在下、鄙人和我（2017）

Me, Myself and I S01E11

Part 3 July 29, 2020, 12:03 p.m.

都有一点
Little of both.
菲尔·历科兹死了
Phil Ricozzi died.
我要参加他的葬礼
I'm going to his memorial service.
菲尔·历科兹
Phil Ricozzi?
我们是不是在万圣节朝他家扔过鸡蛋
Didn't we used to throw eggs at his house on Halloween?
对对他到现在都不知道是我们
Yes, yes, never knew it was us, either.
那你为什么要去参加他的葬礼
So why are you going to his memorial service?
埃莉诺要我去的我们一起去
Eleanor talked me into it. We're going together.
埃莉诺爸我以为你已经放下她了
Eleanor? Ugh, Dad, I thought you were over her.
我是啊
I am!
你是要去偷摸约会
You're going on a sneaky date!
-什么 -你精心打扮
- Wha-- - You're all dressed up,
表明了你的心情再加上葬礼有约定时间
it's emotional, plus Ricozzi sent a time,
也就是说会有很多酒
which means there will be a lot of wine,
-这一切都指向了... -别说出来
- which leads to-- - Don't say it!
偷摸约会
Sneaky date!
这不是偷摸约会
It's not a sneaky date.
好吧
Okay, fine.
我还准备告诉你蓝色领带
I was gonna tell you that a blue tie
和你眼睛更搭
would go better with your eyes,
既然不是约会就无所谓了
but if it's not a date, doesn't matter.
无所谓了对
Doesn't matter, you're right.
爱你公牛队加油
Love you. Go Bulls!
我也爱你公牛队加油
Love you. Go Bulls!
打扮帅点也无妨
I guess there's nothing wrong looking your best.
哽仔
Yo, Chokey.
今天放学后你死定了
Today after school, you're going down!
你好菲尔你的狗粮广♥告♥试镜怎么样了
Oh, hey, Phil. How was your dog chow audition?
大获成功
I destroyed it,
就像今天放学后一样我要打烂你的脸
like today after school, I'm gonna destroy your face.
太好了所以你拿到了角色
Cool, so you got the part.
对我拿到了角色而今天放学后
Yeah, I got the part. And today, after school,
我要把你撕成两半
I'm gonna rip you a-part.
相信你会的
I bet you will.
我很不希望你失去那个狗粮广♥告♥
You know, I just hate to see you lose that dog chow commercial.
你在说什么
What are you talking about?
如果出现了奇迹
I mean, if by some crazy miracle
我的小拳拳不小心落在你的脸上
I happen to land one of my weak little punches on your face--
摇钱树
The moneymaker!
那他们不会让你拍了
Yeah, they'd never let you film that thing.
小心点好吗
Just be careful, okay?
今天放学后再见
I'll see you today after school.
我不能冒这个险
I can't take that risk!
摇钱树太珍贵了
The moneymaker's too valuable,
所以别人才叫它摇钱树
that's why they call it the moneymaker!
那我们得取消这次决斗了
Then I guess we're gonna have to call off the fight.
天呐太糟了
God, that sucks!
我本来也很期待呢
I was really looking forward to it too.
不能取消
We can't call off the fight.
每个人都会觉得我们是学校的胆小鬼
Everyone will think we're the biggest cowards in school.
我知道了我们假装一下怎么样
Hey, I know, how about we fake the fight?
-假装 -对就像演戏一样
- Fake the fight? - Yeah, like a stage fight.
你觉得这样行吗
You really think that'll work?
当然可以只要能让别人买♥♥账就行
Of course it'll work! You just have to sell it.
打之前你就大声说"菲尔
Before the fight, you should yell out, "Hey, Phil!
我讨厌你谁让你长得比我帅”
I've always hated you 'cause you're better looking than me!"
我可以自己编台词
I can make up my own lines.
好吧但我学过即兴表演
Okay, but I've studied improv.
现编台词比想象中难多了
Making up lines is way harder than it looks.
是吗我觉得我可以
Yeah? I think I'll manage.
唯一的问题是我从三岁起
The only problem is I've been taking acting classes
就开始上表演课了
since I was three!
我怎么能在一小时内把舞台打斗的东西
How can I possibly teach you everything I know
都教会你呢
about stage combat in one hour?
不就是你假装打我然后我
Don't you just pretend to hit me and then I go--
对就这样
Yeah, that's pretty much it.
我就是不能相信我已经是个成年人了
I just can't believe I'm an adult man,
还被菲尔·历科兹欺负
and I'm still getting bullied by Phil Ricozzi.
我让他叫我单蛋还说我很喜欢
I let him call me One Nut. Told him I liked it.
-太龌龊了 -小伙子们
- I feel dirty. - Boys, boys, boys.
如果你们想要反抗
You want to get back at the bully,
最不应该做的就是让他知道他惹到你[山羊]了
the worst thing you can do is show him that he got your goat.
他的确惹到我了我都要气死了
He did get my goat. My goat has been gotten.
你可能会惊讶我以前其实也欺负人
This might surprise you, but back in my day, I was a bit of a bully.
罗恩我一点也不惊讶
It does not surprise me, Ron.
你每次给我建议的时候就提这事
You seem to always bring it up whenever you want to give me advice.
在那时候
Well, back in those days,
第二个笨蛋看起来毫不关心
the second some dweeb didn't seem to care,
我的兴致全毁了
it took all the fun out of it,
就像折纸鸭一样丧气
and I'd fold like an origami duck.
山羊鸭子你到底在说什么
Goats, ducks. What are you saying?
你们的发明拿不回来了
I'm saying you may never get back your invention,
但你们必须回去把气撒回去
but you sure as hell can go there and get back your goat!
你以前是个坏孩子是吧
You were a bad kid, weren't you?
我做了一些坏事但是真的太好玩了
I did some things I regret. But God, they were fun!
他们为什么老是摆
Why do they always put up pictures of people
死者生前30年的照片
30 years before they died?
老了以后有什么问题
What's wrong with the older years?
并不是每个人老了之后很体面
Well, not everyone ages well.
对你来说显然不是个问题
Clearly not a problem for you.
你太会说话了
Aw, that is so sweet.
菲尔真希望你能看到这一切
Oh, Phil, I hope you can see this.
我为什么要往上看
Why am I looking up?
你们好我是琼·历科兹
Uh, hello, I'm Joan Ricozzi,
菲尔的表亲
Phil's cousin.
希望你能节哀
Oh, I'm so sorry for your loss.
我是埃莉诺
I'm Eleanor.
亚历克斯·莱利
Alex Riley.
那个发明家
The inventor?
天呐菲尔要是知道你在这儿
Oh my God, Phil would've been thrilled
肯定高兴坏了
to know that you were here.
希望他能知道
I would like to think he does know,
而且我还跟她一起来了
and that I came with this one.
你今天能为菲尔致辞吗
Would you mind saying a few words about Phil today?
我不这不是个好主意
Me? No, I don't--I don't think that's a good idea.
菲尔老是跟他的朋友们说
You know, Phil would always tell his friends
他和亚历克斯·莱利一起长大
that he grew up with the Alex Riley.
拜托了就说一些他和你的事
Please? Just a little about what he meant to you.
-我真的没有 -他会的
- I really don't... - Of course he would.
选择了
have a choice, I guess.
给小♥弟♥弟♥ 签一下
Here, little bro. Sign this.
-这是什么 -器官捐献申请表
- What is it? - An organ donor form.
你是个好心人
You've got a great heart,
我得确保有人配得上它
and I want to make sure someone worthy gets it.
-我不会死的 -这就对了
- I'm not gonna die. - There it is.
-孩子都很善良 -不听着
- Kid's all heart. - No. Look,
你不能告诉别人
you can't tell anyone,
我和菲尔达成协议了
but I struck a deal with Phil.
不会真的挨揍我们假装打架
No real punches, the whole thing is fake.
太聪明了
That's brilliant!
你不死真是太可惜了
It's a shame you're not gonna die,
你这脑子真的好用
someone could've really used that brain.
亚历克斯你准备好了吗
Yo, Alex. You ready to do this?
当然准备好了非常好
Yeah, I've never been more, you know, ready...
不能更好
to do...anything.
现编真的太难了
It is hard making up lines.
我忘了谁先来
I forget, who goes first?
-我先吧 -是我先吧
- I thought I went first. - I thought I went first.
那你来啊
Then go first!
亚历克斯根本没碰到他
Alex ain't even touching him.