在下、鄙人和我（2017）

Me, Myself and I S01E05

Part 3 July 29, 2020, 12:02 p.m.

I'm training for an Iron Man.
-你也演过吗 -没有
- Have you done one? - No.
不过我看过所有的十二部电影
I've seen all 12 movies, though.
他还花了五年时间
He also spent five years
想打造出真正的钢铁侠套装
trying to build a real Iron Man suit.
讨厌的马斯克比我抢先了一步还要酒吗
Freaking Musk beat me to it. More wine?
谢谢无与伦比
Thank you. It's magnificent.
爸杜安和我昨天去远足了
So, Dad, Duane and I did some hiking yesterday.
艾比选了这个美丽的地方
Abby picked this beautiful spot.
美景夺人心魄
The views were... breathtaking.
夺人心魄得无与伦比
Breathtakingly magnificent.
你真的很喜欢这个词不是吗
You really like that word, don't you?
我喜欢知道自己喜好的人
I like a man who knows what he likes.
杜安刚在百老汇举办了一场
Duane just finished curating a very successful exhibit
-非常成功的展览会 -天
- at the Broad. - Oh, my.
你是个艺术馆馆长
You're an art curator.
准确地来说这是我的职位头衔
Well, technically, that is my job title,
但我比较倾向于称自己为人生策划师
but I prefer to think of myself as a curator of life.
我的博物馆就是全世界
And my museum...is the world.
无与伦比
Magnificent.
不敢相信
I can't believe this.
我知道
I know.
如果世上还有比《美好的一天》
If there's a more beautiful rendition
更动人的旋律我是从来没有听过
of "Un bel di vedremo," I haven't heard it.
我原以为你会当我的大哥
I thought you were supposed to be my big bro
罩着我
who looks out for me.
你跟我说这场才艺秀干什么
I mean, why didn't you tell me about the talent show?
因为你这周有几何考试
Because you had a geometry test this week,
我不想让你压力太大
and I didn't want you to be stressed out.
我觉得这简直就是兄弟名人堂的经典之举
If you ask me, that's a move straight out of the Big Bro Hall of Fame.
根本没有兄弟名人堂这个东西
There is no Big Bro Hall of Fame.
但是你知道有什么吗流星雨
But you know what there is? A meteor shower.
-而我不在那 -你没开玩笑吧
- And I'm not there. - You weren't joking.
他真是三句话不离流星雨
The kind works it in to every conversation.
接下来有请至今以来我见过的
Coming up next is by far the most beautiful woman
最美的女人
I have ever known.
玛吉阿姨请坐
Sit down, Aunt Marge.
女士们先生们有请我美丽可爱
Ladies and gentlemen, my beautiful, lovely,
无与伦比的未婚妻玛姬
incredible fiancée, Maggie.
大家好今晚我要给大家
Hi, everyone. Tonight I will be giving
展示马伽术
a Krav Maga demonstration.
首先我需要一个志愿者
First I need a volunteer.
-马伽术是啥 -看来就是你了
- What's Krav Maga? - Oh, looks like I found one.
快过来加里表哥我来教你
Come on up here, Cousin Gary, and I'll show you.
好了准备好了吗
Okay. Ready to have some fun?
我也要进行才艺展示吗
Now I have to do a freaking talent show?
我什么都不会啊
I don't have any talents.
我知道有一件事情你特别擅长
I can think of one thing you're especially good at.
妄自菲薄
Putting yourself down.
-这就是噩梦 -别担心兄弟
- This is a nightmare. - Don't worry, little bro.
我已经把MC汉默的原音放音响里了
I already cued up MC Hammer on the boom box.
你记得歌♥词你知道该怎么唱
You know all the words, and you're super good at rapping them.
我不可能站在上面
There's no way i'm getting up there
对着一群陌生人唱饶舌
to rap in front of a bunch of strangers.
他们不是陌生人他们都是家人
They're not strangers. They're family.
真是太好玩了
That was so much fun.
我要注意下加里表哥
I'm gonna go keep an eye on Cousin Gary.
或许接下来六到八个小时都不要睡着了
Probably shouldn't fall asleep for the next six to eight hours.
-来点牛肉干吗 -好的
- You want some jerky? - Sure.
旅途一半都是吃着零食度过的
Half of road tripping is snacking.
我真的从来没这么骄傲过
I've literally never been prouder.
我迫不及待想见到新爷爷了
I'm really excited to meet New Grandpa.
-你不是吗 -当然了
- Aren't you? - Oh, my God, yeah.
我太兴奋了
I'm so excited.
你说我们在
Hey, what do you say we stop off
世界上最大的温度计前停一下怎么样
at the world's biggest thermometer?
只要开一个小时就到了
It's only, like, an hour out of our way.
-那新爷爷怎么办 -都等了39年了
- What about New Grandpa? - Eh, it's been 39 years.
哪还差这一个小时呢
What's another hour, huh?
再说了你一生中能看到几次
Anyway, how many times in your life do you get to see
世界上最大的温度计
the world's biggest thermometer?
-四次 -嗯可能吧
- Four? - Yeah, no, that's probably accurate.
接下来上台的是一位年轻人
Next, I wanna bring up a fine young man.
卢爷爷你坐
Sit down, Grandpa Lou.
开玩笑的卢爷爷睡着了
Just kidding. Grandpa Lou's asleep.
我希望吧
I hope.
好了我万分高兴地
All right. Um, I couldn't be happier
请出我未来的继子
to bring up my soon-to-be stepson.
来为亚历克斯·莱利先生展示一下大家族的欢迎吧
How about a big family welcome for Mr. Alex Riley?
我才不要做这种蠢事
I'm not doing this stupid thing.
我甚至不想来这
I don't even want to be here.
晚上好杜安
Goodnight, Duane.
感谢你对你最近热气球之旅的
And thank you for the complete play-by-play of your recent
-详细报道 -那里的风景
- hot air balloon ride. - Oh, the views were,
-用一个词形容 -请别说了
- in a word... - Please don't.
-无与伦比 -他又说出来了
- Magnificent. - And he said it again.
咱们明晚见
I will see you tomorrow night.
我们要去洛杉矶艺术博物馆参观展览
We're going to a new exhibit at LACMA.
有位艺术家把五千双鞋的鞋带
An artist has tied together 5,000 pairs of shoe laces
缠成一个大线球还找了三个人假扮成猫
into this enormous ball and has three men dressed as cats
-去玩球 -好吧
- playing with it. - Yeah.
我觉得我应该不会去
I don't think I'm gonna be going to that.
你不想看吗
You don't wanna see it?
我是不想看见你
I don't think I wanna see you.
抱歉杜安这样不行
I'm sorry, Duane. This is just not working out.
-你在开玩笑吧 -我觉得她不是在开玩笑
- You're kidding, right? - I don't think she's kidding.
我能练习一下我为了那个作业
Can I practice the questions I'm gonna ask New Grandpa
-准备问新爷爷的问题吗 -当然亲爱的
- for my project? - Sure, sweetheart.
描述一下你第一次看到我是什么时候
Describe the very first time you saw me.
也就是他打开门的那一瞬间对吧
Well, that'll probably be when he opens the door, won't it?
是的
Oh, yeah.
你最喜欢和我做什么
What's your favorite thing to do with me?
我们做的所有事情都喜欢
Probably whatever we do when we get there.
或许他会为遗弃你而道歉
Maybe he'll apologize for abandoning you as a kid
让你觉得是不是这其中还有你的错
and leaving you to wonder if part of it was actually your fault.
-什么 -说不定我们还会脸红我也不知道
- What? - Or maybe we'll color. I don't know.
到时候看吧
We'll see.
别再车上看书你会晕车的
Don't read that too much. You'll get car sick.
我觉得应该有人要道歉
I think an apology is in order.
我知道我毁了一场派对我很抱歉
I know I ruined the party, and I'm sorry.
你不需要道歉
You're not the one that needs to apologize.
我才要道歉我太想
I am. I've been so anxious
在罗恩的家庭面前维持一个好印象了
about making a good impression on Ron's family
以至于我忘了考虑你的感受
that I forgot to consider how all this is affecting you.
这是不对的我很抱歉
And that's just not okay. I'm sorry.
但是你在把加里表哥摔出去的时候
You didn't seem too worried about anything
看起来可没什么担心
when you were body slamming Cousin Gary.
他两周的焦虑
That was two weeks of pure anxiety
全从锁骨上释放出来了
being released on his clavicle.
罗恩现在一定特别生我的气
I'm sure Ron's pretty upset with me.
可能还想找个别的人做继子
Probably wishes he'd had a different stepson.
你在开玩笑吗他整个晚上
Are you kidding me? He spent the entire night
都在跟大家炫耀你的发明
showing everyone your inventions.
宝贝他觉得你特别棒
Honey, he thinks you're amazing.
不过他表达的方式够滑稽的
He's got a funny way of showing it.
什么意思
What do you mean?
意思就是我在乎的事情他都不在乎
I mean the guy doesn't care about anything that I care about.
我跟他说流星雨的时候
When I told him about the meteor shower,
他完全不理会
he completely ignored me.
但是后来当他意识到流星雨对你多重要时
But then after he realized how important it was to you,
他为你不能和单蛋同去而感觉很糟