise your placard,
所以乖乖坐好 不要举牌
and support all my resolutions.
只要支持我的决议就好了
No way. I'm winning that Best Delegate hammer.
你想都别想 最佳代表的锤子我赢定了
It's a gavel.
那是小槌
Whatever. It's mine.
随便吧 反正我赢定了
So prepare for Equatorial Guinea to do what Equatorial Guinea does best:
赤道新几内亚会用赤道新几内亚的优势碾压你们
have one of the worst human rights records in the world. Damn.
"我们有着全世界最糟糕的人♥权♥记录之一" 靠
Take your seats.
请各位入座
I officially call this session of the Security Council to order.
我宣布本届安全理事会会议正式开始
Our first topic today is climate change.
今天我们要讨论的第一个议题是气候变化
United States, you have the floor.
美国代表 你可以开始发言了
Distinguished delegates and honorable chair,
尊敬的各位代表 尊敬的主席阁下你们好
the US is appalled. Nay, it's sickened at the state of our world.
美国对此非常震惊 不 全球的现状让我们深感厌恶
We could twiddle our thumbs while Atlanta becomes the new Atlantis...
我们可以无动于衷 放任亚特兰大变成亚特兰蒂斯…
or we could pass a resolution right now.
或者我们可以选择通过这项决议
I'm calling for sponsors in support of my proposal
我呼吁各位代表支持我这份提案
to build seawalls to protect coastal areas from rising sea levels.
修建海堤保护沿海地区不受海平面上升的影响
Equatorial Guinea.
赤道新几内亚代表
Equatorial Guinea feels that the United States' resolution
赤道新几内亚认为美方提出的决议
is a poorly considered half measure at best.
可以称得上是非常鸡肋
Building taller and taller seawalls isn't doing anything
建筑越来越高的海堤并不能带来任何改变
except lining the pockets of seawall corporations.
除了海堤企业倒是会赚得盆满钵满
Those aren't things. I'm just saying.
没有海堤企业这种东西 我只是说
We need to address the real root of the problem.
我们需要从根上解决问题
Carbon emissions.
解决碳排放的问题
Maybe the five permanent members of the Security Council
也许在听信某个侥幸混进来的弹丸小国的一面之词前
should reach an agreement before we listen to countries
我们应该先让五个常任理事国
that are lucky to even be included.
达成协议
United States, you do not have the floor.
美国 现在还没轮到你
Equatorial Guinea, if you're done, you may yield back to the US.
赤道新几内亚 如果你说完了 可以让渡时间给美国
I yield to the chair.
我选择让渡给主席
Oh, shit.
我去
I know yielding to the chair doesn't sound exciting
我知道让渡给主席这种事对你我这么酷的体育迷来说
to cool jocks like you or me,
可能不算什么
but that was the Model UN equivalent of me throwing my racket at an umpire.
不过这在模联里 基本等同于我向裁判扔球拍
Uh... Russia.
俄♥罗♥斯♥代表
I'd actually like to hear more of Equatorial Guinea's plan.
我其实还想再多听听赤道新几内亚的计划
I think she's onto something, and I'd like to make her my friend.
我觉得她说到点子上了 俄方很希望交这个朋友
I mean, ally.
我是说成为盟友
You're buffering, Eleanor.
你又发呆了 埃莉诺
Are you thinking about what Paxton said?
你还在想帕克斯顿的话吗
What if it was my mom?
万一真是我妈呢
What if she's just 20 minutes away serving enchiladas?
万一她就在离这二十分钟车程的地方卖♥♥安吉拉卷呢
She's not. She's on a cruise ship off the Yucatán.
她没有 她在尤卡坦附近的一艘游船上
Is she?
真的吗
Okay.
好吧
You want to go to Casa Mexico and see if it's her?
你想去墨西哥之家确认一下吗
Sí, por favor.
当然了
Let's go.
那我们走吧
All right, everybody.
好了 同学们
So before we go back into the hotel,
在我们回宾馆之前
I just want to remind you,
我先提醒你们一下
I expect you to all act in a way that is respectful to your school...
希望大家注意言行 不要给学校抹黑
and to your bodies.
也要注意自己的身体
Ergo, no partying, no room service,
所以 不可以开派对不允许叫客房♥服务
and no disrupting me between 7:30 and 7:45.
也不要在7点半到7点45分这段时间找我
I have a Skype call with my partner, Debra.
我和我的伴侣黛布拉要视频通话
We just became exclusive.
我们才刚确定关系
Wow.
哇
Pretty crazy I came in and crushed it at Model UN with zero prep.
真是疯狂 我什么都没准备还是玩转模联
Wow. You really think you're hot shit, don't you?
哇 你还真觉得自己是个人物了 是吧
Now that you're having sex with Paxton?
就因为你跟帕克斯顿上过床
What the shit?
什么
No what? Devi was panicking.
不... 什么 德维吓傻了
How did Ben find out about her lie?
本是怎么知道她撒的这个谎的
Simple. Her friends told him.
很简单 她的朋友说出去的
Would a dork be sleeping with Paxton Hall-Yoshida?
呆瓜会和我们学校的帕克斯顿·霍尔吉田上♥床♥吗
Yeah, right. It's true.
好吧 是真的
Devi V and Paxton H-Y are plundering each others' bods on the reg.
德维和帕克斯顿简直如胶似漆
But just to be clear,
不过我先把话说清楚
being Paxton's secret sidepiece
就算你当了帕克斯顿的秘密情人
doesn't make me think you're any less of a loser.
我也瞧不上你
OMG. Devi's railing Paxton H-Y!
天啊 德维跟帕克斯顿·霍尔吉田上♥床♥了
Oh, my God. She's here.
我的天啊 她来了
Why are you looking at me?
你们看着我♥干♥什么
You're allowed to take the apples from the fitness center.
健身中心的苹果是可以拿的
I overheard you and Ben talking on the bus.
我在车上听到你跟本的对话了
The idea that a girl in Model UN
参加模拟联♥合♥国♥的女孩
can get with a guy like Paxton Hall-Yoshida,
居然能和帕克斯顿·霍尔吉田这样的帅哥在一起
you're an inspiration to us.
我们真的大受鼓舞
Devi felt surprisingly honored,
德维受宠若惊
but wondered if she should correct these girls about her and Paxton.
不过她在犹豫要不要澄清她跟帕克斯顿的事情
We talked, and you should have a bed all to yourself.
我们商量过了 你值得独享一张床
Sleeping next to our bodies is a let down
在睡过那么一尊大理石雕像后
compared to the marble statue you're used to being with.
再来跟我们睡 简直是对你的玷污
Maybe correcting these girls could wait.
或许也不用急着澄清
It's not like they're gonna talk to the Hot Pocket,
她们又不会在帅哥角胡说
and she'd already given them hope.
而且给了希望又拿走的话
It'd be cruel to take that away.
未免有点残忍♥
Oh, my God. Her life is like a movie. Oh, my God.
天啊 她的生活就像一部电影 我的妈呀
Meet me in the ice room. Da svidania, Russia.
冰室见 再见 俄♥罗♥斯♥留
I'm sorry. We were waiting for her?
对不起 我们等的是她
Forget it. I'm out.
算了 我退出
Not before I'm out.
要走也是我先走
Wait, please, comrades. You haven't even heard my proposal.
等等 同志们 你们还没听我的提案呢
I'd like to lead a joint initiative...
我打算带头组织一个联合倡议...
to get turnt.
喝个烂醉
I want to get drunk with you guys.
我想跟你们一起喝醉
I don't think so, Russia.
还是算了吧 俄♥罗♥斯♥
Even when we're not on campus, we're still representatives of our school.
就算这是校外 我们依旧是学校的代表
Yeah. The way he said it was lame, but I'm out too.
是啊 虽然他说得很逊 不过还是算了
Come on, guys. I need this.
拜托 伙计们 帮帮我吧
My mom is such a bitch. I never get to do anything.
我妈超级多事 什么都要管
Everyone at my school hates me.
学校里的所有人都讨厌我
But you, everyone loves you.
而你简直是个万人迷
You're cool.
你很酷
You're having sex with Paxton Hall-Yoshida!
你还跟帕克斯顿·霍尔吉田上了床
How do you know who Paxton is?
你怎么会认识帕克斯顿
Every teen in SoCal knows who Paxton is, brah.
南加州哪个学生不认识帕克斯顿啊 兄弟
He's got three fan Tumblrs.
他光在汤不热上就有三个粉丝群
One of them is entirely in Korean.
其中一个还是纯韩语的
Wow. That's crazy.
哇 这也太疯狂了