在下、鄙人和我（2017）

Me, Myself and I S01E03

Part 3 July 29, 2020, 12:02 p.m.

All of it? Really?
是啊她不觉得有什么问题
Yeah, she never had a problem with it.
她还觉得有种怪异的乐趣
It's almost like it brought her some weird sort of joy.
回想起来婚姻可能早就触礁了
In retrospect, probably a red flag.
是啊
Yeah.
重点是我是好警♥察♥
Point is I'm the good cop.
好吗所有人都喜欢好警♥察♥
'Kay? And everyone loves the good cop.
艾比就喜欢好警♥察♥
Abby loves the good cop.
但你不能一直都充当好警♥察♥的角色
Well, you can't always be a good cop.
为人父母有时候你也得当当坏警♥察♥
I mean, as a parent, sometimes you have to be a bad cop too.
就像那次我们不让你去太空训练营一样
Like that time we wouldn't let you go to space camp.
等下我以为你之前说的是
Wait, I thought you said
他们取消了太空训练营
they canceled space camp.
不是就是要开六个小时的车
No, it was like six hours away.
我们懒得带你去
We just didn't want to drive you.
瞧见没就像这样做
See? Just do it like that!
好吧谢了罗恩真是个糟糕的建议
Yeah, okay. Thanks, Ron, that's terrible advice.
亚历克斯今天怎么只有你一个人
Hey, Alex. Just you today?
对孤身一人不过我要跟埃莉诺打个招呼
Yep. All alone, although I would say hi to Eleanor
-如果她在的话 -不她今天没来
- if she is around. - No, she's not around today.
看起来今天我生命中所有女性都在回避我
Seems like all the women in my life are avoiding me today.
你知道她订婚了吧
You know she's engaged, right?
知道我们还是朋友
Yes. We're still friends,
还是很喜欢不时聚聚
we still enjoy each other's company.
你知道吗我们一起面对过更严峻的阻挠
You know besides, we have faced much tougher obstacles.
我曾经把一块薄荷糖吐到她嘴里去了
I once spit an unwanted mint in her mouth.
你们还是挺浪漫呐
Quite the romance you got going on there.
只要一杯水他今天只有一个人
Just the one water, he's alone today.
*一是你见过的世上最孤独的数字*
*One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do*
-不是吧 -是的这是新的智能点唱机
- Really? - Yeah, it's a new smart jukebox.
它能识别客人的对话然后播放相关的音乐
It listens to conversations, and then plays relevant music.
只要不放《生日快乐》歌♥就行
Well, just don't have it play "Happy Birthday."
天啊今天是你的生日吗
Oh, man. Is today your birthday?
而你一个人孤零零地坐在这里
And you're here? Alone?
我本来计划好了好吗我女儿和我
I had plans, okay? My daughter and I
准备去游乐场玩投球机的
were gonna go to the arcade, play pop-a-shot.
我每年生日都是这么过的
We used to do that every year on my birthday.
不过后来我越来越忙越来越成功
But as I got busier, and more successful,
就有点遗忘这个习俗了
we sort of fell out of the habit.
现在我退休了我就觉得要不这样
Now that I'm retired, I thought hey!
我们重新开始这个传统
We'll restart the tradition!
不过现在是她身兼要职日理万机
Now she's the one with the big, important, busy job.
这样一想挺讽刺的不是吗
Kind of ironic when you think about it, isn't it?
不是吧
Oh, come on!
好消息我为你争取了一些时间
Good news! I bought you some time.
我跟诺丽说你需要一些书看
I told Nori you need some reading material,
因为你上厕所很慢
because you're a bathroom lingerer.
你真是绝了
Unbelievable.
我知道机智过人对吗
I know! Smart, right?
现在我们把卡片换过来离开这里吧
Now let's switch the cards and get out of here.
我去书房♥了有需要叫我小宝贝
I'll be in my study if you need me, pumpkin!
好的爸爸
Okay, Daddy!
-这是他爸的房♥间 -快把卡片放进去
- Her dad's home? - Quick! Put the card in!
当心
Watch it!
不我分辨不出哪张是哪张了
Oh no. I can't tell which is which.
不得不说这是我最棒的作品了
I've got to admit, that's some of my best work.
真的吗
Really?
好吧我随便选一张
Okay, I'm just picking one.
快跑
Go!
太炫酷了
That was awesome.
等我的胳膊能动后
You're totally getting a high five
这个一定得击个掌
as soon as I can move my arm again.
-亲爱的你有时间吗 -有
- Hey, sweetie, you got a sec? - Yeah.
-我们得谈谈 -好吧
- We need to talk. - Okay.
不过首先我给你买♥♥了一杯草莓奶昔
But first, I got you a strawberry shake!
-太棒了 -棒棒
- Yay! - Yes, yay!
因为我是一个有趣的老爸我很爱你
Because I'm a fun dad who clearly loves you,
愿意为你做一切事情让你开心
and would do anything within reason to make you happy!
但是即使是有趣的老爸有时也只能带来坏消息
But even fun dads have to give bad news sometimes.
如果我说我们这周末
What would you say if I told you
不能和你的朋友去参加魅力野营了你会怎么想
that we couldn't go glamping with your friends this weekend?
别这样看着我
Aw, don't look at me like that.
天不要嘛这不公平
Aw, geez, come on. That's not fair.
我们不和我的朋友去参加魅力野营了吗
We're not going glamping with my friends?
我们当然要去了我只是开个玩笑抱歉
Of course we are. I was just kidding! I'm sorry!
回家路上我们还可以买♥♥只小狗
And on the way home, we can get a puppy!
真的吗
Really?
就这么说出口了我也不知道为什么
I said it! I don't know why!
太好了
Yay!
你是世界上最好的爸爸
You're the best daddy ever!
我刚做了什么
Oh, what did I just do?
你说得对这个在自然的暖光下
Hey, you're right. It does look better
确实看起来要好一些
bathed in the warm, natural light.
-生日快乐伙计 -谢谢
- Happy birthday, bud. - Thanks.
我说一切没问题吧
I told you nothing could possibly go wrong.
-都是问题 -但我们拿到卡了
- Everything went wrong. - But we have the card.
是吗
Do we?
我真牛逼
Man, I'm good.
艾比来啦
Oh, there's my Abby!
你猜爷爷冰箱里有什么
Hey, guess what Grandpa's got in his freezer?
-便便冰棒 -没错
- Poop-sicles? - That's right.
去找奶奶要一个吧
Go ask your grandma for one.
她知道这不叫便便冰棒吧
She knows they're not really called poop-sicles, right?
我95%肯定但我才不会制止她
I'm 95% sure, but I'm not gonna tell her to stop.
我超喜欢这名字
I love it too much.
给你背包
Well, here's your backpack.
谢谢借给我们
Thanks for letting us borrow this.
省了我们200清晨远足的钱
It saves us the $200 Sherpa fee on the morning hike.
看来我也不算是个坏警♥察♥
Guess I'm not much of a bad cop.
比耳根软还要难听的称呼多得是呢
Hey, there are worse things than being called a softie.
希望你别介意我问你从哪弄到
But if you don't mind me asking, where did you come up
魅力野营的钱的
with the glamping money?
-嗯是真的 -太棒了是真的
- Yep, that's real all right. - Yes! It's real.
当然是真的所以我才卖♥♥给你
Obviously it's real--that's why I'm selling it to you.
再加上这个必须的
I'll take one of these too. I'll definitely take that.
抱歉罗恩我不知道还能怎么办
I'm sorry, Ron. I didn't know what else to do.
我是这么看的
Well, here's how I see it.
你还是孩子时
You know when you were a kid,
我给你卡让你开心你也很开心
I gave you that card to make you happy, and it worked.
现在能让你卖♥♥掉它来满足孩子
And then it made you happy again when you used it
这又让你很开心
to help your kid.
要我说这钱花得太值了
So if you ask me, that's a pretty good bang for my buck.
谢谢罗恩
Thanks, Ron.
再说我一直保留这个
Plus, we'll always have this.
坏狗狗
Bad dog!
你邻居的狗在你草地上拉屎
The video of your neighbor's dog taking a dump on your lawn?
给我这破手♥机♥
Give me that. I hate these stupid phones.
就是不能这个
They never get the--mmm. We'll always have this.
等等罗恩什么
Wait, Ron. What?
迈克尔·乔丹的新秀签名卡怎么可能
A signed Michael Jordan rookie card? I can't believe it!
我有点想不起来了你喜欢迈克尔·乔丹吧
I can't remember. You like Michael Jordan, right?
罗恩这真是太棒了谢谢
Ron, this is incredible. Thank you.
我用OJ·辛普森卡跟你换吧
Trade you for my O.J. Simpson card.
他来我们学校时演讲
I got it when he came and spoke...
你好啊哥们
How you been, man?
-好久不见 -是啊
- It's been a while! - Yeah.
你来得正好我们周三在开麦夜有个演出
Hey, good timing. We got a gig on Wednesday at an open mic.
听说很多大牌音乐经理会去
Hearing some big time music manager might be there, so...
太棒了
Amazing.
这可能是我最后一周在投篮机这干活了
Probably my last week here at the pop-a-shot.
祝你好运