呆逼还愿人（2014）

Good day to you, sir.
再见了
No, see, ghosts don't rot, first of all.
不 你看啊 首先鬼是不会烂的
They kind of just like look the same as they did when...
他们就一直就是那个他们当时...
Oh, shoot. Hey, what the hell, man?
哦 你妹 嘿 搞毛啊 哥们?
What... what about the money?
酬劳的事怎么说啊?
I can pay you.
我可你付你钱
If you finish this job, I'll pay you whatever you want.
你完成了这份工作 你想要什么我都付给你
Yeah. Yeah, I don't know, Rube.
好 好 这可说不准 鲁布
I've had lots of ghost clients before
我曾经有老多老多的鬼客户
and they always seem to have trouble opening their wallets,
他们看起来在掏钱方面都有些障碍
if you know what I mean. I'm different.
你懂我意思么 我不一样啊
I was able to pay rent for the past 40 years, right?
过去40年我都付了房♥租 不是么
That's true, you did.
这倒不假 你是付了
How does $10,000 sound?
1万美金听起来怎么样?
Ten thousand dollars? That's amazing.
一万美金? 棒棒哒!
That, like, would change my whole life.
那会 可能改变我整个人生
You got yourself a deal, sir.
成交啦 先生
All right, there are three items I need
好嘞 我需要三样东西
to complete my machine.
来完成我的机器
The first item is a very special prototype
第一件是一个非常特别的样品
for a new kind of spring.
一种新型弹簧
There is only one in existence.
独此一件
You'll pretend to be delivering fruit.
你必须装成一个送水果小哥
No one ever questions a fruit basket.
没人会对水果篮起疑心
Can I help you?
能帮你什么忙么
Uh, yeah, I got some fruit. Qaddumi.
呃 我来送水果 卡嘟米
Where is that spring catalogue?
弹簧目录在哪里
Which one? The winter catalogue
哪个? 冬季那本
with the new spring collection.
里面还有全新春季系列的
Uh, tomorrow, tomorrow, the latest.
呃 明天吧 明天 会有最新版的
If we don't have that winter catalogue by noon tomorrow,
要是我们明天中午还没有冬季目录
you're sprung.
你就等着弹飞吧
You can't just spring that on me.
你不能就因为这弹飞我呀
What does your little lucky 7 ball say, huh?
你的幸运7号♥球怎么说 啊?
Does it say you're the boss?
它说你是老板吗?
Or does it say I'm the boss?
还是说我是老板?
The next item is a four-hole bowling ball.
下一件是四孔保龄球
There's one Alley in New York where I know this ball exists.
我知道纽约的一个保龄球馆里有
Who would ever need a four-hole ball?
谁会用四孔的保龄球
A guy with six fingers.
六指儿
Excuse me. Uh, still using that ball.
不好意思 我正在用这个球呢
Oh, I'm sorry. I'm always doing that. Yeah.
哦 对不起 我总干拿错球的事
Can't we just, uh...?
我们能不能..啊?
Ah! Damn it!
啊! 你妹啊!
You broke my finger! Gah! Damn.
你弄断了我的手指! 干! 日狗!
The final item on the list
最后一件
The kindergarten class pet at Charles Bukowski Elementary.
查尔斯·布考斯基小学的班级宠物
It's a hamster. Not any hamster.
一只仓鼠 可不是普通仓鼠
It's a blind hamster.
是只瞎仓鼠
Oi, look at this wanker.
哟呵 看这个撸瑟
What? Oh.
啥?哦
Oh, ha-ha.
哦 哈 哈
Okay, very funny, guys. Step aside.
好吧 好好笑哦 小子们 靠边站
Sorry, mate. You gotta pay the toll.
对不起哥们 留下买♥♥路钱
Uh, no. No, I don't, because I'm an adult
呃 不不 我不给 我可是个大人了
and adults don't pay tolls, genius.
大人不给买♥♥路钱 聪明鬼
Ah! Where does that come from? Was that you?
啊! 谁踢的? 是不是你?
Why would you do that? What are you...?
你干啥要这么做? 你们是什么...?
What are you, little David Beckham?
你是哪根葱? 小贝克汉姆?
You've got quite the leg for a 10-year-old. That stings.
你个10岁的毛孩脚劲挺大啊 可疼了
Oh. Hey, guys. You turned my grapes into raisins.
哦 嗨 哥几个 你们屌♥爆了我屌♥真爆了
Hey.
嗨
Hey, man, where the hell you been?
嗨 哥们 你♥他♥妈♥去哪儿了?
You know how I am on punctuality.
你知道我这人很准时的
Yeah, I'm sorry, Roof, I tried to call.
对不起 撸夫 我是想打电♥话♥来着
You know what? Take one of my burner phones, man.
这么着吧 给你一个一次性电♥话♥吧 哥们
Hey, Roof, when someone is, like, super intimidating,
撸夫 有些人 就是 超级吓人
but they're the only thing standing in the way of you
但是他们是你人生道路上唯一会让你获得
receiving some, like, life-changing reward,
像是足以改变人生的奖励的人
what's the best way to, uh...
有什么好办法
bypass them completely? Hmm.
可以完全绕过他们? 嗯
The way I see it, man, you gotta face your fears.
介事儿吧 伙计 你越是怕什么越要去做什么
You know. Like, I had a fear of abandonment as a child.
你知道不 就好像 我小时候好怕被遗弃
And...
而且
and now my fears came back.
现在我又感受到这种恐惧
Hey, you.
嗨 你呀
And you.
你丫
I thought you weren't ready for a relationship.
我还以为你没准备好再谈恋爱呢
And here you are on a date.
现在你又在约会了
With a very famous detective, no less.
跟一个非常著名的侦探 非常
Uh, which... Oh, that actually means
呃 这...就是说实际上
that you... you are ready for a relationship.
你丫 你准备好谈恋爱了
Perhaps my gentle let-downs haven't been explicit enough
可能我拒绝你拒绝的太委婉了
to get through to your sourdough bread bowl of a brain.
所以你的门夹水淹浆糊发面馒头猪脑子没整明白
Let me make myself perfectly clear.
让姐给你整明白了
I would never date anyone like you.
我永远不会跟你这种人约会
Ever.
永远
In fact, the only reason I might consider
事实上 唯一可能姐考虑
having you around is because when I look at you,
让你在我身边的理由就是看见你
it makes me not want to eat.
我就吃不下饭了
I'd just like to chime in here for a minute.
我想小小插个嘴哈
I'm not, uh, I'm not actually a detective.
我不 呃 我并不是个真正的侦探
Um, I'm a, ahem, highly acclaimed television actor.
呃 我吧 就是个广受赞誉的电视明星
I could be doing movies too,
可能还会拍电影呢
but I prefer… Fitz. Shut the (Bleep) up.
不过我还是喜欢...痱兹 操♥他♥妈♥的闭嘴
The point is, is that Paul Fitzgerald
重点是 这位保罗痱兹杰拉德
is attractive, successful, and a homeowner.
是个高富帅 还有房♥
You, on the other hand,
而你这个人是个
will never amount to anything.
一事无成穷矮搓
You know something?
你知道么
You are nothing like the sweet, and kind Camomile
你根本就不是甜美纯真的白菊花
I used to dream of growing old with.
长久以来我心目中的女神
And you.
你丫
You are nothing like the smooth and confident detective
你丫也压根不像什么酷炫狂拽的警探
that you play on the TV.
就像你在电视上演的那种
Which I guess, makes you a really amazing actor, actually.
这也说明 你真是个好演员
So good for you. Namaste.
所以干得漂亮 谢您吉言
And you're wrong about me, Camomile.
你瞎了狗眼 白菊花
I will not never amount to nothing.
我才不会一事无成
I'm... I will not...
我..才不会...
Get out.
滚粗
Out.
粗
How does $10,000 sound?
1万美金听起来怎么样?
Ten thousand dollars? That's amazing.
一万美金? 棒棒哒!
That, like, would change my whole life.
那会 可能改变我整个人生
You will never amount to anything.
你将一事无成
The way I see it, man, you gotta face your fears.
介事儿吧 伙计 你越是怕什么越要去做什么
I did not have sexual relations with that woman.
我没跟那女人打过炮
All right, listen up, snot wads.
好啦 听着 熊孩子
Step aside before I clean your clocks off.
靠边站否则我打的你亲妈都认不出你
Is that a fact, wanker?
是这样么 撸瑟?
What's a "fackwanker"? Hit him.
撸你一熊脸 揍他
Oh, what just happened?
哦 发生了什么?
Get out of here! Let's go.
都他妈滚蛋! 走吧
Hey, little fella. Don't be afraid.
嘿 小家伙 别害怕啊
Take you out on a little adventure.
哥带你出去见见世面吧
Who the hell are you?
你是什么鬼?
Who am I? Yes.
我是谁? 对
I'm... I'm 24601.
我 我是24601(悲惨世界冉阿让编号♥)
I'm employee number 24601 from the hamster division.
我是仓鼠分局24601号♥雇员