在下、鄙人和我（2017）

Me, Myself and I S01E05

Part 2 July 29, 2020, 12:02 p.m.

Really? Name one boyfriend I haven't liked.
小拇指戴戒指
Pinky ring.
花椰菜
Side of cauliflower.
这是亨利来自佛罗里达
This is Henry. He's from Florida.
不行
Nope.
那都已经过去了
That was the past.
挺过心脏病的爸爸很冷静
Post-heart attack Dad, very chill.
我请你们俩吃晚餐来证明吧
Let me prove it to you by fixing you both dinner.
可以但他出城了至少要下周才...
I would, but he just left town for at least the next--
-挠脖子 -见鬼爸爸
- Scratching your neck. - Damn it, Dad.
相信我我会好好表现的
Come on. I'll be on my best behavior.
-你保证吗 -我保证
- You promise? - I promise.
他不是那种吹嘘自己
He's not one of those guys who always brags about
会玩魔方的那种人吧
being able to solve a Rubik's Cube, now, is he?
那是我五年级的男朋友
That was my fifth-grade boyfriend,
而且我们只交往了一个星期
and we dated for one week.
特雷弗
Trevor.
好了亚历克斯逛一圈让大伙看到
All right, Alex. Just do a lap, make yourself seen,
然后就躲进房♥里结束了再出来
and then go hide in your room until it's over.
你真可爱
You're just adorable.
你一定得用棍子把追你的女孩赶走了
You must be fighting the girls off with a stick.
谢谢
Thanks.
教你一个词小伙子
One word for you, young man.
报纸
Newspapers.
报纸上总会找到工作的
There'll always be a job in newspapers.
很高兴见到你我是蕾尼阿姨
Oh, nice to meet you. I'm Aunt Renee.
胡子
Mustache.
这超棒的不是吗
How great is this?
没有流星雨棒
Not as great as a meteor shower.
他真会见缝插针
He can really work it in.
亲爱的我知道你很失望但是...
Sweetie, I know you're disappointed, but...
什么味道像洋葱...
what is that smell? It's like an onion...
和香烟混合的味道
Had a baby with a cigarette?
天啊对
Oh, my God, yes.
内德叔叔
Hi, Uncle Ned.
你们二位打算表演什么才艺
So, what are you two doing for the talent show?
-什么才艺表演 -我们总让新成员
- What talent show? - We always make new members
在大家面前表演才艺
of the family perform a talent in front of everyone.
这是欢迎他们加入这个大家庭的方式
Our way of welcoming them into the fold.
-天啊 -天啊
- Oh, my God! - Oh, my God.
我...我不知道有这回事
I, uh, I didn't know this was happening.
当然了
Of course not.
让新手现场发挥正是有意思的地方
Putting the newbies on the spot is all part of the fun.
妈妈我们必须这么做吗
Mom, do we have to do this?
来嘛会很有意思的
Come on, it'll be fun.
我知道了我表演近身格斗好了
Ooh, I know. I'll do my Krav Maga.
我去换个衣服
Let me go get changed.
我跟你说他可以去做工装模特
I'm telling you, he could be a dungaree model.
好消息
Hey, great news.
我刚得到弗兰克尔公♥司♥消息
I just heard from Frankel Industries.
他们想要我们过去展销
They want us to come in and pitch.
那太糟糕了
Oh, that's too bad.
我也碰到了迈克尔·乔丹
I also ran into Michael Jordan,
他想找个全职发明家
who said that he's looking for a full-time inventor
一起出去玩
to hang out with.
我确信你能胜任的
Well, I'm sure you can handle that.
好吧你这是怎么了
Okay, what's wrong with you, man?
什么
What?
你整天不在状态
You've been out of it all day.
抱歉
I'm sorry.
我只是很难集中注意力
I'm having a hard time focusing.
艾比发现罗恩不是我亲生父亲
Abby found out that Ron's not my biological dad.
她对事情很执着
And she has a tendency to get fixated on things.
我想见见新爷爷
I want to meet New Grandpa.
我想见见新爷爷
I want to meet New Grandpa.
-爸你在打鼾 -对不起
- Dad, you're snoring. - Oh, I'm sorry.
我想见见新爷爷
I want to meet New Grandpa.
-这姑娘无休无止 -是啊她不能释怀
- Man, that girl's relentless. - Yeah, she won't let it go.
我最后终于妥协了在一个家人协寻网站上
I mean, I finally gave in and looked him up
查了一下他
on one of those family finder sites.
那你找到你♥爸♥了吗
So you found your dad?
找到了我还偶然发现了
Yeah. Yeah, and I also stumbled upon
一些搞人的内战遗物我感到非常非常抱歉
some tricky Civil War heritage I am so, so sorry about.
说回来他住在巴斯托
Anyway, he lives in Barstow.
他今早给我发了电邮
Uh, he emailed me this morning
希望我和艾比能去看看他
and he wants me and Abby to come visit him.
-你准备去吗 -才不去呢
- Are you gonna go? - Hell no.
我才不要开大老远的车去巴斯托看望谁
I'm not driving all the way to Barstow to see some guy
就因为我们碰巧有着相同的基因
just because we happen to share the same DNA.
你之前不是开了四小时的车
You once drove four hours
去品尝世界上最大的玉米热狗
to taste the world's biggest corn dog.
我还会去的
And I would do it again.
我让他给我发一张照片
Look, I'm just gonna get him to send me a picture
给艾比的作业用就行了
for Abby's project.
你觉得这样就能打发艾比了吗
And you think that'll be enough to get Abby off your back?
她才八岁伙计
She's eight years old, man.
-家里不是她说了算 -好吧
- She is not calling the shots around here. - Okay.
亲爱的今天学上得怎么样
Hey, sweetheart. How was school?
-我们学了甘地 -真棒亲爱的
- We learned about Ghandi. - Oh, that's great, honey.
没见到新爷爷我就不吃饭了
Yep. I'm not gonna eat until I meet New Grandpa.
听起来你要去巴斯托了
It sounds like you're going to Barstow.
是的我要去巴斯托了
Yeah, I'm going to Barstow.
长途旅行你准备好见你♥爸♥了吗
So, big trip. You ready to meet your dad?
好了我准备了一大杯老私酿威士忌
Yep. I got a big old Mountain Dew,
还有一大袋可以称为是土耳其牛肉干的东西
and what can only be described as a buttload of turkey jerky.
旅途一半都是吃着零食度过的
Half of road tripping is snacking.
你想过准备和那个人说什么了吗
Have you thought about what you're gonna say to the guy?
要说什么
I mean, what's to say?
我可以问他为什么离开但那又怎么样
You know, I could ask him why he left, but what's the point?
我们又不要促膝长谈把所有事谈清楚
It's not like we're ever gonna hash everything out
接下来会怎么样你也知道的
and the next thing you know,
我们就在玉米地里玩下传接球游戏什么的
we'll be having a catch in a corn field or something.
这是真实的生活不是《梦幻之地》
This is real life, not "Field of Dreams."
巴斯托还有玉米地吗
They got corn fields in Barstow?
瞧我只是觉得有这个选择好吗
Look, I just wanted to have the option, okay?
我知道你心里其实很期待这样
I knew part of you was looking forward to this.
没错我要见我爸了
Well, yeah. I mean, I'm meeting my freaking dad.
我当然很期待
Of course I'm looking forward to it,
但我还很怕自己会喜欢他知道吗
but I'm also terrified that I'm gonna like him. You know?
这么多年我都没有爸爸
And that I missed out on all these years
那个抛弃了我妈的混♥蛋♥
that I could have spent with that jerk face that left my mother.
你心里也很纠结不是吗
You're very confused about this, aren't you?
不我不纠结或许有吧
No, I'm not. Well, maybe I am.
我也说不好有吗
I don't know. Am I?
伙计你会没事的好吗
Dude, you'll be fine, all right?
只是确保自己不...
Just make sure you don't--
期望值不要太高我知道
Don't get my hopes up. I know.
我妈说过同样的话
My mother said the same thing.
我其实是想说
Well, I was gonna say,
"确保自己不要忘记拍张他的照片"
"Make sure you don't forget to take a picture of him."
温蒂和我打赌你25年后
Wendy and I have a bet on what you're gonna look like
会是什么样子
in the next 25 years,
我觉得你会秃顶
and I think you're gonna be bald.
她觉得你会成为一个衣冠楚楚
She thinks you're gonna be a dapper silver fox
有着温柔男中音的银发老人
with a velvety baritone.
天呐希望她是对的
God, I hope she's right.
这个真好吃爸
This is delicious, Dad.
无与伦比莱利先生
Magnificent, Mr. Riley.
谢谢你杜安
Thank you, Duane.
你看起来身材挺不错
So, you seem like you're in very good shape.
我在为了出演钢铁侠健身