呆逼还愿人（2014）

Roofie? Are those kitty cats in your underwear?
撸夫? 你的内♥裤♥里是装了小猫猫么?
Yo, what the hell? I thought you was dealing with the haunting.
呦 要搞毛线啊? 我以为你在忙着处理闹鬼那档子事儿
I tried, I tried. There is just no pleasing this ghost.
我已经全力以赴 不遗余力了 可是这个鬼就是不满意
She has got major body issues.
她有严重的身材认知问题
She doesn't even have a body anymore.
更搞的是她现在根本都没身材可言
Look, please don't let me down, man.
听着 别让我失望 哥们儿
N'Cole got some melon grooves a dude could get lost in.
妮可有了点儿小肚腩 有个家伙说能帮她减掉
I wanna help you with that, but I can't.
我很想帮你啊 可是我压根儿不懂
Hey, Please finish this, all right? Yeah, okay.
嘿 拜托你把你那事了结了 行么? 好吧 当然
Uhh.
呃
Hey, hey, hey.
嘿 嘿 嘿
Hey, girl.
还好吧 妹子
Listen, I was thinking we could take those pictures
听着 我觉得我们可以把照片P一下
and photoshop them to make you look as skinny as you want.
让你看起来想多苗条就多苗条
No, that would be cheating.
不行 那是作弊
I mean, those photos are supposed to show
我的意思是 那些照片本来应该展示出
my hard work and dedication to...
我多么努力和热衷于...
Oh, my God. I'm such an idiot.
哦 我的老天爷 我就是个傻子
Wait. Okay, those photos from the boat,
等一下 是这样 这些照片是在船上的时候拍的
those were taken before my tapeworm diet.
那是在我用蛔虫节食法之前
Before your what?
你用什么玩意儿之前?
A few weeks after the photo-bang,
照片事件过去几周后
I went down to Mexico and ingested a tapeworm.
我去了墨西哥 还吃了蛔虫
For months, I could eat whatever I wanted and still lose weight.
从那以后 我看见什么吃什么也毫不影响我减肥
I paid a pretty peso for it, but it was totally worth it,
我可是在这上面花了不少银子 不过绝对物超所值
until it finally killed me. Yeah.
直到小虫虫弄死我 这样啊
Someone should probably put a warning on those things.
应该有人为这种事情发一个警告说明
I know. Anyway,
我也觉得 不过
what are you telling me this for?
你干嘛告诉我这些?
Don't you see?
你还不明白么?
I mean, right before I died, I was at my ideal body weight,
我是想说 在我死前的最后一刻 我的身材就是我理想中那样
but I don't have any pictures of it.
但是我没有那个时候的任何照片
Not even a little selfie?
甚至没一张小自♥拍♥?
No, I was too weak to lift the camera.
没 我虚弱得都拿不起相机了
Okay. I'm not gonna go dig up your corpse
够了 我可不打算去挖出你的尸体
and take creepy pictures of it.
然后给它照一些稀奇古怪的照片
No, of course not. Okay, good because...
不是 当然不是 嗯 很好 因为...
No, those pictures should be sexy. Yes. A... wait, what?
不是那样 这些照片应该很性感 好的 那个...等等 啥米?
Sexy, but tasteful.
性感 还不失高雅
Oh.
哦
The things we do for pa-chank.
我们做的事情是在向男妇产科医生致敬
Oh, the things you do for pa-chank.
哦 你做的事情才是在向男妇产科医生致敬
I'm doing this for ill-fitting women's clothing.
我这么做是为了那些不适合女性穿的衣服好
From last season, no less.
而且还是上个季度的
What happened to the advice about the principle?
你提的那个原理去哪了?
Never going out of your way to impress a femmie?
永远不要改变自己去取悦小妖精?
We're about to dig up a grave so you can get laid.
不如我们挖个坟 然后你躺进去吧
The principle applies, okay? It's just complicated.
这是对原理的应用好么? 这很复杂的
You gotta get a girl to a tipping point, right?
你必须先让姑娘达到那个临界点 懂么?
And you gotta do whatever to push her over the edge.
然后你就要不择手段地让她突破底线
You sound like a real Reed Kelly right now.
你现在听起来就像一个活生生的里德 凯利
Reed Kelly? Yeah. You're exploitering me.
里德 凯利? 嗯 你就是在利用我
What? You think I wanna be here?
啥? 你以为我愿意来这儿?
What? Oh, I don't know. You tell me, exploiterer.
啥? 哦 我还真不知道 你来告诉我啊 剥削者
Let's just get this over with. Yeah.
咱们今天就做个了结 好啊
Yo, man, I'm freaked out, man.
呦 哥们儿 我快要吓死了
I'm, like, wondering what's under here,
我在想 那个 这下面是什么
like it's a model dead chick that's gonna pop up
比如会有一个挂了的模特妞儿突然站起来
like tales from the crypt,xa0like
就像那些地下室里的恐怖故事 就这样
What? No. She's only been dead for two weeks.
什么鬼玩意？ 不是的 她才死了两周
Probably an embalmed body takes months to decompose.
一个防腐处理过的尸体大概要好几个月才会腐烂
How do you even know that?
你怎么连这个都知道?
Because, Roofie, I know some stuff about some stuff, okay?
因为 撸夫 我知道有一些人懂一些什么事儿 行了吧?
I don't ask you how much a quarter pound of weed weighs. Do I？
我也没问过你0.25磅的大♥麻♥花多少钱 对吧?
Look. This is it.
看这儿 就是这个
Okay.
好啦
Good. You ready? Yeah.
很好 你准备好没? 好了
All right, on the count of 30.
好 一起数到30打开
One...
一...
Two... Come on, man.
二... 快点吧 兄弟
What? All right, okay.
什么? 好吧 好的
She looks like a damn corpse. Beautiful.
她看起来真像一个糟糕的尸体 太美了
She was a handsome lady.
她还真是个英姿飒爽的美女
So, what should I do? Should I, like, try and make her smile?
那我现在应该怎么办? 我是应该...那个 试着让她微笑?
No, give her the duck lips like everybody got on.
别 让她撅起嘴来就像大家都做的那个表情
Oh. Oh, good. Good call.
哦哦 好的 好想法
Ooh.
哦
Oh! Aw, nuts, I think I broke her jaw.
哦! 喔 完了 我觉得我好像弄残了她的下巴
What's the matter with you? I don't know.
你有什么毛病啊? 我也不知道
My weight just shifted. I... let me see if I can fix it.
我就是用了下猛劲儿 我...我来看看能不能恢复
Oh, no, it's okay. Dislocation. Just fix it, fix it.
哦 没事的 弄好它了 错位而已 恢复一些就行了 恢复一些
All right. I got it.
好了 我能弄好它
There we go.
好了
What is that?
这是什么玩意儿?
Goddamn it.
我了个大去
Oh, my God. Kill it, kill it, kill it!
哦 我的神 杀了它 杀了它 杀了它!
Die! Kill it! Kill it!
去死! 杀了它! 杀了它!
Oh, it's the Mexican tapeworm from the diet.
哦 这是用来节食的墨西哥蛔虫
It's Medusa's cousin.
它是美杜莎(古希腊神话中的蛇发女怪)的表亲
Okay, get the picture, get the picture.
行了 快照相 快照相
Oh! God! So gross. I'm gonna get the picture.
哦! 神啊! 好恶心 我来拍
Did you get it? Did you get it?
拍到没? 拍到没?
Roofie: I got it. Kevin: Oh, good.
撸夫: 我拍到了 凯文: 哦 太好了
You're kidding me, right? What do you mean?
你是在和我搞笑吧? 什么意思?
You look so thin.
你看起来那么苗条
Yo, what's she saying? Hold on.
呦 她说什么? 等一下
Look at my hair and make-up in these.
看看照片里我的发型和妆容
I mean, what, was I styled by a mortician?
我意思是 这是什么东西 难道我是由入殓师来做造型师的么?
Well, yeah. Not to mention
这个嘛 是啊 更别提
I'm not wearing United States of Apparel in these.
我在这里面根本没穿着美联众的衣服
They'll never put them up on the wall.
她们永远都不会把这样的照片挂上墙
That was the whole point of this, remember?
可这是做这件事情的意义所在 记不记得啊你?
I do, I do.
我记得 记得
She's upset about the hair and makeup and clothing choices.
她对她的发型和妆容还有衣服的选择很不满意
So she want us to go back to the cemetery, re-exhume her body,
那她是想让我们回到墓地 再把她的尸体挖出来
and go all extreme makeover on her ass?
还要极其精致地把她的屁♥股♥打扮一番?
Wait, wait, wait. That's actually a good idea.
等等 等等 等等 这其实是个不错的主意
Huh? A makeover?
哈? 重新打扮?
Wait, what?
等等 说什么东西?
I don't know. You don't know?
我不知道 你不知道?
What don't you know? Mommy, look.
你不知道什么? 妈咪 你看
I wanna look just like that girl when I grow up.
我长大了也要像那个姐姐那样
Did you hear that little girl?
你听到那个小姑娘说的话了么?
What, the one that wants to grow up
哪个 那个说长大以后
and look like a malnourished corpse? Yeah, I heard her.
想像一个营养不良的死尸的小姑娘? 听见了啊
My whole life, I've been taught by magazines and movies
我一生都在被杂♥志♥和电影灌输着
that being thin was what made me worth anything.
瘦才让我有价值
That girl might develop an eating disorder because of me.
那个小姑娘可能会因为我而得上饮食紊乱症
It's me. I'm part of the problem.
是我 我也成了有问题的一份子
Which means...
这就意味着...
That I'm finally a real model.
我终于成了一个真正的模特
Yeah, that's it, that's what that means.
对 就是这样 这就是她说的意思
Oh, yes. Oh, yeah.
哦 是的 哦 就是这样
Yes. That's how you do it.
搞定 原来你就是这么处理的
Now I can roll around and... Hey!
现在我就能重新... 嘿!
What the hell's all of this?
这些都是什么鬼玩意儿?
Another ghost case solved, honey melon.
又一个鬼案解决了 小甜瓜
It was easy. All we had to do
这次很简单 我们做的就是
was convince Kelly to put up these photos.
确保让凯利挂上这些照片
Yeah, and he put it up over mine.
是啊 而且他还把它挂的比我的照片高