在下、鄙人和我（2017）
Me, Myself and I
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在下、鄙人和我（2017）
Me, Myself and I S01E01
Part 3
July 29, 2020, 12:01 p.m.
for the sanctity of our vows.
你真的觉得自己马上就能扭转局面了吗
You really feel like you're that close to turning it around?
我只要一次上篮就行
I just gotta hit a layup. Okay?
小菜一碟
It'll be a piece of cake.
妈 我的甜点可以要一块蛋糕吗
Mom, can I have a piece of cake for dessert?
当然 但是你的汉堡必须配沙拉
Sure, but you have to order a salad with your burger
不许点薯条
instead of fries.
你可以偷吃我的薯条 小弟
You can sneak some of my fries, Little B.
这可以成为我们的惯例
It'll be our thing.
我不想要什么惯例 我只想要
I don't really want a thing. I just want--
诺丽
Nori.
你现在看她还是慢动作吗
You're still seeing her in slo-mo?
哥们儿 我说过了 她永远也不会
Dude, I told you, she's never gonna--
天啊 她在对你挥手
Oh, man, she's waving at you.
她在对我挥手
She's waving at me.
你知不知道这可是件大事
Do you realize how huge this is?
先是在公交车站打招呼
First, a bus stop hello.
现在又在公共场合挥手
Now a public wave?
那就只意味着一件事
That can only mean one thing.
诺丽·斯特林喜欢你
Nori Sterling's into you.
我以为她只和高中生交往
I thought she only dated high school boys.
我刚想到你的学校形象是什么了
I just figured out what your school identity's gonna be.
周五晚上有个舞会
There's a dance on Friday night.
大家都会去 太完美了
Everyone will be there. It's perfect.
什么完美
Perfect for what?
传奇
The birth...
诞生
...of a legend.
周五晚上 在全校人面前
Friday night, in front of the whole school,
你去和诺丽·斯特林接吻
you're gonna kiss Nori Sterling.
怎么样了
How's it comin'?
不怎么样
Terrible.
老兄 得了 我敢肯定没那么差
Ah, dude, come on. I'm sure it's not that bad.
那是个轮子吗
Is that a wheel?
是的 我本来打算重新改造一下
Yeah, I was trying to reinvent it.
后来发现并不行
Turns out you can't.
好吧 这本书我拿走了
Okay, I'm taking that book.
当心 这很重要
Careful, that's important.
等我们让你的彻底找回灵感后
And you're not getting it back
再还给你
until we get your mind right once and for all.
你的快乐之地可以是任何地方
Now, your happy place can be anything.
随便选个美丽宁静的地方
Just pick someplace nice and peaceful.
我需要灵感 我需要灵感
I need an idea! I need an idea!
我需要灵感 我需要灵感
I need an idea! I need an idea!
计划是这样
Here's the plan.
我给DJ发个信♥号♥♥
When I give the DJ the signal,
他就会放慢歌♥
he'll play a slow song.
你邀请诺丽跳舞
Ask Nori to dance.
她会同意的
She'll say yes.
然后就在舞池中
Then, out on that dance floor,
在全校学生的注视下
with the whole school watching,
开始你的传奇时间
it's legend time.
我对这个计划中的每一步都深表怀疑
I have issues with every part of that plan.
知道了
I hear you.
我会无视你说的话
I'm ignoring what you're saying,
不过我知道了
but I hear you.
女士们 今晚这个盛会感觉如何
Ladies, how are you this fine evening?
贾斯汀 亚历克斯
Hey, Justin. Hey, Alex.
我喜欢你的衬衣
I like your shirt.
是我帮他选的
I picked it out for him.
诺丽 你今晚开...
So, Nori, are you having a good--
失陪一下
Excuse us for one second.
这就是那个信♥号♥♥吗
Was... was that the signal?
是也不是
Yes and no.
信♥号♥♥是打喷嚏
The signal is a sneeze,
但刚那是真的打喷嚏
but that was an actual sneeze.
我觉得我没法邀请她跳慢舞
So, man, I don't think I can ask her to slow-dance.
我都没怎么跟她讲过话
I mean, I've barely even talked to her.
想跳舞吗
Want to dance?
神父 你最近怎么样
Hey, Father, how you doin'?
我想想 距上次来忏悔
Let's see, it's been, like... well, forever...
我压根没来过 因为我不信天主教
since my last confession because I'm not Catholic.
不管怎样 有没有什么祈祷是完事后
Anyway, is there some kind of prayer that I can say
能让上帝给我个绝妙灵感
that'll get Jesus to give me an awesome idea
这样我能回去把这个灵感换成大把钞票呢
that I can turn around and sell for a ton of money?
是啊 我也这么想
Yeah. Seems about right.
冥想没用 宗教也没有
Meditation didn't work. Religion didn't work.
那只有最后一个选择了
So that leaves one final option.
药用烘焙食物
Medicinal baked goods.
-这才对嘛 -好吧
- Now we're talking. - All right.
思如泉涌
Good ideas... start flowing.
抱歉 又踩到你的脚了吗
I'm so sorry, was that-- was that your toe again?
要不还是我来领舞吧
Maybe you should let me lead.
等下 本来该我领舞吗
Wait, I was supposed to be leading?
这样好一点了吧
Better, right?
好多了
Way better.
闭嘴
Shut up.
打搅一下 诺丽 借走我的小♥弟♥弟♥一下下
Excuse me, Nori, just need to borrow my little bro for a sec.
快点 所有人都看着呢
Come on. Everyone's watching.
现在不亲以后就再也没有机会了
It's now or never.
给 把这个薄荷糖吃了
Here, eat this mint.
传奇需要清新的口气
Legends have fresh breath.
我不知道你是不是听说了
Look, I don't know if you've heard,
但现在谣言四起 说我和高中生约会
but there's a rumor going around that I date high school boys.
什么 没听过 我从没...
What? Never. I've never--
这不是真的
It's not true.
只是因为我没和我们学校任何人约会过
Just because I don't date anyone at our school,
大家就编造了一些我的坏话
people make up mean stories about me.
那你为什么不和我们学校的人约会呢
Well, why don't you date anyone at our school?
因为 在此之前
Because... until now,
我还没有遇见喜欢的人
there hasn't been anyone that I liked.
在此之前
Till now?
他哽住了
He's choking.
可不是嘛
You're telling me.
不 他是真的哽住了
No, he's literally choking.
小♥弟♥弟♥
Little bro!
不
No!
我很抱歉 诺丽
I'm so sorry, Nori.
离她远点 哽仔
Just leave her alone, Chokey.
哽 哽仔
Ch--Chokey?
-哽仔 -哽仔
- Chokey. - Chokey.
哽仔 哽仔 哽仔
Chokey! Chokey! Chokey!
不 我不想当哽仔
No, I-- I don't want to be Chokey.
抱歉 小兄弟 大家都这么说了
Sorry, little bro. The mob has spoken.
一旦大家确定了一个外号♥
And once they land on a nickname,
就没有回旋余地了
there's no turning back.
你好啊 单蛋
What's up, One-Nut?
哽仔 哽仔
Chokey! Chokey!
我要一个吉士汉堡 干面包
I'll have a cheeseburger, dry bun,
还有一满盘薯条
and all the fries you can fit on the plate.
他刚心脏病发
Oh, he just had a heart attack,
所以薯条还是换沙拉吧
so he'll have a salad instead of fries.
谢谢
Thanks.
要不你和我一起飞萨克拉门托吧
Hey, why don't you fly to Sacramento with me?
你可以待在贾斯汀叔叔家
You could stay at Uncle Justin's.
是州长贾斯汀叔叔
That's Governor Uncle Justin.
对哦 多奇怪
Oh, yeah. How weird is that?
非常奇怪
Pretty damn weird.
你会没事吗
So, you're gonna be okay?
我什么时候不好了
When have I ever not been?
你之前有阵子特别抑郁
Well, there was that time you were super depressed
住在车♥库♥
在下、鄙人和我（2017）
Me, Myself and I
剧集 | 在下、鄙人和我（2017） | 导航列表