市长先生（2021）

and I can do in return...
听着 市长办公室
Look, the mayor's office
每年中的每一天
issues an official proclamation
几乎都会发布一个法定节日
for pretty much every day of the year.
是的 先生 今天应该是
Yes, sir, today I believe
洛杉矶的丑保姆日
is Ugly Nanny Day here in Los Angeles.
我的双胞胎女儿
Well, my twin daughters--
卡梅伦和索菲 非常可爱
Cameron and Sophie. Lovely girls.
谢谢你 她们5月就满16岁了
Well, thank you. They turn 16 in May.
我前妻新找的老公在迪士尼工作
My ex-wife's new husband works for Disney.
所以我在她们的每个生日都只能吃他的瘪
So every birthday, I get my ass handed to me.
去年 他们去融雪宝了
Last year, they got to melt Olaf.
离婚对爸爸们来说是最难熬的
Divorce is toughest on the dads.
但是今年 我绝对要干掉凯文
But this year, I'm going to bury Kevin.
我要让双胞胎的生日
I want the twins' birthdays,
5月5日 被定为索菲和卡梅伦·希比日
May 5th, to be declared Sophie and Cameron Higbee day.
这件事
Well, that's something
需要市长办公室来批准
the mayor's office would have to approve.
当然了
Absolutely.
阿比 我们今天下午
Arpi, why don't we spend the afternoon
就把程序走通吧
getting the proc language just right.
弗兰克 说说你的女儿们
Frank, tell us about your daughters.
太好了
Wonderful.
首先 离婚就是她们的错
For starters, the divorce was their fault.
这声明可真气派
That's one hell of a proclamation.
那就赶紧让市长的简·汉考克来签字吧
Now, let's get the mayor's Jane Hancock on this.
我就是女权
Feminism.
听着 我也不希望这件事
Look, I don't want this to take
花太久时间 但如果我们需要用自动签名机
any longer than it needs to, but before we use the AutoPen,
我可能还是应该打给市长问问
I should probably call the mayor.
当然了 职责所在
Sure thing. Due diligence.
我在边上做做拉伸
I'll just be over here doing my stretches.
伙计们 伙计们 是米凯拉的工作电♥话♥
Guys, guys, guys. It's Mikaela from work.
假装我们没有嗑嗨
Act like we're not high.
-你好 警官 -先生 我是米凯拉
- Hello, Officer. - Sir, it's Mikaela.
我想告诉你 我和阿比...
I just wanted to let you know that Arpi and I-
-你好 先生 -今天一直一起...
- Hello, sir. - Have been together all day--
连厕所都没去
Haven't even bathroomed.
现在 我们想问问
And right now, we were wondering
能不能用自动签名机将下一个5月5日
if we can maybe use the AutoPen to make
定为索菲和卡梅伦·希比日
next May 5th Sophie and Cameron Higbee Day?
听起来真是太棒了 我们应该一起见个面
That sounds amazing. Hey. We should meet up.
不管我们处于人生的哪个阶段 都应该
Wherever we are in our lives, we should be together
为索菲和卡梅伦·希比日齐聚一堂 好吗
for Sophie and Cameron Higbee Day. Okay?
爱你哦
Love you.
先生 也许我们应该取消下一站
Sir, maybe we should go ahead and cancel our next stop.
不不不 拜托 你看 我能稳住的
No, no, no, come on. Look at me. I can maintain.
我吸真大♥麻♥都能稳住 那可是...
I've been maintaining on real pot since--
可是在你♥爸♥妈
since before your parents
考虑要小孩之前的事了
even thought about having a child.
考虑 我的出生可是个意外 先生
Thought about? I was an accident, sir.
市长先生 我不是毒品专家
Mr. Mayor, I'm not a drug expert.
但是根据对卡尔文·布罗德斯 又名史努比狗狗的
But according to a "Fresh Air" Interview with Calvin Broadus,
《新鲜空气》采访 原话是"现在的货很强了
aka Snoop Dogg, quote, "That bleep be strong now.
你的身体会觉得 天 这货太强了"
Your body be like, what? That bleep go hard."
现在已经和70年代不一样了 先生
It's not like it was in the '70s, sir.
汤米 我没事
Tommy, I'm good.
我其实都开始爱上这既无聊又无意义的一天了
I'm actually enjoying this boring pointless day now.
事实上 让我看看我的下一项日程是什么
In fact, what's next on my schedule?
社区中心开幕式 绝对会很有趣的
Opening a community center. That's going to be fun.
真的 我从来不会因为大♥麻♥而紧张
Really. Pot almost never makes me paranoid.
今天帮助布里莫市长剪彩的事
And helping Mayor Bremer cut the ribbon today,
洛杉矶国王队的吉祥物 狮子贝利
the L.A. King's mascot, Bailey the Lion.
那是什么东西
What the hell is that thing?
它还会飞
It can fly?
走...走开...他有两把剑
Get the--get-- He's got two swords.
-不不 -不不不
- Oh, no, no. - No, no, no--
飞回地狱去吧
Fly back to hell!
怎么了 你们看什么
What? What are you looking at?
不
No!
2021年5月5日现在正式是
May 5, 2021 is now officially
索菲和卡梅伦·希比日了
Sophie and Cameron Higbee Day.
现在唯一的小问题是
Now, the one little hiccup
5月5日也是五月五日节
is that May 5th is also Cinco de Mayo.
墨西哥的地区性节日
墨西哥社区自然会希望政♥府♥法定
And the Mexican community understandably expects
这一天是用来纪念他们的节日
the proclamation for that day to be honoring them.
我明白了
I see.
所以如果这两个女孩想要法定节日...
So if the girls are going to get their proclamation...
我们得移走五月五日节
We have to move Cinco de Mayo.
听起来很费时间 几乎不可能
Sounds time consuming and probably impossible.
赶紧开始吧
Let's do it.
这才是市政厅的精神
That's the City Hall spirit.
闪一边去
Andale!
玛莉娅·赫南德斯
你们想让我移走五月五日节
You want me to move Cinco de Mayo.
五月五日节是很开放的 玛莉娅
Ocho de Mayo is wide open, Maria.
听着 我很愿意
Look, I would be willing
帮你打几个电♥话♥ 只要...
to make some calls on your behalf, if...
我爱这个词 继续说
Ah! I love that word. Go on.
你意识到这里的厕所问题了吗
Are you aware of the bathroom situation up here?
除我之外 这一层楼里还有负责两性平等和早午餐的
Besides me, this floor houses the Mayor's Commission
市长委员会
on Gender Equity and Brunch,
负责酸奶安全的卫♥生♥部♥办公室
the Health Department's Office for Yogurt Safety,
还有一部分租给了安·泰勒
and someone rented space to an Ann Taylor Loft.
一个女性品牌
全都是女人 却只有一个办公室
It's all women. With one bathroom.
我真是受不了了
I can't take it.
有的人有时候会直接把自己的紧身裤丢在那里
Sometimes people just leave their tights in there.
为什么 她们到底怎么了
Why? What happened to them?
我觉得我们可以帮你 议员女士
I think we can help you, Councilwoman.
我来看看 胶带 我有胶带吗
Let's see. Tape, right? Do I have any tape?
胶带 胶带 胶带
Tape. Tape, tape.
这不是胶带
That's not tape.
胶带 胶带 找到了
Tape, tape--here we go.
普通的旧胶带
Regular old tape.
为什么太阳跟着我们
Why is the sun following us?
这可不妙
This is bad.
下一场会议不能取消
We cannot cancel our next meeting.
是本地300人安全论♥坛♥
It's a work safety forum with local 300,
你绝对不会想和建筑工会作对的
and you do not stand up the construction unions.
但是有好消息 先生
But the good news, sir,
至少你现在的精神状态
is at least your current state of mind
非常合适
is appropriate for this.
你只要听他们说话 假装关心
All you really need to do is listen and act concerned.
我真的关心 关心一切
I am concerned. About everything.
这愚蠢的一天本来应该是小菜一碟的
I mean, this dumb day should have been easy as pie.
但是一切都搞砸了 全都搞砸了
But everything's all goofed. Goofed.
好吧 那就表现出你的关心
Okay, let's use that.
假设我是一个建筑工人
Let's say I'm a construction worker.
我在和你说我有多担心
And I'm telling you how worried I am
商场周围脚手架安全的问题
about unsafe scaffolding around business sites.
真是太糟糕了 那些可怜的商场啊
Oh, that's awful. Those poor sites.
很好 很好 很好
Oh, good, good, good.
轮到我了 今天是巴布的生日
It's my turn. It's Bob's birthday.
他帮农夫腌菜干活时
While he helps Farmer Pickles,
我们来准备一个惊喜派对吧
let's plan a surprise party.
你说的是《巴布工程师》吗
Was that Bob the Builder?
英国动画片
我只是在模仿你
I'm just doing what you're doing.
天 我忘了巴布的生日
Oh, God I forgot Bob's birthday.
太揪心了
This is all very concerning.
我很难过