迈克和茉莉（2010）
Mike & Molly S06E05
Part 2
Dec. 15, 2020, 4:48 p.m.
sound like Michael Jackson?
听起来都像迈克杰克逊
'Cause you weren't around to raise them right.
因为你没陪伴着他们长大
Yeah, they had to rely on the numerous lovers
他们不得不依靠妈妈数不清的情人们
that Molly took-- in her grief--
你死了以后
after your death.
Molly在悲痛中结交的那些
One apple fritter,
炸苹果饼
served without judgment or liability.
不带偏见 免责服务
All right, but I'm gonna spend those extra years
我多活的那几年
making your life miserable.
我要拿来折磨你
You won't regret it.
你不会后悔的
Although you would have died happy...
不过你原本可以死得很幸福
Hey, who's banging around down here?
嘿 谁在下面敲锣打鼓
Me.
我
You finally making that still
你终于开始造那个
you've been threatening to build?
你一直说要造的蒸馏器了
No, I'm trying to get into this damn thing.
不是的 我想把这个该死的东西打开
Well, don't you have a key?
你没钥匙吗
Yeah.
有
I just thought it would be more fun to spend 20 minutes
我以为多花20分钟用该死的锤子砸开
trying to open it with a freaking hammer.
会更有意思
All right, don't sass me.
好了 别对着我说气话
Give me the hammer.
给我锤子
What's in here, anyway?
里面是什么
Ugh, who can remember?
谁记得
Old savings bonds?
以前买♥♥的储蓄债券
Insurance policy?
保险单
It's just one stupid piece of the jigsaw puzzle
不过就是我人生拼图中
that is my life.
蠢死的一块
Well, you don't have to sort
你也不用现在
through all this stuff now.
就把一切整理好啊
Yes, I do.
不 我需要
You have no idea how hard things
你绝对想象不到 我死之后
are gonna be when I'm gone.
情况会有多么艰难
I got to be honest.
老实说
Things aren't that easy when you're here.
有你在 情况也好不到哪里去
I was completely blindsided when your father died.
你♥爸♥走的时候 我是真傻了眼
Gah, I had to plan a funeral,
我要策划一个葬礼
figure out bank accounts, bills,
弄清楚那些银行账户和钱
all while bawling my eyes out.
同时我还哭得快要瞎掉
I don't want you girls to have to go through all that.
我不想到时候你们两个也经历这一切
Okay.
好吧
So, it's decided.
那就这么决定了
You'll live forever.
你要永生不死
I'll see what I can do.
我尽我所能吧
All right, let's crack this clam open.
好了 让我们把这"蚌壳"撬开
See what kind of legacy
看看你给我们
you're leaving us.
留下了什么稀世珍宝
Oh.
噢
Hey.
嘿
Oh, Polaroids?
拍立得照片
Ugh.
唷
Boy, your father sure knew how to frame a shot.
你♥爸♥拍照技术是真不错啊
Boy, it feels weird being in a lawyer's office
我总觉得怪怪的 坐在律师事务所里
without a bottle of clean urine in my purse.
包包里面却没有放上一瓶"无毒"尿样
Yeah, if you're gonna keep those in the fridge,
对了 如果你下次要把那些尿样存在冰箱里
could you please label them?
贴个标签 好吗
Just so you know, once we finish with the will,
跟你们说一声啊 遗嘱写好之后
there's just a few loose ends we got to tie up.
剩下还有一点事 我们得了结了
Power of attorney, end of life issues.
法律授权书啊 我的临终事宜啊
Mainly, which one of you is gonna pull the plug.
主要是 到时候你们俩谁负责给我拔管
Mom, neither one of us is gonna pull the plug...
妈 我们两个才不会给你拔管呢
I'll do it.
我来吧
Victoria.
Victoria
Nobody is going to pull the plug.
没有人会去拔管
She's our mother, not your curling iron.
她是我们的妈 又不是你的卷发棒
I guess just working with the dead
我只是觉得这样"送人一程"
makes me more comfortable with, like, getting them there.
让我比较心安 就好像在送他们去到天堂啊
Mama's little Kevorkian.
我的"安乐"小棉袄
So, that's settled, you'll kill Mom?
那就这么说定了 你负责谋杀老妈
But we should come up with a safe word,
不过我们应该想个安全词
so I know when to do it.
这样我才知道什么时候动手
If I'm saying words, don't do it.
如果我还能说话 别动手
And, Molly, before we go in there,
还有 Molly 我们进去之前
there's something I want you to have,
我有一样东西要给你
and I don't want an argument.
我不想跟你吵
I told you I didn't want to do this when...
我跟你说了 我不想现在就这样
Oh, ooh!
哦 哦 哦
Grandma's ring!
奶奶的戒指
You two always had a special bond, Ah...
你们俩以前感情就特别好
and I know she'd want you to have it.
她也会想我把这个给你的
Oh, I don't know what to say.
我都不知道该说什么
Just say you'll keep it.
就说你会好好保管的
Of course, forever.
当然了 绝对的
Thank you.
谢谢你
Oh, and Victoria, you're getting the house.
哦 对了 Victoria 房♥子归你了
Okay. What?
好啊 啥
What do you think happens when we die?
你觉得我们死了之后 会发生什么
It's fourth and goal.
现在可是四档达阵
Can this wait?
我们能等会再聊吗
You know what,
我跟你说
remind me to never be vulnerable
我以后再也不会向你
in front of you again.
展示我内心的柔软一面了
All right, fine.
好吧 好吧
What's bothering you, princess?
公主殿下 请问你烦个啥
Do you believe in heaven?
你觉得有天堂吗
I believe that there's a quiet,
我相信我们都终将会去到
peaceful place that we all go,
一个宁静平和的地方
and today I was hoping that was the living room.
今天我希望客厅就是这个宁静平和的地方
Sorry.
抱歉
It's just that last night in bed,
只是昨晚在床上的时候
Joyce told me she didn't believe.
Joyce跟我说她不信
Threw me for a loop.
让我大吃一惊
Could have knocked me over with the feather we were using.
我们当时用着的羽毛都可以把我打晕
You know when you tell me these things,
你要知道 你每次跟我说这些细节
I can't look at Joyce for three days, right?
我都会有三天无法直视Joyce 好吗
It's not like I'm a religious man.
也不是说我有多虔诚
I'm just saying, why not pretend to believe, just in case?
只不过 以防万一 我们就不能装着信一下吗
Hedge your bets.
给自己留条后路嘛
Well, don't you think that God knows if you're full of crap?
你难道不觉得上帝会看穿你在胡说八道吗
I don't know, I think he would appreciate that I got a system.
我也不知道 说不定他会欣赏我这一套呢
Well, I guess when I think about it, I mean,
好吧 这样说的话 我也想过这些事
I do rub the Buddha's belly
我在中餐馆吃完走的时候
when I leave a Chinese restaurant.
也会摸摸佛祖的肚子
I even tried on a yarmulke once at a flea market.
我还在跳蚤市场试戴过犹太小圆帽
Not a good look on me.
一点都不适合我
I need a hat with a bill.
还是鸭舌帽比较好
Hello.
大家好啊
Victoria.
Victoria
Hey.
你好
Joyce.
Joyce
Guess who Mom's leaving the house to,
猜猜老妈打算把房♥子留给谁
and I'll give you a hint.
给你个小提示
I'm getting a stupid ring!
我只得了一个蠢死的戒指
Listen, I don't have to justify my decision to you.
你给我听好 我没必要跟你解释我的决定
Because you can't; it's lunacy.
因为你根本解释不了 你就是失去理智了
Wait a minute, what does she have on you?
等等 她手里拿着你什么把柄
I don't know what I have on her,
我都不知道自己有她什么把柄
but I know what I'm getting from her.
可我知道她会留给我什么
Yeah?
呵呵
Meet me in the driveway.
在外面车道等我
迈克和茉莉（2010）
Mike & Molly
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