糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories S01E13
Part 4
Jan. 3, 2021, 2:25 p.m.
他在我三岁的时候 就意外身亡了
who incidentally died ages ago, when I was three.
所以我根本不可能刺死他
So there's no way I could've possibly stabbed him to death.
我有预感 这部剧会毁了我的事业
I've got a hunch this play's gonna ruin me.
我也这么觉得
I've got a hunch.
[双关 字面意思为"我长了个驼背
凶残的维京人
糟糕历史电视台
新闻联播
大家好 欢迎收看《那时新闻》
Hello and welcome to the News At When.
那时就是一千多年以前
When? Over 1,000 years ago,
维京人时常侵略英国海岸
when Vikings were always invading British shores.
详细内容 请看本台记者鲍勃·黑尔
Here to tell us all about it is Bob Hale,
带来的维京时代报道 鲍勃
with the Viking Report. Bob.
谢谢你 萨姆 那是公元786年
Thank you, Sam. Well, it's 786 A.D.
当时全国一片祥和
and all calm at the moment,
欢乐的英国人♥民♥
with lots of happy English people,
或者按我的叫法 撒克逊人♥民♥
or Saxons as I like to call them,
生活在全国各个地方
spread across the whole country.
可惜好景不长
But I'm afraid it's not going to last.
可以看到 凶恶的维京前锋部队
You can see here a nasty Viking front
从东北方风卷残云般袭来
sweeping in from the northeast,
焚毁修道院 残杀修道士
causing heavy damage to both monasteries and indeed monks,
然后又返回斯堪的纳维亚
before heading back off to Scandinavia.
可没过多久 他们又来了
But not for long, here they come again.
这次来的更多 而且他们还不愿意走
There's lots more of them and they just won't go away.
幸好 阿尔弗雷德国王带领着
But luckily a strong band of Saxons,
英勇善战的撒克逊军队
led by King Alfred,
收复失地 在这里设立交战前线
pushed back up across the country, creating a front here,
撒克逊人占据南方 而维京人占据北方
with the Saxons to the south and the Vikings to the north.
在公元920年 撒克逊人忍♥不了了
But in 920 A.D. the Saxons say no,
他们受够了 重新收复了北方
enough is enough and they retake the north,
整个英国又是撒克逊人的天下了
making the whole of England Saxon again
这就是故事的结尾 想得倒轻松
and that is the end of that. Or so we thought.
那些维京人又来了
Here come those Vikings again,
当时的撒克逊国王埃塞雷德不想打仗
and a Saxon king called Ethelred doesn't like fighting,
于是他出钱求和
so he tries to pay them not to fight,
可他们拿了钱 却照打不误
but they just take his money and invade anyway.
维京人啊
Those Vikings!
不久之后 维京人占据了整个国家
And before long, the Vikings are everywhere
1017年 甚至有了维京国王
and in 1017 we even get a Viking King.
我们叫他卡努特 因为这就是他的名字
Let's call him Canute, because that's his name,
然后大家都闭嘴了 习惯新生活
and everyone just shuts up and gets used to it.
可没过多久
But not for long.
在一系列国王的不断变换之后
After a whole succession of kings,
一会撒克逊掌权 一会维京人掌权
some Saxon, some Viking,
我们迎来了又一位撒克逊国王
we end up with a Saxon one again,
叫他哈罗德吧
let's call him Harold,
因为他就叫这名
because that's his name,
然后一眨眼就是1066年
and before you know it it's 1066.
听起来很熟悉吗 很有名的年代
Sound familiar? Probably, very famous.
维京人从北方入侵 想要夺取王位
Viking's invade from the north, they want the crown,
哈罗德派兵抵御
and while Harold's fighting them off,
从法国来的诺曼人 从南方入侵
the Normans from France invade the south.
他们宣称王位属于他们的国王
They say the crown belongs to their king,
征服者威廉
William the Conqueror.
在黑斯廷斯 战争相当惨烈
There's a massive battle in Hastings,
就叫它黑斯廷斯之战吧
let's call it The Battle Of Hastings,
因为人们都是这么叫的
because that's what it was called,
哈罗德眼睛中箭
and Harold gets shot in the eye
然后被碎尸万段
and then cut into little pieces.
真是糟糕的一天 可怜的人啊
Not a great day. Poor lad.
无论如何 征服者威廉征服了英国
However, William the Conqueror just conquers England
撒克逊人本来担心维京人夺权
and all the Saxons who were so worried about the Vikings
最终却倒在了诺曼人的铁骑之下
end up being conquered by the Normans.
想着就搞笑
I mean, fancy that!
总而言之 恶人当道 手举大斧
So in summary, lots of nasty men, big axes,
没事儿别出门
just don't go outside.
画面交还给你 萨姆
Back to you, Sam.
你知道吗 都柏林市和斯旺西市
Did you know, the cities of Dublin and Swansea
都是维京人建造的
were built by Vikings.
斯旺西市 是以丹麦国王斯旺命名的
Swansea was named after the Danish King Sweyne,
意思是斯旺的海
that's Sweyne Sea,
因为它属于斯旺 还在海上
'cause it was Sweyne's and it's on the sea.
鼠君无所不知
The rat knows all.
地图不错
Good map.
英国没有一处地方
There's nowhere in Britain
是以伟大的维京人西格德命名的
named after the Viking Sigurd the Mighty,
原因如下
and here's why.
伟大的西格德
愚蠢的死法之
死得傻呀死得傻*
*Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
真人真事乐哈哈*
*They're funny cos they're true
死得傻呀死得傻*
*Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
下次不要到你家*
*Hope next time, it's not you
死亡登记处
下一位
Next.
-名字 -伟大的...西格德
- Name? - Sigurd... the Mighty.
西格德...句号♥ 死亡年份
Sigurd, full stop. Year of death?
公元892年
892 AD.
职业
Profession?
奥克尼群岛的维京首领
Viking ruler of mighty Orkney.
苏格兰一个小岛的首领
Ruler of a tiny island off Scotland.
死亡方式
Method of death?
我们维京人征服了奥克尼群岛之后
Well, we Vikings had already conquered Orkney
便渴望攻占更大的领地
and we fancied somewhere a little bit bigger to conquer,
所以我们入侵了苏格兰大♥陆♥
so we invaded mainland scotland
在间距战中打败了苏格兰人
and defeated the Scots in pitch battle.
我砍下了仇敌的头颅
I took the head of my sworn enemy,
莫里郡的梅尔布莱特伯爵
Earl Maelbrigte of Moray,
把他的头捆在马鞍上以示胜利
and strapped it to my saddle as a sign of triumph.
有意思
Charming.
不幸的是...
Unfortunately...
-怎么了 -我骑马回家的途中
- Yes? - While I was riding home,
我的腿被他头上的牙齿蹭破了
my leg brushed against the teeth of the severed head.
不幸伤口感染而死
The wound went septic and I died of the infection.
被砍下的头颅咬死的
Bitten to death by a severed head.
你搞笑死了
You're dead funny.
有时候真爱死这份工作了
Yeah, I love my job sometimes. I do!
下一位
Next.
死得傻呀死得傻*
*Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
下次不要到你家*
*Hope next time, it's not you
华丽的乔治王朝
我们乔治人提出了
We Georgians came up with the idea of
用面糊做约克郡布丁的想法
making Yorkshire puddings out of batter,
我们提出的好想法可不只有这一条
and that's not the only bright idea we had.
你赢了 小子
Ugh, the hand is yours, Sirrah.
我又赢了
I win again. Huzzah!
再玩一盘吧 三明治伯爵
Let's play again, Earl Sandwich,
这次我会打败你的
only this time I shall beat you, what!
我们马上就能分出胜负了
We shall soon see about that. Aha.
我有点饿了 老家伙
Ooh, I find myself a tad peckish, old boy.
厨子
Cook!
-是 老爷 -给我来点肉
- Yes, your Lordship? - Fetch me some meat.
是 老爷
Yes, your Lordship.
真不方便
Ah, dashed inconvenient,
为了吃东西 我们恐怕得暂停一下
but methinks I shall have to stop playing cards in order to eat.
除非...可以给我一点你的上等面包吗
Unless, uh... May I steal some of your fine bread?
-请便 -谢谢
- Be my guest. - Ah, yes. I'll say.
就这样 妙极
There, huzzah!
有面包隔着 我的手就不会沾到油
The bread stops my hand from getting greasy from the meat.
因此我可以用一只手吃
Uh, ergo I can eat with one hand,
同时用另一只手打牌
while still playing cards with the other. Ha-ha!
你这招不错 三明治伯爵
Mmm, I think you might be on to something, Earl Sandwich.
可以用你的名字命名 叫它"三明治"
We should name it a sandwich, after you.
糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories
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