市长先生（2021）

事实上 我很惊讶
Honestly, I'm surprised
书上居然没写这些
this stuff isn't in the literature.
是啊 我也很惊讶
Yes. Me too.
那么来回答你真正的问题 先生
So to answer your actual question, sir,
你可以约同事出去一次
you may ask a coworker out on a date one time.
但如果你得到了强烈认同以外的答案
If you receive anything less than an enthusiastic yes,
你就不能发出再次邀约了
then you may not ask again.
天呐 如果你搞砸了呢
Jeez. What if you biff it?
我相信你 尼尔
I have faith in you, Neil.
她叫我名字了 大悸动
First name. Big-time vibe.
好了 下一个场景
Okay, next scenario.
女士优先
Ladies first.
好的
okay.
终于 只剩我俩了
Finally. We're alone.
我同意 来吧
I consent. Let's do this.
好了 如果场景中有人
All right, so which employees, if any,
违反了市政规定 是谁
are violating city policy?
我没搞懂 他们用了舌头吗
See, I couldn't get this one. Is there tongue?
我不知道 这不重要
I don't know. It doesn't matter.
这不符逻辑
This doesn't track.
卡罗斯和米歇尔在芭芭拉生日午餐的时候
Carlos and Michelle were so mad at each other
还互相看不顺眼呢
at Barbara's birthday lunch.
什么 不 这并不是在讲故事
What? No. These don't tell a story.
我不喜欢冈瑟给芭芭拉开门那里
I didn't like it when Gunther opened the door for Barbara.
居高临下的感觉
It was patronizing.
是啊 但你不能因为
Sure, but you can't call HR
每次都有人帮你扶门就找人事
every time someone holds a door for you.
如果让我不舒服 我可以
I can if it makes me uncomfortable.
等等 那个人是冈瑟吗
Wait, that guy was Gunther?
好吧 肯定会有转折的
Okay, there's gonna be a twist.
不 这不是电影
No. This is not a movie.
-没有前后情节 -你确定吗
- There's no narrative. - Are you sure?
冈瑟在芭芭拉生日那天给她降职
Gunther demotes Barbara on her birthday,
然后帮她开门
then holds the door for her?
-恶棍 -不是同一天
- Villain. - These are different days.
那他们为什么穿着一样的衣服
Then why are they in the same clothes?
谁拿到了阳光海岸的账户
And who got the Suncoast account?
你们应该专注于那两个人在接吻
You're supposed to focus on the two that were kissing.
片场里有亲密行为协调员吗
Yeah, was there an intimacy coordinator on that set?
因为在确认之前
Because until that's confirmed,
我觉得我不该看这个
I don't think I should even be watching this.
好吧 答案是
All right, all right, so the answer is,
即使是两厢情愿的关系也应该报告
even consensual relationships should be reported.
真的吗 但如果秘密也是刺♥激♥的一部分呢
Really? But what if the secret is part of the thrill?
苏珊 这个问题是我1989年写的
Susan! I wrote that question in 1989.
正确答案是 这个吻没问题
The correct answer is, the kiss is fine
因为卡罗斯和米歇尔是平等的
because Carlos and Michelle are equals.
他们你情我愿
It's consensual.
他们在公共场合这么做
And they're not bumming everyone else out
也不会使其他人不愉快
by doing it in public.
事实上 并不好
Actually, it's not fine,
因为他们的关系会影响
because their relationship would impact
工作场地的运转
dynamics in the workplace.
你刚才是对我说「事实上」了吗
Did you just "Actually" Me?
我们还没开始你不就对我说「不客气」了吗
Did you "You're welcome" me before we even started?
这是什么意思
What is that supposed to mean?
「是我发起的这个项目 肖女士
"I started this program, Ms. Shaw.
我是开创者
"I'm a trailblazer.
为白人女权主义振臂高呼」
High fives for white feminism."
第一 你声音很难听
One, you're bad at voices.
第二 我不为白人女权主义振臂高呼
And two, I don't high-five white feminism.
很明显你还没读过我最近为
Clearly you haven't read my most recent op-ed
「瓦拉塔公告」写的专栏
for the "Vallarta Noticias,"
不然你也不会这么激动
or you wouldn't be this worked up.
阿比 你很自我
Okay, Arpi, you are centering yourself,
你在用语气压制别人
you are tone policing,
而且你表现出了白人救世主情结
and you're displaying a white savior complex.
抱歉 我会闭嘴的
My apologies. I will be quiet.
-我们继续 -但我真的很努力
- Let's move on. - But I worked really hard!
我老板曾经把手指放进我嘴里
My boss used to put his fingers in my mouth.
他说「你觉得这个咖啡伴侣对你来说老吗」
He'd say, "Does this Coffee mate taste old to you?"
我和OJ·辛普森去过猫头鹰餐厅
I went to Hooters once with OJ Simpson.
我好饿 听起来不错
I'm so hungry, that sounds good to me.
这事不会轻易就过去的
And this isn't gonna go over well...
-那就别说了 -他们总是会说的
- Then don't say it! - They always still say it.
要不是因为我们这样的女孩们
You wouldn't have your job
你不会有这份工作
if it weren't for gals like me.
我很抱歉
And I'm sorry
如果这种开门方式也冒犯了你
if that kind of door opening also offends you.
好了 生育高峰时代的人 随便坐吧
Okay, boomer. Have infinity seats.
什么意思
What does that mean?
这是不是影射我们这代被迫
Is that a crack about all the lap-sitting
被迫坐在大腿上的事
my generation was forced to do?
她说她想让你退休回家
She's saying she wants you to retire and go home
因为你是她低分辨率美♥国♥之♥音♥的佩洛西
because you're the Pelosi to her low-res AOC.
你知道吗 托马斯先生
You know what, Mr. Tomás?
在地狱里有个特别的地方
There's a special place in hell for gays
是专门给挑拨女性关系的同性恋者
that encourage women not to support other women.
我知道 那地方叫棒极了 我们做得很棒
I know. It's called Bravo, and we're doing amazing on it.
苏珊 我应该受到表扬
Susan, I'd like credit for knowing
因为我知道我现在不该说话
that I shouldn't talk right now.
没错 你真棒
Good for you, yes.
上帝啊
Oh, heavenly Father!
-所有人退后 -他在干什么
- Everybody get back. - What is he doing?
天啊 太多了
Oh, God, it's so much!
他怎么会拿那么多汤
Why does he have all those soups?
-失陪一下 请让开 -没人点汤
- Excuse me. Please move. - No one ordered soup!
我没带换的上衣
I did not get tops for these.
-不 -哦 不 拜托
- No! - Oh, no! Come on!
天啊 为什么
Oh, God, why?
天啊 不
Oh, God, no!
冰淇淋车今天歇菜了
The gelato bike is done for the day.
我只是说 苏珊
I'm just saying, Susan,
某种程度上 左派在自我吞噬
at some point, the left is eating itself...
-天啊 杀了我吧 -而右♥派♥则能获得权力
- Oh, my God, kill me. - While the right gains power.
好的 阿比 阿比 阿比
Okay, Arpi, Arpi, Arpi.
我们现在知道轻微的冒犯可以累加
We know now that microaggressions can add up
并且影响人的表现
and affect a person's performance
和他们的心理健康
and their mental health.
-什么 -好了
- Wha... - Okay,
但仅仅因为有人和你唱反调
but just because someone calls you out
并不意味着你是个坏人
doesn't mean you're a bad person.
我们都会犯错
We all make mistakes.
我相信有人的无知
I'm sure that someone's ignorance
让你很不舒服
has made you uncomfortable.
坏消息 各位
Bad news, guys.
我被抢劫了
I got mugged.
他们是忍♥者 所以我...
They were ninjas, so I...
-我们看到你摔倒了 -想个好点的谎话
- We saw you fall! - Lie better!
好吧
Fine.
我弄掉了所有东西
I dropped everything.
好吧 但这是你的错
Okay, but it's your fault.
我知道我想要什么
I knew what I wanted,
但当我走到馅饼餐车的时候
but by the time I got to Empanada Acoso,
他们什么都卖♥♥光了
they were out of everything
就剩下薰衣草和茴香味的冰棍了
except for lavender and fennel popsicles.
我超讨厌它们的
I hate them so much.
好了好了 我有个微冒犯问题要说
Okay. Okay. I've got a microaggression.
昨天杰登等我一起上楼梯
Yesterday Jayden waited for me to walk up the stairs with him,
让我觉得像是急救广♥告♥里的
and it made me feel like an old grandma