市长先生（2021）

真的 我会解决好这事的 阿道弗
Yeah, I'm gonna fix this thing, Adolphus,
但我会按照我的方式来
but I'm gonna do it my way.
等你恢复理智
When you come to your senses,
你可以去我在谷地的农场找我
you can find me on my farm in the Valley.
如果是周末的话 那就去六旗乐园找我
Okay. Or if it's a weekend, Six Flags.
我的身高让我可以玩一切娱乐项目
I'm tall enough to ride everything.
钻孔取水[无趣]Borings,
这绝对不可能是无趣的
they are anything but.
但我这算是剧透了
Oh, but I'm getting ahead of myself.
水是什么
What is water?
它是透明的
It's transparent...
湿的
Wet.
常用的叫法有 水水 生命的源泉 上帝的眼泪
Common street names include wa-wa, the drink, God's tears.
我们生活在沙漠里 所以钻孔取水
We live in a desert, which is why boring,
无趣 无趣 无趣...
boring, boring, boring, boring, boring, boring,
无趣 无趣 无趣...
boring, boring, boring, boring, boring...
结束了
Oh, the end!
你是说了整整一小时吗
Have you been talking for an hour?
感觉完全没有 对吧
Doesn't feel like it, does it?
所以你意下如何
So what do you say?
呈交给市长吗 把他迷得七荤八素吗
Take it to the mayor? Dazzle him?
这一下子有点难以完全吸收
Well, it's a lot to absorb.
吸收啊
Absorb.
地下水位方面的幽默
Water table humor.
那就吸收吧 你个行走的含水层
Well, absorb away, you walking phreatic zone.
呼应了刚刚演讲展示的哽啊
A reference to the presentation.
如果有任何问题 请吼一声
Holler if you have any questions.
我全天候有空 如果是闰年就一年366天有空
I'm available 24-7, 366 if it's a leap year.
我全都看到了 阿比在做推介时你全程睡过去了
I saw you. You slept through Arpi's pitch.
立刻删除 这不仅仅是因为
Delete that, and not just because
拍摄女人的丑照算是厌女主义
it's misogynist to take unflattering photos of women.
好吧 如果让她知道 她会杀了你的
Yeah, she's gonna kill you if she finds out.
我也不是故意要睡觉的啊
I didn't mean to fall asleep.
是她一直说个不停 赶快给我
She just talked so much. Give me that.
你还记得之前她抓到那个警♥察♥局长
Do you remember when she caught the chief of police
在开会时使用手♥机♥的事吗
using his phone during a meeting?
她把他弄哭了 他可是去过伊♥拉♥克♥费卢杰的
She made him cry, and he was at Fallujah.
我不知你是否知道这点
I don't know if you know this,
但并非这里的所有人都将你视作掌握大权的人
but not everyone here sees you as an authority figure.
这完全搞错了
This is wrong.
我要求的是牛奶咖啡各一半 再加一点巧克力酱
I asked for half-and-half and a splash of Nestle Quik.
因为那是我的 因为我是你的上司
Be-because it's mine, because I'm your boss.
夸比斯 给我进来
Kwapis, get in here.
大家都很生气 因为他们想要牛油果
People are upset because they want avocados
但却得不到
and they can't get them.
明白 懂
Nodding, getting it.
我无法终结干旱
And I can't end the drought
也不能像变魔法一样变出牛油果
or make avocados magically appear,
所以 要怎么从狗嘴里抢骨头
so how do you get a bone away from a dog?
-吻它 -要分散它的注意力
- Kiss it. - You distract it
用它更想要的东西来实现
with something it wants even more.
大家最初是从什么时候
Now, when did people become
开始如此痴迷于牛油果的
so obsessed with avocados in the first place?
是2013年 洛杉矶的餐厅
2013, LA restaurants
开始提供澳式早餐
started serving the Australian breakfast,
也就是水煮牛排 蘸酱饼干 以及牛油果吐司
which is boiled steak, Dunkaroos, and avocado toast.
牛油果不过是最新极其流行的洛杉矶健康食物
Avocados are just the latest well-branded LA health fad.
多年来 我做过很多品牌的广♥告♥宣传牌
Over the years, I have put up billboards
从松子到石榴汁 应有尽有
for everything from pine nuts to pomegranate juice,
在市场实现成功的推广前 没人喜欢那些东西
and no one liked those things until marketers told them to.
你知道藜麦
Did you know that quinoa
最开始只是豆豆娃玩具的填充物吗
was originally just Beanie Baby filler?
那为什么玩具标签上写着"请勿食用"啊
Well, then why does it say "Do not eat" on the tag?
我们只需要找到下一个流行物就行了
We just need to find the next fad.
我们需要找到货源充足
We need to find something that's abundant,
欧米伽-3含量高
that's high in omega-3s,
并且目前人们并不将其视作食物的东西
and that people don't yet think of as edible.
然后我们将它的品牌重新打造成...
And then we rebrand it as...
来认识下牛油果鱼
牛油果鱼
The avocado fish.
别听任何人说它的真名叫猿鳚
Don't listen to anyone who says its real name is the monkeyface eel.
并不是
It's not.
气味这样是正常的吗
And is it supposed to smell like that?
当然啦
Absolutely.
这种超级食物拥有牛油果具有的一切健康脂肪
Now, this superfood has all the healthy fats of an avocado
布里莫 这不是猿鳚
但却没有它的果核洞
with none of the pits,
只不过它的鱼刺相比普通鱼类要翻倍
just twice the bones of a normal fish
且它的鱼鳔是有毒的
and a poisonous swim bladder.
所以您指望这东西能流行起来吗
And so you're hoping that this will catch on?
它可以实现牛油果的一切功能
It can do everything an avocado used to do.
安娜 帮忙把这些鱼块碾碎吧
Hey, Ana, help me mash these guys up, will you?
等等 你没怀孕吧
Wait, you're not pregnant, right?
-没有 -那就好 好极了
- No. - All right, great, great.
碾碎 碾碎 碾碎
Mash, mash, mash.
布里莫 就跟牛油果一样
哇 它还是绿色的呢 跟牛油果酱一样
Wow, and it's, uh, green, just like guacamole.
是的 现在 在它变硬之前赶紧吃掉
Yup, now, eat it quick before it hardens.
市长说气味很正常
让我们把镜 镜头交给恰克播报天气
Let's go to Chuck with the w-- Chuck with the weather.
这里没人叫恰克
No one named Chuck works here.
赶紧切走
Just cut away.
我们马上回来
We'll be right back.
现在让我来咬一口
So now I'm gonna, like, bite
这些湿润的腌黄瓜
these wet-ass pickles.
汤米怎么能听这东西睡着
How does Tommy fall asleep to this?
这一点都不放松
This is not relaxing.
我现在烦躁 性奋 还有点饿
I'm irritated and turned on and kind of hungry.
等等
Et cetera.
艾莉克莎 为什么我睡不着
Alexa, why can't I sleep?
根据梅奥诊所的结果 失眠通常是由
According to Mayo Clinic, insomnia is usually caused
抑郁 压力 或者焦虑导致的 缺乏锻炼
by depression, stress, or anxiety, lack of exercise--
艾莉克莎 停下
Alexa, stop.
谢了
Thank you.
艾莉克莎
Alexa,
给恐怖·小小鸟打电♥话♥
call Scary McTinybird.
正在拨♥打♥恐怖·小小鸟的电♥话♥
Calling Scary McTinybird's mobile.
肖小姐 真是令人惊喜
Ms. Shaw, what a pleasant surprise.
除非这是绑匪
Unless this is a kidnapper
用肖小姐的电♥话♥打来索要赎金
using Ms. Shaw's telephone to demand a ransom,
这样的话 我没什么需要谈判的
in which case, I will not negotiate.
你能直接干掉她
You can go ahead and kill her.
不不 是本人
Um, no, no, it's me.
希望打得不算太晚
Uh, I hope I'm not calling too late?
如果是市政相关 永远不算晚
If it's city business, it's never too late.
有什么事吗
What can I do you for?
我想既然现在
Well, I was thinking now that
我对地质钻探[无聊]有了基本的了解
I have a baseline understanding of what a borings is,
你能帮我更深入一下吗
I was thinking you could go more in-depth?
深入
Depth?
地质钻探全靠深入
Borings are all about depth.
天呐 你真有意思
Man, you are funny.
我希望你能当场看看这些土壤样本
Now, I wish you were here to see this soil sample,
不过我会为你介绍的
but I'll describe it to ya.
棕色
Brown,
浅棕 深棕
light brown, dark brown.
又是第一种棕色
The first brown again.
你好 先生
Hello, sir.
小小市长先生
Mrs. Baby Sir.
奥丽今天会待在这里
Orly's spending the day here.
是啊 学校关闭了
Yeah, my school's closed
因为他们给沙拉吧买♥♥了一堆牛油果鱼
'cause they ordered a bunch of avocado fish for the salad bar,
结果发现没法死后运输