在下、鄙人和我（2017）

Me, Myself and I S01E12

Part 3 July 29, 2020, 12:03 p.m.

我保证
I promise.
请为亚历克斯·莱利投票我会走得更远
Vote for Alex Riley. I'll go the extra mile-y.
请给诺丽投票让学校重回辉煌
Vote for Nori, return the school to glory.
天你的标语好多了
God, yours is so much better.
好吧我只想说
Alright, I just wanna say that I am sorry
那天很抱歉这是你的职业
for the other day. It is your career.
如果你想离开史上最棒的球队
And if you wanna leave the best team that has ever existed,
是你自己的蠢主意
that's your dumb choice.
但我尊重你
But I respect it.
谢谢你爸
Thank you, Dad.
因为我已经接受了一份工作
Because I did just accept one of the offers.
是吗
Oh, you did?
太为你骄傲了哪支球队
I am so proud of you. What team is it?
你怎么能当湖人队的总经理
Oh, how could you be GM of the Lakers?
真是不可理喻
You are impossible.
湖人队是洛杉矶的他们和我们价值观不同
The Lakers are from LA. They do not share our values.
我是洛杉矶人
I'm from LA.
看看你现在成什么样了
And look what you've become.
一位成功独♥立♥ 登上事业巅峰的女性
A successful, independent woman at the top of my field?
是的我也非常为你骄傲
Yes, and I am extremely proud of you.
但去湖人队是一种背叛
But this Laker thing is a betrayal.
你都不想听听为什么我要选择湖人队吗
Don't you even wanna hear why I chose the Lakers?
我已经知道了
I already know.
为了惩罚我
To punish me.
再见爸
Good-bye, Dad.
我只希望有一天你会有一个女儿
Well, I only hope that one day that you have a daughter
她长大后当了你最讨厌的
who grows up to be the General Manager
篮球队的总经理
of your most hated basketball team.
是的我发现这是个非常特定的诅咒
And yes, I realize that's a very specific curse.
听着如果你有
Look, if you're gonna have any chance
拯救发明会的机会
to save the Invention Convention,
就不能让你对诺丽的感情挡住你的道
you can't let your feelings for Nori get in the way.
这就棘手了
Oh, that's gonna be a problem.
因为只要我在诺丽身旁
Because whenever I'm around Nori,
就像失去了感知一样
it's like I completely lose sense of everything.
我会说奇怪的话出很多汗
I blurt weird stuff, I sweat a lot,
不再是平常那个酷酷的我了
I'm not my usual cool self.
作为你的竞选经理
As your campaign manager,
我有义务同意你很酷
I'm obligated to agree that you are cool.
没所谓了
Well, it doesn't even matter.
因为我不可能赢过诺丽
Because I'm never gonna be able to beat Nori.
如果明天的辩论会你能造出大声势来就可以
You can if you take some big swings in the debate tomorrow.
就说如果你赢了周五就不会有作业了
Say if you win there will be no homework on Fridays.
周一不上学
No school on Mondays.
每天午餐都有免费披萨
Free pizza every day for lunch.
我履行不了这种承诺
I can't keep those promises.
我们的任务不是履行承诺
We're not in the keeping promises business.
我们的任务是选举获胜
We're in the getting elected business.
敲敲门
Knock, knock.
丽莎你来干什么
Lisa? What're you doing here?
我的宝贝病了
Well, my baby's sick,
所以我给他带点鸡汤来
so I thought I'd bring him chicken soup.
真贴心
Oh, that's sweet.
但是我准备上♥床♥了
But, uh, I was just about to get into bed.
听起来也很有趣
Ooh, that sounds fun too.
抱歉
Excuse me...
我们好久都不聊天了
We never talk anymore.
那好啊聊聊呗
Alright, let's talk.
上周末旅行真是太好玩了
Our trip last weekend was so fun.
下次去哪
Where are we gonna go next?
还去旅行
Like, another trip?
-以后吗 -对呀
- Like, in the future? - Yeah.
纽约怎么样
What about New York?
肯定很好玩我们可以去看表演
That would be so fun. We could see a show.
你见见我父母
You could meet my parents.
我可以给他们打个电♥话♥
Actually, I can call them
看看他们什么时候在
and see when they're gonna be there...
不别别
No. Don't, don't.
为什么
Why not?
因为
Because, um...
做♥爱♥吗
sex?
好啊来吧
Yeah. Okay.
我坚信会有更美好的明天
I believe in a brighter tomorrow.
所以如果我被选上
And that is why, if elected,
学生会竞选
我会给橄榄球队买♥♥新制♥服♥
I promise the football team new uniforms.
给象棋社进一套新的
And Chess Club will receive brand new
象棋设备
chess stuff.
以后也不会有饮水器了
And water fountains will be a thing of the past.
一旦我被选上
Because on my first day in office,
我就会换成巧克力牛奶的
I will install chocolate milk fountains.
好了好了
Okay, okay, okay.
这应该不可能
I'm pretty sure that's impossible.
莫斯卡校长我是发明家
Well, Principal Mosca, I'm an inventor,
当我看到不可能的事就会问自己
so when I see something impossible, I ask,
"如何让它变得可能"
"How do we make it possible?"
这句话在早餐时练得非常好
That line tested very well at breakfast.
诺丽·斯特林轮到你开场致辞了
Nori Sterling, your opening remarks.
老师们同学们如果我们被选上我
Faculty, fellow students, if I'm elected, I...
我爱你诺丽
I love you, Nori.
我是说
I said--I, um,
我爱操心
I-I love-- I love to worry.
并不是
No, you didn't.
这就很难圆回来了
This is going to be hard to spin.
你和她做♥爱♥了
You had sex with her?
她让我见她父母
She was talking about meeting her parents.
你性奋的点还真奇怪
You get off on some weird stuff.
不是她想进一步发展
No, I mean, she was escalating the intimacy of the relationship,
我得阻止她
and so I had to stop it.
用做♥爱♥来阻止进一步发展
So you had to stop the intimacy by having sex?
当时挺合理的
It made sense at the time.
我也不想这么说哥们
I hate to tell you this, buddy,
但你这样更难分手了
but you just made your breakup much more difficult.
我知道
Yeah, I know.
我感觉很糟我不想伤害她
And I feel terrible, 'cause I don't wanna hurt her.
她很好很有趣还体贴
She's a great person. She's funny, she's caring.
我模仿青蛙柯密特她也笑了
She laughed at my Kermit the Frog impression.
那个模仿可不咋样
Ooh, that is not a good impression.
我知道所以我才这么说
I know, that's what I'm saying.
但我们没有那个感觉
It's just that we don't have "it"
我想要这种感觉
And I want "it"
我知道分手很难
Look, I know this breakup isn't gonna be easy.
但毕竟最重要的是
But when all is said and done, the most important thing is...
-我能开心 -这次派对可别出岔子
- That I'm happy. - That this party... goes off without a hitch.
你开心也很重要
And that you're happy too.
亚历克斯你
Hey, Alex, you--
你在干吗
What are you doing?
我得搬回芝加哥
I have to move back to Chicago.
拜托亚历克斯
Oh, come on, Alex.
情况再糟也不可能比你把薄荷糖
Whatever it is, it can't be as bad as you spitting a mint
吐到诺丽嘴里糟吧
in Nori's mouth, right?
我在全校面前跟她说我爱她
I told her I loved her in front of the whole school.
你帮我买♥♥票吗我知道你买♥♥能打折
So will you buy me ticket? I know you get discounts.
抱歉小家伙你不能走
Sorry, bud, but you're not moving.
不能一遇到乱流就改航线啊
You can't change course every time there's some turbulence.
其实一般是得这么做
Well, actually, that's exactly what you're supposed to do.
但你懂我意思
But you get my point.
我无法回学校面对她了
I can't go back to that school and face her.
太丢人了我就是个笑话
It'll be so embarrassing. I'm a joke.
这个笑话刚当选学生会主席了
A joke who just so happens to be Student Council President.
什么