糟糕历史（2009）

Horrible Histories S01E02

Part 4 Jan. 3, 2021, 2:23 p.m.

their deaths were even crazier.
你能想象第一个
I mean, can you imagine the first time
想到死后要埋在金字塔里的人吗
someone thought of being buried in a pyramid?
就是自下而上地建起然后...
It sort of reared up and then everything...
尊敬的法老陛下全埃及的统治者
Greetings mighty pharaoh, ruler of all Egypt.
按照要求法老陛下
As requested oh, pharaoh,
我们给您的葬礼制定了计划
we have laid plans for your burial.
极好
Ah excellent.
我必须为我死后成神做好准备
I must prepare for my journey to the afterlife and rebirth as a god.
我们想把坟墓设计成这样
Yep, so what we thought for the grave was this. Ta-dum!
法老愿灵安眠
简洁有力
Simple yet effective.
显然上面的字会镀金
Obviously we'll do the lettering in gold.
先生们我觉得你们没太懂我的意思
Gentleman, I don't think you quite get the idea.
-是吗 -我想要个更大点的
- Oh, really? - I was thinking of something a little bigger.
没问题我们能弄个更大的石块
No problem, we could get a bigger stone.
-更大的石块 -2.5吨♥
- Bigger stone. - Two-and-a-half tons.
-那相当重了 -而且不只一块
- That's pretty heavy. - And not just one.
您不是想要三块吧
Don't tell me, you want three.
我想要250万块
I was thinking two-and-a-half million.
-250万块 -要这么多干什么
- Two-and-a-half million. - What you gonna do with all those?
一块一块堆起来还是怎么
Pile them all up on top of each other or something?
-能想象吗太荒谬了 -就是那样
- Can you imagine that? It would be ridiculous! - Yes.
构筑巨大的四面金字塔
Forming a huge, four-sided pyramid,
230米宽 146米高
230m wide and 146m high.
好吧我们怎么运送石块呢
Um, right, sorry how would we move the stones?
尼罗河水泛滥时我们可以用船来运
Well, we could transport them in boats when the Nile is flooded.
怎么把它们堆到146米的高度呢
How are we gonna get them 146m into the air?
太无聊了你们想吧
Boring, you'll think of something.
您就不能只要一块好墓石吗
Can't you have a nice gravestone?
不要我是法老我不要跟别人一样
No, I am Pharaoh! I don't want what everyone else has,
我想要神灵级别的巨碑
I want a mighty monument worthy of the gods,
你们就动手去做吧
now just get on with it.
-坦白讲他真令人头疼 -可不是
- Honestly, he's a pain. - Tell me about it.
在英国他们简单盖个土堆就完事了
In Britain they simply cover people up with great mounds of earth.
要不我们去英国吧
You know, we should just go there.
好的那儿天气也不这么热
Yeah. Weather's not so hot, mind.
真假辨析
True or false.
古埃及法老王泽死时
When he died, the Ancient Egyptian King Zer
赐予他所有仆人土地和黄金
had all his servenats given land and gold.
答案是...
It's...
假的法老王泽的葬礼上
False. At King Zer's funeral,
338名仆人被杀殉葬
338 of his servants were killed
这样他们可以在死后继续服侍法老
so they could work for him in the afterlife.
这些法老真是天威难测啊
Those pharaohs really were a dangerous bunch.
童话故事的时间又到啦
Time again for our fairy tale series,
所有的故事都在不同的历史背景下
where all the stories are retold,
被重新演绎
in different historical settings.
今天讲的是《豌豆公主》
Today is the princess and the pea.
古埃及版本
The ancient egyptian version.
美丽年轻的埃及少女完全睡不着
The beautiful young Egyptian woman had not slept a wink,
因为即便在她和豌豆之间
because even though there were twelve mattresses
隔了12层床垫她还是能感觉到
between her and the pea, she could still feel it.
这只能说明一件事
This could mean only one thing -
她真是公主
she really was a princess.
法老听说了此事拥抱了她
When the pharaoh heard this, he embraced her.
我真为你骄傲
I'm so proud of you.
然后即刻命令把她处死
And swiftly ordered for her to be executed,
古埃及的法老这么做再正常不过
which was quite a normal thing for a pharaoh to do in Ancient Egypt,
因为家庭成员之间总要争夺皇位
because family members were always after their throne.
这位已经干掉了一个兄弟四个姐妹
This one had already bumped off a brother, four sisters
以及15个表亲
and fifteen cousins.
有备无患嘛
Better safe than sorry.
从此以后大家都活得很不开心
So no-one lived happily ever after.
故事讲完啦
The end.
重大提示
This is a horrible information warning.
杀害家族成员是严重的犯罪行为
Killing off family members is highly illegal
无论如何都要避免
and should be avoided at all costs,
除非你碰巧是位法老
unless you happen to be a pharaoh,
这种情况下你是老大
in which case, you're the boss,
可以随心所欲
you can do what you like,
干掉别人不受惩罚查一下吧
bump 'em off with impunity! Look it up.
恐怖的
都铎王朝
这是你的统治
我们周二对法国宣战周三对西班牙
Grrr, we'll declare war on France on Tuesday, Spain on Wednesday,
周四对... 等下
on Thursday we'll... Hang on a minute,
-什么情况 -你是亨利八世吗
- what's going on here? - Henry VIII?
-是的 -英格兰君主
- Yes. - King of England?
是的
Yes.
这是你的统治
This is your reign!
亨利八世
不会吧你事先知道吗
No! Did you know about this?
知道陛下
Yes, Sire.
多美妙的惊喜啊
It's a wonderful surprise,
不过实际上你还是骗了我
although technically you still deceived me,
自己去领死吧麻利的
so go and have yourself executed, chop, chop!
马上去陛下
At once, sire.
看你我认识你太好了
Look at you, I know that face, wonderful.
本节目中我们将请来您所有的老朋友
Yes, this is the show where we bring out all your old friends,
-讲述与你有关的有趣故事 -好
- to tell us funny stories about you. - Yeah.
有请第一位嘉宾
And here is our first guest,
是你的一位密友
he's a close friend,
于1529至1532年间担任你的大♥法♥官
he was your chancellor from 1529 to 1532.
托马斯·莫尔爵士难以置信
No, Sir Thomas More? I don't believe it.
你也事先知晓此事吗
Did you know about this as well?
我得杀掉他
I'll kill him.
太晚了你已经这样做了
Too late, you already did.
你砍了他的头
You had his head cut off,
但我们把他挖出来并把头缝上
but we dug him up, sewed it back on
今天他来到了现场
and he is here today.
[空想社♥会♥主♥义♥学说创始人著有《乌托邦》]
托马斯·莫尔爵士
他来了
There he is.
快瞧瞧托马斯你这家伙
Look at him. Thomas, you old dog.
-第二位嘉宾另一位密友 -好
- Our second guest, another close friend. - Yeah.
是你1532至1540年间的首席大臣
He was your chief minister from 1532 to 1540.
托马斯·克伦威尔不会吧
Thomas Cromwell? No!
[英国近代社会转型时期杰出政♥治♥家]
托马斯·克伦威尔
是他看看还是老样子
There he is, look, he hasn't changed a bit.
还有你的其他顾问埃塞克斯伯爵
Neither have your other advisors - Lord Essex...
罗彻斯特主教
The Bishop of Rochester.
埃塞克斯伯爵
罗彻斯特主教
托马斯·卡尔佩珀萨福克公爵
Thomas Culpepper, the Duke of Suffolk
[与王后凯瑟琳·霍华德有奸♥情♥]
托马斯·卡尔佩珀
萨里伯爵
or the Earl of Surrey,
你把他们全都处决了
You had them all executed too.
萨福克公爵
是瞧瞧他们
Yeah, look at them.
老友相聚甚是欢喜
It's so nice to get the old gang back together, isn't it?
萨里伯爵
所有人都来了吗其中几个而已
All the lads? Few of those.
下一位嘉宾
And our next guest,
没准是你最亲密的顾问了
perhaps your closest advisor...
红衣主教沃尔西
Cardinal Wolsey.
老沃尔西他来了
The old Wolster! Oh, here he comes.
[亨利八世的大♥法♥官和主理国务的大臣]
红衣主教沃尔西
快看他那样儿
Look at him there.
告诉我们为什么没处决他
Now, tell us, why didn't you have him executed?
他在被送往监狱的路上挂了
Oh, well he, died on the way to prison.
多么感人肺腑的故事
What a lovely story.
-现在谈谈情史吧 -不不要
- Now let's talk about romance. - Oh, no, don't.
你六次娶妻今晚来到现场的
You married six wives and here tonight,
是两位你处以极刑的妻子
are the two you had executed,
安妮·博林和凯瑟琳·霍华德
Anne Boleyn and Catherine Howard.