在下、鄙人和我（2017）

Me, Myself and I S01E12

Part 1 July 29, 2020, 12:03 p.m.

我是个满腔热情的人
I'm an enthusiastic guy.
但有时热情也会给自己惹麻烦
But sometimes that enthusiasm can get me into trouble.
会让我做出草率的决定
It's led me to make some rash decisions.
刚听到一个前所未有的坏消息
I just heard the worst news ever.
比医生告诉你在动物园里被愤怒的驴子踢了
Worse than a doctor telling you an angry donkey's kick
就意味着终身被喊单蛋还坏吗
at a petting zoo will mean a lifetime of being called One-Nut?
好吧可能不是最坏的消息
Alright, maybe not the worst news,
不过莫斯卡校长说由于经费紧张
but Principal Mosca said that money is so tight
学生会即将
that the Student Council wants
取消春季发明会
to cancel the Spring Invention Convention.
你刚赢了上一届
Well, you just won the last one.
你全胜而退了
You'll retire undefeated.
我不想退我要挽救发明会
But I don't wanna retire. I wanna save it.
我听说学生会下周
You know, I heard the Student Council
要举♥行♥一个特殊的选举竞选主席
is holding a special election for president next week.
嗯乔丹·弗兰克尔虚报自己
Yeah, Jordan Frankel was forced to step down
童子军服务的事传出来后被迫离任
after it came out he was lying about his boy scout service.
真的
Really?
你知道这意味着什么吗
You know what this means?
乔丹·弗兰克尔不知道怎么点篝火
Jordan Frankel doesn't know how to start his own campfire?
不是我要去竞选学生会主席
No, I'm gonna run for Student Council President.
这个想法太可怕了
That is a horrible idea.
有时我的热情
Sometimes my enthusiasm
会让我无视自己更好的判断
has caused me to ignore my better judgment.
-给你满上 -谢谢
- There you go. - Thank you.
今天你想去哪吃晚饭
So what're you feeling for dinner?
我在想墨西哥卷饼
I was thinking burritos.
对于约会而言
Well, that was the easiest it's ever been
这是最容易选择吃饭的的地方
to pick a place to eat in the history of dating.
你最喜欢哪家墨西哥卷饼
What's your favorite burrito spot?
在洛杉矶是呱呱卡斯巴
In LA, it's Guac the Casbah.
不过最喜欢的永远是一家小店
But all time, it's this little hole-in-the-wall place
在圣巴巴拉市
in Santa Barbara.
你找天带我去吧
You gotta take me there some day.
不如周五去啊
Well, why don't we go on Friday?
我们可以在那过个长周末
We could make a long weekend out of it.
我们现阶段就旅行
I mean, don't you think it's a little early
是否有点为之过早
in our relationship to take a trip?
谁规定要约会多久才能
Well, who's to say how long you have to be dating
一起出游啊
before you can go away together?
根据《时尚杂♥志♥》
Well, according to "Cosmo""
草率度假可能会导致过多过急地
a premature vacation can lead to learning too much too soon
了解伴侣
about your partner.
比如了解到你还看《时尚杂♥志♥》
Like the fact that you read "Cosmo"?
温蒂在卫生间就放那一本杂♥志♥
Wendy has one magazine in her bathroom.
我看了不少
And I read it a lot.
有时我的热情会把人吓坏
And sometimes my enthusiasm flat-out scares people.
你手指不停敲桌子
You're tapping your finger.
把我带到公共场合
You brought me to a public place.
让我吃培根
You stuffed me with bacon.
你有坏消息
You have bad news.
我确实有事要说可能会让你大呼小叫
I do have some news that may cause you to scream
但你旁边坐着小孩子
if you weren't sitting next to children.
没错我让你守着小孩子坐
That's right, I sat you next to children.
情况肯定是相当糟了
Oh, this must be really bad.
好了我要说了
Okay, here goes.
我决定了
I recently decided--
记得旁边有小孩子哦
and please remember the children--
辞去公牛队总经理的职务
to resign as General Manager of the Bulls.
爸
Dad?
爸你要说点什么吗
Dad, are you gonna say anything?
我想再犯一次心脏病
I'm trying to have another heart attack.
三代同堂
第一季第十二集
我们在圣巴巴拉市很开心
We had a blast in Santa Barbara.
在那待一周都不为过
We could've stayed all week.
我很高兴你在这
Well, I'm glad you're here.
否则你就错过我四十岁生日聚会了
Otherwise you would have missed my 40th birthday party.
我策划得可牛逼了找不到更合适的词了
Which I planned, for lack of a better term, the crap out of.
不我觉得这词最合适
No, I'm pretty sure that's the best term.
来嘛丽莎
Hey, c'mon, Lisa,
我给你展示下我要穿的裙子
I wanna show you the dress I'm gonna wear.
你肯定喜欢
You'll love it.
就算我不喜欢我也说喜欢
And even if I don't, I will say that I do
因为我知道有多贵
because I know how expensive it was.
有多贵啊
How expensive was it?
温蒂温蒂
Wendy? Wendy?
好吧她又来这套
Okay, she's doing that thing
装听不见我的话
where she pretends she can't hear me.
没错亲爱的
Sure am, honey.
你第一次出游记录在案了
So, your first trip away is in the books.
情况如何
And it was?
-简直灾难 -什么
- A disaster. - What?
嗯我觉得应该分手
Yeah, I think I need to break up with her.
怎么了
What happened?
首先她开车跟那个谁似的
First of all, she drives like, freakin'--
天啊我一个赛车手的名字都说不上来
God, I don't know any of those racecar drivers' names,
但就是其中一位吧
but one of those guys.
其次我们到了以后
And the second we got there,
她安排了一切精确到分钟
she just planned everything down to the minute.
所以你要分手因为对方井井有条
So, you wanna break up with a woman because she's organized?
对于一个住车♥库♥的人来说有点挑剔了
A little picky for a guy who lives in a garage.
事实是我看丽莎没有慢镜头
The truth is, I just don't see Lisa in slow-mo.
慢镜头
Slow-mo.
嗯我看诺丽·斯特林时的感觉
Yeah, the way I used to see Nori Sterling.
诺丽拜托老兄那都是中学时代了
Nori? C'mon, dude. That was middle school.
我和丽莎就没感觉
Lisa and I just don't have "it."
好吧何谓感觉
Okay, what is "it""
感觉就是要和对方共度余生的想法
"It" meaning, wanting to spend all our time together.
感觉就是看着她的眼睛
"It" meaning, looking into her eyes
就能感觉到一种能持续一生的深刻联♥系♥
and feeling a deep connection that will last a lifetime.
你刚说的话是上个月《时尚杂♥志♥》里的吧
Did you just quote last month's "Cosmo"?
如果你知道就不能说奇怪
You can't call it weird if you know that.
我得扔了那本杂♥志♥
I have got to throw away that magazine.
你要去竞选学生会主席
You're running for Student Council President?
确定是明智之举吗
Are we sure that's a good idea?
不能确定吗
Should we not be sure?
这种竞选一般是拼人气的
Well, these things tend to be popularity contests.
贾斯汀亚历克斯为什么要参选来着
And, Justin, why is Alex running again?
为了挽救发明会
To save the Invention Convention.
这恰好印证了我的观点
I think I just proved my point.
没关系因为到目前为止
It doesn't matter, 'cause as of now,
还没有别人和我竞争
no one else is even running against me.
那就是另一回事了
Oh, well, that's a different story.
因为你绝对比没有人要受欢迎[不受欢迎]
'Cause you're certainly more popular than no one.
就算有人和你竞争
Even if someone else does join the race,
也不用担心
there's no need to worry.
因为我决定出任你的竞选经理
Because I've decided to become your campaign manager.
谢谢不过我不需要竞选经理
Thanks, but I don't need a campaign manager.
你需要
But you do.
我午饭的时候做了调查
I did some polling at lunch,
现在别人连和你一起
and right now you're not someone
喝果倍爽的意愿都没有
people "want" to have a Capri-Sun with.
那我该怎么做
So what should I do?
大家还是把你当做外人
Well, people still see you as an outsider,
所以我建议迎合当地人
so I suggest pandering to the locals.
竞选辩论的时候把脸涂成湖人的主色
Show up to the debate with your face painted Laker colors.
紫色和金色
Purple and gold.
不不不不不
No, no, no, no, no.
我这辈子在任何情况下
I will not under any circumstances
都不会用湖人队主色的
wear Lakers colors as long as I live.