市长先生（2021）

Born in 1981, I like to think I might be the original Jayden.
其实这名字是一种组合
It's sort of a combination.
我的名字来源于我父亲杰米
I'm named after my father, Jaime,
还有他最好的朋友登尼斯
and his best friend, Dennis.
好吧 奥丽 你的手♥机♥在外面
Yeah, Orly, your phone's out here,
所以我知道你最终还是会出来的
so I know you're gonna cave eventually.
不要再控制我的话了
Stop controlling my narrative!
好吧 麦斯科曼医院女士挑动残疾人群体
Okay, Councilwoman Meskimen has the disabled community
强烈抨击吸管禁令
pretty fired up over the straw ban.
这我倒是没想到 好吧 好吧
I hadn't thought of that. All right, all right.
好吧 我会亲自出钱为有需要的人
All right, uh, I will personally donate steel straws
-捐赠铁质吸管 -太好了
- to anyone who needs one, okay? - Great.
亲爱的 听着 听着 亲爱的
Sweetheart, look. Look, look, honey.
这是谁啊
Who is this guy?
他为什么穿西装配拖鞋
And why is he wearing flip-flops with a suit?
是医生的处方
They're prescription.
我有足幽闭恐怖症
I have podiatric claustrophobia.
好吧 夸比斯 听着 找一个
Okay, Kwapis, look, just have somebody
环境议会的人去说吸管禁令有多么好
from the Environmental Council say how good the straw ban is.
那帮人其实也很不爽
Yeah, it turns out those folks are upset too
因为让郊狼误食塑料吸管
because choking on plastic straws
其实是一种非官方的
is an unofficial cost-free way
免费控制种群数量手段
to control the coyote population.
他们觉得没有了吸管 我们肯定要有麻烦了
Without the straws, they think we're in trouble.
郊狼麻烦
Coyote-wise.
你必须取消这愚蠢的塑料禁令
You have to cancel this stupid straw ban.
你的妻子说得很对 先生
Your wife makes a great point, sir.
她是我的女儿 夸比斯
She's my teenage daughter, Kwapis.
我很抱歉 洛杉矶这种关系总是分不清
I'm so sorry. It is very confusing in LA.
让我们吸
Let us suck!
-让我们吸 让我们吸 -天
- Let us suck! Let us suck! - Oh, boy.
让我们吸
Let us suck!
快看那个标语
Look at that sign.
真好 好了 好了
That's great. Okay, okay.
好了 好了 好了
All right. All right, all right.
伙计们
Hey, buddies!
嘘我
Boo?
嘘你们
Boo you!
你们好受吗 嘘你们
How do you like that, huh? Boo!
我觉得你处理得很好 先生
I think you handled that perfectly, sir.
我不喜欢被人说有问题 汤米
I don't like being told I'm problematic, Tommy.
没有人喜欢
Yeah, well, nobody does,
但我们都有需要撤回的时候
but cancellation comes for us all.
我是又一次我开玩笑
Mine was a joke tweet about
发推说希望德雷克干♥死♥我的逼
how I wanted Drake to murder my vagina.
我避开了雷区里的所有雷
I avoided all the mines in the mine field,
但我还是被架上了十字架
and I'm still getting crucified.
-我可以说被架上十字架吗 -当然了
- Am I allowed to say crucified? - Of course.
刚刚是特殊时期
It was a different time one second ago.
阿比·麦斯科曼加大了火力
Uh, Arpi Meskimen is doubling down.
她现在呼吁拆除
She's now calling for the removal
某些"冒犯的城市地标"
of certain "Offensive city landmarks."
让我猜猜 这城里有个里根的雕像
Yeah, let me guess, there's a Reagan statue somewhere.
-差不多... -鲍勃大男孩[一家餐厅]
- Close-- - Bob's Big Boy.
雇佣的全是白人 让我每晚都在做性噩梦
It whitewashes the labor force and gives me sexual nightmares.
你在第一天真是惹出了不少麻烦啊 议员女士
You got a lot of issues for day one, Councilwoman.
我还能继续惹 市长先生
And I can keep them coming, Mr. Mayor.
我想看看你在2017年旱灾期间的水费单
I wanna see your water bill during the 2017 drought.
特许学校 允不允许
Charter schools, yay or nay?
你有没有在图享上发过全黑图
Did you post the black square on Instagram?
不管有没有 你怎么敢做这种事
Either way, how dare you.
你到底对我有什么意见 阿比
What's your beef with me, Arpi?
没有意见
No beef.
我是素食主义者
I'm a vegan.
我只是觉得选举中明明有更好的人选
I just think there were better choices on the ballot.
真的吗 谁呢
Really? Who?
自♥由♥党的色情明星 还是加里·科尔曼的鬼魂
The libertarian porn star, or Gary Coleman's ghost?
我告诉你 我看过巴琼加小姐的片子
I'll have you know I watched Ms. Bazonga's films,
她看上去是一个非常努力工作的人
and she seems like a real hard worker
还懂的如何多线程工作
who knows how to multitask.
要是我也能这么夸你就好了
I wish I could say the same about you.
好了 阿比
Come on, Arpi.
我们可以想办法达成共识的
We can find some common ground here.
我们都是同龄人
We're both the same age.
我比你年轻十岁
I am 10 years younger than you.
但人们依然觉得我是一个古怪的老女人
But I'm still perceived as a kooky, old woman,
而你是一个性感可勾搭的男人
and you're still a sexually viable man.
谢谢你
Thank you.
好了 我们的共同点是
All right, here's something we have in common.
我们选择这一行都是为了服务这座城市
We both got into this to serve the city.
我为这座城市服务了30年
I've been serving the city for 30 years.
而你只是泡在你在贝莱尔的香槟泳池里
You were floating in your pool full of champagne in Bel Air.
-那水泥壁肯定会坏的 -然后你看到了一个预兆
- That would ruin the grout. - And you saw a sign.
一个你选择追随的魔法预兆
A magical sign that you were chosen to lead.
这么说不公平
That's not fair.
你想知道我竞选市长的真正理由吗
You wanna know the real reason I ran for mayor?
-洗耳恭听 -我是为了奥丽
- I would love to. - I did it for Orly.
你是说法国的那个机场吗
The airport in France?
不 是我的女儿
No, my daughter.
她是在法国那个机场怀上的
Who was conceived at the airport in France.
德尔加多市长现在正坐在这辆出租车的后座
Mayor Delgado's now believed to be in the back of this taxi
市长逃离本市
市政官方 "交给我们吧"
并要求司机 原话是
and has requested the driver to quote,
"直接开车冲进海里"
"Drive him into the ocean."
不 那不是脏衣服 是我爸爸
No, that's not laundry. That's my dad.
不 他不工作的 甚至不用远程开会
No, he doesn't work. Not even on Zoom.
没有 他没有被"米兔"
No, he wasn't Me Too-ed.
不 做沙拉的那家伙叫保罗·纽曼
No, the salad dressing guy was Paul Newman.
我不知道啊 什么都不干吧
I don't know. Nothing?
我爱你 爸爸
I love you, Dad!
我等一下帮你关掉电视
I'll help you turn off the TV later.
看来洛杉矶需要一名新市长了
Looks like Los Angeles is going to need a new mayor.
她觉得我是一个没用的老人
She thinks I'm a useless, old man.
这么说让你好受点了吗
Does that make you feel better?
我明白 她没见过我工作
And I get it. Never seen me work.
她的妈妈八年前去世了
Her mother died eight years ago,
那时候 我就决定要提款退休
and when that happened, I decided to cash out and retire.
我要尽可能地陪伴着奥丽
I wanted to be around Orly as much as possible.
-气氛越来越紧张了 -我知道
- This is getting intense. - I know.
我都忘了原来我们在这里
I forgot we were even here.
但现在 我有机会向她证明
But now, I have a chance to prove to her--
向我自己证明 我没有完
to--to myself that I'm not done.
还没有
Not yet.
你竞选市长是为了取悦你的女儿
You ran for mayor to impress your daughter?
真是一个给孩子的好礼物 她肯定乐开花了
What a fun present for a child. She must be over the moon.
其实 她对我很生气
Yeah, actually, she's furious with me.
天 你真是不知道自己在干什么
Boy, you really don't know what you're doing.
不仅是工作上 还有在家庭中
Not just at work, but at home.
不好意思 但我经营过一家市值几十亿的公♥司♥
Excuse me, but I ran a billion-dollar company.
我还是懂点东西的
I do know a few things.
你需要学会如何倾听 白佬
You need to learn how to listen, Whitey.
-白佬 -你的头发
- Whitey? - Your hair.
当我的选民气冲冲地来找我时
When my constituents come to me pissed off,
他们不想听到我说他们错了
they don't wanna hear that they're wrong,
或者让我解释我的本意是好的
or have me explain that my intentions were good.
他们只是希望被聆听
They just wanna be heard.
那我该怎么做呢 我会去聆听
So what do I do? I listen.
然后我说"谢谢你告诉我"
And I say, "Thank you for telling me that."
这才是你应付小希思罗[机场名]的正确方法
That's what you should do with little Heathrow.
你故意叫错的
All right, you messed that up on purpose.
-我不聊了 -准备好了吗 市长先生