糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories S01E11
Part 1
Jan. 3, 2021, 2:24 p.m.
恐怖都铎 华丽乔治*
*Terrible Tudors, Gorgeous Georgians
卑劣斯图亚特 邪恶维多利亚*
*Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians
悲惨战役 凶残争斗*
*Woeful wars, ferocious fights
昏暗古堡 英勇骑士*
*Dingy castles, daring knights
恐怖难以言表*
*Horrors that defy description
凶狠凯尔特 可怕古埃及*
*Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians
凶残维京 冷血罪行 远古的惩罚*
*Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes, punishment from ancient times
罗马人 堕落恶心又冷血*
*Roman rotten, rank and ruthless
穴居人 野蛮残酷不长牙*
*Caveman, savage, fierce and toothless
绝妙古希腊 聪明大圣人*
*Groovy Greeks, brainy sages
卑鄙又卑微 就是中世纪*
*Mean and measly Middle Ages
血腥故事无限多*
*Gory stories, we do that
且听鼠君对你说*
*and your host - a talking rat
历史不再是个谜*
*The past is no longer a mystery
欢迎收看*
*Welcome to...
第一季 第十一集
糟糕历史
恐怖的都铎王朝
亨利八世确实是个恐怖的都铎国王
Henry VIII really was a terrible Tudor.
如果他不喜欢你 就会把你的头砍掉
If he didn't like you, he'd have your head chopped off.
他甚至砍了他两任妻子的头
He even beheaded two of his wives.
本期《哦耶》杂♥志♥将报道
In this week's issue of Oh, Yea! Magazine,
亨利八世最近的婚礼
Henry VIII's latest wedding.
不知凯瑟琳·帕尔能否坚持到最后
We ask, will Katherine Parr go the distance,
还是也将面临被砍头的命运
or are we heading for other beheading?
皇家婚礼
皇家斩首
另外 亨利八世大谈
Plus, Henry VIII tells of his heartbreak
与克利夫斯的安妮离婚的伤心往事
at the Anne of Cleeves's divorce.
离婚的心碎
我休了她 因为她是个丑八怪
I chopped her because she was a minger.
另有安妮·博林第六只手指大揭秘
And Anne Boleyn's manky sixth finger revealed.
那是只畸形的手指 还是个疣子呢
Was is an abnormal extra finger or was it just a wart?
那是个疣子
It's a wart.
有关近期所有砍头的小道消息和独家照片
All the goss, all the pics on all the latest beheadings
尽在本周《哦耶》杂♥志♥
only in this week's Oh, Yea!
亨利爱极了砍人脑袋
Huh, Henry just loved chopping off heads.
但注意 他可不是自己动手
Didn't do it himself, mind.
他训练了一批行刑者来做这些脏活
He had trained executioners to do the dirty work. Huh!
我倒想知道这些人是怎么被选中的
I wonder how you get chosen for that job.
斧子元素
这是英国都铎王朝时期的一个周一早上
It's a Monday morning in Tudor England,
一群新手
and a batch of new recruits
正在等待看谁能得到
are about to see who's up
他们梦寐以求的那份工作
to the challenge of landing their dream job.
那就是砍掉别人的脑袋
Chopping people's heads off.
要是我被选上 就是美梦成真
I'd be living the dream, really.
可能更像噩梦吧 我想
Well, more of a nightmare, I suppose.
我妈说我肯定能做好这份工作
My mum reckons I'd be really good at this job,
我具备所有必备的资质
got all the right qualities.
那你♥爸♥怎么说
And what does your Dad think?
我不知道 我把他的头砍了
I dunno. I chopped his head off.
人们说女人不适合做这份工作
Some people say this isn't a job for a woman,
可说实在的
but to be honest,
到时戴上面罩 谁看得出来呢
you're wearing a mask, so who's gonna know?
这份工作可不仅限于砍人脑袋
It's not just about chopping people's heads off.
还要求掌握各种杀人技巧
There's all sorts of skills required in the job.
比如把人吊死 扔进滚烫的油锅
There's hanging people, dropping people in boiling oil,
砍掉四肢 当然还有
chopping the limbs off, and then, of course,
你得会把人的肚子剖开
you've got the slitting people open,
看着他们的胃掉出来
watching the stomachs fall out.
你 出局
Right, you're out!
拜托先生 我还有很多能力没表现出来
Oh, please, sir, I've got so much more to give.
我还没提把犯人的肺拽出来呢
I didn't even mention pulling people's lungs out.
小心我的鞋
Oi, watch me shoes!
快滚
Vamoose!
剩下的成员将面临他们的第一个任务
The remaining recruits are set to their first task,
那就是举起斧子
which is to lift the axe.
你为什么觉得你能胜任这份工作 小子
So, what makes you think you can do this job, sonny?
我喜欢这制♥服♥
I like the uniform,
我就是想要独♥立♥ 你知道
and I just wanna be independent, you know,
靠自己的双脚站起来
stand on my own two feet.
单脚
One foot.
下一个
Next!
好 仔细听着
Right, listen very carefully.
在公共处决中使用的绳套
The type of noose used in a public execution
需要按照
varies according to the
行刑的时间进行调整
time of day the execution is to be carried out.
[接下来几句中的"绳套"noose均谐音"新闻"news]
这是七点的绳套[七点新闻]
This is the seven o'clock noose.
这是九点的绳套[九点新闻]
This is the nine o'clock noose.
这是十点的绳套[十点新闻]
And this is the Noose at Ten.
这是编这个笑话的人
And this is the person that wrote that joke.
现在 你凭什么觉得你能胜任这份工作
Now, what makes you think you should be given the job?
我手里有斧子 你没有
Well, I've got the axe and you haven't.
说得好 欢迎加入塔楼
Good point. Welcome to the Tower.
[英国的断头台设在伦敦塔内]
绝妙古希腊
真假辨析
True or false.
在古希腊斯巴达
In the Ancient Greek city of Sparta,
如果一个婴儿降生时看起来孱弱多病
if a baby looked weak and sickly,
他会被选中并培养成为老师
it was selected to become a school teacher...
答案是
It's...
假的
false.
多病的孩子会被扔到山里等死
Sickly baby were left on the mountainside to die.
斯巴达人只想要能成长为强壮战士的婴儿
Spartans only wanted babies who would grow into strong warriors,
但即使是强壮的战士也会犯错
but even a strong warrior can make a mistake.
保萨尼亚斯
愚蠢的死法之
死得傻呀死得傻*
*Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
真人真事乐哈哈*
*They're funny cos they're true
死得傻呀死得傻*
*Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
下次不要到你家*
*Hope next time, it's not you
下一位
Next!
死亡登记处
-姓名 -保萨尼亚斯
- Name? - Pausanius.
保萨尼亚斯
"Pausanius"!
-死亡时间 -公元前470年
- Year of death? - 470 BC.
-职业 -斯巴达将军
- Profession? - Spartan general.
古希腊麻烦制♥造♥者
Greek troublemaker.
死法
Method of death?
我跟斯巴达同伴闹了点不愉快
Well,I sort of fell out with my fellow Spartans,
所以决定投敌
so decided to betray them to the enemy,
但我写给敌方的信被斯巴达人拦截了
but my letter to the other side was intercepted by the Spartans,
他们就派兵来要把我当叛徒杀了
who sent troops to kill me as a traitor.
但我逃到了雅典娜神庙
But I fled to the Temple of Athena,
我说 你们不能碰我一根指头
saying, "You can't lay a finger on me here,
这是神圣的领地
I'm on sacred ground."
那他们碰你了吗
Mmm. And did the killers dare lay a finger on you?
他们没有
No, they did not.
他们用砖把门砌死 把我饿死了
They just bricked up the door and left me to starve to death.
死亡登记处
太经典了
A classic!
你搞笑死了
You're dead funny!
用砖砌死
Bricked up!
我太爱我的工作了
I love my job,
有些时候我真爱这工作
sometimes I do. I do.
下一位
Next!
死得傻呀死得傻 下次不要到你家*
*Stupid deaths, stupid deaths. Hope next time, it's not you
在德拉古统治下的
And there were plenty of stupid deaths
古希腊雅典城中
in the ancient Greek city of Athens
有许多愚蠢的死刑
when a bloke called Draco was in charge.
德拉古真的是非常非常严苛
He was super, super strict.
历史法♥院♥现在开庭
The Court of Historical Law is now in session.
今天我们采用古希腊雅典城的法律
Today we are using laws from the ancient Greek city of Athens.
原告方来自公元前621年
Prosecuting, all the way from the year 621 BC,
最伟大的 至高无上的 德古拉
the great, the all-powerful...Draco.
糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories
剧集 | 糟糕历史（2009） | 导航列表