难以伺候

will take a restaurant review from a "meh" to a "yeah."
你可以说"不"
You can say "no."
我不会拒绝提拉米苏的
Oh, I won't turn down a tirami-susie.
-怎么样 -还可以
- Thoughts? - So-so.
-还可以再吃 -看见了吧
- So, so good. - Ah, see!
油管 你们先从这听到的
You heard it here first, YouTube!
我不想把我的脸放到油管上
Oh, I don't want my face on YouTube.
-不想 但... -拜托了 不要
- No? But-- - Please, no.
不想 可你多上镜头啊
Oh, no? But you're such a natural.
-不想 -你看着就像年轻的埃利奥特·古尔德
- No. - Look, you're like a young Elliott Gould.
什么片子
What movie?
味道棒极了
The flavors are awesome.
发酵后的绵软口感 完美
The sponge, perfect.
我打满分
I give it five fingers.
满分 我的天
Oh, five fingers! Heavens!
谢谢 你们先从这听到的
Well, thank you! You heard it here first.
我们是泰德和比尔 我们下次再见
Until next time, this is Ted and Bill signing off.
我们校园见
We'll see you around the campus.
什么校园
What campus?
你觉得怎么样
Well? What do you think?
我觉得...
Well, I think it's...
有点让人不安 但也可能是好事
sort of unsettling, but maybe that's good.
而且他挺性感
And he's kind of hot.
我真希望他没用那种腔调
I wish he didn't use that voice.
嗯 我觉得那个也得不了威比奖
Yeah, I'm not sure that's one's gonna win the Webby.
如果你能跟着一起尝尝蛋糕
Well, if you would've played along and tasted the cake,
-那就太好了 -我累了
- it would've been totally cute. - I'm tired.
哎呦 我的屁♥股♥有点坠...
Ooh, girl, my ass is dragging...
-没事的 -让我找个打火机
- It'll be fine. - Just let me find a lighter.
我得把针消消毒
I just need to sterilize the pin.
-不用 我可以来 -你连囊块都够不到
- No, I can do it. - You can't even reach the cyst.
-我可以的 -你够不到囊快
- Yes, I can. - You can't reach the cyst.
-别弄了 回来 -你深呼吸就行了
- Leave it alone. Get back! - Well, just breathe.
如果你老动 会更难受的
If you don't hold still, it's gonna hurt worse...
花那么多钱
That's way too much to pay
就买♥♥这么他妈的一个溅板
for some fucking splash back.
就是这个价 你叫它溅板
That's what they cost, and you're calling it a splash back,
-那玩意叫防溅板 -我的天
- and it's called a backsplash. - Jesus Christ.
你能不往我脖子上
Will you please stop breathing down my neck
吹气吗
for one fucking second?
我离你的脖子还远着呢...
I'm not anywhere near your neck...
他们餐桌上的摆花
They always have the neatest flower arrangements
总是最整齐的 蜡烛也给你点上了
on the table, candles are lit for you.
一定要坐到杰弗瑞负责的区域
Oh, and always try and sit in Geoffrey's section.
他的服务非常周到
He is the most spectacular server.
-我天 -不好意思你刚说什么比尔
- Jesus. - I'm sorry, what did you say, Bill?
没什么 我什么都没说
Nothing. I didn't say anything.
你毁了我的一个镜头
Yeah, you ruined a take.
-我听到了 -是吗 继续说杰弗瑞
- I heard you. - Did I? Oh! Talk about Geoffrey some more.
我的天 你这就累坏了
Oh, my God, you're exhausting.
上个瑜伽课什么的吧
Take a yoga class or something.
冥想啊 深呼吸之类的
I mean, meditate, breathe. Jesus...
我只是想让我们不断成长
I just want us to constantly be evolving.
成...好吧 这无关成长
Evol-- Okay. This is not about us evolving.
不过是你想给杰弗瑞口罢了
This is about-- all about you wanting to suck Geoffrey's dick.
比尔 这辈子我想口的人多了
You know, I want to suck a lot of dicks before I die, Bill.
我不想落得和我父母一样的悲惨结局
I don't wanna end up miserable like my parents.
我不觉得这很夸张
I don't think it's crazy after 18 years--
你很惨吗
So you're miserable? That's...
放头上
You put it on your head.
不是 孩子 我是说那玩意
Nah, kid. That thingamajig.
是个头部按♥摩♥仪 过来
It's a head massager. Come here.
来吧 不是你想的那样
Come on. It ain't like that.
试试
Go ahead.
没错吧
There you go.
好了 祝一天愉快
All right. Have a good one.
生个孩子甚至还要付钱
You even gotta pay for a baby to be born.
不付钱医院不让走
Hospital won't let you leave unless you pay.
别傻了 你可以分期付款
Don't be stupid. You can pay in installments.
或者用信♥用♥卡♥啊 还能有积分
Or on a credit card, so you could get points.
或者可以直接用积分付钱啊
Or you could pay for it with points.
生孩子不能用积分买♥♥单
You can't pay for a baby with points.
把那回形针给我
Give me that paper clip!
我弟弟是在停车场出生的
My brother was born in a parking lot.
搞什么 我都要弄好了
Yo, what the fuck! I almost had it.
三 四 五
Three... four... five...
六 七
six... seven...
七秒
Seven seconds.
一
One...
二
two...
-三 -你们数的太慢了吧
- three... - Come on! Y'all are counting too slow!
闭嘴
Shut up.
七秒
Seven seconds.
他吓尿了
Oh! He pissed himself!
他吓尿了
He pissed himself. Damn.
哥们 没事的
Yo, man, it's okay.
没事的 没事的
It's okay, it's okay.
对
Yeah.
不不不
Uh, no, no, no.
没事 你说 你说
No, you-- You go ahead. Go ahead.
什么
Yeah?
别闹了
Stop playing!
海莉
刚落地 飞机早到了 我在四号♥航站楼等
靠
Shit.
妈妈来了 等下
Mama's coming. Hold on.
-很抱歉还带了宝宝 -没事
- Yo, I'm-- I'm sorry about the baby. - No.
保姆临时说不来了
The sitter, uh, canceled on me at the last minute.
-没事 没关系 -好吧
- It's good. It's good, it's fine. - All right.
她跟你长得很像
She kind of looks like you.
是吗
You think so?
我总觉得她肯定长得像爸爸
I always figured she must look like her daddy.
她爸爸是谁
Who's her daddy?
X2X00752号♥捐赠者
Donor X2X00752.
我不知道 不过他们告诉我
I don't know, but they told me that, uh,
他高考考了1500分
he got a 1500 on his SATs,
还是个大提琴神童
and that he was a cello prodigy,
所以很明显 她会是个天才
so clearly, she's gonna be a genius.
她会是我们国家
She's gonna be our nation's
继奥普拉后第二名黑人女总统
second black female president after Oprah.
乔伊怎么样了
So, uh, what about Joey?
在脸书上看过他几张照片
Seen some pictures on Facebook, yo.
-他看起来有点 -发福
- He looked kind of-- - Fat. Yeah.
怎么回事
What happened?
-糖尿病 -糖尿病
- Diabetes. - Diabetes.
靠 真好
Shit. Ooh! This is good.
我很需要好好八卦一下 自从我和你的
I need all this gossip. You know I'm a good four years behind
一家白♥痴♥断了联♥系♥后 有四年没你的消息了
ever since I had to block your whole damn fool family.
想来一杯这个吗 我们应该碰个杯
You want one of these? We should toast.
理由
To what?
理由 敬你妈妈说你拿到了
To what? To your mama said you got a full ride
-芝加哥大学的全额奖学金 -别说了
- to the University of Chicago, - Oh, stop.
-这就是理由 -还没有正式通知
- that's what. - It's not official,
我不想说出来触了霉头
so I don't want to jinx it.
法学预科 对吗
Pre-law, yes?
计划是这样
That's the plan. Yeah.
那我们就敬这个
So that's what we'll toast to.
你要尽快上庭替我辩护
You representing my black ass in a court of law, ASAP.
等下 不 其实我不...我不喝了
Wait, no, actually, I don't-- I'm good.
你确定吗 冰箱里还有啤酒
You sure? I got a beer in the fridge.
在那之前 我应该二十四小时不沾酒
I'm not supposed to, um, drink 24 hours before, so...
对 对 不该喝 乖孩子