糟糕历史（2009）

Horrible Histories S01E07

Part 3 Jan. 3, 2021, 2:24 p.m.

是的在中世纪每当泰晤士河结冰时
That's right. When the river Thames froze over in the Middle Ages,
农民们会像骑士那样在冰上进行骑马比武
peasants used to joust on it, just like knights,
只是没有武器马儿也用溜冰鞋代替
only without armour and with ice skates instead of horses.
农民们真的进行冰上骑马比武
又危险又致命
It was dangerous, it was deadly,
真是极好的娱乐方式
it was great entertainment,
前提是你是个中世纪农民
if you're a Medieval peasant.
我们给这两个人穿上了用动物骨做成的溜冰鞋
We've kitted these two out in skates made from animal bone.
现在他们要以最快的速度在冰上滑行
Now they're gonna skate at each other as fast as they can
冰刀真的是动物骨
并用这些致命的雪杖撞击对方
and ram each other using these lethal poles.
听上去很危险吧因为本就如此
Sounds risky? Well, that's because it is.
来见见我们的评委吧
It's time to meet our judges.
凯特你觉得今晚的比武会怎样亲爱的
Kate, what's your thoughts on tonight's joust, love?
-我想会很精彩 -好
- Oh, I think it's going to be great. - Yes.
-安东尼奥呢 -我觉得会很矬
- Antonio? - I think it's gonna be rubbish.
杰里米呢亲爱的
And Jeremy, love?
我认为会有人受重伤
I think someone's gonna get hurt real bad.
让我们拭目以待吧比赛中一切皆有可能
Well, let's see. It's a game where anything can happen,
但仅有一事可以肯定
but only one thing will happen,
两位运动员都会身受重伤
two players will be seriously injured.
是时候重现
It's time to recreate...
中世纪冰上骑马比武
Medieval jousting on ice!
中世纪农民真的这样做
我想我想
Wow, I think, I think
我们应用掌声向两位参赛者致敬
a round of applause for our contestants there,
女士们先生们
ladies and gentlemen.
刚刚为您呈现的是中世纪冰上骑马比武
Well, that's Medieval jousting for you.
他失去了一只眼睛
He's lost his eye.
多么壮观的运动女士们先生们
What a sport though, ladies and gentlemen.
多么壮观
What a sport.
好了凯特你觉得比赛怎么样
Right, well, Kate, what did you think of that?
我要给8分
I'm going to give it eight out of ten,
因为我觉得他有八成的可能活下去
because I think that's his chances of surviving.
-安东尼奥 -9分太棒了
- Antonio. - Nine out of ten, magnificent.
我没想到他的眼睛会飞出来
I wasn't expecting his eye to fly out. Mmm.
我觉得它好像就掉在这附近了
I think it landed round here somewhere, you guys.
找到了
Well, there you have it.
孩子们要注意哦不要在家中尝试冰上比武
And remember, don't try any ice jousting at home kids,
除非你是个中世纪农民或者大蠢蛋
unless you're a Medieval peasant or a complete idiot.
本期节目到此结束
Well, that's all for this week.
我们下周再见现在要和评委们告别了
We'll be back next week, but until then it's ta-ta from my panel.
评委们跟观众说再见吧
Say ta-ta panel.
-再见 -再见
- Ta-ta. - And ta-ta from me.
再见再见
Ta-ta. Ta-ta!
我是骑士
我也是骑士
倾其一生我们只为了战斗
我是骑士
我也是骑士
英勇斗士骑士战甲紧绷绷
骑士剑不轻
第三条: 战时需活捉其他的骑士
他们的家人送来大笔钱保亲人平安
我们行事如绅士也只同绅士作战
真骑士永远不会和农民作战
这是真的
总之农民实在太臭了
Anyway, peasants pong. Urgh.
我是骑士
我也是骑士
倾其一生我们只为了战斗
我是骑士
我也是骑士
我们骑马打仗场面真气派
骑士炫风采
可悲的二战
在英国战争的确
In Britain there was a real
曾经引起大量的物资短缺
shortage of lots of stuff because of the war,
因此食物和衣服都必须限♥量♥供应
so things like food and clothes had to be rationed.
现在是童话故事时间
Time again for our fairytale series,
所有的故事都在不同的历史背景下被重新演绎
where the stories are retold in different historical settings.
今天讲的是
Today,
二战版《灰姑娘》
Cinderella. The World War II version.
灰姑娘被迫留在家中做家务
And Cinderella was left all alone to clean the house,
丑陋的姐姐们却衣着光鲜地跑去参加
while her ugly sisters went to Prince Charming's Ball
白马王子的舞会
in beautiful dresses.
灰姑娘很悲伤大声说道
Cinderella was so sad she spoke out loud.
真希望我也能穿着漂亮的裙子去参加舞会
I wish I was going to the ball in a beautiful dress.
突然她的仙女教母出现了
And suddenly her fairy godmother appeared.
灰姑娘
Cinderella,
你一直都是个善良诚实的好姑娘
you have been a good, honest girl your whole life.
你值得拥有一条漂亮的裙子
You deserve that dress.
刹那间烟雾弥漫当浓雾散去...
There was a puff of smoke and when it cleared...
可悲的是由于二战的限♥量♥供应政策
Sadly, due to World War II rationing,
没有什么新裙子了所以
there aren't any new dresses, so...
你只能凑合着用了
you'll just have to make do.
求你了仙女教母
Please, Fairy Godmother,
不能施展一下法术吗
can't you use your magic?
又是一阵烟雾弥漫
And there was another flash of smoke.
仙女教母有没有
Had the fairy godmother
施展法术帮灰姑娘做裙子呢
used her magic to make Cinderella a dress?
没有房♥子被德军炸毁了
No, the house had been hit by a German bomb.
不过轰炸袭击引发了大规模断电
Still, due to the bombing raid there was a blackout in force,
舞会也就取消了
so the Ball was cancelled anyway.
快打扫丑八怪
Get sweeping, ugly.
讲完啦
The end.
千真万确战争期间
It's true! Women couldn't
女人无法穿着时髦的连衣裙四处走动
go around in posh frocks during the war.
她们必须发挥想象力
They had to get creative,
修补旧裙子或是用窗帘做条新裙子
repairing old dresses or making new ones, out of curtains.
还没完呢看看这个
And that's not all, check this out.
虽然战争仍在持续
Just because the Second World War's on
并不代表女孩们不能拥有迷人双腿
doesn't mean a girl can't have wonderful legs.
所以我才要穿肉汁丝♥袜♥
That's why I wear gravy stockings.
试试全新的肉汁丝♥袜♥
由于战争
Thanks to the war,
进口奢侈品供应短缺不过别担心
imported luxuries are in short supply, but don't worry
全新的肉汁丝♥袜♥看起来就跟真的一样
because new gravy stockings look just like the real thing.
女人真的这么做了
瞧真假难辨
See? You can't even spot the difference!
只要用牛骨熬出浓汁
Just boil down some old cow bones,
涂于双腿
smear it on your legs, poo,
你也会变得秀色可餐的
and you too will look good enough to eat.
为什么不用眼线笔在后面画条接缝呢
Why not use eyeliner to draw a seam down the back?
她们真的也这么做了
这样更能以假乱真
And they'll look even more like the real thing.
只要不下雨效果可以持续长达一个月
And they can last for up to a month, as long as it doesn't rain.
全新肉汁丝♥袜♥ 秀色可餐不是梦
So look good enough to eat, with new gravy stockings.
试试全新的肉汁丝♥袜♥
绝对不要穿着肉汁丝♥袜♥
Under no circumstances should gravy stockings be worn
靠近有狗的地方
anywhere near dogs.
可怕古埃及
许多古埃及法老被埋葬在巨大的金字塔内
Many Ancient Egyptian Pharaohs were buried in huge pyramids.
显然法老们不是
Obviously, Pharaohs didn't
从房♥地♥产♥经纪人那儿买♥♥的金字塔
buy their pyramids off estate agents.
待售
不过想象一下
But imagine what
如果真是这样会出现怎样的景象呢
it would have been like if they had.
您一定会喜欢下面这个房♥间的法老陛下
And this room you are just going to love, Mighty Pharaoh.
很不错啊
Very impressive.
这里呢就是主起居室
So basically this is the main living area.
给您死后使用
For when you're dead.
所以我想不用"起"只用"居"了
So I suppose it's the non living area.
-真不错 -是的这里提供了
- Oh, it's nice. - Yeah and it's fitted with everything
您来世可能需要的所有东西
you could possibly want in the afterlife.
奢华的灵柩
There's a luxury coffin,
当然是国王尺寸的还有独♥立♥卫生间
king-size of course, and an en-suite toilet.
金字塔里真的有卫生间
我会需要卫生间吗
Will I need a toilet?
他们把我做成木乃伊时
It just they will take out my stomach and intestines
会将我的肠胃取出来
when they turn me into a mummy.
所有最好的金字塔都配有卫生间
Well, all the best pyramids have them.
我想是的
Mmm, I suppose.
好了这儿没有老鼠吧
Now, there aren't any rats in here, are there?
我不能忍♥受老鼠
I can't abide rats.