呆逼还愿人（2014）

It's warm, it's safe. I like cream!
很温暖 很有安全感 我就是喜欢奶油色!
Okay, let me make a little suggestion, if I may.
好吧 如果允许的话 让我来提个建议
Robin's egg blue. Super hip right now.
换成知更鸟鸟蛋蓝 最近超流行的
Shut up! Shut up!
闭嘴! 闭嘴
Oh, my God. I just finished my last seven years.
我的天啊 这里度日如年啊
Okay, well, I am glad you two calmed down
好 这样 我很高兴你们俩都能冷静下来
because you were breaking a lot of stuff I was gonna scavenge.
因为你们俩打破了很多我本来打算寻的宝贝
What? So let's start.
啥? 咱们开始吧
I have a hunch that you guys are having a problem moving on,
我的直觉告诉我 你们俩都无法安息
because we need to fix this marriage,
因为我们需要修复这段婚姻
so why don't we try a little role playing. Okay?
那我们为什么不做点角色扮演呢 好吧?
I will be playing, obviously,
我就理所当然的来扮演
the role of the marriage counselor.
婚姻顾问这个角色
You two can play whatever parts you want, you know?
你们俩扮演什么角色都行 是吧?
Pilot, veterinarian, lady plumber.
飞行员啦 兽医啦 女性管道工什么的
Why don't we just play husband and wife?
我们干嘛不直接扮演夫妻呢?
Oh, my God, that's a good idea. Yes. Thank you for that.
哦 我的天 是个好主意 多谢提点
Actually, that would help me a lot with my thing.
其实 这样会对我的角色有帮助
You know, being a marriage counselor.
对吧 毕竟我是个婚姻顾问
Hello, ghost?
你好 鬼魂?
I'm trying real hard not to be the scared black guy
我在努力不让自己成为一个在鬼屋里
in a haunted house. Okay?
吓尿了的黑人 好吧?
Okay. You two were obviously very much in love at one point.
好 你们俩绝对真爱过
Let's start there. It was a long time ago.
我们从那段时间开始说 那是很久以前啦
It was easier to be in love back then. It was the '50s.
在那段时期很容易找到爱情 那是五十年代
The McCarthy years. Yeah.
在麦卡锡年代 是啊
Something obviously kept you guys together. What was that?
一定有什么让你们俩厮守在一起的对吧 那是什么呢?
The only thing that kept us together, honestly, was Brianne.
说实话 唯一让我们在一起的是我们的女儿 布里安娜
Who? Our daughter.
谁? 我们的女儿
Rose petals?
玫瑰花瓣?
Oh, yeah, right, your daughter.
哦 对 没错 你们的女儿
I did see the little girl's room before.
我刚刚是看到小女孩的房♥间来着
You know, with all the dolls.
就是那个有很多娃娃的房♥间
She was no little girl. She was 30 years old.
她可不是小女孩 她有30岁了
30?
30?
She's fucking 30?
妈♥个♥鸡她都有30了?
She was a little eccentric. She was a weirdo.
她是有点小古怪 她是个怪咖
30 years old, didn't have a boyfriend.
30了都没有男朋友
Spent all day inside, playing with her dolls.
整天宅在家里 玩她的娃娃
She was shy.
她活着的时候很内向的
You never gave her a chance to express herself.
你从未给她表述自我的机会
Can I just ask you something? What do you mean, she was shy?
问你个事儿? 你说她活着的时候很内向 是什么意思?
My wife killed her. What?
我老婆杀了她 神马?
Oh, that is not fair.
哦 这样说不公平
She came home the night of the incident.
那晚她回到家
She saw us dead, she called the cops...
她看到我们俩都死了 就报♥警♥了...
she tried to call the cops, she could barely speak,
她只是尝试着报♥警♥ 她几乎不能说话了
she grabbed the first drink she could find, the seltzer.
她顺手拿了离她最近的饮料 那个苏打水
The one she...? With the poison in it?
那是她...? 下了毒的苏打水?
From when Julep tried to poison me earlier.
就是之前朱丽浦用来杀我的那水
Oh, got it. Okay. Good.
哦 了解了 好的 好
No, that's a really effed-up story.
不是吧 这个故事太操蛋啦
She's gotta be pretty pissed with you guys.
她肯定恨死你们俩了吧
What was that? Sounded like a man orgasming.
什么声音? 听起来像是个男人高♥潮♥了
Or it could be somebody dying.
也可能是有人快死了
Roofie! Hey!
撸夫! 嘿!
Roofie! Hey! Roofie!
撸夫! 嘿! 撸夫!
What the hell is going on, man? I got this, like, ghost blowjob
搞什么鬼 老兄? 我好像刚刚被一个鬼魂口了
or handjob or energy job. I don't know what's going on.
或者是手了还是意念了 我都不知道发生了什么
It just got kind of weird.
气氛有点奇怪的说
You're being held hostage by a creepy ghost chick.
你被一个骇人女鬼挟持了
What? Is she hot?
什么? 她靓么?
Yeah.
靓
Brianne, put that down. Right now, young lady.
布理安娜 放下 现在就放下 姑娘
No, it's fine. He's my boyfriend.
不 没关系 他是我的男朋友
I just need to kill him so he can, you know,
我只要杀了他 所以他就能
see me and then we can be together.
看见我 我们就能在一起了
No, don't kill him.
不 别杀他
What? He's not your boyfriend.
啥? 他不是你男朋友
You just met him.
你才刚见过他
You think once he sees me, he won't be interested?
你觉得他看到我会对我不感兴趣?
What? No. You can't jump into something serious
啥? 不要啊 你不能跟你不怎么认识的人
with someone you barely know.
直接玩真的
But I do know him. We were intimate.
但是我了解他 我们刚还亲密来着
I'm just gonna jump in here for a quick second and say that
我要插♥进♥来几秒钟说句话
the rate I quoted you earlier was for couples' counseling.
我之前给你们的价格是做夫妻咨♥询♥的价格
This is technically family counseling now.
技术层面上讲 现在这是家庭咨♥询♥了
So it's gonna... Brianne, listen.
所以 会... 布里安娜 听着
You don't wanna tie yourself down
你不会想让自己在
to the first guy you fall for.
第一棵树上吊死
You'll regret it your entire afterlife.
你会后悔终生的
Your mother's right. Thirty years from now,
你妈说的没错 30年以后
you'll be trapped in a loveless marriage.
你会深陷在一段没有爱情的婚姻里
What's going on?
怎么回事?
Because from my point of view, it's just a bunch of silence,
因为从我的角度看 这里是岁月静好 啥声没有
and I got this screwdriver pointing at me.
还有个螺丝刀指着我
What's going on is, a few minutes ago
现在是这么回事 几分钟以前
I was making real progress with this couple,
我在给这对夫妇做的工作上取得了进展
and now they're talking about
但是现在他们在说什么
being trapped in a loveless marriage.
深陷在一段没有爱情的婚姻里
What happened? Just tell them to get a divorce.
发生了什么? 告诉他们离婚啊
That's not an option. What would people say?
我字典里可没这俩儿字 人家会怎么议论这事?
They're concerned about the social concussions
他们很在意离婚对
of getting a divorce.
大众社会的冲击
I guess it wasn't as common back then.
我估计以前那时候离婚还不是很平常
Tell them now it's less common for people not to get a divorce.
告诉他们现在不离婚才是不正常
Really? What?
真的? 啥?
Jack, I think I want a divorce. You do?
杰克 我想离婚 是吗?
I'm sorry. When we first met,
不好意思 我们第一次见的时候
you had just come back from the war
你刚从战场上回来
and I looked at you as this adventurous hero.
我把你视作冒险英雄
You were the first woman I'd seen in, like, three years.
你是我3年里见到的第一个女人
I guess it wasn't enough, was it?
我猜这还不够 是吧?
I'm sorry I tried to poison you.
对不起啊 我当时还想毒死你
I'm sorry I stabbed you in the chest a couple of times.
对不起啊 我往你胸口捅了几下
Forty-seven times.
47次
Fortyseven? Yeah.
47次? 恩
No hard feelings?
都别难过?
I can't believe it. Oh, no, no, don't worry.
我简直不敢相信 哦 不不 别担心
I think it all goes to the same place.
我觉得他们都去了同一个地方
I mean, they didn't even say goodbye to me.
我的意思是说他们都不和我说句拜拜
Oh. It makes sense.
哦 不过也讲得通
I'm 30, living at home, single.
我都30了 还住在家里 还是单身
Again, maybe that was a little weird back in the '80s,
再说一次 这可能在80年代有点怪异
but nowadays that's pretty standard.
但是现在这都很正常了
Really?
真的嘛?
Yeah. Plus, you got this really cool...
恩 而且 你还有这些超级酷的
doll collection that you keep.
娃娃收藏
And, uh, look at you. You're a catch.
额 你看看你 你绝对是抢手的
Okay. They're gone. So...
好了 他们都离开了 所以...
you okay?
你没事吧?
I don't know, man. I feel kind of violated.
我也不知道 老兄 我感觉被侵犯了
But, like, in a good way.
但是被侵犯的好爽
Oh, yeah? What did it feel like?
哦 是嘛? 那是什么感觉?
It was like having sex with a jacuzzi jet with no jacuzzi.
好像是跟按♥摩♥喷气浴缸爱爱了但是根本就没有浴缸
Nice.
漂亮
Man. So happy to be out of the haunted house.
老兄 能从鬼屋里出来真是开心呐
That place sucked.
这个地方烂毙了
Too bad you didn't get to scavenge anything.
可惜你什么宝贝都没能寻着
I wouldn't say I didn't get anything.
我不能说我啥也没捞着