在下、鄙人和我（2017）

Me, Myself and I S01E11

Part 2 July 29, 2020, 12:03 p.m.

我在拥抱亚历克斯·莱利和抱歉
I'm hugging Alex Riley, and uh...I'm sorry.
我忘了你的真名叫什么
I can't remember your real name.
单蛋宝贝叫我单蛋
It's One Nut, baby. Just call me One Nut!
单蛋看看我们
One Nut! Look at us!
重大消息诺丽刚刚和菲尔分手了
Big news, everybody. Nori just broke up with Phil.
你怎么知道的
How do you know?
我在学校各处谨慎地培养了
I have a network of carefully cultivated spies
一个间谍网络
scattered throughout the school.
诺丽居然和我分手了
I can't believe Nori broke up with me.
诺丽好像和菲尔分手了
I think Nori broke up with Phil.
抱歉我不能透露消息来源
I'm sorry, but I just can't reveal my sources.
-太棒了 -为什么
- This is fantastic! - Why?
你以为她会和你交往吗
You think she's gonna go out with you?
用我奶奶的话说得了吧
As my grandmother would say, pu-shaw!
只要她没有和菲尔在一起我就满意了
Hey, as long as she is not with Phil, I am good.
你是为了拆散我们才把那颗心给诺丽的吗
Is that why you gave Nori the heart? To break us up?
不是不过也许你本来就不该用它
No, but maybe you shouldn't have used it
在我面前炫耀你们的恋情
to flaunt your relationship in front of me.
"炫耀"的意思是"幸灾乐祸"
"Flaunt?" That means "gloat."
"幸灾乐祸"就是戳我的痛处[擦我的脸]
"Gloat" means to rub it in my face.
我告诉你我要拿什么擦到你脸上地板
I'll tell you what I'm gonna rub in your face, the floor.
没错哽仔我们放学来决斗
That's right, Chokey. You and me after school, we're gonna fight.
什么我...
What? I--
-就像打架吗 -不是像打架
- Like a fist fight? - Not like a fist fight.
就是打架我用拳打你的脸
A fist fight, with my fist fighting your face,
你会被我打得鼻青脸肿
and your face fighting to stay in one piece.
能不能明天放学再打
But could we do it after school tomorrow?
我今天要去参加普瑞纳狗粮广♥告♥的面试
Today I've got an audition for a Purina Dog Chow commercial.
是吗祝你好运
You do? Cool, good luck!
你是哪边的
Whose side are you on?
你这边但普瑞纳狗粮的竞争真的很激烈
Yours, but Purina Dog Chow? That's a huge campaign.
敬婴儿滑板车的未来
To the future of the Baby Glide.
卖♥♥出去的感觉真爽
It feels good to make a sale.
我正开始为自己的事业发愁呢
Yeah, I was starting to get worried about my career.
开始发愁
Starting to get worried?
你已经在我家车♥库♥住了223天
You've been living in my garage for 223 days!
-但谁会数呢 -你老婆
- But who's counting? - Your wife.
你老婆在数她在洗衣间里
Your wife is counting. She has a calendar
放了一台日历上面划了勾勾
with check marks on it in the laundry room.
我见过
I've seen it.
让我很难过
It makes me sad.
是菲尔·历科兹办公室的女士
Hey, it's the lady from Phil Ricozzi's office.
你好菲尔·历科兹办公室的女士
Hello, lady from Phil Ricozzi's office.
抱歉到家里打扰你们
Sorry to bother you at home.
菲尔让我带来一份已署名的合同
Phil wanted me to bring over a copy of the signed contracts
声明协议正式生效
to declare that the deal is now official.
太棒了
This is awesome.
要跳舞吗
Do you want to do the dance?
-在她面前吗没事
- In front of her? - Yeah, no.
她会喜欢的
I think she'll like it.
*我们要发财我们要发财*
*We are gonna be rich We are gonna be rich*
来一起跳 *我们*
Come on, join us! *We are--*
其实还有一件事
There's actually one more thing.
他还让我给你们带个消息
He also wanted me to deliver this message.
"婴儿滑板车项目现在终止
"The Baby Glide project is now dead.
我要叫停它它永远也不会投产
I am burying it, it will never get made,
由于你们根据销量获取利润
and since your profits are based on sales,
你们将不会有任何收益二货"
You will effectively be making nothing, suckas."
他逼我说"二货" 我觉得有点过了
He made me say "suckas," I thought it was piling on.
你说得对确实有点过了
You were right. It was.
他为什么要让你来告诉我们
Why would he send you here to tell us that?
他可以直接发邮件
I mean, he could've just sent an e-mail.
他想让我看到你们听说
He wanted to see the looks on your faces
这个产品永远也不会投产时的表情
when you heard it was never going to get made.
-他都不在这儿 -这也不是我的主意
- But he's not even here. - Again, not my idea.
非常抱歉
I really apologize.
-我们不会发财了 -言之尚早
- We're not gonna be rich ? - Too soon.
我该怎么办我不能和菲尔决斗
What am I--what am I gonna do? I can't fight Phil!
我还没被揍过
I've never been punched!
我得摆脱这事
I've gotta get out of this!
太晚了有人找你公开决斗
Too late. Once someone publicly challenges you to a fight,
就没有退路了
there is no turning back.
规矩就是这样
Those are the rules.
-什么规矩 -童年的规矩
- What rules? - The rules of childhood!
通常都很残酷但能保我们平安
They're often cruel, but they're there to keep us safe.
天呐不敢相信我要去决斗了
God, I can't believe I'm gonna be in a fight.
我刚是听到有人说要去决斗了吗
Did I just hear there's gonna be a fight?
最重要的就是要记住
Now, the most important thing to remember
决斗前真正的战斗就已经开始了好吗
is that the real fight starts before the fight, okay?
所以你要摸清对手的
That's when you gotta get into your opponent's
心里弱点逐一击破
psychological weak spots, and exploit 'em!
明白我的意思吗你这个紧张的小书呆子
You understand what I'm saying, you nervous little nerd
说话还喷口水
who spits when he talks?
-什么 -很伤人我知道
- What? - It's hurtful, I know,
但是我在增强你的忍♥耐力
but I'm trying to build up your tolerance
这样他就摸不透你了
so he can't get inside your head,
你这个疲惫的乳臭未干的呆子
you frazzled little prepubescent geek!
拜托
Come on.
他会骂你骂得更凶
He's gonna come at you with worse,
我希望你能有所准备
and I want you to be prepared!
开始吧拿我做练习
Now go ahead, you practice on me.
-不 -来吧
- No. - Do it!
好吧找到我的弱点用它来击败我
Okay, find my weak spot and nail me on it!
不敢相信我妈会被你这样一个
I can't believe my mom was ever attracted
两边耳朵不一样大的人吸引
to a guy with two completely different-sized ears.
你就这样跟一个
That's how you're gonna talk to a man
想帮助你的人说话吗
who's trying to help you, huh?
真是
Just...
亚历克斯
Alex,
在这样一个美妙的日子里我能为你做点什么
what can I do for you on this beautiful day?
你为什么要叫停我的项目
Why are you burying my project?
你真的很喜欢那个婴儿滑板车不是吗
You really love that Baby Glide, don't you?
是的婴儿滑板车就是我的孩子
Yeah, the Baby Glide is my baby.
如果可以我会把我的婴儿滑板车
If I could, I would push my Baby Glide around
放进另一个婴儿滑板车中推着走
inside of another Baby Glide.
真是的眼睁睁看着自己爱的东西
Man, doesn't it suck to love something,
被别人摧毁是不是感觉很糟
have someone come around and ruin it for you?
你在说什么
What are you talking about?
诺丽·斯特林多行不义必自毙哽仔
Nori Sterling. Payback's a bitch, Chokey.
诺丽·斯特林那是25年前的事了
Nori Sterling? That was like 25 years ago!
要不是你害我们分手
My life might be completely different
我的人生会与现在完全不同
if you hadn't broken us up!
谁知道呢
Who knows?
那应该是我的《滑动门》时刻
That might've been my "Sliding Doors" moment.
《滑动门》什么
"Sliding Doors?" What?
一部格温妮丝·帕特洛主演的电影
It's a movie with Gwyneth Paltrow,
电影里火车的门关上了
where the doors on the train close
她没能登上火车
and she's unable to get on.
改变了她整个人生轨迹
Changed the entire course of her life.
其实听起来挺好的
It actually sounds pretty good.
值得一看如果电视上有播的话
It is worth a watch, if it's on TV.
好吧看起来你很喜欢我会去看看
Yeah, no, okay, you seem to love it. I'll check it out.
都是25年前的事了我们还是小孩
That was like 25 years ago, man. We were just kids!
是啊现在我们都长大了
Yeah, well now we're adults.
我们中一个有钱有权也就是说我赢了
And one of us has money and power, which means I win.
也就是说你输了
Which means you lose.
我知道你什么意思菲尔
I know what you meant, Phil.
早上好艾比
Good morning, Abby.
看看你系领带了
Ooh, look at you, wearing a tie.
喜事还是丧事
Are congratulations or condolences in order?