迈克和茉莉（2010）

Mike & Molly S02E07

Part 1 Dec. 15, 2020, 4:23 p.m.

Carlton, Michael's out front,
Carlton Michael在门口
and you're going to be late for work again.
你上班又要迟到了
Poke your head out the door
把你的头伸出门去
and tell him I'll be there in a minute.
然后告诉他我马上就来
If I poke anything anywhere, it's going to be
就算我要伸什么
my house slipper up your behind.
也只会是把我的拖鞋伸进你屁♥股♥
Tomorrow, I'm waking that boy up
等明天我要用煤油跟火柴
with kerosene and a box of matches.
把他弄醒
Hey, Michael.
嘿 Michael
Hi, Nana.
嗨 Nana
Let me get you a cup of tea, baby.
我来给你泡杯茶
What I'd really like is for Carl
我真正想要的是
to stop using my car horn as his snooze alarm.
Carl不要再把我的车喇叭当他的闹钟用了
It's like trying
今早这就像
to rouse the dead this morning.
想要把一具尸体叫醒一样
Had to pull his covers down
你必须要把他的被子掀开
and snap a wet towel at his behind.
然后用湿毛巾扇他屁♥股♥
Truth be told, he woke up when I pulled down the covers,
老实说其实我把被子掀开的时候他就醒了
but I had to make it fun for me.
但是我得要过足瘾啊
Boy, he's really been burning the candle
他最近总是"日夜操劳"啊
at both ends lately, huh?
不是吗
Walked in my door at 3:00 this morning
凌晨三点走过我门口
with the devil's grin on his face
脸上带着魔鬼的笑容
and stripper glitter in his teeth.
牙齿还沾着脱衣舞♥女♥的闪粉
Hey, man.
嘿兄弟
I'm almost ready. I just need
我快弄完了
a couple of more minutes to moisturize.
只要还要几分钟帮我的脸保湿
Better not be using my good face cream
最好不是正在用我那上好的面霜
on them ashy elbows of yours.
涂抹你的黑不溜秋的胳膊肘
I'll stop using your face cream
我可以不用你的面霜
when you stop ruining my good razor
只要你不再用我的剃须刀
on them wiry-ass chin whiskers.
刮你那的金属线一样的胡子
What did I tell you about mentioning
我不是跟你说了
my chin whiskers in front of company?
不要在有人的时候说我的胡子吗
It's really just the one, but I ain't going to lie,
其实只有一根胡须啦
you could tow a boat with that thing.
不过那根胡须拖个船什么的没问题
Your secret's safe with me.
我会帮你保守秘密的
Michael, can I ask you something?
Michael 我可以问你个事吗
No, I cannot see it from here.
不我从这里看不到那根胡须
Thank you, baby.
谢谢了宝贝
But what I was wondering is if you know any girls you can introduce Carl to.
不过我是想问你有没有认识的女孩可以介绍给Carl的
I don't think Carl's really looking for anything serious right now.
我不认为Carl现在想认真的谈恋爱
He's still kind of sowing his wild oats.
他现在还年轻放荡不羁嘛
Well, if he keeps carrying on the way he is,
如果他继续这样下去的话
I'm going to be sewing him into his bedsheets
我就要把他缝到他的床单里面
and beating him with a bag of oranges.
然后用一袋子橘子狂揍他
You know what? I'll keep my eyes open.
好吧我会留意的
All right, if the two of you can wrap up the chitchat,
如果你们可以不再没事闲聊
then maybe I won't be late for work.
也许我就不会每天迟到了
If I killed him, you'd give me
如果我现在宰了他
a head start, wouldn't you?
你不会拦我吧
mmm.
嗯
Man, I really appreciate you driving today.
伙计我真心感谢你今天开车载我
Happy to do it.
乐意效劳
Is this the farthest the seat goes back?
这个座位调到最后了吗
The problem ain't how far it goes back;
问题不是你调到多后
It's how far you go forward.
而是你身体有多厚
Every time I turn the wheel, my shirt comes untucked.
每次我一转方向盘我的衬衫就会崩开
Well, I-I can drive if you want me to.
如果你想让我来开也行
Ah, relax. You look beat.
哦放轻松你看起来像被打了一样
I did party pretty late last night.
我昨晚派对到很晚
One of the dancers and I made a real connection.
有个舞者我们联♥系♥得很好
"Connection," Like her hair extensions
"联♥系♥得很好" 像她接的假发
got caught in your zipper "Connection"?
卡到你的裤拉链那种"联♥系♥得很好"吗
Hey, don't make it dirty.
嘿不要想得那么不纯洁
No, this was a spiritual thing.
这是心灵上的联♥系♥
She gave me a three-song lap dance,
她给我跳了三首歌♥的大腿舞
but only charged me for two.
但是只收了我两首歌♥的钱
You sure she just wasn't bad at math?
你确定她不是数学很差吗
That was my first thought, too, but then I saw her
我第一反应也是这样但后来我又看见她
adding her tips up at the end of the night.
那天晚上算小费的样子
Girl was like rain man in a g-string.
像个穿丁字裤的雨人啊
Tell me, Carl, you ever feel like maybe
告诉我 Carl 你有没有觉得
you're wasting your naturally loving nature
你把真挚的感情浪费在了
on, shall we say, skanks?
那些渣渣身上
Ah, I see.
哦我知道了
Just because a woman takes money
就因为有个女人拿了钱
to shake her naked butt in your face,
对着你摇屁♥股♥
that makes her a skank?
她就渣渣了
Well, it is one of the warning signs.
这至少是个警告的迹象
I just think you deserve better.
我只是觉得你值得更好的
What about a nice girl from your church?
那个跟你一个教堂的姑娘怎么样
I already tried hooking up with them two-faced baptist women.
我已经和那些虚伪的教友试过了
They'll rock your world on Saturday night.
她们可以在星期六晚上和你滚床单滚到天昏地暗
Come Sunday morning, they're repenting their sins
然后星期天早上在集♥会♥上
in front of the whole congregation.
忏悔他们的罪过
And them bitches name names.
还指名道姓的说
Sorry.
不好意思
Just trying to get comfortable.
只是想舒服点
Hey, remind me to order a tuna melt for Molly
嘿提醒我要帮Molly点♥金♥枪鱼三明治
so I can drop it off for her at work. Ah, that's thoughtful.
我就可以在上班的时候给她噢真体贴
You see, Carl, it's important in a relationship
你看 Carl 在恋爱中为你的女人
to go the extra mile for your lady.
做些分外的事也是很重要的
Make them feel special.
她们会觉得自己很特别
Let them know you're thinking about them.
让她们知道你总是想着她们
Yeah, surprise them a little.
是啊给她个惊喜
It's not that much of a surprise.
这也不完全算个惊喜吧
She told me to do it this morning.
她早上吩咐我的
Whoa, man.
哇看啊
Where'd she come from?
她从哪来的
There's not a hospital around here.
这附近没有医院啊
The lab coat doesn't necessarily mean doctor.
穿着白大褂不一定就是医生
They wear them behind the makeup counter at the mall
商场里的化妆品专柜也可以穿
and in some of your fancier candy stores.
还有那家你喜欢的糖果店
No, no, she's carrying a tiny flashlight
不不她带着个小手电筒
in her pocket, which means
在她口袋里那意味着
either optometrist or proctologist.
她要么是验光师要么是肛♥门♥科医师
Well, heads or tails.
那就掷硬币吧
Either way, you win, right?
不管是哪个你都赚了不是吗
Why don't you go talk to her?
你干嘛不去搭讪
Oh, she ain't my type.
哦她不是我的菜
What do you mean?
怎么会
She's a beautiful, professional woman.
她是个漂亮又专业的女人
Age-appropriate. Doesn't have a ring on her finger.
年龄也适合手上又没有戴戒指
Exactly. I'm thinking damaged goods.
就是啊所以我怀疑她有问题
Either divorced with a bunch of cats
要么离了婚带着一群猫
or one of them legs is aluminum.
要么有一条腿是铝合金的
Well, there's only one way to find out.
好吧只有一个方法能知道
Man, I ain't going over there and kicking
伙计我可不会走到那
that woman in the leg.
踢那个女人的腿
Hey, Samuel.
嘿 Samuel
You see that woman in the lab coat over there?
看到那个穿白大褂的女人了吗
What do you know about her?
你认识她吗
Not much. Uh, her name is Christina.
不算认识吧她叫Christina
Mid-30s. Optometrist.
30多岁验光师
Moved here three months ago from Michigan.
三个月前从密歇根搬到这儿
She works down the street.
在这条街上工作
Orders lunch from here every day and picks it up at 12:45.
每天中午在这里订餐 12点45来取
Usually a chicken sandwich on wheat with light Mayo.
通常会点鸡肉小麦三明治加点蛋黄酱
She will sometimes order pie for dessert
有时候会点个派做甜点