糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories S01E07
Part 1
Jan. 3, 2021, 2:24 p.m.
恐怖都铎 华丽乔治*
*Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians
卑劣斯图亚特 邪恶维多利亚*
*Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians
悲惨战役 凶残争斗*
*Woeful wars, ferocious fights
昏暗古堡 英勇骑士*
*Dingy castles, daring knights
恐怖难以言表*
*Horrors that defy description
凶狠凯尔特 可怕古埃及*
*Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians
凶残维京 冷血罪行 远古的惩罚*
*Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes, punishment from ancient times
罗马人 堕落恶心又冷血*
*Romans, rotten, rank, and ruthless
穴居人 野蛮残酷不长牙*
*Caveman, savage, fierce and toothless
绝妙古希腊 聪明大圣人*
*Groovy Greeks, brainy sages
卑鄙又卑微 就是中世纪*
*Mean and measly Middle Ages
血腥故事无限多*
*Gory stories we do that
且听鼠君对你说*
*And your host a talking rat
历史不再是个谜*
*The past is no longer a mystery
欢迎收看*
*Welcome to
第一季 第七集
糟糕历史
恐怖的都铎王朝
我们的都铎女王伊莉莎白一世
Our Tudor Queen, Elizabeth I,
认为自己是个绝世美女
liked to think that she was very beautiful,
但事实上她并不怎么好看
but she wasn't really much of a looker.
《喔耶》杂♥志♥为您带来伊莉莎白时期八卦新闻
Oh Yea! Magazine brings you all the gossip from Elizabethan times.
我们拥有不为人知的图片
We've got the pictures they didn't want you to see.
所有她想烧毁的丑陋画像
She wanted all her portraits burned because she looked ugly,
都将被公之于众
but we have them.
你从未见过的伊莉莎白女王一世
Queen Elizabeth I as you've never seen her before.
瞧那脖上的巨斑
Urgh, big spot on the neck.
快找东西遮遮吧 陛下
Should've covered that up, ma'am.
还有那腋下的汗渍
Urgh, sweaty pits,
虽然我们的莉兹女王一年会洗四次澡
even though Liz has four baths a year,
女王真的一年只洗四次澡
没错 一年只洗四次哦
yes, four whole baths a year.
亲爱的女王陛下
Oh, dear, your majesty,
您真不该染上天花的
you really shouldn't have caught smallpox.
她确实得过天花
您的脸比月球表面还要凹凸啊
You've got more craters than the moon!
瞧这满口的豁牙
Ugh, look at the rotten gob!
女王确实满口蛀牙
要笑不露齿啊 丑陋的陛下
Don't smile, your Royal Ugliness!
独家揭露西恩娜的圣凯瑟琳修女的节食秘诀
Plus, Saint Catherine of Sienna's diet revealed.
她靠喝麻风病人的脓汁加水来保持身材
Stay thin by drinking leper's pus and water.
她确实喝脓汁加水
八卦无穷 靓图无限
All the goss, all the pics,
都铎王朝闲话多
all the Tudor tittle-tattle,
尽在本周的《喔耶》杂♥志♥
only in this week's Oh Yea!
都铎王朝时期的医学并不发达
Tudor medicine wasn't exactly brilliant.
伊莉莎白女王感染了天花
When Queen Elizabeth caught smallpox,
这在当时可是一种致命的疾病
a disease that often killed people,
御医们认为最有效的办法
her doctors thought the best cure
是用一张可爱的红毯子把她裹起来
would be to wrap her up in a lovely red blanket.
她的确活了下来 但我觉得跟那张毯子
She did live, but uh, somehow I don't think the blanket
应该没什么关系
had a lot to do with it.
历史医院
医生马上就来
The doctor's on his way now.
他看起来有点奇怪
Um, he looks a bit odd.
对 他是我们从都铎王朝那借来的人手
Oh, yes, well he's on loan to us from the Tudor era.
您好 先生
Greeting, sir.
您有何不适
What ails thee this day?
感染了瘟疫吗
Touch of the plague?
没有
No.
魔鬼附身了吧
Demonic possession?
不是
No.
肚子里长了条小龙吗
Small dragon living in the stomach?
当然不是
No, of, of course not.
我的大拇指长了个水泡 我有点担心
I've got a blister on my thumb and was a bit worried about it.
无须担心
Worry no more!
我们都铎人医学造诣极深
We Tudors have great experience in the field of medicine.
我只需...
All I need to do...
把一块滚烫的石膏放在你皮肤上
is put a...burning hot plaster on the skin
来烫破水泡
to draw out the blister.
好烫啊 你个傻瓜
Argh, that burns! You idiot!
是的
Mmm, yes.
都铎王朝时期确有此疗法
灼热的石膏烫红了皮肤
The scorching plaster has caused redness of the skin,
不过别担心 我们很快就能搞定
but worry not, we shall soon sort that out...
立竿见影 我要在这儿割几个口子
Nice and sharp. Need to make several cuts.
这里 这里 还有这里
Here, here and here.
给你放点儿血
Let some of the blood out.
我有些头晕
Oh, I feel a bit faint.
另一个都铎王朝时期的疗法
你看起来是有些面色苍白
Yes, well, you do look a little pale.
没事 喝一小口这个方可缓解
Well, don't worry, a few sips of this will sort you out.
-这是什么 -啤酒
- What is it? - Eh, it's beer.
里面加了一些虱子
Mixed in with some lice.
好的
Ooh, yes.
又一个都铎王朝时期的真实疗法
有些虱子好像
Ah, now some of the lice seem to be
在你的头发里安家了
making a home in your hair.
不用担心 治疗的方法很简单
But don't worry, the cure for that is very simple,
只需用烟草汁给你洗个头即可
we just need to wash your hair in tobacco juice.
就像这样
Just like that.
都铎人的确这样做
现在呢
Ah, now.
真奇怪
That's odd.
烟草汁好像让你脱发了
The tobacco juice seems to have caused some baldness.
没事 我们都铎人自有妙招
Uh, don't worry, we Tudors have a cure for that, too.
只要在秃顶的地方涂上狐狸油脂
Yes. Argh!Simply smear the affected area in fox grease.
全都是真实的都铎药方
你在干什么 别碰我
What are you doing? Get off!
小心地上的狐狸油
Watch out for the fox grease on the floor.
我的头
Oh, my head. Ugh.
看上去有些棘手
Ooh, that does look nasty.
没关系 给你喝点止痛药
Don't worry, give you something for the pain.
这是毒药与鸦♥片♥的混合物
Now that is a combination of hemlock and opium.
非常有效的止痛药
It's a great painkiller,
不过如果服用过量
although sadly it does act as a strong poison
就会变成烈性毒药 很可能会导致
if I give you too much, which is quite likely,
一些不良后果 比如说死亡
so you may suffer some ill effects, such as death.
我只是手上长了个水泡而已
Mmm. I only came in...with a blister!
死了 下一个病人是谁
Ah, dead. Right, who's next?
绝妙古希腊
我们希腊人很擅长编故事
We Greeks were great at making up stories.
编得特别好
So good, in fact,
有时很难区分故事的真假
that sometimes it's difficult to tell if they really happened or not,
比如这个故事《特洛伊的海伦》
like this one, the story of Helen of Troy.
特洛伊的海伦
古斯巴达国王
Ancient Sparta and the king
带给女儿海伦一个消息
has news for his daughter, Helen of Troy.
女儿啊 是时候从希腊
Daughter, it is time to choose a husband
众国王和王子中选择夫君了
from all the Kings and the Princes of Greece.
好吧 随便了 就这个
Yeah, whatever, I'll have that one.
斯巴达墨涅拉俄斯当选
Menelaus of Sparta is chosen.
太棒了 伙计
Sweet as a nut, mate. Yes!
海伦和墨涅拉俄斯于接下来的一周结婚了
Helen and Menelaus were married the next week.
海伦 你我是命中注定的
Helen, you is well fit.
你的美貌足以让千舸争流
Your face could launch a thousand ships, yeah.
这是什么意思
What is that supposed to mean?
我觉得我嫁了个傻瓜
I think I've married an idiot.
然后 另一位追求者出现了
But then...another suitor turned up.
抱歉我迟到了
Sorry I'm late, yeah.
我是特洛伊王子帕里斯
I Paris, Prince of Troy,
我是来参选驸马的
I'm here for the husband choosing.
伙计 你来晚了
Mate, you is too late, yeah.
船已起航 我为船长
This ship has already sailed and it's mine.
墨涅拉俄斯船长
Captain Menelaus.
这个帕里斯才是我命中注定的
That Paris, he is well fit!
墨涅拉俄斯不会介意我跟帕里斯私奔的
Menelaus won't mind if I run away to Troy with Paris,
他瞬间就会忘了我的
糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories
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