糟糕历史（2009）

Horrible Histories S01E03

Part 3 Jan. 3, 2021, 2:23 p.m.

分放四个坛防腐能保鲜
尸体撒上盐平躺好阴干
等待四十天木乃伊出现
全身绷带绑小口开脸上
为嘴留空间假眼嵌上边
你好
Hello.
在那灵柩里卷轴祈福语
伴君共长眠前方路遥远
墓中财宝全
别世永康健
一旦到冥间万事好打点
万事已具备
就怕人作祟
木乃伊和棺守护必须严
搭个金字塔直指天际吧
法老睡里面这事才算完
古埃及人一开始并不十分擅长
Ancient Egyptians weren't very good at making mummies
制♥作♥木乃伊
when they first started.
来看看他们早期的努力成果吧
Have a look at some of their early efforts.
早上好夫人有什么需要吗
Good morning, madam. How can I help?
我丈夫刚刚过世我想把他做成木乃伊
My husband's died and I need to get him mummified.
明白了我们提供各种木乃伊制♥作♥技术
I see, we offer all types of mummification techniques,
古法的潮流的一应俱全
both ancient and modern.
如果你是怀旧派
If you're feeling nostalgic,
我们可以提供两千年前
we offer a service that dates back
泽王时期的制♥作♥工艺
2,000 years, to the time of King Zer.
手臂怎么了
What's with the arms?
他们那时的工艺还不完善
They hadn't quite perfected the art back then,
所以手臂有点容易...
so the arms tend to sort of...
掉吗
Fall off?
是的不过我们用树枝代替了
Yes, but we replace them with sticks.
埃及人真的这么做了
这真的很重要吗
And does it really matter?
你知道他会去哪儿
You know where he's going.
随便啦你这还有什么
Whatever. What else have you got?
快拿出来赶紧赶紧
Come on. Chop, chop.
或许你会喜欢更近代一些的
Perhaps you'd like to go for something more modern.
这种工艺在一千年前广受欢迎
This technique was favoured about 1,000 years ago.
她眼睛好大
She's got big eyes.
严格来说这不是眼睛
They're not, strictly speaking, eyes.
那是什么
What are they, then?
-洋葱 -洋葱
- Onions. - Onions?
没错
Yes.
他们真的用过洋葱
拉美西斯四世开创了洋葱风潮
Rameses IV started the onion trend
人人为之疯狂
and everyone went mad for it.
他们吃这套我可不
Well, bully for them, but it's not for me.
这个我喜欢
Now this, I like.
夫人真是明智的选择
Madam, excellent choice.
最新最顶级的货色
Bang up-to-date.
这是我们最顶尖的豪华款
This is our state-of-the-art deluxe model.
上乘的木屑填充盐腌保护技术
Quality sawdust stuffing, salt preservation technique,
埃及人也做了这些
器官腌制在上等佳酿之中
organs pickled in the finest alcohol.
摸摸看这个绷带的质量
Just feel the quality of that bandage.
是啊棒极了我要一个
Yeah, that is super. I'll take one of those.
当然夫人你还要看一下
Of course, madam should also
什么样的棺材最合心意
consider what type of coffin she would like.
我们提供这种漂亮的
We offer this beautiful top-of-the-range
法老认证的高档棺材
Pharaoh-approved casket.
来世多风光啊
What a way to hit the afterlife, eh?
是啊挺好不过或许有点华而不实
Yeah, it is lovely, but perhaps a tad gaudy.
还有什么推荐
What are the other options?
还有一个农民款
Well, there is our peasant range.
-什么样的 -一个木盒子
- What's that like? - A wooden box.
我要那个花俏的
I'll get the fancy one.
夫人你的品位真是极好
Madam has excellent taste.
顶级木乃伊制♥作♥
That's one top-of-the-range mummification
外加法老风格棺材
plus pharaoh-styled casket.
总共五百只鸡
That's 500 chickens.
我只有一只
I've only got one.
-那只能把他的鼻子放进盒子 -成交
- I can do you his nose in a box. - Done.
是的在古埃及
Yeah, it wasn't just pharaohs
不光是法老才会被做成木乃伊
who got mummified in ancient Egypt.
人人都爱这么做
Everyone was at it.
一定很像盛大的万圣节派对
Must have been like one ginormous Halloween party.
总之几百年后木乃伊开始被挖掘出土
Anyway, centuries later, people started digging them up.
人们不知道该拿它们怎么办
They didn't know what to do with them all,
但最终还是发现了一些独特的用处
but ended up finding some really ingenious uses.
两百年前的埃及
大家好我是广♥告♥人
Hi, I'm a shouty man
我在此要向大家介绍
and I'm here to tell you
多功能古埃及木乃伊
about All Purpose Ancient Egyptian Mummy.
古埃及
木乃伊
在19世纪到处都能挖出木乃伊
Here in the 1800s, mummies are being dug up all over the place,
别把它们扔掉
but don't throw them away!
今天就利用起来
Make use of them today!
你的墙是不是看起来又老又旧
Are your walls looking old and tired?
动手做
那就让古埃及木乃伊伸出援手吧
Then let Ancient Egyptian Mummy lend a hand.
把木乃伊碾成粉末
Just crush some mummy into a powder,
拿去刷墙让这些讨厌的裂痕去无踪
add it to your paint and watch those nasty cracks disappear.
埃及人真的这样使用木乃伊
看看效果如何
And just look at the results.
这出色的木乃伊填料有三种颜色供你选择
This magnificent mummy filler is available in three colours,
污白灰白以及浅灰
Dirty white, off white and slightly grey.
这还没完呢
And that's not all.
古埃及木乃伊
Ancient Egyptian Mummy also
还是极好的燃料人人竖起大拇指
gets the thumbs up as a great fuel for fire.
燃料
经济实惠好用不贵
And it won't cost you an arm or a leg.
他们真的拿木乃伊做燃料
真暖和
Toasty.
除此之外如果你情绪低落
Plus, if you're feeling a little run-down,
找到古埃及木乃伊就对了
Ancient Egyptian Mummy is the perfect pick-me-up.
只要简简单单地把木乃伊压成粉末
Simply crush some mummy into a powder
药用
随便抹在脸上
and dab it all over.
还可以药用
药到病除
It's got magical healing powers.
看见没已经见效了
See, it's working already.
多功能古埃及木乃伊功能真是多
You can do it all with All-Purpose Ancient Egyptian Mummy.
古埃及木乃伊
送礼就送木乃伊提前打包真适宜
It makes an excellent present because it comes pre-wrapped.
古埃及木乃伊今天你挖了没有
Ancient Egyptian Mummy - dig one up today.
所有保存完好的古埃及墓地都可找到自带铲子哦
腐朽古罗马
许多古罗马皇帝都有些神经质
Lots of Roman emperors were a bit mad
其中最厉害的一位叫尼禄
and one of the maddest was a bloke called Nero.
尼禄真的很恨基♥督♥教
Nero really hated the Christian religion
他对基♥督♥徒做了一些相当恶劣的行为
and he did some pretty nasty things to Christian people.
他甚至把他们制成人体蜡烛
He even made them into human candles
然后用他们在派对上照明
and set them on fire at his parties.
太可怕啦
Urgh! Horrible.
像那样的锯子
Saws like that.
他的头一下落地人群就失陪
His head came completely off, the crowd went... Excuse me.
尼禄皇帝的花♥园♥派对约两千年前
尼禄陛下您好派对真棒
Emperor Nero, hi. Fabulous party.
谢谢夸奖啊
Oh, thank you, thank you.
您把这地方装扮得真好看
I love what you've done with the place.
特别是这些巨型蜡烛
I particularly like these huge candles.
是的我特地叫人做的
Oh, yeah. I had them made specially.
是的看上去就像基♥督♥徒
Yeah, shaped like Christians.
他们就是基♥督♥徒
They are Christians.
不好意思您说什么
Sorry, what?
-真的基♥督♥徒吗 -如假包换
- Real Christians? - Yeah, actual Christians.
再来根蜡烛好吗
Can we get another candle, please?
六号♥草坪再来根蜡烛
Candle on lawn six.
皇帝陛下...
Emperor...
您怎么能那么做呢
I mean, how can you do that?
很简单
Oh, it's very simple.
抓个基♥督♥徒绑到桩子上再浸到焦油里
You just get a Christian, tie him to a stake, dip him in tar,
再插根蜡烛芯不就好了嘛
stick a wick on top of him, voila.
基♥督♥徒蜡烛
Christian candle.
尼禄真的这么做了