市长先生（2021）

Mr. Mayor S01E05

Part 4 March 15, 2021, 10:48 a.m.

「所以今天
"Which is why today,
ID的意义就是了不起的丹妮奥拉」
ID stands for 'Incredible Daniela.'"
系统就绪
给
Enjoy!
-汤米 -在打印了
- Tommy! - It's printing!
-我们该去哪里 -我不知道
- Okay, where do we go? - I don't know!
人力资源部
下一位
Next!
杰登
Jayden?
-我是艾米莉 -艾米莉你好
- It's Emily. - Emily, hi!
你真人看起来更可爱
You're even cuter in person.
你也是
So are you.
我也搜了你看来范纽斯机场的
I Googled you back. I guess that elderly woman
那个和你同名的老女人不是我
in Van Nuys with your name isn't you.
我会在周四
I'll probably still be a gentleman
贴心地带她去看听力医生的
and take her to the audiologist on Thursday,
不过只是作为朋友
but just as friends.
没开玩笑
Wasn't kidding.
准备好了吗市长先生
Oh, are you ready, Mr. Mayor?
他完全准备好了如果他现在是火鸡
Oh, he's ready, all right. If he were a turkey,
那他现在肯定是烤得金黄并浇好汁的状态
he'd be golden brown and slick with juices.
-米凯拉 -先生
- Mikaela? - Sir,
安全洛城有点麻烦
we have an issue with SafeLA.
现在全市虱子爆发了
There's a citywide lice outbreak
健康部门追踪回溯发现是我们的头盔导致的
and the Health Department has traced it back to our helmets.
虱子
Lice?
好吧那我想
Okay, I guess
市里应该可以给大家提供药用洗发水...
the city can provide medicated shampoo for anyone--
没有那么简单先生现在这导致了一些意外
It's not that simple, sir. It's causing accidents.
先生这既搞笑又糟糕
Sir, this is as bad as it is hilarious.
而且安全洛城的缩写和一个拉丁人妖同名
Also, it turns out "Safela" Is a pretty problematic
所以这个话题里的内容有点失控
Latin drag queen, so the hashtag is messy.
现在推特上炸了「洛城时报」也打来电♥话♥
Now Twitter is riled up and the "LA Times" is calling.
换句话说我的收个安全倡议
So, in other words, my first safety initiative
引发了滑板车末日吗
has caused a, what, Scooter-pocalypse?
好消息是我们还是可以转移人们
The good news is, we actually could distract people
对这件事的关注只要...
from this story if...
你扔出一个超烂的球
you throw a truly terrible pitch.
什么不要
What? No!
不要我才不要这太荒谬了
No, I'm not gonna do that. That's ridiculous.
她想要你扔砸这个球
She wants you to biff the pitch?
很聪明一次丢脸的扔球
Smart. A humiliating throw
肯定能支开盲从人们的注意力
will distract the sheep for sure.
或者如果我扔出了有史以来最漂亮的一个球
Or, what if I threw out the best first pitch ever,
大家都会说这个球太棒了
and then everyone will be talking about how cool it was.
对网络啊当地新闻啊
Right, 'cause that's how the internet,
还有人性最喜欢看的就是这种事
local news, and human nature work.
庆祝我们的美好啊成熟点吧
Celebrating the good in us all. Grow up!
我不想看上去又老又弱
I don't want to look old and weak.
我不想成为菲利克斯·布里莫
I don't want to be Felix Bremer.
先生没有人说这样做是弱者的行为
Sir, no one is saying this has to be weak.
只需要非常离谱就行了
It just has to be, in some way, extremely incorrect.
那办公室的颜面呢
What about, you know, the office?
我不是让你给办公室蒙羞
I'm not asking you to humiliate the office.
我是让你专门给某个人...
I'm asking you to humiliate...
蒙羞
Someone.
我去了宜家那个沙坑球场后
I started getting super itchy
就觉得特别痒
ever since I went in that IKEA ball pit.
你去玩过吗很有意思的
You ever been in one? It's fun.
味道很奇怪但很有意思
Smell weird, but they're fun.
大家看好了
Your attention, please.
今天我们请到洛杉矶
Throwing out today's first pitch,
第43任市长为我们开球
the 43rd Mayor of Los Angeles,
尼尔·布里莫市长
Mayor Neil Bremer.
待会儿要不要去看「大力水手」
So later on, I'm thinking maybe Popeyes?
如果你有别的想法的话可以看别的
Or we could watch a different cartoon if you want.
好啊
Okay.
太好了
Okay, all right!
好
All right!
抱歉伙计
Sorry, pal.
-他看上去真帅 -对啊他就是这块料
- He looks so good. - I know, he is a natural.
我的绝对领域
Oh, my area!
这才叫美味蛋卷
Now that's how you make an omelet.
-杰登你没事吧 -离我远一点
- Jayden, are you okay? - Get away from me!
快点叫我的儿科医生
Call my pediatrician!
下一位
Next!
我拍得太过了
Well, I overshot it.
天吉娜
Damn, Gina!
这可真是与广♥告♥内容严重不符啊
Yeah, this is not the burger they show in the ad.
我只能孤独终老了
I'm gonna die alone.
就像一只迷失在卡戴珊豪♥宅♥家的狗
Like a dog lost in a Kardashian house.
我们可以一起分个篮子
Well, we can share a casket.
我昨晚看了一遍整张名单
I went through this whole thing last night.
市政厅里排名前三的直男
The top three straight bachelors in City Hall
是尼尔杰登和蜜袋鼯男
are Neil, Jayden, and sugar glider guy.
抱歉但我已经将人生奉献给我的爱好
Sorry, but I'm married to my hobby--
用蜜袋鼯重现旧日好莱坞辉煌
posing sugar gliders in dioramas of old Hollywood.
为什么我们的人生总比其他人要艰难
Why are our lives so much harder than other people's?
-早上好杰登 -其实不大好
- Morning, Jayden. - Not great, to be honest.
艾米莉不回复我给她发的马克·麦克格拉斯视频
Emily won't respond to any of the Mark McGrath cameos I got for her.
保险公♥司♥不肯报销我的阴♥道♥网片
And the insurance company won't pay for my vaginal mesh
因为我是个男孩子
because I'm a boy!
但这只是个名称啊
But that's just what they call it!
少扯了网片就只是网片而已
No foolin', mesh is mesh!
有你在这里工作真好
I'm glad you work here, buddy.
等等你还有头虱吗
Wait, do you still have lice?
那是生殖医院不是头发医院米凯拉
It was a penis hospital, not a hair hospital, Mikaela.
应该打进去了
I think it went inside.
让我打喷嚏把它挤出来
Make me sneeze so it pops out again!
上帝是存在的它是坏人
Oh, God exists and he's mean!
快打给我妈
Call my mommy!
她在我手♥机♥里名字是"阿姨"
She's in my phone under "Aunt"
因为我上周刚得知了真♥相♥
'cause I just found out the truth last week.
超人内♥裤♥ 你就是这么保护我的吗
Way to protect me from nothing, Superman unterhose!
鸡鸡震荡
Oh, peepee concussion!
好朋友不会这么对待彼此的
This is not how best friends treat each other!
我的鸡鸡断在道奇球场了
I broke my penis at Dodger Stadium!