市长先生（2021）

叶子 麻烟
Grass. Reefer.
爵士烟 牙买♥♥加鱼子酱
Jazz cigarettes. Jamaican caviar.
盛大开吸
不管你叫它什么 合法大♥麻♥已成事实
Whatever you call it, legalized marijuana is here to stay.
你没预先审核他的演讲稿吗
Did you not review his remarks beforehand?
是我写的
I wrote them.
我查遍了我教会网站上的所有俚语
I looked up all the slang on my church's website.
今天 合法大♥麻♥生意
Today, the legal marijuana business
对我们市的经济大有裨益
is a financial boon to our city.
所以我骄傲地出席洛杉矶第一万家药房♥的
So I am proud to be here at the grand opening
盛大开幕
of L.A.'s 10,000th dispensary.
洛杉矶人♥民♥ 你们准备好了吗
You ready, L.A.?
立刻去买♥♥毒品吧
Go...buy drugs now!
这句是他即兴的
He improv'd that.
市长先生
第一季 第二集
10点 我们去阿福初中
At 10:00, we go to Alf Junior High School,
校名是他以《家有阿福》里阿福的名字命名的
which he named after Alf from the show "Alf."
这座城市历史悠久
So much history in this city.
这是拍照活动
It's a photo op
为宣传"素食周一"的学校午餐倡议
for the Meatless Monday school lunch initiative.
应该没什么难度
Yeah, should be a total lay-up.
但我们不想被做成表情包
We just don't want to get meme-ed.
就是网上那种搞笑图片
You know, the funny internet photos?
就像那张有个乐开怀宝宝的图片
Oh, like the one with the happy baby,
底下写着 "高尔夫球杆打到球道"
and underneath it says, "When you hit the fairway."
笑点在于宝宝怎么会知道这种事呢 对吧
It's funny because how would the baby know, right?
很搞笑 先生 但作为公众人物
That's hilarious, sir, but as a public figure,
您不想变成趣图的
you don't want to become a funny picture.
-好吧 -所以我们避免
- Okay. - That's why we avoid
穿泳装 在文化日跳舞
bathing suits, dancing at a cultural day,
特别要避免在镜头前吃东西
and, above all, eating on camera.
-明白了 不能吃东西 -素食周一活动结束后
- Got it, no eating. - After Meatless Mondays,
我们去埃尔塞贡多为一所社区活动中心开幕
we go to El Segundo to open up a community center.
我们可以在车上吃东西
And I figure we can eat in the car.
轮到我选了 我选择墨西哥卷饼
It's my turn to pick, and I pick tacos.
-在车上吗 杰登 -卷饼不适合在车上吃
- In the car, Jayden? - Tacos is a terrible car food.
我就要选卷饼
I pick tacos!
-好吧 -之后 我们去图洪加
- Okay. - After that, we go to Tujunga
给"最可爱爷爷"比赛担任评委
to judge a Cutest Grandpa competition.
-听起来挺有意思 -什么
- That sounds fun. - A what?
不 我是市长
No, I'm the mayor.
我不该浪费时间去参加
I shouldn't be spending my day going to a ceremony
庆祝六旗游乐园今夏0死亡的典礼
celebrating zero deaths at Six Flags this summer.
不 他们今早取消典礼了
Oh, no, they actually canceled that this morning.
-检查灌木丛后发现了死人 -我意思是
- They checked the bushes. - Now, what I'm saying is
我们手头有实际问题 无家可归 基础设施
we have real problems here-- homelessness, infrastructure.
还有奥斯卡颁奖典礼主持人的情况
The Oscar host situation.
老天 一众明星串场真的行不通
God, that group thing does not work.
这些拍照活动和预先录制的演讲
These photo ops and canned speeches--
都毫无意义 我想干点实事
it's just pointless. I want to do something.
我们解决交通问题吧 建地铁
Let's fix the traffic problem. Build a subway.
洛杉矶已经有地铁了 先生
L.A. has a subway, sir.
但是里面很臭
Well, it stinks.
-嗨 -干吗
- Hey. - What?
我也讨厌我的工作
I hate my job too.
但你们知道我是靠什么熬过去的吗
But you know how I get through the day?
我们都知道你是靠什么熬过去的
We all know how you get through your day.
这就是变革应有的样子
This is what change looks like.
我是第一个没有硕士学位 却当上幕僚长的
I am the first woman of color without a master's degree
有色女性
to serve as chief of staff.
话题#进步 话题#一个滤镜
Hashtag progress, hashtag one filter.
本新老大上任的第一把火
My first act as "The boss"--
就是把管理层洗手间的密♥码♥改成
changing the code on the executive bathroom
一位女权主义代表人物的生日
to the birthday of a feminist icon.
凯特尼斯·伊夫狄恩[《饥饿游戏》]Katniss Everdeen.
我并不完美 我手指甲有小缺口
Hey, I'm not perfect. My nails are chipped.
我会得尿道感染
I get UTIs.
我车里脏乱得很
My car is filthy.
来电 布里莫市长
你们好啊 我是说 早安 先生
Hey guys. I mean, good morning, sir.
早上好
Good morning.
显然我今天不会回办公室了
Apparently, I'm not gonna be in the office at all today
因为当市长90%的工作是出席拍照活动和动物葬礼
because being mayor is 90% photo ops and animal funerals.
不是普通动物 是《狗狗博客》的狗狗
Not just any animal. Dog with a Blog.
所以我今天交给你负责 米凯拉
So I'm putting you in charge today, Mikaela,
你只有一个任务 就是
and you have one job--
做好阿比·麦斯科曼的保姆
babysit Arpi Meskimen.
亲近你的朋友 但更要亲近你的敌人
Keep your friends close but keep your enemies closer.
所以我才对我姐姐的小孩那么好
That's why I'm so nice to my sister's baby.
我不信任副市长
I don't trust the deputy mayor,
所以给她找点事做 好吗
so keep her distracted, okay?
我会是打火机 她会是我姐姐的小孩
I'll be cigarette lighter. She'll be my sister's baby.
谢谢你 米凯拉
Thank you Mikaela.
我不要用这种话描述一只狗
I'm not saying this about a dog.
我会给你看它的照片 先生
I'll show you a picture, sir.
它在狗界真的算性感
For a dog he was pretty hot,
在博客界更是性感炸了
and for a blogger, he was very hot.
这是我的办公室
This is my office.
还有很多要完善的地方
Still got a lot of work to do.
我听说你想见我
I heard you wanted to see me.
我本来也希望能跟你单独谈谈
I'd been hoping to get a minute with you as well.
我很想给你看看"私机宅径"[尿尿黄♥片♥]I'd love to show you "Pee-pee porn."
恶心 不要 等等 那是性贬低吗
Ew, no. Wait, is that sex negative?
是个缩写 代表私人飞机
It's an acronym for Private Plane Paths
在住♥宅♥区上空的飞行路径
Over Residential Neighborhoods.
从圣塔莫尼卡的富豪们以噪音污染为由
I been working on this ever since the Richie-Riches
让联邦航♥空♥局禁止私人飞机停靠他们机场开始
in Santa Monica got the FAA to ban private jets
我就一直钻研这个
at their airport because of noise pollution.
问题在于
The problem is,
现在范纽斯机场流量加倍
now Van Nuys airport is getting twice the traffic,
那意味着贫穷社区的噪音量也翻了倍
which means twice the noise over poorer neighborhoods.
这对生活在那里的孩子们影响很大
And it's really affecting the kids there.
你看过今年的洛杉矶县拼写比赛吗
I mean, did you see this year's L.A. County Spelling Bee?
你要拼写的单词是「塑望」
Your word is syzygy.
-什么 -塑望
- What? - Syzygy.
什么
What?
-塑望 -什么
- Syzygy! - What?
我想将"私机宅径"提案送往议会
I'd love...to take PPPORN to the Council
最好有布里莫市长的支持
with Mayor Bremer's support.
鉴于他不在 他的...
And since he's out, his...
幕僚长就是老大了
chief of staff is the boss.
所以 老大
So, boss...
阿比 显然 "私机宅径"提案值得考虑
Arpi, obviously, PPPORN is worth looking at,
但不会是我们今天的重点工作
but it's not going to be our priority today.
行吧 那今天的重点工作是什么
Fair enough. So what is?
今天 我想着
Today, I was thinking
我们可以安顿下来 把办公室收拾整理下
that we could all settle in, set up our offices.
我相信你一定有很多东西要拆包放置吧
I'm sure you have a lot of unpacking to do.
不 我叫他们不用给我准备办公室了
No, I asked them to not give me an office.
我需要的办公桌就是这个了
This is all of the desk I need.
收件箱 发件箱 胡椒喷雾
Inbox, outbox, pepper spray,
什锦干果 还有一本大卫·鲍尔达奇的小说
trail mix, and a David Baldacci novel
可以在骑车等红灯时看
for red lights while I'm on my bicycle.
你也能看到
Well, as you can see,
我的办公室还需要大量的收拾整理工作
my office still needs a lot of work.
我懂 形象可是很重要的
I get it. Optics are important.
毕竟你♥他♥妈♥可是幕僚长啊
You're the chief of frickin' staff.
你拥有最佳停车位
You got the cherry parking spot
和最好的洗手间
and the code to the good bathroom.
你需要能够反映这些特权的办公空间
You need an office space that reflects that.
所以 我可以帮上什么忙
So how can I help?
好吧 好极了 我这里有些杂♥志♥
Okay, great. Well, I got some magazines.