怪兽上班（2021）

Rinse! Swish!
我得说 你真是一肚子笑料 一肚子笑料
I tell ya, you're a comedy tank. Comedy tank!
你的搞笑完全不靠抛烂梗 沃佐斯基先生
When it comes to humor, you throw no punch lines, Mr. Wazowski.
吐 你不抛烂梗
Spit! You throw no punch lines!
现在接着去下一轮吧
Now let's get you out there for the next round.
你已经连轴转了18个小时了
You've been at this 18 hours straight.
-你得休息一下 -"休息"
- You need to take a break. - "A break"?
萨利 我可是一个人在给全怪兽都市供电呢
Sulley, I am personally powering Monstropolis.
看 第一名 第二名... 第四名
Look! First place, second place... fourth place?
笑声总量
都怪那个兰基和他会转的领结
Uh, that Lanky and his spinning bowtie.
咱们看看谁能笑到最后 兰基
We'll see who gets the last laugh, Lanky.
麦克 你需要休息
Mike, you need to relax.
就交给别人一会吧
Let the others handle it for a while.
我没事 我得让孩子们继续笑
I'm fine. I gotta keep the kids laughing.
我有天赋 萨利
I got a gift, Sulley.
可不能对我们可爱的小朋友
You do not hide a gift like mine
隐藏我的天赋
from my tiny, adoring friends.
如果你要让孩子们继续笑
If you're gonna keep the kids laughing,
那你最好来点咖啡
we'd better get you some coffee.
好了
Okay.
奶精 糖
Creamer, sugar.
糖 奶精 搅拌棒呢 没有搅拌棒
Sugars. Creamers, stir sticks. No stir sticks.
在哪呢
Where is it?
快喝吧 这会让你清醒点
There you go. That'll help.
太难喝了
That's horrible.
一股手指头味
Tastes like someone's finger.
真奇怪
That's weird.
谢了 萨利
Well, thanks, Sulley.
沃佐斯基
Wazowski!
最好别在你的喜剧课上睡着了
Better not fall asleep in your comedy class.
对了 我午饭时间还要教喜剧课
That's right. I'm teaching comedy class at lunch.
麦克 你没法一直这样撑下去
Mike, you can't keep going like this.
其实是可以的 苏利文先生
Actually, he can, Mr. Sullivan,
只要来点36又1/2小时能量饮料
with a little something called 36 1/2 Hour Energy drink.
36又1/2小时能量饮料
对 没有73小时能量饮料的时候
Yeah. Me and Needleman drink two of those
我和内德勒曼会喝两瓶这个
when we run out of our 73 Hour Energy drink.
这比18又1/4小时能量饮料强效两倍
It's twice as good as the 18 1/4 Hour Energy drink.
是吗 我不知道
Yeah? I don't know.
这么小小一瓶
Thirty-six-and-a-half hours
就有36个半小时能量 听起来实在...
sounds like a lot of energy for such a little...
现在 你期盼已久的时刻要到了
And now, the moment you've been waiting for.
-没有期盼已久 -泰勒 这是你的桌子
- Haven't been waiting. - Tylor, this is your desk.
-真幸运 -这不是你们的休息桌吗
- Lucky. - Isn't this your break table?
-这张桌子... -也就是所有人的桌子
- This table... - Which is everybody's table.
也兼作你的个人办公桌
...will double as your very own desk.
而且哪张桌子能没有
And what desk wouldn't be complete
-你的个人名牌呢 -没错
- without your very own nameplate? - Yes!
-你获得了 -免费清凉爽口饮
- You get... - Complimentary Drooler Cooler.
每滴都是真口水
Real drool in every drop.
-"我为怪兽设团添彩"马克杯 -这以前是我的
- "I gift MIFT" coffee mug. - That used to be mine.
我为怪兽设团添彩
-还有你的照片 -还有我噢
- A picture of yourself. - And me.
你是从哪... 这是监控截图吗
Where did you... Is this from a security camera?
-最后 也是很重要的 -很重要的
- And last but not least... - Not least.
你神圣的纪念扳手 上面刻着...
...your ceremonial sacred wrench engraved...
-我亲手刻的 -我们最新成员的名字
- I engraved it. - ...with the name of our newest member.
泰勒
-欢迎 泰勒 -我们的一份子
- Welcome, Tylor! - One of us!
你们真的不用这么麻烦的
I mean, you really shouldn't have gone to all this trouble.
我在这里待不了多久
I am not going to be here that long.
这话我爱听
I like the sound of that.
你喜欢吗 罗托
Do you like it, Roto?
罗托不相信 所以我也不相信
Roto doesn't trust it. Therefore, I don't trust it.
他居然能在公♥司♥养宠物吗
Is he even allowed to have pets at work?
什么"宠物" 他可是我的情感支持动物
"Pet"? He's my emotional support animal.
是不是 罗托
Aren't you, Roto?
这是病情需要
It's a medical condition.
现在你在这等着 泰勒 我们还有一个惊喜
Now, you wait here, Tylor, 'cause we have one more surprise.
-你会超爱的 -真走运
- You're gonna love it. - L-U-C-K-O-Y.
与此同时 我在这让小泰勒
Meanwhile, I'll get ol' young Tylor here
来简单修理一下能量罐
set up with some simple canister refurbishments.
好了 小白脸 这是个A-188类B系列能量罐
All right, pretty boy. Here's a type A-188 series B canister.
旧的筛网阀即将
The old screen valve's about to
在23秒内出现灾难性故障
experience a catastrophic failure in 23 seconds.
-这是手册 上吧 -好吧...
- Here's the manual. Go. - Okay...
十五秒
Fifteen seconds!
"流量阀 F-4" 不 不对 算了
"Flow valve, F-4." No, no. Forget it.
-还有五秒 -肯定有... 不不不
- Five seconds! - There's gotta... No. No, no, no.
趴下 趴下
Get down! Get down!
该吃午饭了
Well, time for lunch.
弗利兹肯定会很失望
Fritz sure will be disappointed.
你可真是胡来
You really messed that up.
知道吗 我来告诉你什么才是胡来
Ok, you know what? I'll tell you what's messed up.
你想杀了我 好吗
You trying to kill me, okay?
你们才是胡来的人
You guys are the ones who are messed up.
我要去上喜剧课 疯狂的怪兽设团团员
I'm going to comedy class. Crazy MIFTers.
怪兽设团人 怪兽设团成员
MIFTonians. MIFTies.
什么鬼设团 我要出去
MIFTamacallits. MIFTouts.
推
Push?
怪咖们
MIFTfits.
彩罐时间 砸彩罐了 好耶
Pi?ata time, pi?ata time, olé!
-怎么回事 -出什么事了
- Hey. - What happened?
邓肯 你做了什么
Duncan, what did you do?
别听他的 好吗
Don't listen to him, okay?
他太夸张了 我没想杀了他
He's exaggerating. I didn't try to kill him.
那个新人连简单的阀门都不会换
The rookie couldn't change a simple valve.
他去哪里了
Where did he go?
我不知道 他说过喜剧课什么的
I don't know. He said something about a comedy class.
-我不清楚他的日程安排 -喜剧课
- I don't keep his schedule. - Comedy class?
他都没提过喜剧课
He didn't say anything about a comedy class.
我不明白
I don't understand.
我那么努力想让他感到宾至如归
I tried so hard to make him feel welcome here.
我给了他一张桌子 一个铭牌 看啊
I gave him a desk, a nameplate, and look,
他都没喝他的清凉爽口饮
he never even drank his Drooler Cooler.
好伤心
Sad sigh.
欢迎 欢迎来到麦克的喜剧第一课
Welcome. Welcome you all to Mike's very first class on comedy.
沃佐斯基娱乐出品
麦克的喜剧课
我是麦克 你们好
I'm Mike. Hello.
这是我的喜剧课堂 在我们开始前
And it's my class, a class on comedy. Now before we get started,
我想先聊聊我自己
I'd like to say a few words about me
和我个人的喜剧之旅
and my personnal comedy journey.
我出生在一个小村庄
I was born in a tiny hamlet...
我必须去搞笑层 你们明白我的意思吗
I have got to get onto that Laugh Floor, you know what I mean?
真是等不及了呢
Yeah, can't happen soon enough.
是啊 可不是吗
Oh yeah. Tell me about it.
他们让我和那些怪兽设团的疯子在一起
They stuck me down with the MIFT lunatics.
好残忍♥
Brutal.
是的 "怪兽公♥司♥ 设施团队"
Yeah. "Monsters, Inc. Facilities Team."
我到现在都没见他们修过什么
I've yet to see them fix anything.
我很惊讶 这地方居然依然存在
I'm surprised this place is even still standing.
我越快离开那些家伙越好
Sooner I get away from those guys, the better.
泰勒 泰勒
Tylor. Tylor.
-泰勒 你好 -不 闭嘴
- Tylor! Hey! - No. Stop it!
泰泰 你好
Ty-Ty! Hi!
你们来这里干什么
What are you doing here?
-你忘了你的清凉爽口饮 -还有我们
- You forgot your Drooler Cooler. - And us.
所以我坚持我们来给你送这个
So, I insisted we all bring it to you.
我们是不是很幸运
Aren't we lucky?
更多的学生 你们好 坐 坐 快坐
More students. Hello! Take a seat. Take a seat. Take a seat.
谢谢 当你说"快坐"[拿一个座位]Thanks! So, when you say "Take a seat,"
意思是我还得还回去吗
does that mean I have to return it?