市长先生（2021）

Oh, sorry, I do.
我这里列出了一些单词
I have a list of words
我想知道现在还能不能说
that I wanna see if I can still say them.
「爵士」
"Jazz"
以及「爵士风格」
and also "Jazzy."
都已经中午12点了 能开始测试了吗
It's 12: 00 P.M.! Can we take the test already?
-是啊 杰登 -没错 我同意
- Yes, Jayden. - Yeah, I agree.
-好主意 -我同意杰登的意见
- Great idea. - I agree with Jayden.
没错 讨论了这么多应该已经够了
Yes, we've probably discussed enough already,
接下来我会把测试题发下去
so I'm just gonna go ahead and pass these out.
天呐 这真是太尴尬了
Oh, boy, this is awkward.
什么尴尬
What is?
负责骚扰研讨会的这位女士对我有意思
The lady running the harassment seminar is into me.
你觉得那个年轻的...
You think that young--
我也跟你一样震惊
I'm just as shocked as you are,
但我跟你说 我感觉到秋波了
but I'm telling you, there's a vibe.
别闲聊 侧边抱先生
Hey, no chatting, Mr. Side Hugs.
我可以反对她调情吗
Am I allowed to flirt back?
我想做个尊重别人的人
I mean, I wanna be respectful,
但我也是个在寻求良缘的普通人啊
but I'm also a human being looking for connection,
但我不想被起诉
but I don't wanna get sued.
但要是搁20年前 我早已经把她拿下了
But 20 years ago, I would've really sealed this deal.
-天呐 这真是... -别说出来
- Boy, this is a... - Don't say it.
对男人而言的可怕时代
Scary time for men.
好了 各位 再给你们一分钟
Okay, everyone, take one more minute
把分数都加在一起算出总分吧
to finish adding up your scores.
苏珊
Hey, Susan.
我得到了100分
I got 100.
但我觉得这都是你的功劳
And I feel like the credit goes to you.
0分吗
Oh, a zero?
真糟糕 你没有馅饼吃了哦
Dang. No empanadas for you.
好了 各位 非常感谢
Okay, everyone. Thank you so much.
如果你的总分在50以下
Now, if you scored below a 50...
那么你可以走了 好样的
You are free to go. Great job.
等等 什么
Wait, what?
就跟高尔夫评分一样
Oh, it's like golf scoring.
这就有道理多了
Now, that makes much more sense.
不 不可能 我是逢考必过的人
No, not possible. I don't fail tests.
我亲身经历过这些例子
I've lived all these examples.
我都能写出这份试题
I could've written this test.
这份试题就是我写的
I did write this test!
该死的 苏珊
And damn it, Susan,
我也讨厌这么说 但是
I hate to be the one to say this, but...
我想跟你的经理谈谈
I'd like to speak to your manager.
-不要啊 阿比 -凯伦 我的天呐
- No, no, Arpi! - Karen, no, my god!
你连发型什么的都一样
You have the haircut and everything.
我这辈子逢考必过 未尝败绩
I've never failed a test in my life.
新生儿评分我得了10分 高考考了2390分
I got a 10 on the Apgar, a 2390 on my SATs,
我之前在一个网站上做的测试说
and a BuzzFeed quiz I took earlier said I'm,
我是《老友记》里的瑞秋 我也搞不清
oh, I don't know, Rachel from "Friends."
你要去哪儿
Where are you going?
去拿食物啊 我通过测试了
To get my food. I passed.
要不要休息下 吃个午餐
Should we just break for lunch now?
然后我们可以再回来
And then we can all come back.
不 不 不
No, no, no, no, no.
在正式搞完前 必须都待在这里
We're gonna stay here until we get this right,
这是对苏珊的尊重
out of respect for Susan,
她对我们简直太好了
who is being so incredible to us.
我可求求你饶了我算了
Give me a cardboard box full of breaks.
等等 等一下 杰登
Wait. Wait. Jayden?
你能帮我带份冲浪碗吗 糙米 多加份芝麻酱
Can you get me a poke bowl with brown rice and extra sesame...
我想要青柠餐车的塔可饼三拼
I want a taco trio from The Lime Truck:
但如果他们没有辣三文鱼了 我就要
But if they are out of spicy salmon, then I want
一份手撕鸡胸肉加上美味鳄梨酱
one pulled chicken, zesty guac;
披萨和一杯卡布基诺 拜托了 谢谢你杰登
Pizza and a cappuccino, please and thank you, Jayden.
拼两份猪肉不要酱 再来杯杏仁米露
two pork, no guac; and an horchata.
收到
Got it.
好了
Okay.
现在我们一起来观看以下场景
So we are going to review the scenarios as a group
看看都有些什么问题
so that you can see where you went wrong.
好吧 我等不及了 我认为我为人处世很完美
Yeah, well, I don't think I got any wrong, so I can't wait.
好了
All right.
*祝你生日快乐*
*Happy birthday to you*
所以你到底多大啊 芭芭拉
So how old are you, Barbara?
无礼
Rude!
把我胳膊打疼了
That hurt my arm.
好了 如果场景中有人做错了
All right, so who, if anyone, here
你们觉得该向人事部举报谁
should be reported to Human Resources?
问同事年龄的那个男的
The guy who asked his coworker's age.
那个打人的凶婆娘
The horrible woman who hit the man.
每个人
everyone?
强制庆祝产生焦虑
Forced celebrations produce anxiety,
生日意味着反堕胎
the concept of birthdays is systemically pro-life,
唱歌♥又歧视了
and singing discriminates against...
*像我一样*
*People like me*
*五音不全的人*
*Who can't sing*
而且坦白来说 芭芭拉的默许
And frankly, Barbara's agreeing to all of this
也让她成为了共犯
makes her complicit.
好吧 我觉得他们相处得不错
Yeah, I thought they were having a nice time.
好的
Okay.
那么正确答案是
So the correct answer is,
没人该被举报
no one should be reported to HR.
询问芭芭拉年龄或许是不太礼貌
It may be bad manners to ask Barbara's age,
但卡罗斯只有在因为芭芭拉的年龄
but Carlos should only be reported
而拒绝给她升职加薪的情况下 才会被举报
if he denies Barbara a work opportunity based on her age.
所以我才是最接近的
So I was the closest on that one.
谢啦 苏珊
Thank you, Susan.
在我们看下一个场景前
Before we hop back into the next scenario,
我还有个问题
another question?
如果你感到悸动 该怎么办
What if you sense a vibe?
-什么意思 -就是
- What do you mean? - Well, you know,
如果你觉得有人很吸引你
what if you sense someone's attracted to you?
无法想象
Never assume there's a vibe.
拜托 我们都是成年人了
Oh, come on. We're all adults.
如果有人喜欢你 你能感觉得到
You can tell when somebody's into you.
她们会对你笑
They smile at you.
笑又不代表看上你了
Smiles don't mean jack.
我是说 女人在
I mean, women also smile
放不开的社交场合也会笑
in social situations that make them uncomfortable.
女人一般有五种笑容 苏珊也知道
If Susan knows there are five distinct female smiles.
一号♥笑容 露齿 唇微张
Smile One: teeth showing, slightly open mouth.
「我看上你了」
"I'm attracted to you."
二号♥笑容
Smile Two:
放松但不说话 全靠眼神交流
relaxed but closed mouth, eye contact.
-「我们还是做朋友吧」 -好吧 我这样干过
- "I prefer to be friends." - Okay, I've done that one.
三号♥笑容 紧闭双唇
Smile three: tucked-in lips.
「谢绝交谈」
"Mm. I am politely repulsed."
没错 我对行李领♥取♥处的西蒙·考威尔这样笑过
Yup, Simon Cowell at baggage claim.
后面两种笑容取决于种族和阶层
Now, the last two variations factor in race and class.
四号♥笑容是对跟我同种族
Smile four is for men of my same race
但比我社会和经济地位低的
but lower socioeconomic standing.
意味着 「你好呀 白人伙计
It says, "Hey, fellow Caucasian.
虽然我家里有人了
"I'm not a B-word, but I already got
但我不浪 你来吗」
an old man at home, you dig?"
好了 阿比 非常感谢你的分享
All right, Arpi. Thank you so much for that.
不管怎样 当我对着
However, say I'm winked at
美国大型超♥市♥
在劳尔夫卖♥♥鱼的厄立特里亚裔美国人眨眼睛时
by the Eritrean American fishmonger at Ralph's.
紧闭双唇 眼神交流 轻微鞠躬意味着
Tight lips, eye contact, slight bow says,
「我尊重你的文化和地位
"I respect your culture and position,
但对你的性求爱不感兴趣」
but I'm not interested in your sexual advances."