在下、鄙人和我（2017）

Me, Myself and I S01E01

Part 1 July 29, 2020, 12:01 p.m.

我叫亚历克斯·莱利
My name is Alex Riley,
这部戏讲述我的一生
and this is the story of my life.
为了让你全面了解情况
Now, in order for you to get the complete picture,
我应该先从那天说起
I should probably start with...
那天一切都改变了
...The day that changed everything.
我是独生子在芝加哥长大
As an only child growing up in Chicago,
我有两大痴迷爱好
I had two major obsessions:
一是发明创造
one was inventing stuff...
二是迈克尔·乔丹
The other was Michael Jordan.
但正如我所说一切都即将改变
But like I said, all that was about to change.
宝贝
Hey, honey.
你知道我交往的那个飞行员吧
You know that pilot I've been seeing?
洛杉矶那个他怎么了
The one from LA? What about him?
他向我求婚了
He asked me to marry him.
那你怎么回答
And what did you say?
就这样
And just like that,
我被迫和一屋子陌生人同住屋檐下
I was forced to live in a house full of complete strangers...
而且还偏偏正好住在
A house that happened to be smack-dab in the middle of...
湖人队之乡
Laker country.
后来发现那还不是我人生中最惨的一天
Turns out that wouldn't be the worst day of my life.
连边儿都不沾
Not by a long shot.
艾比
Abby.
好好学习
Learn a lot today, okay?
爸爸
Dad?
我的午餐呢
Where's my lunch?
我去
Oh, boy.
把女儿的午餐落在餐桌上
Leaving my daughter's lunch on the kitchen table
也不是我所谓最惨的事
isn't the bad thing I was talking about.
莎拉莎拉
Sarah! Sarah?
莎拉
Sarah!
这才是
This is.
莎拉
Sarah!
至少当生活已经跌至谷底
Well, at least when life hits rock bottom,
就不可能再更糟了吧
things can't get any worse, right?
非也
Wrong.
你要是给人生大事排序
When you're ranking life-changing days,
没什么能超越命悬一线那天了
it's hard to top the one where you almost died.
纽约证券交易所
但是我们的人生
But our life stories aren't defined
不取决于所遭遇的事
by the things that happen to us.
而是取决于我们如何面对所遭遇的事
They're defined by how we choose to deal with them.
不得不说我对一些事的处理
I'll admit I have dealt with some things
要胜过他人
better than others.
三代同堂
第一季第一集
太阳照屁♥股♥了小♥弟♥弟♥
Rise and shine, little bro.
上学别迟到呀小♥弟♥弟♥
Don't want to be late for school, little bro.
你就不能别这么喊我吗
You think you could stop calling me that?
怎么了我爸娶了你妈
Why? When my dad marries your mom,
我们就是合法的兄弟啦
we're legally gonna be bros.
继兄弟
Step-bros.
那我说的是那个"小"字
But I'm actually talking about the word "Little""
我们读同一年级
I mean, we're in the same grade.
对但我比你大39天
Yeah, I'm 39 days older,
责任重大我不能掉以轻心
and that's a responsibility I don't take lightly.
给
Here.
我帮你选了上学第一天的衣服
I picked out your first day of school outfit.
谢了
Thanks?
不过我有衣服
But I got my own clothes.
好吧
Okay.
我只是觉得你穿这颜色好看
I just... thought it'd be a good color on you.
希望味道还不错
Hope it tastes okay.
在芝加哥时只有我们两个
In Chicago, it was just the two of us,
我们大都是喊外卖♥♥
so we mostly did takeout.
嗯大都是意味着每餐都喊外卖♥♥
Yeah, by mostly, she means every single meal.
没关系玛姬
That's all right, Maggie.
早餐我只需要一杯咖啡
All I need for breakfast is my morning coffee...
加一点糖
along with a little sugar.
我还是把早餐带走吃吧
I'll take my breakfast to go.
嗯我觉得彻底没食欲了
Yeah, I think I just lost my appetite forever.
这个桌子一直有点不稳
That sucker's always been a little wobbly.
把那条餐巾垫回桌子腿底下好吗
Just slip that napkin back under the leg there, would you?
其实我有更好的解决办法
Actually, I think I got something a little bit better.
亚历克斯·莱利可调节桌楔
The Alex Riley Adjustable Table Wedge.
申请专利中
Patent pending.
跟千斤顶的工作原理一样
It works on the same principle as a car jack.
我们试试
Here, let's give it a try.
好棒我又可以用两只手吃饭了
Sweet, I can eat with both hands again.
你应该把桌楔带学校去宝贝
You should bring your wedge to school, honey.
这是个很好的开场白
It's a great conversation starter.
错了
Wrong.
你的校园形象在入学第一周就定型了
Your school identity's locked in during the first week,
我们可不能让小♥弟♥弟♥被当做书呆子发明家
and we can't let Little Bro's identity be "Inventor nerd."
我倒挺乐意有个呆子在咱家
Well, I'm just happy to have a nerd living under my roof.
正在称霸世界的就是你们这种呆子
You nerds are taking over the world.
说不好你长大就会成为
Who knows, you may just grow up
著名的发明家之一
to be one of those famous inventors
比如那个微软创始人
like that dweeb who started Microsoft.
-比尔·盖茨 -不不是这个名
- Bill Gates? - No, that's not it.
他是叫吉恩
Pretty sure his name's Gene.
长大以后我要想到一个
Well, when I grow up, I'm gonna come up with an idea
可以改变世界的灵感
that'll change the world.
下面这个场景
The following occurs every day
在美国各个日本餐厅每天都会发生
in Japanese restaurants across America.
这块寿司看着就好吃
This sushi looks so good!
不要
Oh, no!
我不小心又掉了一块
I accidentally dropped another piece
昂贵的寿司在地板上
of expensive sushi onto the floor.
但我不会再弄掉了
But that is a thing of the past,
因为有了...筷叉
thanks to... the Switch-Fork.
好吃
Yum!
谢谢筷叉
Arigato, Switch-Fork!
他羞辱了房♥间里所有的人
所以这不能成为改变世界的点子
Okay, so it wasn't the idea that'll change the world.
我们下次会想出来的对吧
We'll get 'em next time, right?
你这是怎么回事啊
What the hell's wrong with you?
我想吃健康点只点了沙拉
I'm trying to eat healthy, so I order salad,
结果沙拉上来马上就后悔了
but when my food comes, I instantly regret it,
所以吃点你的薯条
so I steal your fries.
我以为我们可以一起吃
I thought it was our thing.
好了
Okay.
"财务给你良药苦口"的时间到了
"Tough love from your CFO" time.
过去一年中
In the past year,
莱利集团
Riley Industries has gone
年收入从230万跌落到了
from an annual revenue of 2.3 million
几乎为零
to pretty much zero.
解释一下"几乎为"
Okay, define "Pretty much."
零光蛋
Zero.
接下来轮到你最好的朋友良药苦口
Now it's tough love time from your best friend.
哥们儿你生活一团糟
Dude, your life's a mess.
-解释一下"一团糟" -莎拉拿到房♥子
- Okay, define "Mess." - Sarah got the house.
但我得留着我的专利
Yeah, but I got to keep my patents.
你住在我车♥库♥里
You're living in my garage.
不用交租金
Rent-free.
-我失去了我的私人空间 -没啊
- So I no longer have a man cave. - No, you do.
不过多了个男的住在里面
There's just another man living in it.
你现在每周只能见艾比两次
And now you only see Abby twice a week.
我知道你离婚才六个月
Look, I know it's only been six months since the divorce,
但你得快点振作起来
but you gotta get it together.
我遇到发明的瓶颈期了好吗
I have inventor's block, okay?
这段时期很难熬
It's not that easy to get over.
是这样
Sure it is.