在下、鄙人和我（2017）

Me, Myself and I S01E06

Part 2 July 29, 2020, 12:02 p.m.

but why me?
这个行业里太多人都是
Too many people in this industry are
空有形式但没有实际
all style and no substance.
你正好相反
You're the exact opposite.
只有实际但没形式
All substance, no style?
你会有很高的报酬以及很好的福利
You will be well compensated with a great benefits package.
养老金以及带薪假期
Pension, paid vacation.
考虑一下
Think about it.
-走吗 -去哪儿
- Ready to go? - Go where?
我对现在相当满意
I'm perfectly happy with where I am at right now--
你是说离开这个地方
you mean leave this place.
走吧
Yes, let's go.
谢谢你请我吃午饭埃莉诺
Well, thank you for lunch, Eleanor.
不客气
Of course.
就当是你上周来餐馆帮忙的报酬
Just consider it payment for your help in the diner last week.
这样的话
You know what, in that case,
就忽略邮箱里收到的发♥票♥吧
ignore the invoice when it comes in the mail.
那条项链太难看了
Wow, look how awful that necklace is.
没错你一直都讨厌绿松石
That's right. You always hated turquoise.
记性不错
Good memory.
一个退休的亿万富翁
So, what is on the agenda
周三有什么日程安排呢
for a retired billionaire on a Wednesday?
我要找人帮我修屋顶
Actually, I have to find somebody to fix my roof.
没错亿万富翁
That's right. Billionaires--
和你们普通人一样
we're just like you.
亚历克斯
Alex,
我的未婚夫就是屋顶工
my fiancé's a roofer.
真的吗
Is that so?
他很能干的你应该给他打电♥话♥
Yeah, he's excellent. You should call him.
除非你会感觉不自然
Unless that would be weird for you.
不自然为什么会不自然
Weird? Why would that be weird?
就因为几周前
Just because a few weeks ago
在我这辈子最浪漫的时刻
I swept you in my arms and kissed you in the most
把你搂在怀里吻了你吗
romantic moment of my entire life?
我早就放下了
I'm totally over that.
那你要找他去帮忙吗
All right, so, you'll call him?
当然了
Yes, of course I'll call him.
我的屋顶需要修理你未婚夫是屋顶工
My roof needs fixing, your fiancé's a roofer.
我就知道和你重逢是有原因的
I knew you came back into my life for a reason.
你有没有想过如果不干这个
Hey, you ever think about what you would be doing
你会干什么呢
if you weren't doing this?
工作吗
Like, for work?
你是说如果我们没有合作吗
You mean, if you and I weren't in business together?
我可能会做回大学时的工作
Well, I'd probably go back to my college job--
雇佣杀手
assassin for hire.
得了吧我说真的
Come on, man, I'm being serious.
你会做什么呢
I mean, what would you do?
不知道
I don't know.
温蒂的父亲总是打电♥话♥让我
Wendy's dad is always calling me
去他的咨♥询♥公♥司♥工作
to come work for his consulting firm.
不过肯定会很可怕
It'd be brutal, though.
那家伙去了一次意大利
You know, dude took one trip to Italy
就一直在唠叨
and it's all he ever talks about.
我还记得他在你婚礼上的祝酒词
Yeah, I remember his toast at your wedding.
他把你们爱情的层次
When he compared the layers of your love
比作他在佛罗伦萨吃过的千层面
to a lasagna that he had in Florence.
然后就一直在说千层面
Then it kind of all became about lasagna.
那你呢
How about you?
如果我们没有一起工作你会做什么
What would you do if we weren't working together?
如果一定要考虑的话我可能
If I had to think about it, I'd probably
会接受今天他给我提供的工作
take the job I was offered today...
或者也可以做雇佣杀手听起来很好玩
or I would become an assassin for hire, that sounds like fun.
等一下等一下
Wait, wait, wait.
有人给你提供工作了吗
You were offered a job?
是的
Yeah.
提案结束之后行政主管提供了一份工作
After our pitch, that executive offered me a job and
我在考虑要不要接受
I've been thinking about it.
有什么可考虑的
What's there to think about?
我已经不再是25岁了
The fact that I'm not 25 anymore.
我还有个女儿也许我不应该
That I have a daughter that I probably shouldn't be raising
在蜘蛛窝里把她养大
in the same space that spiders raise their young.
你正在经历困难时期
Look, you're going through a rough patch.
我也一样
I'm feeling it too.
但你不能只为了稳定的薪水
But you don't throw all this away
就把这一切都抛弃了
just for a steady paycheck.
你说得轻巧
That's easy for you to say.
你老婆有一份好工作
I mean, you got a wife with a good job
可以在困难的时候支持你
who supports you when things get tough.
但我没有任何依靠
I got nothing to fall back on.
我不敢相信你真的在考虑这么做
I can't believe you're actually considering this.
我不只是在考虑
I'm more than considering it.
我觉得必须这么做
I think I have to do it.
今天早上有一只蜘蛛爬到我耳朵里了
I found a spider in my ear this morning, man.
至少温蒂很乐意让我搬出车♥库♥
Well, at least Wendy will be happy to get me out of the garage.
拜托她很欢迎你住在这里的
Oh, come on, she loves having you here.
接受那份工作吧亚历克斯
Take the job, Alex!
我也会想她的
I'll miss her too.
这是亚历克斯·莱利烂糊机器5000
So, this is the Alex Riley Mush Machine 5000.
专利申请中
Patent pending.
你只要按下这个杠杆
So, what you do is you, uh, you hit this lever
就会扑通落下一些麦片
and some cereal plops down.
然后你在它变得黏糊之前吃掉
And then you eat it before it gets, like, really milky.
你觉得怎么样
What do you think?
创意很棒
Great idea.
推销太差
Worst pitch I've ever heard.
很抱歉你要时髦一点
I'm sorry, but it needs flair
起个好听点的名字
and a better name and
少用'扑通'这种词
much less use of the word plop.
我只说了一次扑通
I only said plop once.
我知道
I know.
创意好就够了
Look, a good idea is a good idea.
怎么推销无所谓
Doesn't matter how you pitch it.
随便问问别人
Ask anyone.
然后你在它变黏糊之前
And then you eat it
把它吃掉
before it gets really milky.
它会增加烂糊还是减少烂糊
Does it add mush or take away mush?
我也很困惑扑通下来什么
Yeah, I'm confused-- what plops down?
我不太喜欢那个词
You know, I don't care for that word.
真的吗
Are you serious?
妈你喜欢吗
Okay, Mom, do you like it?
亲爱的你是我儿子
Sweetie, you're my son.
我就算讨厌也会喜欢的
I'm going to love it even if I hate it.
等等
Wait.
你有没有遇到过这种情况
Has this ever happened to you?
早上你给自己倒了一碗
You pour yourself a delicious,
美味新鲜的麦片
fresh bowl of cereal in the morning,
结果一会儿就发现
only to discover that moments later,
所有香脆的燕麦和甜蜜的棉花糖
all of your crunchy oats and sweet marshmallows
都淹没在一碗五颜六色的糊糊里
are drowning in a bowl of multicolored sludge.
-我每次都会这样 -一直都这样
- Happens to me all the time. - All the time.
这都已经过去了多亏有了这个
Well, that's all a thing of the past, thanks to this:
亚历克斯·莱利专业香脆掌控者
the Alex Riley Crunch Controller Pro.
专利申请中
Patent pending.
好酷啊
That's cool.
按下杠杆就会刚好倒出
Push this lever, and out pours
一勺麦片
one exact spoonful of cereal,
你的香脆你做主
letting you control your own crunch.
你的香脆你做主太棒了
Control your own crunch. That's terrific.
这个我喜欢
This I like.
你的我也喜欢宝贝
I like yours too, honey.
很容易就能修好了