糟糕历史（2009）

Horrible Histories S01E02

Part 2 Jan. 3, 2021, 2:23 p.m.

石器时代治疗麻疹的办法是什么
What is believed to be the Stone Age cure for measles?
A 钻过大石头上的洞
Is it A, to crawl through a hole in a boulder.
B 用棍子抽自己
B, to whip yourself with a stick.
C 跳到蜥蜴背上
Or C, to jump on a lizard.
答案是...
The answer is...
A 钻过大石头上的洞
A, to crawl through a hole in a boulder.
若你觉得这很二
And if you think that's silly,
那你该看看石器时代的人们
you should see what Stone Age people did
对自己死去的亲人们做过什么
with their dead relatives.
穴居人
艺术秀
各位好欢迎收看《穴居人艺术秀》
Hello and welcome to the Caveman Art Show.
-我叫奥格他是咕噜 -咕噜
- I'm Ugg and this is Grunt. -Grunt
首先我们要宣布绘画比赛获奖情况
Firstly we're going to announce the winner of our painting competition.
第一名是来自沙漠洞穴的小埃吉娜
First prize goes to little Agina of the desert caves.
她画了只可爱的猛犸象
She painted this lovely mammoth.
石头重
Rock heavy.
多谢参赛埃吉娜
Thanks for sending that in, Agina.
蠢货
Idiot.
今天我们要讲解一下
Today, we're going to show
如何保存死去亲人的头颅
you how to preserve the head of a dead relative,
石器时代的方法
just like we do here in the Stone Age.
首先你需要一具尸体
First thing you need is a dead body.
别担心我已经准备好了咕噜
Oh, no, no. Don't worry, I've already got one, Grunt.
蠢货
Idiot.
这是我死去的奶奶
Here's my dead granny.
第一步我需要用锋利的石头
First things first, I need to remove her head
比如这块把她的头割下来
with a sharp stone, like this.
割好之后你需要刮掉皮肤
Once you've done that, you need to scrape off the skin
挖出脑子让头骨变得干净漂亮
and scoop out the brain so the skull's nice and clean.
有证据显示
九千年前
的人们
就是
这么做的
有证据显示
九千年前
的人们
就是
这么做的
好了
Ah, there we are.
下一步是揍咕噜
The next thing we do is hit Grunt.
只是个玩笑
That was just a joke.
下一步是用石膏填满头骨
What we do next is fill up the skull with plaster
然后用剩下的石膏
and use the remaining plaster
在头骨上塑出你爱的人的样子
to build up the face so it resembles your loved one.
这是我之前做的
Here's one I made earlier.
很像奶奶
Just like Granny.
然后用一对贝壳做眼睛
Now, we've got a couple of shells for the eyes.
好了真像奶奶
And there you go, just like Granny.
如你所见她算不上什么美人
As you can see, she wasn't much of a looker.
又丑又脏
Ugly buggly.
注意点好吗这是我奶奶
Do you mind? It's my Nan.
再怎么说这也是我奶奶
It's my Nan, at the end of the day.
我们下周再见会有更多惊喜
Join us next week, when we'll have more of this.
还会继续揍咕噜
And more hitting Grunt.
这一点都不好玩我看不见了
No, that's not funny. I can't see.
可悲的
二战
女士们先生们今天我们在这里
Ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here today
表彰我们最无畏的飞行员之一
to honour one of our most fearless flyers,
它在保护国家上的贡献几乎比任何人都多
who has done more to protect this country than almost any other.
向各位介绍信鸽玛丽
I give you Mary the carrier pigeon.
玛丽曾带着最高机密信息
Mary has carried top secret messages
从欧洲前线飞回英国
from the front lines in Europe back to Britain.
在第一次任务中它被
On her first mission, she was attacked
德国鹰袭击并受了伤
and wounded by a German hawk
那只鹰被专门训练来攻击我们勇敢的鸟儿
specially trained to bash our brave birds.
但机密信息依然被送到了
But the top secret message still got through.
两个月后
Two months later,
它重新服役被炮火击中
she returned to action and this time came under fire.
有一部分翅膀被炸掉
Had part of her wing blown off.
但重要的信息依然被送到了
But the vital message still got through.
之后它在埃克赛特的鸽棚被炸♥弹♥摧毁
Then her pigeon home in Exeter was blasted by a bomb.
但玛丽活了下来继续飞翔
But Mary still lived to fly another day.
所以我们要表彰这位忠诚的鸟儿
So we'd like to honour this faithful bird,
坚强的幸存者
this hardy survivor,
执行无数任务的老兵授予其迪金勋章
veteran of countless missions with the Dickin Medal,
是专为表彰动物们在战争中贡献的奖章
awarded to animals for their work in war.
我就扎到它身上吧
I'll just pin it to her.
天呐也许我应该...
Oh, dear.Probably should have, er...
挂在它脖子上的
hung it round her neck.
玛丽真是只战时信鸽也获过迪金勋章
Mary was a real pigeon from the war and did win a Dickin Medal.
当然他们没有真的把它扎死
Of course, they didn't really pin it to her.
它其实是在执行第22次任务期间牺牲的
She actually died in action after 22 missions.
很多信鸽在二战中被授予勋章
Lots of other pigeons were given medals in World War II,
同时被授予勋章的还有几条狗和三匹马
as well as plenty of dogs and three horses.
但没有老鼠总是这样
But no rats. Typical!
什么事都算不到老鼠头上
Rats never get anything
好吧除了鼠疫之外
well apart from the plague.
当然动物也不是二战唯一的英雄
Of course, animals weren't the only World War II heroes.
也有很多人类英雄存在
There were plenty of human ones as well.
德军战俘营
希金斯少校来了少校先生
Squadron Leader Higgins, Herr Commandant.
少校我们又见面了
Ah, Squadron Leader. We meet again.
我们之前见过吗
Oh, have we met before?
没有我只是喜欢自己说这话时的腔调
No, I just like the way I sound when I say that.
我是克林斯曼少校
I'm Commandant Klinsmann,
这座战俘营的新头头
the new head of this prisoner of war camp.
希望你能享受第23次逃跑
I hope you enjoyed your brief taste of freedom,
带来的短暂的自♥由♥
your 23rd escape,
因为这将是最后一次
because it will be your last.
天呐
Oh, dear.
我已经在这里这里和这里
I have positioned additional guards
布置了额外的看守
here, here and here,
逃跑已经不再可...
making escape virtually impossi-...
他去哪了
Where did he go?
他又跑了
He's done it again.
派一百名士兵去抓少校
Send 100 troops to find Squadron Le...
行动取消
Cancel that.
希金斯少校回来了少校先生
Squadron Leader Higgins, Herr Commandant.
少校我们又见面了
Ah, Squadron Leader, we meet again.
-我们不是才说过吗 -闭嘴
- Are we not counting just now? - Shut up!
不要以为我不知道你那点心眼
Don't think I don't know what your game is here.
你们英国♥军♥官按照上级指示一次次逃跑
You British officers are under orders to keep trying to escape
结果我们德国士兵就得浪费时间去抓你们
which means that our German soldiers spend their time chasing you down
而无暇顾及战争
rather than fighting this war.
这是
真的
再也不会这样了现在是我管着你
But not any more. I'm in charge here now.
你会发现
And you will find that
我后脑勺上也长着眼睛
I have eyes in the back of my head.
他又跑哪去了什么
Now where did he go? What..?
派三百名士兵去抓少校
Send 300 soldiers to find Squadron Leader...
行动取消
Cancel that.
希金斯少校又来了少校先生
Squadron Leader Higgins, Herr Commandant.
我们又见面了
So, we meet again?
不准抢戏这是我的台词
Don't say that! I say that!
给我找个好点的理由
Give me one good reason
为什么我现在不一枪崩了你
why I shouldn't shoot you on the spot? right here on the spot, hmm?
因为《日内瓦公约》
Because the Geneva Convention
规定你们不能枪毙军官
means you can't shoot officers.
这是真的
你说得对刚才忘了
Yes, forgot about that.
对了我明白了
Ah, yes, I see
你想偷走我的钥匙
you would like to get hold of my keys, yes?
小子给我记住
Let me tell you something.
世界上有两件事绝对不可能发生
There are two things in this world that will never happen.
第一你们绝对不会赢得这场战争
One, you will never win this war.