市长先生（2021）

- We're done here. - Are you ready, Mr. Mayor?
儿童合唱团已经一直在唱
The children's choir's getting pretty deep
猩红辣椒乐队的歌♥了
into the Red Hot Chili Pepper's catalog.
你好 你肯定是布里莫太太吧
Oh, hi, you must be Mrs. Bremer.
-你不是刚看到她在电视上... -想得美
- You just saw her on TV-- - He wishes!
她真瘆人
She's scary.
你昨晚错过了一个很棒的派对
You missed a great party last night.
奥丽
You know, Orly,
我第一次去银行为我的事业
the first time I went into a bank to get a loan
借款时 他们拒绝了我
for my business, they turned me away.
-你知道我做了什么吗 -你蓄了小胡子
- And you know what I did? - You grew a mustache.
我蓄了小胡子
I grew a mustache.
买♥♥了鞋子和衬衫
Got shoes and a shirt.
你第一次是光着身子的吗
Were you naked the first time?
不 我是穿着牛仔短裤去的
No, I was wearing jean shorts.
那是70年代
It was the '70s.
重点是 我一直没有气馁
The point is, I kept going back in there
直到我换上了西装 他们终于借给了我钱
until I was wearing a suit, and they gave me that loan.
如果你真心想做什么
If you believe in something,
不要放弃 绝对不接受失败
don't give up, don't take no for an answer.
除了性♥爱♥ 那可完全不一样
Except for with sex. Now, that's different.
得把这个分类讨论
We'll sidebar that.
不管怎么说 我的顾问已经让我
However, my advisors have convinced me
放弃吸管禁令
to drop the straw ban,
希望这样能让你好受一些
and I hope that makes things easier for you.
随你怎么做
Do whatever you want.
昨天之后 我不可能胜选了
After yesterday, I'm not gonna win,
所以我要退出竞选
so I'm dropping out of the race.
谢谢你告诉我
Thank you for telling me that.
我是说 薇达反正肯定会赢
I mean, like, Veda was gonna win anyway.
她什么都比我强
She's better than me at everything,
所以我觉得自己很愚蠢 我要放弃
so I just feel stupid now, and I give up.
谢谢你告诉我
Thank you for telling me that.
你就只想说这个吗
Is that all you're gonna say?
谢谢你告诉我
Thank you for telling me that.
好吧
Um, okay.
再见
Bye.
你和你♥爸♥爸说了你要退出竞选了吗
So did you tell your dad you're quitting?
谁说我要退出了
Who said I'm quitting?
我找到了我家的位置
I found my house!
你真行
Good for you.
你今天怎么样 市长先生
How are you doing today, Mr. Mayor?
不算最好的一天 杰登
I've been better, Jayden.
那哪一天才算 真想见识一下
When? I would love to see that.
-你当时骑着摩托车吗 -你需要什么
- Were you on a motorcycle? - What do you need?
阿比·麦斯科曼非常关注
Well, Arpi Meskimen is pretty worked up
郊狼种群数量爆♥炸♥性增长的问题
about the whole coyote population explosion,
但可能不是你想要的那种关注方式
but not in the way you might think.
她觉得"郊狼"这个词是"文化挪用"
She thinks that the word coyote is "Cultural appropriation,"
我们应该管它们叫"小狼"
and that we should be calling them "Mini wolves."
她还认为我们应该出钱对它们进行声誉控制
She also thinks we should pay for their birth control,
所以你可能会被问道这个问题
so you're gonna get asked about that.
我们都撤销吸管禁令了
We're backing down from the straw ban,
那麦斯科曼为什么还要攻击我
so why is Meskimen still attacking me?
永远不要给狗喂桌上的菜
Never feed a dog from the table.
它们只会回来索取更多
They just keep coming back for more.
所以我只会用嘴巴喂我的乌龟
That is why I only feed my turtle from my own mouth.
-坐下 -好吧
- Sit down. - Oh, okay.
昨天那些话根本不是我的本意
You know, that wasn't me yesterday.
当你有所付出时 总会希望能得到回报
When you give something, you should get something in return.
阿比非常清楚
And Arpi knows that.
她在政♥府♥里工作30年了
She's been in government for 30 years.
-是啊 -那她打算干什么
- Yeah. - So what is she up to?
天 她到底打算干什么呢 对吧
Gosh, what is she up to? Right?
我的妈妈经常说
You know, my mom always said
当有人一直揍你 一直揍你
that when people keep punching you and punching you,
那肯定是因为他嫉妒你自己家做的牛仔裤
it's because they're jealous of your homemade pants.
阿比揍我是因为我根本不知道
Arpi beat me because I don't even know
我们在玩怎样的游戏
what game we're playing.
她才没有揍你 她只是和你打平了
Pfft! She didn't beat you. She just tied you.
现在是一比一
It's one-one now.
因为她也想竞选市长
You know, because she tried to run for mayor,
但是你胜选了
but you won mayor.
什么叫她也想
What do you mean she tried?
我以前是在竞选委员会工作的
Before this, I used to work at the Board of Elections.
支持她参选的签名人数不够
She didn't have enough signatures to get on the ballot.
她可生气了
She was pretty furious.
我再之前是在强巴果汁摊工作的
And before that, I worked at a Jamba Juice,
那里的人也会经常生气
and people got mad there too.
-她想当市长 -好消息 先生
- She wants to be mayor. - Great news, sir.
我挖了挖阿比·麦斯科曼的底细
I did a deep dive on Arpi Meskimen,
原来她...
and it turns out, she--
想当市长 但是没法参选
Wanted to be mayor, but couldn't get on the ballot.
杰登已经和我说了 跟上他的节奏
Jayden already told me. Try to keep up with him.
很不错
This is good.
我现在知道我的处境了
Now I know what I'm dealing with.
-我们要禁止塑料吸管 -但是麦斯克曼...
- We're banning plastic straws. - But Meskimen--
我们给她一些她更想要的东西
We'll give her something she wants even more.
什么啊
What?
他要让她做市长 跟上节奏啊
He's gonna let her be mayor. Try and keep up.
早上好
Good morning.
我本来想来退出竞选
I came up here planning to quit.
基于昨天的政策公告...
Regarding yesterday's policy announcement--
但是看着那些我敬重之人的脸庞
But looking into the faces of people I respect
看着他的眼神...他们的眼神
and seeing the look in his eyes--their eyes,
很多不同的眼神 不管怎么样 我意识到
a lot of different eyes. Anyways, I realized--
我做什么都无法让所有人满意
Nothing I do is gonna please everyone.
我也不是来让所有人满意的
And I'm not here to please people.
我会做我认为正确的事
I do what I think is right.
吸管禁令继续施行
The straw ban stands.
如果你们不喜欢
And if you don't like it,
那就吸去吧
you can suck it.
别用吸管吸
And not through a straw.
我很期待当选你们的高二学生会主席
I look forward to being your sophomore class president.
而且我知道我的职责是
However, I also know that it's my job
聆听这所伟大城市的每一个声音
to listen to all the voices in this great city,
所以我很荣幸在此宣布 我已经任命了一名副市长
so I'm pleased to announce that I've appointed one deputy mayor
负责公众宣传 反对派研究
in charge of public outreach, opposition research,
以及小狼生殖服务
and mini wolf reproductive services.
你们有相关的问题
You may now direct your questions
可以请教副市长 阿比·麦斯科曼
to Deputy Mayor Arpi Meskimen.
谢谢你 布里莫市长
Thank you, Mayor Bremer.
我再次宣布退出市议会
I hereby resign my seat on the City Council
接受副市长的职位
in order to accept this position.
我觉得市长愿意将身边的职位
And I think it is admirable of the mayor
交给一个这么不喜欢他的人 是非常令人钦佩的举动
to surround himself with people who dislike him so very much.
在我回答你们的提问之前
Before I take your questions,
我希望你们先好好想一想 自己的问题蠢不蠢
I really want you to think about if your question is dumb.
麦斯科曼女士 麦斯科曼女士
Ms. Meskimen! Ms. Meskimen!
-眼镜仔 说吧 -我不明白
- Yes, glasses, go. - I don't get it.
麦斯科曼为什么要放弃议会的位置
Why would Meskimen give up a seat on the council
来尼尔手下工作
to work under Neil?
因为她觉得他会崩溃
Because she thinks he'll implode,
然后她就能接任市长了
and then she'll be mayor,
但是他现在可没打算给她这个机会
but he's not planning on giving her that chance.
他利用了她的野心控制她
He used her own ambition against her.
很聪明
Pretty smart.
好吧 我就接受试试
All right. I'll give this a try.
因为我对这座城市的爱
Because of my love of the city.
你刚刚发现我们有全面医保了吗
You just found out we get full health insurance?
是的 我终于可以跟那个恶心医生说再见了