市长先生（2021）

洛杉矶市 建于1781年
-早安 先生 -早上好
- Good morning, sir. - Morning.
-早上好 市长先生 -你好
- Good morning, Mr. Mayor. - Hello.
-见到您很高兴 市长 -早安
- Good to see you, mayor. - Morning.
早上好 早安
Good morning. Morning.
早上好
Morning.
你知道我是迷路了吧
You do realize I'm lost, right?
-这边走 先生 -早安
- Oh, uh, it's this way, sir. - Morning.
先生 我知道您拒绝使用提词器
Sir, I know you said no to the teleprompter,
但请您记得强调创造就业
but just remember to emphasize job creation,
还有 拜托别再尝试说西语了
and please don't try to speak Spanish again.
西语里"狗狗"和"但是"是同一个词 又不能怪我
It's not my fault pero means "Dog" and "But."
这也太傻了
That's just goofy.
您最好把手表交给我保管 先生
You might wanna let me hold your watch, sir.
戴爱彼表可能会被视为精英主义者
An Audemars Piguet might be perceived as elitist.
精英这个词几时变成负面的了 汤米
When exactly did elite become a bad word, Tommy?
2001年设计师派瑞·艾力斯的精英古龙水问世时
2001, Perry Ellis introduces Elite cologne.
尾调是熏草豆和橡苔 给谁用啊
Base notes of tonka bean and oakmoss--who is that for?
打扰了 布里莫先生
Excuse me, Mr. Bremer?
我是杰登·夸比斯 传媒部临时部长
Hi, I'm Jayden Kwapis, Interim Director of Communications.
你的手很...暖 杰登
You're hand's very... warm, Jayden.
是的 我刚拿着一块法包披萨
Yes, I was holding a French bread pizza.
-好吧 -您准备好了吗 先生
- Okay. - Are you ready, sir?
如果我说没有呢
What if I say no?
市长先生 市长先生
Mr. Mayor! Mr. Mayor!
你们能相信吗
Can you believe this?
市长先生
第一季 第一集
真没想到我会站在这里
Well, hey, I never thought I'd be standing here.
我知道你肯定没想过 瑞克
And I know you didn't, Rick.
我不是政客
I'm not a politician.
去年这个时候 我是个快乐的退休人士
This time last year, I was happily retired,
推杆 锻炼 从不使用我的户外厨房♥
putting, exercising, and never using my outdoor kitchen.
在大家觉得隔离另类之前 我就已经在隔离了
I was quarantining before it was cool.
不会吧
Heigh-ho!
好吧 接太早了
Uh, too soon, maybe.
但我热爱这座城市
But I love this city.
和许多洛杉矶人一样
Like so many Angelenos,
我选择在洛杉矶安家
I chose LA as my home.
1976年 我跟随一个女朋友来到这里
In 1976, I followed a girlfriend out here.
典型的加州故事
Classic California story.
她想当演员 但没能成功
She wanted to be an actress, but hey, she didn't make it.
她被暗夜跟踪魔杀了
She was killed by the Night Stalker.
借撒旦之名奸♥杀♥碎尸的连环杀手
但我在试图找到她的期间
But in my attempts to find her,
无意中进入了户外广♥告♥行业
I stumbled into the outdoor advertising business.
广♥告♥牌
Billboards.
20年来 你们被困在拉布雷亚时
For 20 years, I gave you something to dream about
是我给了你们梦想的目标
while you were stuck on La Brea.
科学教 安吉莉
Scientology, Angeline,
顺便还有 《护士当家》
for your consideration, "Nurse Jackie."
但如今 我重披战袍
But now, I'm unretired
因为我的城市需要我
because my city needed me.
我们都很感激前任市长德尔加多
We're all grateful to former Mayor Delgado.
在那段前所未有的艰难时期里
He served this city valiantly
他英勇无畏地为这座城市效力
through an unprecedented time.
也许是雷击引发了地震
The lightning strikes may have caused the earthquake,
2020新冠大火
德尔加多市长在市中心每小时进行紧急汇报
地震又使得许多检测中心关闭
which has shut down a number of testing centers.
我们昨晚得知一直用于
Now, we learned overnight that the app we've been using
2020新冠大火
德尔加多市长在市中心每小时进行紧急汇报
远程教育的应用是恶意软件
for distance learning is malware
也许正在拍摄你孩子上厕所...
and might be filming your kids on the toilet--
先生 我们刚发现杀人黄蜂卷土重来
Sir, we just found out that the murder hornets are back,
原来它们并不是黄蜂
and it turns out, they are not hornets.
而是朝鲜的微型战斗机
They are tiny North Korean fighter jets.
我不干了
I'm out!
2020 我被你击垮了
2020, you broke me!
剩下的你们都知道了 德尔加多退休了
Y'all know the rest. Delgado retired,
乡村歌♥手多莉·帕顿出钱给所有人买♥♥了疫苗
Dolly Parton bought everyone the vaccine,
他们号♥召补选 我便加入了
they called a special election, and I jumped in.
你们想知道我为何加入吗
You wanna know why I jumped in?
因为那天市长辞职了
Because that day, the mayor quit.
随后人们发现他攀爬我其中一块广♥告♥牌
And he was later found climbing one of my billboards.
记得吗 没错
Remember that? Yeah.
那块广♥告♥牌写着
And the billboard said,
"布里莫 现在有空了"
"Bremer. Available Now."
知道吗
And you know what?
我当时心想 "那块广♥告♥牌是个预兆"
I thought to myself, "That sign is a sign."
好了 有人提问吗
All right, questions. Anyone?
这边 就是你
Over here. Yeah?
您什么时候任命官员
When will you be making appointments?
您还没任命任何一位副市长
You haven't named a single deputy mayor.
因为我不想要副市长
And I don't want any.
就像我女儿以前擦屁屁时说的
Like my daughter used to say about wiping her tushy,
"不要 我自己来"
"No! Me do it."
不要副市长
No deputy mayors.
听着 我知道这座城市面临着各种严重问题
Look, I know that this city has big, big issues facing it.
所以今天我想先从一件我们都能
That's why today, I wanna start with something small
达成共识的小事开始
we can all agree on.
我想禁止一件...
I wanna ban something...
糟糕的事
that sucks.
你们猜是什么事
Guess what it is?
老天 真不敢相信他赢了
Oh, my God, I can't believe he won.
真不敢相信是我♥干♥的好事
I can't believe I did this.
比洋娃娃大吗
Is it bigger than a doll?
双种族推文会紧咬我不放的
Biracial Twitter's gonna come for me.
你在说什么
What are you talking about?
是我让那个白人老头看起来可靠有型
I made that old, white man seem cogent and cool.
是我叫他在诊疗所登广♥告♥
I got him to advertise in dispensaries.
是我安排他的人形纸板在NBA总决赛时
I got his cardboard cutout seated next to Kendall Jenner
坐在网红肯豆·詹娜旁边
at the NBA Finals.
是我给他那台玩具手♥机♥ 骗他他正在上面发推
I got him that toy phone, and told him he was tweeting on it.
好了 你现在到底是焦虑发作
Okay, is this an anxiety attack,
-还是单纯自夸 -两样都有
- or are you just bragging? - It's both!
因为我 他才赢得68%的选票
Because of me, he won 68% of the vote.
他赢得了8%愿意投票的选民中68%的票
He won 68% of the 8% of people who voted,
顺便提醒下 千万别告诉他
which, by the way, never tell him.
-重要的是他当选了 -但他不够格
- What matters is that he's in! - But he's not qualified.
他以为圣塔莫尼卡是洛杉矶的一部分
He thinks Santa Monica is part of Los Angeles.
-他不完美 那又怎样 -何止不完美
- So he's not perfect. - Perfect?
汤米 那台玩具手♥机♥能发出牲口的叫声
Tommy, that toy phone makes farm animal sounds.
记住 选举不是婚姻
Remember, election is not marriage.
你不是要找到命中注定的完美配偶
You're not trying to find "The one."
就跟相亲一样 不会是完美的
It's like dating. It's not going to be perfect.
也不会有趣 愉快或充实
Or fun, or good, or fulfilling,
但你还是要照做 这样你妈才能在教会炫耀
but you do it so your mom can brag at church.
好吧 我接受这份工作时
Okay, I took this job
是作为短期高薪公♥关♥任务来接的
as a short, high-paying PR challenge.
现在我们赢了 我要怎么样
Now, we won, and I'm supposed to just, what?
为市政♥府♥工作吗
Work for the city?
我的粉丝们想看我发布的可不是这种内容
That's not content my followers wanna see.
如果你想的话 就走人吧
Well, bail if you want to.
我很激动能成为这届政♥府♥的一份子
I am excited about being a part of this administration.
是吗 你是打算全心投入吗
Really, you're telling me you're all-in?
把未来押在这人身上
On this guy?
不 我非常能接受机器人警力这个想法
No. I'm very open to the idea of a robot police force.
谢谢你提醒我
Thank you for reminding me.
我觉得他是个有魅力的 思想开放的无党派人士
I think he's a charismatic, open-minded independent.
所以如果你没办法加入进来
So if you can't get on board,
那就别与我同床共枕 同舟共济
then you should get the hell out of my bed.
搞什么《白宫风云》那一套
Ew, "West Wing,"