败局启示录（2019）

"Listen, I don't know. I imagine he's about to finish the race.
他一回到宾馆就会给我打电♥话♥的"
As soon as he returns to his hotel, he will call."
结果他父亲大叫
Then his father yelled,
明显是尖叫 至少我觉得是带着愤怒和恐惧的尖叫
obviously, it was a scream, I think, of rage and fear,
"他在沙漠里失踪了"
"He's lost in the desert!"
然后他就挂了
And he hung up.
尽管痛苦 我们都对毛罗感到愤怒
Despite the anguish, we all felt angry at Mauro,
他为了做自己想做的事 结果失踪了
who had gotten lost doing something for himself.
第N天
我很久没喝水了
I hadn't had a drink in a long time.
我想 "你知道我要干啥吗
I thought, "You know what I'm going to do?
我要往水瓶里尿尿"
I... am going to pee in the water bottle."
而且收集尿液这件事我做了好几次
And I collected urine, and that became a recurring thing.
那个瓶子被我灌满了尿
I filled a good part of that water bottle with pee...
乌鸦跟了我一段时间
I had crows following me for some time.
它们觉得我快死了 一直等着
They thought I would die. They were waiting for it.
我变得越来越虚弱
I was slowly getting weaker.
我能感觉到
I could feel it.
我的意志力是唯一支撑我
My willpower was the only thing that gave me
不屈服的力量
the strength not to succumb.
"我该怎么办"
"What do I do?"
"现在怎么办"
"What now?"
那几天记者是我生命中一个奇怪的存在
During those days, journalists were a strange presence in my life.
首先 他们真的闯进了我的房♥子
First of all, they literally invaded my house
因为他们想要新闻和照片
because they wanted news and they wanted pictures.
一位意大利马拉松运动员从上周二起就失踪了
An Italian marathon runner has been missing since last Tuesday.
毛罗·普洛斯彼里
Mauro Prosperi...
-毛罗·普洛斯彼里 -毛罗·普洛斯彼里
- Mauro Prosperi... - Mauro Prosperi...
他们用过去时态谈论他的时候
And when they spoke of him in the past tense,
我感到很困扰
it really bothered me.
几天后人们就不信他还活着了
After a few days, people stopped believing he was alive.
我了解毛罗
Knowing Mauro,
我知道这不是不可能
I knew it wasn't impossible.
毛罗是个特别强壮的人
Mauro is an incredibly strong man,
而且冷静
and also levelheaded
他一直都是运动员
because he has always been an athlete
他知道如何处理困难的情况
and he knows how to deal with difficult situations.
如果我们放弃了 恐怕人们就会停止关注
If we slow down, I'm afraid people will stop paying attention.
我会说 "他会让自己被找到的
I would say, "He will get himself found.
别说我们找不到他"
Don't say we can't find him."
毛罗是因为我才去的
Mauro was there because of me.
这是我的主意
It was my idea to go.
所以我决定回去
So, I decided to go back.
西西里
卡塔尼亚
摩洛哥
瓦尔扎扎特
我的主意是
The idea was to return
回去并继续寻找 即使他们已经放弃
and keep searching, if they gave up on him.
圣祠
我看到远处的房♥子
In the distance, I saw this building.
希望在那能找到人
Hoping to find someone there,
我走了过去
I walked towards it.
只有一座祭坛 一个圣人埋在下面
There was only an altar. Buried beneath it was a holy man.
没人在那 只有石棺
No one was there. It was a sarcophagus.
我心想 "天哪
I thought, "Oh, boy!
现在怎么办"
What now?"
好在室内干净又舒适
I was happy because inside, it was clean and welcoming enough.
然而
But...
老实说闻起来有老鼠味
it smelled of rats, to be honest.
接着我听到了窸窸窣窣的声音
Then I heard , noises like.
我想 "什么鬼" 原来是蝙蝠
I thought, "What the hell?" They were bats...
也许是出于自保 随你怎么说
Maybe it was self-preservation. Call it what you will...
我必须得进食
eating was necessary, that's all.
我用小刀把内脏搅一起
I mixed the entrails up with my knife
全都吸了出来
and sucked them all out.
我吃了大概二十只蝙蝠
I ate about 20 of these bats.
我意识到我做的事
I realized that whatever I did,
在那个时刻
in that moment,
是那么自然 是人的天性
it was so natural, innate in man.
我甚至埋葬了它们
I even buried them.
我挖了个坑然后把它们埋了
I dug a hole and buried them.
我听到远处有飞机或直升机
In the distance, I heard a plane or a helicopter,
不清楚是哪种
not sure which.
救命
我在沙地上写了 "救命"
I wrote in the sand, "Help me."
我在沙子上挖了个坑
I dug a hole in the sand
把我所有的合成材料
and put in all my synthetic materials,
我的睡袋
my sleeping bag.
点着火来制♥造♥烟雾
I set it on fire in order to create smoke.
我刚生好火
As soon as I made the fire,
沙尘暴就来了
another sandstorm hit.
那是我最
That moment was the most...
最悲剧的时刻
let's say... tragic,
因为要眼睁睁看着生存的机会就那样溜走了
because you can see your life slipping away.
而且我还把睡袋和背包都烧了
Plus, I had burned my sleeping bag and backpack.
我该怎么办
What would I do?
我的脑袋里跑出好多想法
Many things started to spin around in my head.
许多事情
Many things.
我想着 "日了狗
I thought, "Damn,
我肯定对不起了某人
I must have done someone wrong.
我一定是伤害了家人
I must have hurt my family.
我必须留下个记号♥ 我必须想办法寻求原谅"
I must leave a sign. I have to seek forgiveness somehow."
于是我写了一条信息 没有笔
So, I wrote a message. And not having a pen,
我就用找来的木炭写
I took a piece of charcoal that I found.
我写道
I wrote...
"我想被原谅 原谅我 我爱你
"I want to be forgiven. Forgive me, I love you,
如果伤害了你 请原谅我
forgive me if I hurt you.
原谅我没有陪你和孩子"
Forgive me if I wasn't there for you or the kids."
那个时刻我确信我就要死了
In that moment, I was sure I was going to die.
人不是怕死
One does not fear death.
是怕痛苦 我害怕痛苦
One fears suffering. I was afraid of suffering.
所以我拿小刀把血管割开
So, I took my pocket knife and started cutting my veins open...
然后就睡了
and then I went to sleep.
第二天 我醒来发现
The next day, I woke up and thought,
"该死我怎么还在这"
"How the hell am I still here?"
问题是我那时已经严重脱水
The thing is, I was already very dehydrated.
因为我显然割得不深
My blood, along with the
我的血液凝固了
fact that I obviously didn't cut deep enough, had dried up.
我当时就想 "可能还没到死的时候"
And that's when I thought, "Well, maybe it's not my time yet."
毛罗有种 "理智的疯狂"
Mauro has what I call "Sane insanity."
有些人说是韧性
Some call it resilience,
但韧性是
but resiliency is getting
被打倒后还能站起来
knocked down and being able to get back up.
但是疯狂则是你被打倒但是不倒在地上
But with insanity, when you get knocked down, you never land.
毛罗从未倒在地上
Mauro never hits the ground.
我离开圣祠的时候 我确定
The moment I decided to leave the marabout, I was certain...
我能活下去
that I could survive...
虽然我知道自己很虚弱
even though I realized that I was thin and weak.
我频繁地发抖
I was shaking frequently.
我可以清楚地看到手上的骨头
I could clearly see all the bones in my hands.
我的手腕太细了 以致于手表一直在晃荡
My wrist was so small that my watch kept spinning around.
我也意识到我眼眶深陷
I also realized that my eye sockets were very deep.
正当我想着这些事情时
While I was thinking about all this,
一个沙丘后面
from behind a hill...
出现了一个小女孩
a little girl pops up.
她看着我 我这样挥了挥手 和她打招呼
And she looked at me. I waved like this, greeting her.
她跑向了什么东西
She ran off towards something.
之后两个士兵来了
Next thing I know, two soldiers arrived.
把我眼睛蒙住
They blindfolded me.
那是我唯一一次感到恐惧
That was the only time I felt fear.
"好吧 他们会把我崩了然后把尸体留这"
"Here we go, they are going to shoot me and leave me here."
我不再接电♥话♥了 因为
I had stopped picking up the phone because...
我知道他们打算停止搜索
I knew they were about to stop the search