市长先生（2021）

but it turns out you can't transport them dead.
因为它们会变硬
Because they harden.
市政已经公开说明过了
You know, the city's been very up-front about that.
那市政知道它们可以短距离爬行吗
Did the city know that they could crawl short distances?
因为其中一只爬去了游泳池 还孵了蛋
'Cause one of them got in the pool and laid eggs.
好了 牛油果鱼这主意确实不太好 行吧
Fine, the avocado fish was a bad idea, okay?
你的任职前100天不能这样结束 先生
This cannot be how you end your first 100 days, sir.
洛杉矶之声
鳗鱼灾难
鳗鱼灾难
"Eel Bummer"?
他们在内页里
Inside, they did a really good job
还用水形物语里的怪物修了张挺好的图
of photoshopping the creature from "Shape of Water"--
不好
Oh, no.
他们把你修成了那个哑女
Oh, they made you the mute lady.
天 这怪物真是让你很难受
Gosh, he is really giving it to you.
我的一生
This is the kind of problem
都在解决这种问题
that I have been solving my entire life.
但我不知道如何能摆脱这局面
I just don't know how to truck-drive my way out of this.
老天 这是什么味道
Oh, my God, what is that smell?
外面有抗♥议♥者在扔猴脸鳗鱼
There are protesters outside throwing monkeyface eel.
有趣的是 牛油果鱼
Fun fact: the avocado fish
只吃其他鱼的排泄物
exclusively eats the feces of other fish.
杰登 给阿道弗斯·哈斯打电♥话♥
Jayden, get Adolphus Hass on the phone.
没错 我觉得这是正确的决定 先生
Yeah, I think that's the right call, sir.
-我们补助 -请离开
- We subsidize-- - Please leave.
你闻着就像渡轮码头的卫生间
You smell like the bathroom at a ferry terminal.
我知道 先生 很抱歉
I know, sir. I'm so sorry.
肖小姐
Oh, Ms. Shaw?
-你有空吗 -当然 随时
- Do you have a moment? - Of course, always.
我不清楚你发现没有
I don't know if you realized this,
但你昨晚在跟我通话的时候睡着了
but you fell asleep last night while I was talking to you.
我吗
Me did?
你确定
Are you sure?
肖小姐
Ms. Shaw?
不 卡迪B 不要用你的指甲伤害那根腌黄瓜
No, Cardi B, don't hurt that pickle with your nails.
它还只是个孩子啊
It's a cucumber's baby.
那是椅子的声音
That was a chair.
这确实发生了 身体有时是会背叛理智
It happens. Our bodies betray us sometimes.
我笑的时候还会漏尿 你别说
I pee a little when I laugh, so needless to say,
我还挺关心这出《成长没烦恼》重启版的
I'm very concerned about this "Who's the Boss?" Reboot.
不管怎样 在给市长演说前
Anyway, maybe I need to tighten up my "Presentache"
我可能还需要精简下发言
before we take it to the mayor.
根据昨天来看 你觉得需要删点什么
From the pitch yesterday, what would you cut?
天呐 好难 都很棒
Oh, gosh, that's hard. It's so good.
好的 那你觉得我该保留哪些
Okay, well, what would you say I have to keep?
我觉得图表 还不错
I really responded to... graph.
你这嗜睡的懒猪
You narcoleptic skunk.
你昨天也睡着了
You fell asleep yesterday too!
我知道 很抱歉
I know. I'm so sorry!
我整晚没睡 求你别打我
I haven't been sleeping. Please don't hurt me.
我是你的老大 但我能让给你
I'm your boss, but you can be boss.
你中午想吃什么
What do you want for lunch?
好了 别管这个了 你直接打我吧
Okay, get it over with. Just hit me.
不 这算什么
Oh, no, what was that?
好奇怪
That was so weird.
那到底是什么意思
What did it mean?
这不是我们的风云人物吗
Well, if it isn't the man of the hour.
我就想赶紧平息这一切
I just want to put this whole thing behind me.
美国乡村笑话
农夫女儿也这么对圣经推销员说过
Oh, said the farmer's daughter to the Bible salesman.
抱歉说了些市井笑话
Sorry for the constant folksiness.
看来我还在怀念一个并不存在的美国
I think maybe I'm nostalgic for an America that never existed.
好的 抱歉 我们得挪走这辆卡车
Okay, sorry, we're gonna have to move this truck.
它把哈斯牛油果农场的"H"挡住了
It's blocking the H in Hass Avocado Farms,
所以它看上去像是"屁♥股♥牛油果农场"
so it, uh, looks like "Ass Avocado Farms."
我挪不了 我不得不把我的司机都辞退了
No, I can't move it. I had to lay off all my drivers.
那辆可怜的卡车已经停在那一周了
That poor truck's been there all week.
我能挪走它
Well, I can move it.
我是有卡车驾照的
I've actually got a trucker's license.
三重威胁
Triple threat:
市长 卡车司机
Mayor, truck driver,
还有大长腿
and legs for days.
我得推迟一下那些资金的发放 阿道弗斯
I'm gonna have to put a hold on those funds, Adolphus.
突然有急事 对不对 杰登
Something's come up. Right, Jayden?
对
Yes,
出了一起事故 医生说
there's been an accident, and the doctor said,
"我不能给这个孩子做手术 他是我儿子"
"I can't operate on this boy. He's my son,"
-因为医生是个妈咪 -是谁
- because the doctor was a mommy! - Uh, who is this--oh, oh!
-等等 -先生 怎么回事
- Wait! Wait! - Sir, what's going on?
麦斯科曼小姐
Ms. Meskimen?
很抱歉这么晚打给你
I'm sorry to be calling so late,
但今天的事让我很过意不去
but I feel terrible about what happened today,
而且我还有几个关于
and I also had a couple follow-up questions
你给我的那个死亡之吻的后续问题
about the kiss of death that you gave me.
我就想着今晚可能会接到你的电♥话♥
I thought I might hear from you tonight.
还是睡不着是吗
Still can't sleep, huh?
"我们得挖到根[刨根问底]"
"We need to get to the root of this,"
濒危的加州田鼠曾这样说过
said the endangered California vole.
这是个笑话吗
Is that a joke,
还是他真那么说了
or did he really say that?
我太累了
I'm so tired.
我知道我在你这个年纪时
I know what kept me up at night
是什么让我睡不着
when I was your age.
是个叫冒充者综合征的小东西
It was a little something called impostor syndrome.
男人对这个免疫
Men are immune to it,
但女士们有可能会得
but it's got a taste for skirts.
你会觉得你力不从心
It's that feeling that you're in over your head
你会觉得大家都知道
and that everyone knows,
每次有人把你错当成实习生
and every time someone mistakes you for an intern
或者群发邮件提醒从车♥库♥进
or leaves you off an email chain about entering through the garage
避免被人扔鳗鱼时偏偏漏了你
to avoid getting eel thrown at you.
那种感觉会滋长
That feeling grows,
那种觉得自己不配待在这里的感觉
that feeling that you don't deserve to be here.
对上了 是不是
It adds up, right?
你在这之前干过什么
I mean, what were your jobs before this?
领英上说
According to LinkedIn,
你曾是"羽翼"的气氛协调员
you were a vibe coordinator at The Wing.
为女性打造的会员制工作场所
还有弗艾尔音乐节又是怎么回事
And what the hell is the Fyre Festival?
管理混乱极为失败的音乐节 最终被取消
如果眨眼182上了飞机肯定就成了
It would have worked if Blink-182 had gotten on the plane.
美国著名朋克乐队
我觉得我们都知道那么说你自己都不信
I think we both know you don't believe that.
总之 冒充者综合征 那就是你的症结
Anyway, impostor syndrome, that's your problem.
做个好梦
Sweet dreams.
现在你能告诉我为什么来这了吧
Now will you tell me why we're here?
在车上我就想跟你说的 杰登
I tried to tell you in the car, Jayden,
但你一直跟着广播唱
but you wouldn't stop singing along with the radio.
那是因为曼迪·摩尔找回她的声音了 先生
Well, because Mandy Moore has found her voice, sir.
好吧
All right.
这是离哈斯农场最近的不卖♥♥葡萄酒的酒吧
This is the closest bar to Hass Farms that doesn't sell wine.
我们在找卡车司机
We're looking for truck drivers,
任何戴63工会帽子或是有63腰部纹身的人
anyone with a Local 63 hat or a tramp stamp.
中奖了
Jackpot.
打扰一下 伙计们 抱歉
Excuse me, fellas, uh, sorry.
你们是开长途过来的还是本地的
Are you guys long haul or local?
按喇叭 哔哔 对不对 伙计们
Honk, honk, beep, beep. Am I right, guys?
抱歉 你刚说什么
Sorry. What were you saying?
我们都是为西米谷的大农场开车的
We all drive for big farms in Simi Valley.
我在哈斯干
I'm with Hass.
-真的吗 -是啊
- Really? - Yeah.
我是848工会的 在长滩
Well, I'm, uh, Local 848, Long Beach.
一个城里娃
A city boy.
是城里男人好吗 瞧瞧他