迈克和茉莉（2010）
Mike & Molly S06E11
Part 2
Dec. 15, 2020, 4:51 p.m.
Okay, well, we're not quite there yet.
好吧 不过我们还没到那一步
However, she did say that
无论如何 她都说了
Mike and I were excellent candidates for an adoption.
我和Mike是非常好的领养人选
Oh, that's wonderful! Come on. Yay! I knew it! I knew it!
哦 那太棒了 就是啊 我就知道 我就知道
Yeah, but, you know, we still have a pretty big hurdle to get over, actually.
但是 其实我们还有一个蛮大的困难要克服
Three of 'em.
其实是三个
Yeah, what Mol is saying is that there are some other aspects of the house
是啊 Molly 意思是说家里还有一些其他因素
that we have to make more presentable.
我们必须得弄得更像样一些
Are you talking about the dust bunnies under my bed?
你是在说我床底下落灰的兔兔吗
More like the weed bunny that sleeps on top of it.
其实是睡在床上的大♥麻♥兔兔
Um...
这个嘛
Look, we... we love you so much
我们 我们非常的爱你们
and we would never want to change anything about you,
我们永远也不想改变你们的任何事情
except, on Saturday,
除了 周六
when we need to change everything about you.
到时候我需要你们彻底改头换面
Not everything.
也不是方方面面啦
Just the, uh...
只是 嗯
the drugs and the drinking and the filthy language.
毒品啊 酒啊 还有污言秽语啊 一类的
That is everything.
那不就是全部吗
Well, then that's...
好吧 那这就是
what we're asking you to do.
我俩请你们做的事情
Sure. All right. Okay.
没问题 好啊 可以的
Wait, really?
等等 真的吗
It's a little insulting, but it makes a lot of sense.
虽然是有点侮辱的意味 但是这也说得通啦
We should start by getting rid of all the booze.
我们应该从解决掉所有的酒品开始
To the baby. To the baby! To the baby!
敬宝宝 敬宝宝 敬宝宝
I'm telling you, Molly's family has been taking this like champs.
Molly的家人真的豁出去了
They even let us do a full sweep of their bedrooms.
他们甚至让我们彻底清理了他们的房♥间
You find anything?
你们找到了什么东西吗
We found everything.
我们什么都找到了
Pot, illegal prescription pills, fireworks.
大♥麻♥ 非法处方药 烟火
It's like searching a car coming back from Tijuana.
就像搜查一辆从墨西哥边境回来的车一样
Hey, uh, by the way,
嘿 顺便说一下
it'd be great if you could come by the house on Saturday, too.
如果你能周六来我家的话最好了
Might help the adoption lady to see how diverse my friends are.
这或许有助于收养中心的女士意识到我朋友的多样性
Diverse?
多样性
Come on, you know what I mean?
得了吧 你知道我什么意思
I certainly do.
我当然知道
It's the "Oh, some of my best friends are black" Line.
就是说"我的朋友里还有黑人哦"
Yeah, but in my case, that's actually true, see?
没错 但这对我来说本来就是事实嘛
So, if that somehow puts me in a better light,
所以如果这事让我看起来形象更光辉
that's on society, not me.
那是社会的问题 不关我的事
And you want to exploit that.
然而你想利用这点
Yes, I do.
是的 我想
For a baby.
为了孩子
Man, how can I say no to that?
讨厌 你这下让我怎么拒绝嘛
You can't because you're my best friend.
你不能拒绝因为你是我最好的朋友
And we're right back where we started.
并且我们又回到了刚开始的话题
Ah.
啊
Uh, what time did you say you wanted me there on Saturday?
你想让我周六什么时间去你家来着
Seriously?
你搞笑吧
It's not what you think.
不是你想的那样
I invited Samuel because he's foreign.
我邀请了Samuel因为他是外国人
Gives me a little international flavor.
给我带了点国际范儿
4 o'clock.
4点
Isn't it a little premature to be setting up the crib?
现在架起婴儿床是不是有点早啊
Like lighting a bong before you load the bowl.
就好像装填好大♥麻♥之前先把烟管点着了
Okay. Now,
好了 听着
I love your colorful analogies,
我喜欢你丰富多彩的类比
but when the adoption lady comes,
但是当领养中心的女士来的时候
let's keep those all in here,
让我们把那些装在这里
so they never come out here.
永远不要从这里出来
Relax.
放轻松
I'll have her take a Xanax before they get here.
我会在他们来之前给她吃片镇静药
No, no pills, no booze, no weed.
不 不许喝酒嗑药吸大♥麻♥
It's like a mother-daughter detox. It'll be fun.
这就像母女戒瘾小游戏 会很有趣的
Fine, but if I'm not drinking,
好吧 但是如果我不喝酒的话
I can't be held responsible for my actions.
我可不能为我的行为负责
Hey, trust me.
相信我
The second that adoption lady is out the door,
在领养中心的女士踏出门口的那一刻
I'll be elbow-deep in mojitos, but until then,
我会立即把自己泡在莫吉托鸡尾酒里面 但是在那之前
we've got to prove that this house is safe,and secure,
我们一定要证明这座房♥子是安全无害的
and baby ready.
而且已经准备好迎接宝宝了
What are you talking about?
你在说什么呢
This is the same house you two grew up in and you both survived.
你们就是在这幢房♥子里长大的而且你俩现在都活下来了
Yeah, "Survived,"
是啊 "活下来了"
which implies a chance of death.
这就暗示着有死的可能性啊
I admit, you girls had some close calls.
我承认 你们俩有几次挺险的
Remember the fort you made out of that old fridge?
记得那个你用旧冰箱做的堡垒吗
Was that the day I blacked out and met the fireman?
是我晕倒然后见到消防员的那一天吗
One of 'em.
其中的一天
Okay, no childhood stories.
别讲小时候的故事了
Actually, you know what? Let's make it easy.
这样吧 简单点
No stories at all.
什么故事都别讲
It's starting to sound like you don't want us to say anything.
听起来你根本不想让我们讲话
See?
看到没
Victoria gets it.
Victoria懂了
Now, come on, these adoption people are trained
拜托 这些领养中心的人受过训练
to-to see hazards that we're not even aware of.
能看到我们没发现的危险
I mean, uncovered outlets and sharp table corners,
没包住的电源插座 尖锐的桌角
and, look.
看看
Look at these seashells.
看这些贝壳
What do you see?
你看到了什么
A crappy Christmas gift from Mom.
妈妈送的糟糕的圣诞礼物
Yes, but, to a baby?
是的 但是 对宝宝来说呢
This is a fun thing to put in your mouth.
这是个可以放进嘴里的好玩的东西
Mol!
Mol
I think I made my point.
我想我已经表达得很清楚了
Okay, Victoria, blouse.
Victoria 衬衣
Carl, gum.
Carl 口香糖
Okay.
好了
Now, the adoption lady's name is Karen.
领养中心来的女士叫做Karen
She is very nice.
她人很好
There are gonna be times where your instinct will be to talk to her.
你们会产生几次跟她谈话的冲动
Ignore those instincts.
忽略那些冲动
I think my neck size has changed since I bought this shirt 15 years ago
我觉得我脖子的尺寸跟15年前买♥♥这件衬衫时不一样了
Can you breathe? Yeah.
可以呼吸吗 可以
You're fine.
那你就没事
I told you to go with the open shirt and scarf,
跟你说了要穿开襟衬衫 再带条围巾
like Jon Voight.
像Jon Voight那样
Quit trying to make me Jon Voight.
别再逼我学Jon Voight
I'll never be Jon Voight!
我永远都无法成为Jon Voight
Okay, here we go.
来了
Ooh. Don't mind if I do.
介意我先开吃吗
I do, so don't.
介意 别吃
But I just wanted a jicama stick.
我只想要一根豆薯棒
No don't, they're stacked perfectly.
不行 它们造型摆得刚刚好
Relax, I'm good at Jenga. Hey!
别紧张 我最会玩抽积木了 嘿
Hands off the jicama.
手离豆薯棒远点
Thank you.
谢谢
Okay, now before we get started,
在开始前
I-I just want you all to know that I love you
我只想让你们知道 我爱你们
Hmm. Very much,
呵 很爱很爱
and if any one of you screws me out of getting my hands on a baby...
如果你们任何人断了我领养的路
there will be blood.
会有血光之灾
Okay.
好了
Smiles everyone. Let's have fun.
大家微笑 玩得开心
Hello.
你好
You're late.
你迟到了
For some reason, you asked the only person coming on bicycle to bring ice.
出于某种原因 你让唯一一个骑自行车来的人带冰过来
迈克和茉莉（2010）
Mike & Molly
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