市长先生（2021）

我带了一条 希望能帮上忙
I brought a pair if it helps.
这对你来说算是较大的改变啊
So this would be a bit of a change for you.
你的整个职业生涯都是在波多黎各度过的
You spent your whole career in Puerto Rico.
-那是PR[公♥关♥] -波多黎各的简称
- Um, that's PR. - For short.
我去过一次 还被海滩上的一只狗给咬了
I went there once. I got bit by a beach puppy.
不 我的意思是公共关系
Yeah, I meant public relations.
-当心点 -椅子会倒吗
- Be careful. - Oh, the chair?
别担心 椅子再烈也被我驯服了
Don't worry. Not my first chair rodeo.
扶住我
Catch me!
美国太酷了
America so cool.
美♥利♥坚♥ 头号♥狂欢国 周一开始节食
USA number one party. Diet starts Monday.
好极了 我们再联♥系♥吧 斯弗格
Great, well, we'll be in touch, Sforg.
太好了哟 杰登登 我爱你
Supers dupers, Jaydens. I love you.
真是迫不及待让你参观下我的房♥子了
I cannot wait for you to meet my house.
身处高位 孤寂无边啊 汤米
It is lonely at the top, Tommy.
你成功引起了我的注意
Interest level exceeded.
市长叫我聘请一个人
Well, the mayor told me to hire someone
让我能轻松点
that would make my life easier,
但目前为止 应聘者中最优秀的是斯弗格
but so far, the best of the bunch is Sforg,
他在这里的唯一原因
and he's only here
就是瑞典监狱公费送他来度假
because he's on paid vacation from a Swedish prison.
持刀杀人罪
For knife murders!
-欧洲真是奇葩 -是啊
- Europe is different. - Yeah.
打扰下 是夸比斯先生吗
Excuse me, Mr. Kwapis?
我是德里克·约书亚
I'm Derek Joshua.
我之前应聘了撰稿人的工作
I applied for the speechwriter job.
-你的领带好搞笑 -我也觉得 是吧
- Your tie is so funny. - I know, right?
就像在说 "我们需要个大点的衬衫"
It's like, "Uh, we're gonna need a bigger shirt."
我喜欢引用电影台词
I love movie quotes.
"没错 您呼叫的是捉鬼敢死队"
"Yes, you called for the Ghostbusters."
天呐 这样吧
Oh, man! Okay.
数到三 一起说出最爱的捉鬼敢死队
On three, say your favorite "Ghostbusters."
一 二 三
One, two, three.
第一男孩捉鬼敢死队
First boy "Ghostbusters."
我为什么还要傻站在这里
Why am I still standing here?
好了 首先我想指出
Okay, I'd like to begin by pointing out
你们都不配得到你们现在拥有的东西
that none of you deserve what you have.
实际上 真要说的话 物质财富
In fact, material wealth is, if anything,
和一个人的个人价值是成反比的
inversely correlated with a person's worth as a human being.
接下来是一个你们在高端宴会上
Now, here's someone you probably know
可能认识过的人 尼尔·布里莫市长
from your Botox parties, Mayor Neil Bremer.
好吧 作为贝莱尔的长♥期♥住户
All right, as a longtime Bel Air resident,
我想说清楚一件事
I wanna make one thing clear:
西洛杉矶 天下第一
Westside, best side.
尽管如此 我还是完全支持这个项目
That said, I fully support this project.
我们的城市垃圾问题很严重
Our city has a trash problem,
我们不能再依靠前任市长的政策了
and we can no longer rely on my predecessor's plan
把垃圾都扔进森林里
to dump it all in the woods
等着野火烧起来的时候全都烧光
and wait till the fires take care of it.
我知道你们有所担忧
I know you have concerns,
我是来倾听你们的担忧的 所以...
and I'm here to listen, so...
你知道需要多少玫瑰粉晶
Do you have any idea how much rose quartz it'll take
才能抵消这个垃圾分类处理站产生的负能量吗
to counter the negative energy created by this sorting facility?
12个
12.
说得好
Touché.
看来你这是以白♥痴♥之道还施白♥痴♥
I see you've used my being an idiot against me.
好样的
Well played.
你好 我是大卫
Hi. David.
听着 我们不能在布伦特伍德建立垃圾处理站
Listen, we cannot have a trash facility in Brentwood.
拜托 我搬来这里
I mean, come on, I moved here
就是为了给我的蜜蜂更好的生活
to give my bees a better life.
我相信它们一定很感激你
And I'm sure they appreciate that.
听着 如果这影响了我的蜜蜂的口味
Listen, if this affects the flavor profile of my honey,
那你就得跟克莉丝汀·泰根好好解释解释了
you're gonna have to explain it to Chrissy Teigen,
因为她一直...
because she has been...
她是支持我挺过这一切的最大助力
she's been my champion through all this.
这家伙是谁啊
Who the hell is this guy?
大卫·斯佩德 《周六夜现场》的
David Spade, "SNL."
没听说过
Never heard of him.
《乔迪尔特历险记》 没看过吗
"Joe Dirt"? No?
特殊技能这一栏你写的是...
It says under "Special skills" That--
你会说多斯拉克语吗
你竟敢质疑我的荣誉
-我绝对不会的 -好极了 因为...
- I would never. - Good, 'cause...
显然 我在政♥治♥方面没有任何经验
Look, obviously, I don't have any experience in politics.
你写过很多东西啊
You've done a lot of writing.
你的这些剧本有被拍成片子的吗
Have any of your screenplays ever been produced?
目前没有
Not yet.
好莱坞最重视人脉关系
Hollywood's all about who you know,
但我叔叔却不肯介绍我认识
and my uncle won't introduce me
他负责的制片公♥司♥里的任何一个人
to anyone at the studio he runs.
我痛恨叔叔
-对吧 -是啊
- Right? - Yeah.
你在这儿啊 你没事吧
There you are. Are you okay?
听着 我能理解
Look, I get it.
十年前 我也像你这么大
I was your age just, like, ten years ago.
那真是太久以前的事了
That's such a long time.
其实也就...的确是
It's actually--it is.
我在高中过得也很艰难
High school was really rough for me, too.
当时我的美人尖和连心眉都连在一起了
I had a widow's peak that connected to my unibrow.
我把「至交好友」项链的其中一半送给了护士
I gave the nurse the other half of my "Best Friends" necklace.
后来我发现它在垃圾桶里
Then I found it in the trash later.
-别说了 -嗯
- Please stop. - Yeah.
我明白
I get it.
但你看看现在的我
But look at me now.
有两根眉毛 完整的额头 很棒的工作
Two eyebrows, a whole forehead, kickass job,
凯莉护士染上了严重的类鸦♥片♥问题
and Nurse Kelly has a pretty big opioid problem.
高中太蠢了
High school's so stupid.
当上主席根本说明不了什么
Being first chair doesn't mean anything.
做学生会主席一点意义都没有
Being class president doesn't even mean anything.
我唯一的权力就是选择学校舞会的主题
My only power is choosing the themes for school dances,
结果还被辅♥导♥员驳回了
and the faculty adviser overruled
「海底同意书」
"Consent Under the Sea."
等着吧
Just wait.
大人的世界和高中不一样
Grown-up life isn't high school.
我保证
I promise.
谢谢你 米凯拉
Thanks, Mikaela.
你的眉毛看起来其实分得很开
Your eyebrows look really separate.
天啊 谢谢你
Oh, my God. Thank you.
我们去图享看看
Now, let's go get on Instagram,
我给你看那些被日照和喝酒
and I'll show you what all that sun damage
毁掉的酷小孩们
and drinking does to the cool kids.
看上去特别惨
They look so bad.
淡定点
Easy.
-娶巴特沃斯小姐 -没错
- Marry Ms. Butterworth. - Yep.
-上湖泊之地的妞 -没错
- Eff the Land O' Lakes chick, - Damn right.
-杀了那个伍兹的妹 -没错
- Kill the Utz girl. - Correct.
均为广♥告♥人物
说到吃的
Hey, speaking of food,
我今天下午之后
I don't have any more interviews
没有采访了
until this afternoon.
你要不要一起去吃点午饭
Do you wanna maybe grab some lunch?
我知道现在才11点 但我喜欢...
I know it's only 11:00, but I really like it when--
做早餐时间段后第一个点单用煎锅的人
You're the first order on the griddle after breakfast?
对 因为这样你的...
Yeah, 'cause then your...
午餐就有早餐煎饼的香气
Lunch tastes like pancakes.
我的孩子没有接种疫苗
My child is not vaccinated,
出于某种原因 她的身体一直很差
and for some reason, she is very sick all the time,
你现在想把她扔在垃圾堆里吗
and now you wanna surround her with trash?
她需要更多的马
What she needs is more horses.
好了 出去 下一个
Okay, get outta here. Next person.
你好 我是安迪
Hi, I'm Andie,